You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring

Here’s a little rant I just recorded. It’s said with all of the love in my heart and as a call to action to break free from the ‘cocoon’ of shyness. Enjoy!

So often people use shyness as an excuse not to contribute.

I know so many introverts – like myself – who make being an introvert into a noble, glorified thing.

If we want to be the most well-rounded, charismatic person we can be…

We have to cultivate the skills of the extrovert.

This doesn’t mean that you have to live in ‘extrovert mode’ 24 hours a day, but it does mean that you have to be able to bring out those skills when you need them.

When I step out on stage for instance, I’m bringing out the skills of the extrovert, even though that’s not who I am naturally.

It’s fun to be able to do both.

You can be an introvert and enjoy being an extrovert on certain evenings and occasions, and then go back to being an introvert.

Never let someone convince you that being an introvert stops you from being able to bring out the extrovert just for the hell of it.

Being able to develop those skills was one of the biggest gifts I gave myself because now I’m able to go into situations that scare me, and in spite of that fear, I’m able to bring out parts of my personality that when I’m younger I never used to be able to bring out.

–Is it okay to sometimes be shy?

Yes of course.

The point is that being that way all the time and using it as an excuse to never not be shy is not good.

You’re more than shy. Don’t allow yourself to be labelled. Be what you want to be in any given moment.

Do what works. Not what you ‘think’ you are.

Want to learn how you can step up and break free from the expectations of others? How you can layer different personality traits on-top of those you already have? Want an easy, step-by-step way to get more sociable, meet more men, and grow your social circle? Check out my online program The Man Myth which covers all of this and more.

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217 Replies to “You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring”

  • Matt ,

    If I would be as handsome as you , I would be more out going as well….
    Its not so easy to do it , I try not to be shy everyday , but its always easier said then done.

    1. Hi Rose’
      you can be what you want to be not based on your body or your face ,but on what do you believe about your slef.if you believe that you are an amazing person everyone who talk to you or see you will see that you are amazing . what i’m trying to say is you are what do you believe about your self , so you have to have confidence . and by the way you are not shy but you are afraid coz being afraid makes your life difficult not as shy which makes you try to challenge it .
      may your life be like you (lovely)

  • Hi Matthew i’ve uploaded my YouTube video again here is the link i Aldi Sended Bie a Message And she Said That she Sended it too you. I dont know if you read it?? But the link in the email doesn’t work anymore this link is Also working. But too read the description in the email is very important. Thnx for watching and i hope you can help me the get me more views or please share it if you want.

    Thnx For everything.

    Lovely Greetz Thirza :)

  • I get what you’re trying to say here. It was a little convoluted, but I followed you. I’ve battled serious shyness my whole life. I was able to learn how to overcome most of it. A lot of that comes with self confidence. There are times when I overcompensate & am too brash; and there are times when I revert & can’t get a word past my lips – usually when I get insulted or hurt or with someone I’m hugely attracted to. It takes practice, patience with yourself & no small amount of ability to laugh at your own foibles. In a good way. I hear you.

  • Excellent – I think your advice is spot on as it always is. I love having a public extrovert persona that I enjoy. I had no idea that you were an introvert, but I believe you. Who would know better – Your practical advice is the best there is. I wish those girls on the Today show would let you have longer segments – I’d watch every day.

  • Hi Matt.

    I guess that I should start with something easy – like writing few comments to your videos. Thank you, and I hope I will thank you again in few weeks.


  • Like your tough love approach here, Matt! ;) This topic definitely hits home with me as I tend to be introverted. It takes a lot of effort for me to break out of my shell in certain situations. I liked when you said that “shy is a pleasant term for being scared.” I haven’t really thought about it that way and probably explains a lot for me as my “shyness” comes out when I’m worried about what someone’s reaction will be to my interaction with them. The fact that you’ve worked to overcome your shyness is definitely an inspiration as I move forward to make changes in this area.

    Thank you! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!


  • “You hear that Jameson? That goes for you too. *shakes head* Lolol that made me crack up seriously haha ur sooo funny man!!! XD nd normally I would just watch nd do nothing so I decided to “contribute” lol plus I don’t want to be labeled as boring haha XD

  • LOVE THIS VIDEO RANT!!! I have been a very shy person for the majority of my life, but I wasn’t always that way and I’m working to get back to being more outgoing. What you’re saying is Absolutely true, being a bit shy sometimes is ok, it’s just not ok when you start hiding behind it.

    Love your videos & your work!

  • You are right. I have been told by people that I can come across as uninterested or unapproachable just because of my shyness. I never realized that shyness could come across to people that way. I have been trying to work on not being so shy and to be more approachable. It is hard to completely change when you’ve lived for so long a certain way. I do sometimes use my shyness as an excuse and I’m working on not doing that anymore. I do enjoy your videos and they do help. I know being shy is just a form of laziness, and I don’t want to be that way anymore.
    Thanks for the tough love!

  • Amen. Just learned that I missed out by a whisker on the 1st job my employer had, due to the other candidate being ‘noisier’ and me being ‘quieter’. Luckily they had a 2nd job… but often there’s no second chance!

  • I try to be outgoing as well, I got to the point where a guy who is afraid of talking to women but clearly has more experience than me telling me that I’m not shy.

  • hi Matt, love your regular pep talks, they keep me focused :)
    A little update of what you have inspired me to do Friday just gone. I was in the same situation as a story I remember you telling, girl gets on same train everyday as a cute guy but cannot talk to him, well after 7 weeks of this, I gave him a cheeky note and asked if he was single and asked him for a drink with my number. Yes it was scary but I was determined. The bad news is, like the girl in your story, he has got a girlfriend already, but the good news is that he has texted twice already, he was very flattered and at least I won’t be shy to properly talk to him on Monday morning coming, and you never know, what will happen next, in the meantime am still looking ;) P.S I used to be shy and never speak but, guess what, I realised if you want to meet new people and find out about them and them about you, YOU HAVE TO SPEAK TO THEM!

    1. This is fantastic!! I’m so proud of you! It is scary but you’re right, to meet new people, you actually have to go MEET new people! Keep up the amazing work : )


    2. Hi Clara66, i have to say hat’s off to you lady for writing the note and passing it on to the guy on the train. That is amazing! I have let so many opportunities go by because i was too shy/scared to make the first move, the fear being rejected or being laughed at. Cute guys in the supermarket/gym or out running, i’ve let them all slip through the net because of my shyness…
      I took a chance and texted a guy from work, and lo and behold he never texted back, so now i am mortified to look him in the eye on Monday!…I hope the train guy asks you out.
      xx stella

  • OK…So HOW do we develop those skills? You can rant but you gotta teach too. How did you teach yourself extrovert skills.

    1. Hey Lisa, former big-time introvert here. Literally, you just do it. It’s uncomfortable and scary and terrible at first. But literally, all you have to do is just look at people. Just smile. Just say hello. That’s it. The rest unfolds. It’s only fear that’s stopping you from doing it in the first place, and the only way to get past that fear is to face it and do the opposite of what you’d usually do in the situation. (PS – I went to one of Matt’s weekends and I was the shyest girl in the room. He used me as a guinea pig. The next year, I went to a party and literally thinking of Matt’s words, just smiled and said hi to a REALLY hot guy. Then we started talking. Now we’re married. YOU CAN DO IT!)

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