So last week I did a video on shyness which seems to have struck a nerve.
There were many comments – the majority overwhelmingly good – but also a little controversy which has led me to want to do Part II. Here it is. Enjoy!
Here’s the difference between ‘shy’ and ‘introverted’ as I see it:
–Introversion is associated with being part of someone’s nature.
–Shyness is derived from insecurity. It’s a polite word for being scared.
If we want to overcome shyness, we have to overcome rejection. There are two ways to do this:
1) Get accepted and reinforce a different behaviour
To see that you can talk to someone and get a positive result.
2) Get rejected more
More rejection doesn’t have to make you more insecure. If you talk to people who have to go through a lot of rejection every day – whether it’s people who make cold calls, actors going to auditions, you name it, they’ll tell you that they can become desensitised to that rejection.
We have to decide who we want to be – regardless of acceptance or rejection.
If you go into a situation craving acceptance, it’s going to feel needy and desperate and people will pick up on it.
Go for rejection. Get rejected as much as possible, because the fastest way to get accepted as much as possible (and from the people who will be most beneficial to you) is to be congruent with who you really are.
Hope you enjoyed the video! Thanks to everyone who commented last week. Stay tuned and I’ll be back with more soon!
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Having trouble with shyness? Check out my online program The Man Myth that will walk you through simple steps to meet more men, build attraction, and find out if he’s right for you.
Regardless of the definitions, the message is still there, as it always has been (I see a theme emerging here Matt!) and that is, ‘put yourself out there’. Talk to people. Yes it’s scary, and we can all have our excuses: introvert/shyness/I just don’t feel good today, but unless we push past those excuses we can expect the same result as always – nothing. Some days it’s easier than others to go out there and do, but occasionally one has to just go for it, however scary it seems.
Then of course there’s rejection. Oh dear. Not something I’m very good with, not something I enjoy knowing I have to face. I think I’ve actually gotten over rejection in one area of my life, my career, easier than I do rejection in relationships. It knocks me for six, I’ll confess. I get disheartened feeling like I’m not getting ‘results’ even though I’ve tried. I still keep telling myself I must keep trying though. Sometimes I need time out to recover, rethink my strategy, but then I think I must try again, or else live with the regret of not having tried. Each new attempt I convince myself makes me richer for the experience.
While some people may get caught up in the definitions, I hope the message, intended to help is not lost.
Here Matt, you should read this article:
Rejection Theraphy: a hundred days of no
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-01-07/rejection-therapy-a-hundred-days-of-no
Not that I am the most outspoken person in this universe, but this article open my eyes.Something that I want to put in practice. I am too comfortable inside my shell and surrounded by my loves one that I sometimes dont see the need to get out there. Deep down inside me that’s something that I have to do. Get out and get comfortable with rejections if there’s any :-) you never know!
Have a good day!
Thank you! It changed my prospective on being an introvert!
Thanks for the awesome video, Matt! Also, no judgement on your snazzy outfit ;)
loved the comment about shy being a polite word for being scared.
P.s you should go on the Conan show (you have both have the same hairstyle hehe)
I have taken part one of this video to heart, and I think I used my shyness to benefit me. I got a first kiss and I blushed! I am sure the guy saw and I felt sparks fly. Getting out of my comfort zone made things exciting, and I am that much closer to him because of it.
Woah. I really needed to hear this. Gunna go out there and try to get rejected today! Instead of avoiding those situations at all cost…
You’re funny.. Love it!
what does it mean if a guy says you bore him sometimes but not always. then he says he misses you and wants to see you. And you tel him “why do you want to c me i i bore you” and he says “forget about it” HOW R U MEANT TO INTERPRET THAT
Hey Matt,
what does it mean if a guy says you bore him sometimes but not always. then he says he misses you and wants to see you. And you tel him “why do you want to c me i bore you” and he says “forget about it” HOW R U MEANT TO INTERPRET THAT.. im sooo confused!!
I completely agree with you Matthew! While I’m shy or a little quiet when I meet someone for the first time, after about half an hour of talking with them I just become me! Whilst I do it regardless to agender, my thought is when it’s a guy if he can’t handle me, when I’m being me? Then he is not worth any more of my time! I cut my loses and make room for someone else. Rejection sucks! But it’s what builds our character in the end!!
Matt you look great whatever you wear!
Thanks for this post and again thanks for reminding me of not being afraid of rejection!!
XXX
I agree with you
I honestly think that you are the best in your field ..good job Hussey
A quick Qs to Matthew:
If I bought the book already, is it necessary to buy the Man Myth Video then? Are they similar to each other?
Thanks!
Hi Matthew, I saw your video 2 month ago, I was in depression, not because of relationship, but because of other stuff, for 14 years, everything went bad but since I saw your video 2 month ago, 80 % of my life changed, I AM TRYING TO FOLLOW YOUR ADVICE! PLEASE CONTINUE GUIDING US! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU! :D
hahahahahahahahahaha it was really funny,and elightening. I think I’m shy (scared) when I want something, but I don’t want it enough, so I don’t really try. Because everytime I want something very much I don’t stop at nothing till I get it, nerves and fears be damned. When I was younger I used to be really shy, until I realised thet it wasn’t getting me nowhere.
You had me laughing a lot with this video. So cheeky!! I loved it!! #TeamJameson
Hey Matthew
Love all your posts. You look good in vests! I won’t judge you wearing an outfit again (as long as you clean it) Hey Duchess Kate wears outfits the second time around. I applaud her and love that she isn’t worried about what the population or tabloids say about her. On your last vid, I don’t comment most of the time because I don’t really know what to write. Sorry I am boring.
Hi! So hard to go for rejection, I guess I have to be brave so I can learn from it.
By the way, I´m from Mexico, I guessed it would be nice for you to know that we are watching you from here :)
I’d like to find out more? I’d love to find out some additional
information.
Hey Matthew,
You rock :) thump up, the way you are dealing and reacting is really cool please keep going.
Salam