So last week I did a video on shyness which seems to have struck a nerve.
There were many comments – the majority overwhelmingly good – but also a little controversy which has led me to want to do Part II. Here it is. Enjoy!
Here’s the difference between ‘shy’ and ‘introverted’ as I see it:
–Introversion is associated with being part of someone’s nature.
–Shyness is derived from insecurity. It’s a polite word for being scared.
If we want to overcome shyness, we have to overcome rejection. There are two ways to do this:
1) Get accepted and reinforce a different behaviour
To see that you can talk to someone and get a positive result.
2) Get rejected more
More rejection doesn’t have to make you more insecure. If you talk to people who have to go through a lot of rejection every day – whether it’s people who make cold calls, actors going to auditions, you name it, they’ll tell you that they can become desensitised to that rejection.
We have to decide who we want to be – regardless of acceptance or rejection.
If you go into a situation craving acceptance, it’s going to feel needy and desperate and people will pick up on it.
Go for rejection. Get rejected as much as possible, because the fastest way to get accepted as much as possible (and from the people who will be most beneficial to you) is to be congruent with who you really are.
Hope you enjoyed the video! Thanks to everyone who commented last week. Stay tuned and I’ll be back with more soon!
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Having trouble with shyness? Check out my online program The Man Myth that will walk you through simple steps to meet more men, build attraction, and find out if he’s right for you.
Hmmm…? Yeah… I looked up the term ‘introvert’ and it either needs to be redefined or not used in my Carl Jung personality profile – those are supposed to be 100% accurate – right? :o|
I mean, I’m definitely not shy and I can certainly have fun in a crowd or with a group of people when I’m out and about. However, I’m more of a homebody by choice. So, perhaps the terms ‘hermit’ or ‘recluse’ might describe me more accurately… *shudder* The images those terms conjure up just aren’t very pleasant though are they?
Why are people getting mad about this??? He’s just pointing out that if you stay shy, you’ll never be the best you can be. Plus I know by experience that when I’m shy, I get rejected more than when I’m not. Plus when you’re yourself, you’ll be accepted by the people that matter and only rejected by the people that don’t
Hi Matt,
I have had quite a journey to get down the page here to write this message :)
My reaction after watching this this short video of yours was:
‘ Oh Matt, you are adorable’ that when you commented about the poss. of getting rejected at your audition (which I hope will go according to your desire) and the disclaimer ab. your outfit and that it’s called efficiency, well done, I would do the same !
And let me tell how good it fits me to have those 3-5 minute videos, love how you concentrate all the BIG info in a short EFFICIENT time Matt, so keep it up, I’m PROUD of you!! Will try to come to London to your seminars. take care and take risks!:)
Not sure if you have seen this TEDx talk, but Jia Jiang hated the feeling of rejection, so he found a way to master it which he called the 100 Days of Rejection Therapy.
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Surprising-Lessons-From-100-D-2
He spoke at a recent event I attended and received a standing ovation. I loved his talk and I think everyone in the room could connect to his project.
Thanks Wendy. This TED Talk is great, and perfect for Matthew’s point.
Two things (okay, three)
1. I find a lot of what you say brilliant, in an it is so obvious why have i not thought of this or done this sort of way – stuff myself and others really need to hear.
2. Has anyone ever told you it is ironic your last name is ‘Hussey’?
3. All this ‘get the guy’ stuff – have you ‘got the girl’ or, as they say in Hitch, are you to busy with work (?)
simple curiosity.
p.s. I like the suit. And its too late, I’m already judging. (only joking, obvs)
Love you Matt, you’re getting better and better!!!!!
One of my main goals in life is to live without regret. There are things that scare the life out of me but I know if I listen to that fear I will live with the biggest regret
“What if”
Don’t live a life of What If’s. Who cares if you stumble over your words or you just make a complete fool of yourself…Do it anyway. Show that you AREN’T BORING :)
Your funny, smart, and charming. I’m in love!
Great vid once more Matt,
I’d say that one of the best things of getting regected all the time is that the few times you get accepted it’s a f***ing amazing feeling!!! In my opinion way better than when you’re used to being accepted (which, as a result, ends up being boring :P)
Cheers!
Goodness! I look forward to your vids & you don’t disappoint. Loved your msg & humour.
I’m inspired as I’m exactly 1/2 extroverted & 1/2 introverted, and terribly shy (ie. scared of rejection) around guys I’m attracted to.
Will do my best to go for it!
PS: To the one who insulted Matthew’s fashion sense – you must be joking.
He’s rocking the look.
It’s refreshing, polished and masculine.
He’s British for goodness sakes, and he’s representing fine Brit style perfectly.
There.
I love the vest! It’s adorable and totally hot at the same time. So I can’t wait to see it again :)
And of course as always your message is great. Your sense of humor and overwhelmingly positive attitude and approach keep me watching all your videos, and I usually make it a policy to avoid video online. But not yours!
Thank you, Matthew, for bringing so much value to my world :)
PS – When do we get to meet Jamison!? (sp?)
Hi…
I’m 20 year old and I’m brazilian. Thanks for what you’re doing for all of us. Sometimes (most of the time) on we feel insecure about how should we be, and this video shows that we must be what makes us happy.
PS.: You became very handsome through the years.
I love what you do, it’s very inspiring. I realized that I play shy on a job interview, I don’t know why i act this way. Every time I go from the interview I feel like I didn’t express everything I wanted to before the interview started.
And your hair and outfit is good, haters gonna hate :)
Thank you for your work!
Good job! Most ppl see me as an out-going, happy all the time, fun person. In truth, I am actually naturally shy/scared. I have to put myself out there to – in other words I smile, listen in conversations, respond, laugh – I am outgoing because that is who I choose to be. It makes no sense to sit on the sidelines and be ‘woe is me” when I can be brave and step on out there. I have become who I wanted to be. The happy, fun conversationalist stuck the more I stepped out and took the chance. It comes naturally now. :)
Just do it!
Hi Matt,
I completely agree. I am a shy person by nature and I have had to train myself to be outgoing and I’ve put myself out there more times than I care to imagine. I get rejected, and I could fall back into my old habits, but instead, I pick myself up, brush my self off, and head back out there. It does come sort of naturally to me now, but I’m definitely aware of what I’m doing. I think in the end, it’s scarier for me to think that I may miss out on meeting the right person if I don’t go out into the world and put myself out there, then it is to be shy and quiet and miss out on an amazing opportunity.
Thanks for your videos…they continue to give me faith that I will get the RIGHT guy.
Sabrina.
I like watching these videos, its fun to see how Matts quiff gets a little bigger every time :-)
x
I like the fact your video clips get straight to the point and hit the nail on the head! I’ve never received so much practical advice and insight. Thank you.
Matt,
Yes, I agree, shy is boring. I think the answer is to do loads of stuff in your life so you always have something to talk about if the conversation goes dead. If you find things you love (not always that simple), it’s easy to talk about them with natural enthusiasm.
On another subject, I think you are brilliant, and love all the new jokes, but why the jumpy editing? I think I’m too old for it. I can’t watch, I just have to close my eyes.
Could being bothered by this explain why I’m single? ;-). Anyway, sort it out please Matt!
Anne :-)
LOVED this!! (Part I & II & all the rest of the videos). I’m an introvert who’s been working on coming out of my default mode for just over a year now and recently stumbled on your books/videos/programs. THIS STUFF IS AWESOME! Has really begun to change my life. It works! I’m having SO much more fun than I ever have. So, thank you!!
Matt you’re such a joker, esp at the end. I completely agree with what you say here, rejection is ftw.
Keep these snazzy vids up :)
Xxx