I get it…. You’ve all had a good laugh at my botched spray tan. (In case you missed it, watch last Sunday’s blog and check out all of the negative comments on YouTube).
Now you may think that type of thing gets me upset, but it doesn’t. It used to, of course – I’m only human. But being in the public eye, I’ve learned a few things about overcoming negativity and bad energy, and I want to share them with you today…
I’m currently sitting in Chicago-O’Hare airport, on my way from Philly to Seattle to teach a dance workshop, and I have an accidental huge obnoxious green stripe in my hair. My head looks like it’s telling the world “GO!” I went in yesterday to get a tiny deep blue highlight put in, and it turned out a different color and on a larger chunk of hair than I anticipated, but I had no time to fix it before I left.
Oh fucking well. I’ve wanted to go to Seattle for years and if that means I’ll spend part of my trip connecting with a hair stylist, that sounds great!
So I just booked myself a hair appointment. New city, new salon, new experience. Can’t wait! Thanks for shifting my perspective on this one!
This video was perfect!
Thank your reminding me to own ALL parts of me, even the extra weight I carry – my arms, thighs and belly jiggle, roll and look completely opposite of a swimsuit model.
I’ve been ashamed of myself for having this weight, beating myself up or mentally justifying that I will show up tomorrow – when lose this weight. how sad, because I give so much on so many levels – I work Christmas and thanksgiving and volunteer – not for ego, but because I want to leave a legacy of goodness, and create miracles that happen when people care beyond convenience.
Up until now I’ve thrown away so much of my value on the weight. And all I can realize is what a dishonor I’ve done to my heart.
Thank you for being raw – I never even noticed the mismatch.
Good stuff! Saying no more.
Cheers
J
My body isn’t perfect at all,but when I decided to take beginning Boudoir Dancing lessons even though I hadn’t lost all of the weight I wanted to, I found that my confidence shot through the roof and I learned to appreciate my curves and the way my body can make me feel, not just for the way it looks! The physical imperfections are a moot point now, and I have gotten the attention of some very eligible gentlemen.
thumbs up!!! Loved reading that
One of the best videos I’ve watched. Thankyou for bringing this up. It’s refreshing to hear about stuff that is real in everyone’s lives but no one has the confidence to bring it up.
I get self concious when I’m out with friends or on a date about my hands coz they’re not perfectly manicured and polished. But I don’t change that. I’m learning to own that coz that’s how I like my hands.
Honestly… I didn’t even notice your tan, I was listening to what you were saying, not even looking at your hands. So not everyone notices such superficial imperfections ;)
Hi Matthew,
I want to thank you for all the tireless work you do to make other people’s lives better. I’m 48 and have the world experience to see that the care you put into helping your fellow human beings to find personal happiness is unusual. You have the trifecta: brains/good looks AND you care. You are NOT the cold hearted American Psycho guy. ;)
You are exactly right that being confident despite your flaws is powerful and admired by others.
As for myself, I know I’m pretty attractive, I always have been, (no ugly duckling) and though getting older, I am aging pretty well. But I take my looks for granted, I’ve always worried about appearing stupid in how I expeess my thoughts. Though I have a high IQ, and several degrees, I STILL feel self-conscious that people think I’m an air head. But going back to the physical….ever since I was born I’ve had a strawberry mark scar on my chin. It’s about as big a quarter and looks like a bruise. But I have NEVER cared about it, it’s never bothered me and I don’t think about it. I’ve probably had about 10 people IN MY ENTIRE LIFE ever comment or ask me about it! People may notice it, but bc I don’t care about it, they are polite enough to forget about it too.
So as you are saying: whatever might be our flaws, embrace, own and then forget about them and others will too. CONFIDENT STRENGTH IS THE KEY to relating to others in a positive, successful way! Thanks for being you Matthew!
Warm regards, Athena
Great video. Love it. We’re all the same.
My insecurity:
Facial scarring
Age lines
Sow leave a comment about the most dreaded lack of confidence I have would have to be that so many people tell me how strong I am. In reality o have daily struggles with failing and being weak. I don’t see myself as strong so I put of walls of confidence and pride that deep inside really aren’t there. When I feel rejected that’s when I see the true nature of me come out in private. The real lack of confidence and lack of how to be what everyone else sees in me. A strong woman.
I think this is so funny. I saw your hands and thought, well maybe they wear 2 gloves to play golf in England. I no longer was distracted by it. Matt, you have so much valuable content in your videos, that to be focused on something so simplistic, would be a disservice to myself and you. I love how you described taking a hit to strengthen oneself to protect one’s energy. I was also thinking that you have Superman hair and then you started talking about that day at school. I used to tell my mother, when I heard her justifying herself, “Mom, you don’t have to defend your decision to do what you want. You are saying to people that, deep down, you think you are wrong and they are right.” Yes, Matt that was giving her power away. I have been singing a song, since I was little, “I don’t care, I don’t care, what people may think of me.” I am very kind and do so much volunteer work in the community, that I won an award from the Lions Club, for the most hours served. This was a statewide participation. It is very hard for someone to knock me off my perch. But we all know, when it comes to matters of the heart, it gets tricky. I am very self-conscious about the little bit of cellulite on my thighs. There, I SAID IT!!!
Good for you, Matt! I had a similar experience yesterday when I rolled out of bed and had the sudden inspiration that I should make a short YouTube video for my fledgling business’s website so people could meet me and get a feel for me. I literally had just rolled out of bed and my hair was sticking straight up in all kinds of ways, so I just put on a barrette and just filmed it and published it. I may at some point redo it as I was on one of those bouncy balls so it is not super stable, but I had this feeling like it’s okay to put it up as is for now because I just wanted to be me, and being me is definitely not perfect!
http://youtu.be/TPYNkNJLeNE
Over the past couple of weeks, for some reason I seemed to be finding new and unique ways to obtain minor injuries, the most conspicuous being a burn on my collar bone I achieved from twirling a flaming marshmallow too quickly while making s’mores. To make matters worse, I was going to the beach the next day to spend time with friends, some of which I hadn’t seen in over a decade. I was feeling somewhat apprehensive about the trip anyway as I had gained some weight over the years and was the only one in our group who never married, had children, or even managed to find a significant other. I decided before any of them asked me about the oddly placed band-aid just below my neck, I would tell them the story of how I got the burn, which was actually quite hilarious when I spoke it out loud. After that, I didn’t even think about it for the rest of the trip.
This is actually the first time I am watching a blog video, I love that the video is unedited and here I am being “raw” and putting out my insecurities and owning it.
First my physical insecurity. I am of Italian descent and I am a hairy Italian girl as I like to say. It’s a double-edged sword because even though I have been blessed with a full head of thick brown hair, I have hair on my face and it makes me insecure. I get threading done for my eyebrows and my upper lip. I remember being younger and kids would make comments in why I had a mustache when I was a girl. I now notice other parts of my body that I wish had less hair such as my stomach. It is nothing like the amount of hair that a guy has but still it makes me self-conscience from time to time.
Secondly, the other insecurity that I want to get out. It is going to be three weeks tomorrow that I will be out of an almost three year relationship. I would have been with this guy for three years tomorrow and it’s killing me. Now here’s the thing, the guy and I have both admitted since we split that we love each other and are in still love with each other. And since then we have done some things and you know what, part of me doesn’t care, but I am insecure. Being intimate and know that is is 100% love all there and sharing everything in that moment. I am insecure on what other people would think and I am so afraid. So I don’t tell anyone. And then I hear “I think we need to stop…” This is a guy that I am absolutely in love with and think the ending of this relationship is due to timing. And I am insecure that it had to end. I am insecure with the rejection. Insecure that the person doesn’t want me in that capacity as a girlfriend, at least in this moment in time. Like I said, this ending I believe is due to timing. And I can go on and tell you more, but I am so drained and feel like I have been hiding some of my feelings. He went to a strip club for the first time with a friend and honestly, that made me feel insecure. I am not his girlfriend at this moment, but it made me feel this way. Even though it was to scope out locations for a bachelor party, it made me insecure. Like I wasn’t good enough. And then seeing each other for the first time a few days ago was absolutely electric and every time we see each other it is magical but we have such a connection and love towards one another. It’s like we are dating again. I can see it in his eyes and face and look… I would love to just tell someone this whole problem and how I am feeling. And I just want him back and maybe I am a fool for doing so, but I do know that we are both two fools in love with one another…still… And I don’t know how to handle this situation all of the time, I do know that I feel too many emotions all at once…
So here I am, unedited and a hairy Italian girl, hopeless romanic, fool in love and hopeful that my love will come back to me…
I hate my big boobs – but my boyfriend loves them!
We both hate our tummies. Talking of which – getting punched in the stomach 50 times?! Are you sure you’re not getting beaten up?!
Hey Matthew
I’m actually reading a book by Brené Brown titled “Daring Greatly” and your video this week reminded me of some of things I’m reading. I myself am trying to “lean in” to my vulnerabilities and practice “shame resilience”.
My insecurity: I have stretch marks on my stomach. I got them after a growth spurt when I was 14. I’ve never been pregnant but once a guy I was dating saw them and said, “wait I thought you said you didn’t have kids!?” I felt humiliated, I never saw him again. I allowed his ignorance to shatter my confidence, never again.
Cheers Matt,
This video wais one of your best!
Embarassed about my walk!!! Its normal..but yeah
Matthew…..this has been the most helpful advice to me…I am coming out of a 26year relationship…..I was married to a Narcissist…..and I was a people pleaserin in the relationship….quite a toxic mix. I can relate when u mention that you have to develop mental and emotional toughness. This is so important for confidence building now that I am single. There are a lot of people who judge my actions now because of my new status…..and it’s so sad that I had to give up on a 30 year friendship with my girlfriend because of the bad energy she was directing my way. The biggest lightbulb moment was when u mentioned that u do not have to justify yourself to anyone. THAT WAS HUGE,!!! So the thing that I am most self conscious about is my middle aged single status. After watching this blog…I will not justify my actions any longer as I am on this journey of self discovery as a single woman. Thanks so much…it was incredibly helpful ! , xo
:)Okay, let’s play…
My stomach makes loud noises sometimes – and the timing can be horribly hilarious :D Some time back it occurred to me it’s more of a blessing than a curse – if I’m all hot and bothered with a guy and in the middle of it, my stomach makes a crazy noise, I get to see whether he actually has a true authentic sense of humor…:D
I actually wished to comment on this particular video somewhere around minute 11 when you raised your hands above your head and looked a little to the side. Let me give you some context – I’ve been on board with you since 2012, more so since last august’s blast and I’ve watched a lot of your material. It has brought a sense of understanding of myself and the way “things” work that I can’t be nothing less but humbly grateful for.
This one struck me tonight though, as I watched it with a really crappy internet connection from a Vietnamese office, where I’m living while I’m EVS volunteering these last couple of months. At this moment, minute 11, uncut and unedited, I felt like you and I were sitting together, lost in conversations – not 22 min, but the entire night. One of those, when you actually almost faint from excitement from the fluidity of the conversation with another furiously passionate human being…
I love this video (if you couldn’t tell already;)) The last few weeks in this crazy loud and beautiful asian country have been hecktic in ways I never could imagine and challenged my confidence in ways I just…couldn’t defeat. I felt myself slipping back to a previous version of myself that felt distanced from her own truth and power. And at that specific moment, laying on a wooden bed, way sweatier than a sauna ever could make me, I heard my heart pound a silent “It’s OK. You’re OK.” And that was all it took. I knew that quest for being perfect bodily, emotionally, physically, had loosened its grip on me to make space for a person, drenched in stillness. One that knows nobody can do “us” better that ourselves. And this should not be read as dramatic or nostalgic or sad, but with a mindset of immense strength and a generous bit of playfulness – with that “oops” behavior we have as kids when we try something new and it backfires. I believe there’s nothing more fun in life than trying out all the possibilities we can be and experience – as far as our health and ethics will allow us, of course:)
Thus, I feel selfishly connected to this video, as if it was custom made for me :3 And I’m owning this awkward synchronicity I have with the flow of your videos like a boss:D
Oh, look at what you’ve done! Making me so excited in this hot Vietnamese weather is borderline dangerous for this European body! Just finish your noodles and go away to your next video, you!!! ;) :D
A little more hairy than how I need to. ( Oh wait, is there a specific amount of hair, set for ladies? hah ). I don’t know.
I have dry skin at times.
Short eyebrows.
Short attention span.
What else…oh yahh…
too much love for someone who is loving me for who I am
right now haha.
I loved this video – thank you Matt for reinforcing the truth about the world being imperfect. Since a teen I’ve been self conscious about my nose being too big and later on I had surgery to improve it. I’m always being told how attractive looking I am in fact women don’t warm to me easily I think because of how I look. But I’m still conscious about my nose being too big! In a way because I’m attractive it’s something people can easily pick out on me so I’m always afraid someone will tease me in public, or say something behind my back and I’m not sure how to react. I get paranoid about people staring and photos taken in profile! I would welcome your thoughts on how I should handle this.