I get it…. You’ve all had a good laugh at my botched spray tan. (In case you missed it, watch last Sunday’s blog and check out all of the negative comments on YouTube).
Now you may think that type of thing gets me upset, but it doesn’t. It used to, of course – I’m only human. But being in the public eye, I’ve learned a few things about overcoming negativity and bad energy, and I want to share them with you today…
Last week a guy on the street started talking me into signing to give money for natural parks, I listened to him and end up saying “No thanks but we can crab coffee maybe”. I thought I was totally on it Mat haha until this guy said “Oh, you’re sweet, it was nice talking to you but that was enough for me” something like that! All of a sudden I went from being confident to feeling super rejected by a men that wasn’t even that hot. But the crazy part is that yes I felt this painful feeling for like 3 minutes but than I started laughing at myself and giving myself a tap on the shoulder for having pushed my comfort and I decided to own my rejection! When you talk about feeling empowered by owning our actions this is so true. This situation would have teared me down some years ago, but now it doesn’t because I have pushed myself giving numbers, asking people out, initiating and yes received many rejections but they have totally made me stronger and love myself more! How crazy! :) Love the raw video!!! My arms could use a little more work ;)
Yeah! This is great! You can be proud of yourself! Having this mindset really does make the difference. Being brave and strong enough to ask him for a date or his number is not about him saying yes or no, but about your growth! I can relate to your experience. I feel empowered and more confident as well, when I dared greatly!
As a Young Teenager, I was very conscious about my long nose. Now I like it, it makes my profile intresting. Today my insecurity is my weight. I weight 67kg and am 175cm. Another insecurity of mine is that I spend too much time watching TV, sometimes my ADS and my insecurity for new situations. The Thing with the ADS. It’s what I learnt from my parants not to openly communicate it, since my brother hadn’t have a good experience with that.
Thank you Matt, Liked the Video, but normally I find that in the shorter ones the message is much clearer communicated. Appreciate your work, Livi
My blotchy + uneven toned skin as a result of acne and compulsive skin picking in my tweens onwards. I have not had a fully clear face since 2004 and wear at least two layers of foundation every single day. My goal since turning 23 is to take care of my skin enough to spend a whole day at work completely foundation free! And I envied this colleague who I thought had naturally flawless skin, well what do you know one morning she walked in and I saw it was blotchier than normal – she ‘covers up’ too! Every one is doing the same thing like you said Matt, we are all united in having insecurities and trying to cover them up from everyone else.
Up for the challenge and joining the club.. (waaaaah I better close my eyes that’s embarrassing!)
I’m in a clinch with myself: I do hate to constantly concentrate on my looks, and in the same time I do want to take pride in myself ..and my looks, too.
To open Pandora’s box:
I often have bruises somewhere, and almost always some blue and black marks on my legs..
I think they come from work, we constantly bump into each other and into stuff in the rush. And I can be a bit of a tomboy.
As I have a strong sense of elegance, I sometimes feel conscious about that e.g when wearing a nice skirt, as it isn’t really ladylike.
If I had a magic wand I’d want my teeth to be more white.
Something I’m very aware of but suppressed: I look horrible on photos, especially my face.
..I do have a chance when someone takes a snapshot..
I think I’m better looking in real life than on pic, but it bothers me. I still wanna look good.
I never really trained my facial expressions in front of a mirror all , or worked on my mimic; was too self-critical – or thought that’s stupid.
I got a big reminder of that during the Retreat: Me and one of the girls each wanted one picture of us at the Gatsby party..
We ended up with a photo session, almost lying on the floor laughing. We were both equally horrible at it, so we had no shame of pointing it out, oh no I look horrible! God you look AWFUL! Can’t believe that we’re really that bad at this – we have to delete that! From body posture to closed eyes to weird grin – it was bad:D
Also: Still learning the make-up tricks and I HATE I’m not already a pro in how to look my best when I want to.
(Am learning. Discovered bb-cream. AND that other women are REALLY generous in giving tips!)
For most of those things, I figured it’s not that bad. A friend of mine whom I ‘secretly confessed’ how I think I’m not pretty for having shades under my eyes looked at me weirdly, saying: I think you’re the only one telling this to yourself. I dunno.
I’ve been on both sides, from getting too chubby to too thin, being not the pretty one and mocked at to (apparently) count as one of the pretty ones – where you also get negativity in form of ‘oh you don’t have any problems’ to. You’re or insecure (=unattractive), or arrogant, or fishing for compliments blabla – no matter where you are on the ‘beautiful-scale’.
I had it all, and for many years now I’ve just grown to be over it.
I do love my agility though. Fat hinders that and I get to feel unfomfortable. Fortunately to get trim goes pretty quick for me so that’s easy.
A few months ago I finally read ‘Tiny Beautiful Things’ by Cheryl Strayed.
In the last letter she writes to her former self, starting with this epic line:
“Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit” ;)
..That thing about justifying being no good is true.
I just got aware of that two days ago during work with a colleague of mine: He made a stupid criticizing remark. He can be a real asshole so I countered (good) BUT: I immediately caught myself as I said it that I was justifying myself..
My boss was standing next to us, not saying a word.
He’s the first one to know what an idiot this guy can be. It wasn’t a big deal, in fact I love the people I’m working with as it’s not swiss-like at all: lots of temperament, but by the end of the day we all have a heart.
I like to train on him:)
But in this context, I realized how much more powerful it would’ve been to just lough it off, or not react on it in that way but make a funny face or give a completely unaware frown about the whole situation in the sense of ‘WTF is his problem again’.
My boss would’ve loved that.
It is important not to work with bullies. I already cannot count on one hand what I went through within a span of one year looking back. I’m happy I didn’t try to toughen up that much so to stay in those environments.
BUT: I learned a lot. A ton.
Hit send. Cannot edit or wouldn’t post after all.
Thanks for that video I love it!
Okay, here it goes…whenever I smile (really smile, not a fake smile) my upper lip lifts high enough to expose my gum line above my teeth. Whenever my father-in-law and ex-husband used to drink, they would always tell me that I resembled a shark.
Even though almost every comment written in my yearbook years ago was a comment about my beautiful smile and an encouragement to keep smiling because I made the world a better place with my smile, I always seem to focus on the hurt caused by the drunken comments of my ex.
Fantastic Mat! This video is great. It seems so obvious but I hadn’t caught it till now.
Right on time :) thank you matt,
love watching you as always..
Thank you for this video.
I sometimes don’t like being so skinny or that my teeth aren’t as nice as they used to be because I have gone too long without seeing a dentist. This reminds me I have t taken care of myself in the way I should if I say I love myself. I sometimes wish I had fuller lips.
But really all of that is still not that bad. I’ve lived with my body for 26 years and most of that time obviously it was growing and changing and I had nothing to do to control it. So I never really tried.
But the things that are my biggest insecurities are what you can’t see. I’m so driven by fear these days that I know I gave talent as a singer and a writer but I’m petrified of doing anything with it.
I am afraid of not being good enough.
Not worthy of love from who I really want love from. I’m afraid of settling in any area of my life and I’ve noticed recently I’ve settled in all areas
I can easily own my physical insecurities but I’ve not mastered the battle of the internal ones.
then you should read “I thought it was just me (but it isn´t) by Brené Brown. It´s a life-changing book.
Then you should read “I thought it was just me (but it isn´t)” by Brené Brown. it´s a life-changing book!
I’m self conscious about my hair. It’s very thin on top and I feel people are staring at me. It’s embarrassing for me as a women to have baby fine hair and you can see my scalp area. I’m not perfect but I still love myself!
I liked this a lot and suspected you were going for the raw unedited effect and I really liked seeing you a bit more stripped down and kind of vulnerable.
Once about ten yrs ago a guy told me I have small teeth! I thought that that was so specific a comment it MUST have been true. So for years since then I was endlessly paranoid about them. No one else has ever said anything before OR since then, but I just honed in on that single comment for YEARS. Until I embraced them I literally thought about them all day and wanted to get veneeers and it was just this awful cycle. Now I know that for the most part as long as they’re healthy and white I should probably stop worrying because I’m hot and they’re a part of that hotness. I’d probably look wrong with any other teeth. Though I definitely am not 100% comfortable smiling in photographs, still. Ugh. At least we’re all like this though haha.
Yeah.. you surely aren’t;)
I got a compliment on my teeth some weeks ago and boy, this man had no idea of how big a compliment that was for me!
I love that Matt points out that nobody’s ever bulletproof. I think we’re very conditioned that we have to be in order to be confident ‘enough’ – I surely am not, but it is great to have those moments of self-talk where I’m not just going ‘well screw it then’ but actually go ‘well screw it, I’m awesome right now’!
And: It’s healthy and I’m grateful for having those moments where I completely forget about how I look.
I love how you talk about embracing your teeth – it’s inspiring:)
sorry.. ahem, misspelled..wanted to say ‘you surely aren’t the only one’= yep we’re probably all like this.
Totally understood what you meant, no worries! JEALOUS of your teeth compliment, haha, nice one, girl! Once a guy told me he liked my nostrils… they are some surprising creatures…
You totally nail it on the head here, pointing out the small difference between: ‘well screw it then’ and ‘well screw it, I’m awesome right now’!
It’s the “awesome” part that really heals one. we are lucky (you and me and those here, hopefully) to be the kind of girls who rather than sulk can summon the power to look in the mirror and just be like, dayummmm. It took me a LONG time to get here. All girls deserve the feeling of weird, sexy power that comes with enjoying the things about ourselves we used to find imperfect. (I think this also can endear us to other people which is just a total bonus!)
I am insecure about the lump on my nose and my pointy chin.
I loved this video so very much. I wish I had these type of videos when I was a young girl in my early 20s … heck even as a teenager. I am going to go raw and be brutally honest and admit my biggest flaw. I have been so insecure about everything about myself since I was a little girl… to the point of panic attacks I had so much dislike for myself. They got so bad that in my mid 20s I developed a crazy fear of actually being in public (not camera) I’m talking the supermarket, pharmacy, work …. you know all the daily shit. I actually walked out of my job one day and was hospitalized for attempted suicide (twice). I hated myself so much.
Now obviously… I’m still here and the turn around for me was my own version of a miracle. I have had many people come in my life in the form of books and programs. I watch you very diligently not because I want to attract a man in my life but because the things you say inspire so much confidence in me. I have reached a wonderful place in my life where I just love life and I truly believe that it’s people like you that are the reason I’m still here. Thank you for that.
Matt, I cannot thank you enough! I was struggling all day, thinking about what someone had said about me(who for unfortunate circumstances will be in my life for a long time). But your video has inspired me and it has given me the right strategies to deal with this.
Btw, my nose is the one thing that has made me feel insecure in the past but I can now say that I’m proud to have a healthy and beautiful nose! :) and i will not allow anyone to make me question my own value and what I stand for.
Thanks again for your videos and for your awesome personality.
Kisses and hugs
Jen
Right now –> my weight – hands down. I feel strong, but I look big in photos. Since childhood, I’ve been hard on myself – which I’ve found makes me ‘hard’ on other people. Only until recently have I been able to really notice & silence the negative critiques in my head…I am getting better. I don’t want to be hard on myself & I don’t want to have such high expectations of others anymore. It’s just silly & ridiculous to expect everyone to be perfect;P
Hi Matt, this video is so timely! Thank you for your awesomeness, as always :)
One of my insecurities: I don’t have a symmetrical face – like noticeably asymmetrical, and I get hyper aware of my side profile not being like, I don’t know.. Angelina Jolie’s, for example and feel unattractive because of it. And as I’m writing this, I feel silly because I just wanna say to myself, “So you’re not perfect, big deal.”
I love this video! One of my favorites!! As a small business owner with website presence, I can relate. This video makes me smile. I liked how you spoke about your own perceived imperfections and most importantly I like how you are constantly creating and improvising new relevant material with passion and is truly an inspiration. Keep up the fantastic work! Matt and Jameson you are awesome!!!!!
I love the authenticity you reflect and represent. I LOVE that we are perfectly imperfect, and the fact you share that OWNING our imperfections is what is attractive. AWESOME!!
Matt this video is a gem . This is such a very special time for me,again learning something valuable from you. It’s helpful when you point out how to skillfully manage criticisms and bad energy just by owning those little imperfections we have. I appreciate your authenticity and your spirit and the wealth of knowledge you put out for us. I appreciate you immensely.
hmm.. as to my physical insecurity, I didn’t like my height so much. They always say had I been taller i could have been to pageants but yeah, can’t have it all I guess. but it’s all good, I’ve learned to love the complete package that is me, I’m a 5’2 dusky ,sharp witted,beautiful Asian woman. and that’s a package right there you can sell me that way *wink*
I LOVE the way you describe yourself in the last line of your comment and I’m SURE it’s accurate!!! :)
Hello Molly that is very sweet of you :D i’m loving your energy and i love the fact that you appreciate what i said. we need more of some thoughtful and sweet persons like you darling. you are a sunshine :)
XXX
This post is so incredibly timely for me Matt!! I swear you are psychic!
Here goes – my biggest insecurities are my age and my weight. The weight is something I have struggled with for a few years now, and for the past 8-9 months have started making an effort towards addressing that. Definitely a work in progress!!
My age of course, is something that one cannot do anything about except acceptance. And not use it as a crutch or an excuse for not going for things I want to do in life or an excuse to hold myself back.
It doesn’t help matters, that I have family, who although love me, will comment on both of these issues ad nauseam. Particularly my mother, who will critique my outfits, and make helpful ( at least in her mind ) comments. Which make me more self conscious and self critical.
In addition to all the wonderful memories of my time at the Retreat, was the fact that I didn’t allow my weight to hinder me in participating in the activities there, and wore clothes that I haven’t done in years, with no negative comments!
Although I do confess to having one major regret. I did not take many pictures of myself, with team members or other participants, because of my insecurity of my weight.
Thank you again for being open, honest and vulnerable with us, and allowing us an opportunity to do so as well!!!
Warmest regards,
Shev XX
“Fuck that!” The best part of the video for me! We all get self -conscious from time to time but you know that old adage…” Opinions are like assholes… Everyone’s got one” and one of the other favorites… ” Take the plank out of your own eye and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
You’be come along way Mr. Hussey and you’ve done well. Carry on
My insecurity presently is my weight. I wanna lose some cus I wanna get back to my ideal. I still feel sexy but f I dropped some weight I’d be sexy as “F@ck”…. But what it comes down to it, I need to get off my ass and workout. Just so fed up after work that all I wanna do is unwind from the day… so there it is!