Why can someone who treated you terribly still be so hard to get over?
You know they lied. You remember the manipulation, the gaslighting, and all the ways they made you question yourself. And yet, even after you leave, you can still find yourself replaying what happened, searching for answers, or wondering whether somehow you were the problem.
That’s because getting a narcissist out of your life and getting free from their effects are two very different things.
In this week’s video, I break down three of the biggest traps that can keep us emotionally tied to a narcissist long after the relationship ends, and what it actually takes to start getting your life back.
Hello Matthew,
I’ve got a question about this topic.
What if there are kids, and you’ve got to deal with the narcissistic ex-partner in order to make the shared custody happen?
Hi M! Spot-on video for me! Thank you for giving some form of closure (although not the closure I’ve been craving for)! But I understand better that it’s not worth the energy and that its just unfortunate! I was amazed by your insight – well done! May you be blessed!
Excellent video and message, Matthew. I needed to hear it. Thank you, Lori
I was married twice and both times to narcissistic people. I ended both marriages. I got involved in a new relationship and this person displayed the same traits. Why do I keep attracting these kind of people?
Where do you meet decent people?
Thank you, Matthew. I’ve always questioned whether I was just imagining things or being too much. Now I can see everything clearly, without making excuses. I appreciate you being that light for me.
Thank you, Matthew. I’ve always questioned whether I was just imagining things or being too much. I appreciate you being that light for me.
I am currently trying to get out of a narcissistic abusive relationship and I hate it when people say, just leave. The mental torture I have gone through over the past five years has been hell. You will never change a narcissist, mine is charming to everyone he meets, yet behind closed doors he’s a monster. I don’t recognise the woman I was before and I am focusing on healing on myself and finding the peace, I have so deeply craved over the years. I watch him betray me time and time again and if I hadn’t been in the depths of grief a few months after we got together, I would have seen straight through him. I’m aware that I now need to do the work on myself to stop attracting this type of person in my life- you have to dive deep and it’s not pretty, but life is precious and I am so fed up with walking on egg shells. I wish all of you the best. You are worth more than what you are being told. Narcassist’s only care about one person and that’s themselves.
The question about why someone who treated you terribly can still be so hard to get over really captures how attachment doesn’t disappear just because the relationship was harmful. Missing someone can reflect unresolved emotions and lost hopes, not a sign that their behavior was acceptable.