So last week I did a video on shyness which seems to have struck a nerve.
There were many comments – the majority overwhelmingly good – but also a little controversy which has led me to want to do Part II. Here it is. Enjoy!
Here’s the difference between ‘shy’ and ‘introverted’ as I see it:
–Introversion is associated with being part of someone’s nature.
–Shyness is derived from insecurity. It’s a polite word for being scared.
If we want to overcome shyness, we have to overcome rejection. There are two ways to do this:
1) Get accepted and reinforce a different behaviour
To see that you can talk to someone and get a positive result.
2) Get rejected more
More rejection doesn’t have to make you more insecure. If you talk to people who have to go through a lot of rejection every day – whether it’s people who make cold calls, actors going to auditions, you name it, they’ll tell you that they can become desensitised to that rejection.
We have to decide who we want to be – regardless of acceptance or rejection.
If you go into a situation craving acceptance, it’s going to feel needy and desperate and people will pick up on it.
Go for rejection. Get rejected as much as possible, because the fastest way to get accepted as much as possible (and from the people who will be most beneficial to you) is to be congruent with who you really are.
Hope you enjoyed the video! Thanks to everyone who commented last week. Stay tuned and I’ll be back with more soon!
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Having trouble with shyness? Check out my online program The Man Myth that will walk you through simple steps to meet more men, build attraction, and find out if he’s right for you.
All good and well to get rejected more but for how long? I have played it save not shy, but since attending the womens weekend and being in contact with new friends. I believe I have partly stopped blaming myself for failed relationships. Really good support. I’m more gulity of being on guard and safe for good reasons. Thank you Matt
I just bought your book, and I am reading it in your voice!
Matthew I’ve never seen anyone so excited by the possibility of being rejected LOL your advice has helped me a lot in so many ways. THANK YOU!!!! I couldn’t thank you enough. Keep up the great work!!!
Matt, your messages always seem to come at the right time. I know I’m late in posting this, but I wanted to share how your message helped me in a huge, meaningful way. I went in for a job interview the day after I saw this message. It was a job I really wanted. I listened to your message about how to be confident and not sound desperate. Go for rejection! Or at least, not be afraid of rejection. So, I had an interview with a VP at 8am in the morning. It was my second interview, so I knew that this was it. I was one of the finalists, but not the chosen one. YET. As I made my way to the interview, I thought of your positive energy in the video, and your message. I met with the VP, was confident, and didn’t worry. Today my job offer was extended to me. I am so excited to be starting this new job. Matt, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your words and messages DO have a direct and meaningful impact on people’s lives. On my life. And I did listen to your other message about Seinfeld and really working hard. Torture, you called it, so I know the journey is just beginning with my new work. That too came at an appropriate time. Again, my gratitude and thanks. I will keep applying what you teach, oh wise one.
Matthew, you’re so great. Your videos change my life. It’s really hard to feel rejected, but it’s better than doing nothing. We should be active more. You’re absolutely right. Thanks a lot:) Wish you the best!
You’re such a genius! You really do understand people’s psychology which is not easy at All!
Your words make perfect sense, really simple no complications!
You manage to convince me with your simplicity when no one actually can!
Matt,You really inspire me a lot! :)
Hi Matthew!
As a really shy person who’s trying desesperately to change this video was very useful to me. I know being shy it’s not an excuse, but sometimes it’s so damn hard for me to make the real things I want to do.
Sometimes We just need people who talks us clearly like you to wake up and starting trying harder.
Thank you, and excuse me for my bad English.
Great rant! Being introverted doesn’t mean one needs to always be quiet, it only means that one generates their energy and motivation from within rather than from external forces. That should help those introverts out there who think it is cool to act shy. I love that you say it is okay to be shy, but not okay to act shy. Love it thanks Matthew!
Always love your videos Matt. I know I suffer from having to be accepted but I will work on it and do my best to become a better image of myself. Thank you!
Hi Matt,
Great video! I completely agree. Generally I am not a shy person, my friends would characterize me as outgoing. I talk to everyone from the lady standing beside me in the grocery store to the old man beside me on the bus … and then the dreaded thing happens. I like someone and I close up. I get nervous and end up saying nothing or saying very little and after that is exactly how I feel, like the conversation was boring. It takes two to Tango so if both parties are not participating in a conversation there can be no spark. I know a lot of people who I initially thought were really boring, but when they come out of their shell and you get to know them they actually aren’t boring at all. They have likes and dislikes and knowledge to share. Anyone watching this shouldn’t take it as an insult. It’s the truth. When you are shy or even if you truly do suffer from social anxiety you aren’t showing your best self. The person who loves comic books or architecture. The person who knows a lot about old school video games or ancient Egypt. If you do suffer from shyness it’s a process to get more comfortable. After reading Matthew’s book Get the Guy and his original E-Book Secrets of The Male Mind I was really motivated to work on myself and what I thought I needed to grow past. Sometimes you need to offend people to get a message across and not be sorry for it.
Hello Matt,
Well firstly, I do agree with what you have said. I was that person; being shy and being too scared to express my opinions and also speaking in public was such a major fear.
It was only this year that I managed to overcome it because I have seen it from various angles, telling myself, “Why should I be shy? I don’t know these people personally. I might not even see them again after this so why not be vocal.”
I found that it has been such a relief being this way now and that my shyness all this time had been so unnecessary. So now when I do class presentations I am able to get my audience involved and it makes things so much easier for me because I can relate to them in some way when they are, at first, hesitant to participant.
So thank you for this video, Matthew :)
Kind regards,
Laryssa Fiu
(Fiji)
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Thanks for finally talking about >You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring – Part II
| Get The Guy <Loved it!