I get it…. You’ve all had a good laugh at my botched spray tan. (In case you missed it, watch last Sunday’s blog and check out all of the negative comments on YouTube).
Now you may think that type of thing gets me upset, but it doesn’t. It used to, of course – I’m only human. But being in the public eye, I’ve learned a few things about overcoming negativity and bad energy, and I want to share them with you today…
Thank you for being ‘raw’ and unedited. It’s what makes me wanna keep on watching you. The human quality, the openness and the universality of emotions… We can ALL identify. Thank you for sharing : )
As for me… Oh well… I wish that monster called ‘cellulite’, that begins to show its ugly face on my behind ( LOL ), could be one of those fictional monsters that could be swallowed hole by my unbeatable, superior and free from judgement, sense of self!
I’m on my way : )
Monica
I love watching your videos Matthew. I think you are so sexy and endearing I’m a confident person usually I have no trouble finding dates. My flaw is that I have quite bad scars on my private areas from being abused as a child.i just wanted to say that even though I have these scars and feel self consious when first being intimate with a guy.that I’m ok with it.and generally so have the guys been.and any guy not ok with it wouldn’t be worth my time.its not something I chose.so if anyone has similar scars please don’t worry and let it put you off being intimate with your dream guy.
Waaaauwwww..i was looking for the video this video was talking about ..it toke me a good 5 mins to see it what the deal was…..and my reaction was: POEFFFF,this people need to get a life.being negative on such a small thing,is like being negative to someone who pushing his breath a little bit harder then you matthew,if i was you,i wouldn’t even make this video and give those people more attention,soo not worth it.but good for you for own it and stand your ground.my new motto for stupidity and negatism is..whoooo got time for that?! Definatelly not mee
I am happy to see you are wearing nice shirts again.
Hey Matt,
The content of your previous video,as all others, was so intriguing, that i didnt even notice the difference in the colour of your hands.
This video was a confidence booster as it felt so normal,perhaps for the first time, to not be perfect or to go wrong once in a while. When such a thought is put forward by someone like you, to whom i look up to for advice on relationships in my life, it definately means a lot. Thanks and looking forward to more great stuff from you.
i LOVE your videos, but it seems as though lately they’re getting longer and longer and a little sidetracked.
I wish they’d go back to the short, sweet, to the point videos they used to be.
:)
Well here it goes…my two “vampire” teeth.
I used to not be so self-conscious of them, but since I moved to NYC almost two years, it has been so much worse. Plus smiling is such a big thing, but I have noticed if I smile or laugh too much I either cover my mouth while laughing or I am just constantly thinking about what other people are thinking about my teeth.
I have always had small teeth, and had braces that were supposed to help pull the “vampire” teeth down (the two teeth that the third set in the top middle). However, braces were so long ago, and I have even been looking into having part of my gums removed so it will make the “vampire” teeth less visible or not visible at all. It is called gum contouring, def painful, and not cheap. I have tried to give this less power over me, but it is something I think about DAILY, well actually, CONSTANTLY.
But I am putting this out there because you are an inspiration Matt, and I just love everything about you. It is the reason why I have read your books, gone to your NYC events, and even met you when you were shooting a Free Advice Segment for Valentine’s Day for the Today Show. Love you. xoxo
Loved it!
I have always had a problem with my body always felt fat, had an eating disorder from 17 to well into my 30’s. Never had a problem getting dates, people told me I was pretty but I never felt it inside.
I am now 57, was at a friend’s not long ago and she brought out some old pics from functions we had attended together 15-20 years prior. I am looking through them and there is a very attractive woman cuddled up to my then husband. Another pic she has her hand on his leg and I am starting to get upset. He didn’t seem to mind either and she was really pretty. We are split so it really doesn’t matter but I always trusted him and now I was having my doubts and I am feeling insecure.
I asked my girl friend who this woman is and she looks at me really strange and laughed, I really starting to get upset, what does she know that I don’t? She tells me to look closer at the pics; it was me!! I was really stunning! I was not fat, not even close to fat, I was really pretty. I wasted so many years worrying about being attractive enough and totally missed that I was! What a kicker!! to finally realize you are fine and pretty just the way you are – 20 years after the fact!
it prompted me to look back through my whole life and I NEVER was fat, I never needed to diet.
So now I know my eyes lie to me and I don’t let the voice in my head tell me lies. if I want to see how I look I don’t look in the mirror I take a photo and look at myself as someone who doesn’t know me. (if that made sense). I don’t want to be 80 looking at pics of me at 57 and thinking OMG I wasted more time worrying about a problem that didn’t exist!
Hello Matthew
For me you are perfect :) ! If you woul’d say about this video – that it wasn’t edited I actually would’t notice and I think it is great.
Generally all of your videos and work are valuable for me.
To be honest I have a lot of insecurity. When I was 15 I felt sick and went to hospital. From that moment my lify comletely changed and so my body. I put on weight about 20 kg when I came back home because of the medications I had to take
I was slim and now I am plump – I try to accept myself. I am working on it very hard. My biggest weekness is my enormous belly – many times guys let me sit In a bus becase they think I am pregnant – it is so embarrasing to me. Another thing I don’t like in my body are my big brests – when I run is a dis aster ;). I could’t think of a third feature but I hope you don’t mind.
You say you love me and I love you too. You are great Matthew.
Thank you for everything that you do.
Greetings from Poland, Dominika :)
loved this video and how you are showing us your vunrability to the world of fake tanning haha.
This feels really empowering sharing our insecurities and turning them into attractive qualities if we own then ;) for me it’s my face Im very critical of every blemish and mark magnifying it to the world.
Closed off my heart for a few months, held me back from dating but I’ve started interacting with men again and owning it is something I’m now working on warts an all ;)
Big hugs to you Matt #vunrability is #atttactive
Speaking of the imperfections, i broke my leg anckle, and now my foot looks awfull. I can’t wear sandals, for example, but that great pain made me stronger and, actually more confident than before.
Love you, guys! This is the best video so far, so natural and spontaneous. :-*
Thanks Matt and Jameson. I found this video really empowering and it has helped me to start shedding some insecurities. Also I didn’t notice your fake tan Matt. I was too busy eyeing up those sweet, sweet thin mint cookies, and listening to you of course.
One of my biggest concerns is my height. Sometimes I find it hard to feel feminine around guys, especially when told that I’m at a disadvantage, that I’m too tall to dance with or that I might as well be a bloke. For a long time these kind of comments (made by an ex crush and friends) caused me to have trust issues. I had a low self esteem, constantly searching for validation but whenever someone did compliment me I didn’t believe them.
However I do feel that I’m tougher now for it and am willing to stand my ground if someone feels that absolute desire to make petty remarks. I’m developing a ‘IDFWU’ mentality to the haters. Word
Like you said, even though hurtful comments do suck, having that kind of exposure does help build character. Now it’s all down to if we choose to learn and grow from the experience or continue to be tied down by it.
Thanks again Matt and Jameson. You two and the GetTheGuy team are awesome. You have no idea how much you have unknowingly helped me during some hard times. I can’t wait to see you guys at the London event this September.
Lots of love
Hannah
Xoxox
Thanks for this empowering message Matt. The one thing I have been insecure about is my small breast size, which really makes me feel unfeminine. Sometimes a colleague tries to joke about me being a lesbian. Now, I’m not homophobic, but I don’t appreciate his comments because I’m not. I like to look feminine and don’t want people to think of me as a lesbian. At first I got really upset and since he’s a gay man, he can’t understand why it bothers me. But after I while I thought I’ll just leave it as it is and even joke about it myself. Since he noticed that it doesn’t bother me anymore, he’s started saying other things about me such as having a beard. I know these might be some sensitive topics but I do have some facial hair (we all do) and since I am from an Arabic background, they tend to be darker and more visible. I think I’ve started to really own these situations, there is not much that can shake me anymore because I am confident in who I am. I am beautiful, have a great personality and am very ambitious. I always believed that people who point out the negative in others are more insecure themselves than the person they are trying to put down. Of course I sometimes wish that I had bigger breasts or was compelyely hair free, but I think it’s crucial to accept who I am and focus on what I do have. You’re right that people can become intimidated by my confidence because they can see I am not perfect but still have self-assurance. I love this!
Julia, I think you need to tell this guy to back off or you will be going and speaking to the Human Resources Manager. Xx
I agree, you need to learn how to set boundaries with people.
And stop joking about it yourself.
I can’t help but think that proportionate, appealing breasts that make you feel feminine and attractive, and a beard-free face isn’t too much to ask for.
I think you’re being to hard on yourself. It’s natural to be occupied with certain physical characteristics like those associated with the differenciating of the sexes/genders… no woman wants to look like a man…
I just think it’s a sign of insecurity and taking yourself too seriously to get offended by your own idea of beauty and/or appropriateness… like your too high and mighty to change or manage yourself. Do you not shave armpits either?
I get your point I just think that it’s possible your being too hard on your self… I wouldn’t judge you for a facial wax..
Bottomline: I agree with Sally, the comments need to stop because they’re creating insecurity.
I know lots of men that dig small breasts! (and some women, too!). That guy sounds like a jerk. Embrace it! You can go bra-less and look hot, and they will stay perky forever!! Love them up, girl!
Matt, I was so moved by this video. Over and over again, I learn from you when you show your vulnerabilities, and how you overcome them and learn from them. You are such a great teacher, and we all benefit from all the work you have done, and continue to do, to grow. Thank you!
I love being on this journey with you x
You’re hot Matt don’t pay attention to the negative comments because most of the time it comes from jalousy and imperfection that those people suffer from.
Keep doing what you(re doing trying to help people you’re the best.
Wish you the best.
Thanks for the message! When you wrote about what is really important about appearance in your book, I already had a lightbulb going off above my head.
It´s about the way you carry yourself, your bodylanguage, your smile that adds to your charisma not the individual body parts or those parts we consider as flaws. It´s the whole package that matters. Since then I enjoy working and playing with what I have. Even a few spots or a bad hair day don´t make me feel self- conscious anymore.
There´s always someone, who objectively will look better than us, but when we embrace ourselves on the inside and convey our selflove through our bodies, imperfections won´t matter and we are beautiful.
I love all your youtubes but I was really moved by this week. You have it all; looks , personality, brains and humor. Thank you for sharing how you stay positive and giving advice that is inspirational and as always, applicable , in my own life.
FEEDBACK: You show up as honest, vulnerable, unapologetic, & authentic. This seemingly unrehersed shameless share was by far one of my favorites. Quite refreshing. Thank you.
Self-conscious body issue confession:
I have a small bust. Although I’m thin & it doesn’t seem to make a difference to anyone else…it is a constant frustration and really bothers me at times. I’m 30 now, so I am doing my best to own it with pride & without false advertisement, yet I’d be lying if I said I was perfectly content in my modest brassiere when I see guys practically drooling on themselves over every voluptuous pair that goes bouncing by. It haunts me most during bikini season, like it’s taunting my femininity. It has its perks but I can’t help but wonder what life might look like with some sweet curvy cleave once in awhile.
*unrehearsed
Hi Matt
Thank you so much for this video. It’s exactly what I need to hear right now.
In my previous relationship I put on a lot of weight, it really affected me and still does to the point where sometimes I will avoid social situations because I think I look a mess. I am now working out and losing weight but in the meantime I am getting interest from guys online but putting off meeting them until Im “perfect” I know this is madness and its my insecurity but it is hard.I avoid photos, videos anything that means looking at myself overweight. I also I have a Periscope account but wont make a Periscope video yet because I dont want people to see me not at my best. Wow this is some confession! Like you said this is insecurity, I dont need to be perfect and I should do what I want anyway..it is hard though lol.