Have you ever noticed that the moment someone starts pulling away, you suddenly want them more?
Maybe they’re taking longer to reply. Their texts are getting shorter. Or they haven’t made plans to see you again. Nothing has actually happened, but you can feel that something has changed.
And suddenly, someone you were still figuring out becomes the person you can’t stop thinking about.
Before you know it, the question has changed from “Do I actually want this person?” to “How do I get them to want me again?”
Why does that shift happen? And why can not knowing where you stand feel even more painful than being rejected?
In this week’s video, I break down what’s really happening in these moments, and I sit down with Gabby Bernstein to talk about why distance can trigger such an intense reaction in us, and how to stop it from taking over.
Because sometimes, the person pulling away isn’t the real reason it hurts this much.
You’re an angel, Matthew. Thank you I really needed to see this video this morning
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This is exactly what I’m working on in myself. That alarm that goes off when someone pulls away. Hijacked is exactly how it feels. Thank you for this.
Thank you Matthew! I really. needed a reminder of this! Let’s go and heal this :)
Thank you so much Matthew! I really needed to see this today!❤️
Amazing video!! So love what you said. Looking forward to the calm method!!
A big “thank you” from me too. I managed to gather myself after the video, conculted your AI and calmly took informed action :-)
Thank you, it’s been insightful
Thank you Matt. I can see both aspects now for most recently I pulled away and eventually ended the 4 year relationship. The heartbreak for me has been excruciating and interestingly enough his exact words were you are and have abandoned me; that is what happened with him, his parents left him to be raised by grandparents. I had to make a choice, makes me sad, triggers other emotions for me and his words haunt me
One useful distinction here is between wanting the person and wanting relief from uncertainty. When texts get shorter or plans stop appearing, it is easy to switch from asking whether the connection suits you to trying to win back their attention. A pause before sending another message could help: what did I actually know about this person before the distance started? That question might not remove the discomfort, but it could stop the change in their behavior from making the whole decision for me.