Maybe it’s happened to you before: you knew you kind of liked a guy, but then he did one special move that made your heart do a triple back flip – now you are crazy about him.
How does this happen??
It’s not about fancy tricks, it’s about understanding this secret of deep, lasting attraction…
Our first date/ meeting was a dance lesson. It was a little awkward. We barely made it for starting time. During the lesson, the instructors kept revolving the dance partners. I spotted him watching me and smiling from across the room with my new partner. When we arrived back at our table, he intentionally switched our seating so that i was on the inside; further from the crowd. On our second date, he kissed me outside in the parking lot before entering the dance club. Then he wanted to share my lip gloss before leaving my purse in the car. Someone shouted from a distance “get a room”. He laughed and repeated it. I am petite. He took my hand or kept me close throughout the evening. He waited to eat supper, although it was late and we had both driven a long distance from opposite directions ( we had earlier discussed possible dinner). He had taken a photo of the full moon on the way. (i had noticed it too). He broke out his snacks and shared them with me. I forgot mine in the car. I felt very protected.
I was hanging out with him for the first time in a casual setting with a couple of his friends. When I came back from the bathroom and resumed sitting in the spot next to him, he was deep in a work-related conversation with a friend. I was thoroughly enjoying hearing and seeing him speak with great interest about something (to be honest, I was definitely ogling him at this point), but shortly after I got back, in the thick of the conversation, he turned to me, chuckled, placed his hand on my back and said, “I’m so sorry. I’m just talking about work – I’m going to stop.”
It made me realize how considerate of a person he must be. I was instantly drawn to him for both his level of self awareness and how in tune he was to how I might have potentially felt in the situation. MAJOR brownie points on day one!
The guy I was seeing came over to meet my family. I was holding my god daughter and sitting next to him. He ended up taking her from me and playing with her all night. And didn’t want to share her with my family.
It was my 25th birthday and my partner I was living with back then bought me my first yoga mat because he knew how badly I wanted to get into my practice and join a yoga teacher training. He said he has never seen me happier and that brought him so much happiness as well. ❤️
I was starting to get to know a guy, not really dating yet, and we met at a public celebration of Russian culture (I went there because I knew he was going). So we went to buy food and when we got dessert we bought a portion of cake. He was holding it and I still remember picture-clear the way he gently leaned to offer me a bite he had cut with a fork. It was a gesture that made clear to me how kind he is, which was what I was looking for.
We have been together for 2 years now :)
A man I saw everyday went out of his way to be kind to a homeless man in the park. As I walked by, I could see him making eye contact and listening intently to the man’s response. I haven’t been able to get him off my mind since.
Microatraction moment: I genuinely felt atracted when the guy I was talking to at that moment rescued a kitten- he is a big animal lover and the way he expressed that genuine love towards animals lit a fire in me. The same person kneeled infront of me on our second date and told me I feel like i’ve talked to much I want to know about you I cant wait to know more about you. Kneeling wasnt necessary but it grabed my attention and his gaze was directly on my eyes. Some micromoments that intensified my feelings a bit more. For me its about how you treat others and how special you make individual moments feel.
There was a guy I had been spending some time with,but wasn’t sure how he felt about me and one day we were talking about food and I had mentioned that I liked goat cheese. Well about a week later early one morning during pouring rain, he stops by with 2 packages of homemade goats cheese. He had his aunt make some special for me. One with basil and the other with walnuts (which he’s allergic to). He wanted to bring it early so I could have it with breakfast before work. I was smitten. :)
I was going through a bankruptcy and in the process of losing my house and everything still in it. My then-boyfriend asked me what I was going to do about it and I said, “Let it go. It’s just stuff. The important things in life can’t be lost: your education, your experiences, your relationships.” He proposed to me a couple of months later. His reason was that there’s nothing that can bring me down. he said I know what truly matters. The wedding is September 1st…
A date night with our children, my son and his. He grabs my little guy by the hand and says they should race us (his boy and I) to the car. I was both shocked and laughing so hard I could hardly run at that point. Hearing the laughter of our children and seeing the smile on his face was a moment of pure attraction, for sure.
I felt a microattraction to a guy I work with and he was amazing with one of my customers kids , like they were his own
We were waiting for the play to start. I took my coat off and he took it from me and placed it over his arm instead of making me hold onto it. A small kind gesture that meant a lot.
I was pressed for time with a big presentation coming up, I had a class to teach right before it and was not able to make sure it was ready. I sent it to him, he did a lot of organizing, it went beautifully.
PS Thank you Matthew for all of your advice.
Hmm, microactraction? I think there is a mystery to true attraction. However, I do appreciate your insight into our human nature. A wittiness, not sarcasm, in a guy is attractive to me.
When a guy used his manners
For me it was small, I had been chatting to a guy for a few days on line and over text. He then called me when he was out with his friend for a drink so obviously had some Dutch courage to call, and it was a nice chat and lovely to hear his voice. He text after all embarrassed that he called and I just though it was so cute. I sit panicking about speaking to someone on the phone or face to face and it’s funny to see that he also feels the same in that situation. Just made him come across as really sweet and not playing games.
I met my ex husband in college the first week of the spring semester of my sophomore year. The previous semester I had my share of ” trysts”, and had come to realize how empty I felt. I had sworn off dating men at college. The very first day of the next semester, my ex took a seat next to me in class. I had never seen him before. As I am a bit chatty, I made some kind of small talk with him. I don’t remember what it was about, but he politely replied and gave me such a warm and friendly smile that I knew he was a genuinely nice person. Although we are no longer together, we had a wonderful courtship, were married for 18 years, and had three beautiful children.
This man was the organizer of a meditation retreat. When I saw how much care, attention to detail, and love he put into making sure everyone’s needs were taken care of, it melted my heart. He exuded warmth, positivity and kindness in his interactions with everyone even when there were a lot of demands on him.
My new partner and I went to see a movie together. Us both being movie buffs and liking the same, interesting, edgy films was probably the first really meaningful thing that we had in common. We went to see Tulip Fever, and in that film, there is a particular and very rare flower that became more valuable than gold – it was a white tulip with a red stripe. The day after our date, he sent me a single white and red tulip. No card, no cheesy message. Just a token that said to me “I see you. I pay attention. I value you, and you are precious’
Months later we are still together and we go with my kids to see fireworks in the city. We are in a very crowded train station and we lose sight of each other. In the crowded station I can’t see my guy and my son for a minute, and I look down at the escalator and there he is, he had let some elderly people go ahead, and he was holding my son’s hand to keep him safe.
It’s the little things that are the big things. He does little things every day that make me fall for him over and over
After staying over , he prepared breakfast for me and said he enjoyed cooking for someone else because it was his way of giving some part of him.