There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Hello Matt, Thank you for your inspirational words on sunday morning! yes loved the long version of video(old school style). Yes, on the second question.I was wondering what happened to your eye.(thought it was your dog). I’m totally living my single life the way you described in video!! Taking each moment for what it is! #Empowerment #Networking #Enjoying life #CreatingOpportunities and passing the video to my 18yr old daughter.
Thank you, Always for your inspiring words…
Carmen
Thanks for the inspiration and good vibes, Matt! Found the way you shot the video very natural and captivating, just as if you were in my own living room.
Thanks for the video. I really needed it. I’ve not only been giving up on dating but all relationships even friends due to past experiences. Starting at a new university in a few days and looking forward to learning to trust people.
The video did seem a little long. Great stuff, but a few minutes too much. Overall the flow felt better to watch than jumping around.
I was wondering what was up with your eye. Thank you for letting us know.
Matt,
Your wise thoughts are always worth listening to so the longer version was good. Maybe a mix of both long & cut would be the best option.
I love your uncut stuff at the end, it makes your messages feel really personal.
Do u ever think of doing some pieces with Mandy Hale of “the single woman” fame. Much as her message would appear to be the polar opposite of yours it’s really not and I have found the two of you have given me fabulous insight & advice after a very difficult break up. You both emphasise confidence and self worth and that’s a great combination.
Thanks for your ongoing advice. You make a real difference
Jo x
I liked the uncut version. Honestly, I listened to it more than I watched, multi-tasking, you know, but I enjoyed how candid you were. Thanks for sharing
Matt,
Great format, speaking directly in some long shot. The content is Ah-mazing!
Be present.
Brilliant and classic advice.
Thanks for giving up all hope!
~Emily
NYC
PS. Not sure that push is a moment you want to recreate….. :)
Hi Matthew!
I really liked the way this video was done and gave me a new perceptive about love.
Thanks!
Tiffany
It’s really great that way, no cuts, long video, I really liked it. you’re hilarious :)
LOVED it this way! Just perfectly reall!
hey Matt
I love the way this video is shot as it is much more natural
I actually don’t like your other videos when things are cut and put together, it doesn’t “feel” as good as this
xxx
Keep the long shot, it gives you time to settle, think and take it in. Keeps the stress level down ;-)
Thanks for slicing the goal down, it keeps it real!!
Thanks for Done with love. Good video as ever & all in one go was impressive as much as anything. I’ve just finished reading your book Get the Guy & at the age of 54 I learned a whole lot! I can see where I might have misinterpreted a few things. I was also wondering how I could have done things differently with a friendship over the last 8 months…now ended. I’ve been mostly single for 10 years & had I been told that 10 years ago I wouldn’t have believed it! Had a few dates but found it easier to be independent while being a single parent. My son was 8 when I split with his dad. So now he’s 18 & I’ve finished a degree alongside work I was thinking is life ‘Simpler single?’. Maybe I am missing out!
Hey Matt,
I love this video more than the cut videos, I think it’s a real gift to be able to listen to you give advice for a longer period of time. I loved it. I’m sorry you got punched, though. That must’ve been painful. :( Thanks for the great advice, I really needed this today.
Christine
I really liked this one and the longer videos that you do. 10 minutes or so is perfect, not too long and not too short. I get more out of it than say a 3 minute video.
Thank you, Matthew !
you were having a moment, and the connection was felt……the realness and the continued thoughts felt as if you and I were having a conversation about how to get me “back out there” without all my fears, judgments, history and a genuine smile…thanks Matt you make me believexoxoxo
I enjoyed this video version more than the cut videos. Thanks!
Hi Matthew,
thank you!
It is much better to think about building a moment in life – a very special one, making a connection, than having this BIG picture of getting married!!! huggg… it is overwhelming – because we build a lot of expectations instead, on us, on the other person, on the way we think things must be… Expectations equal pressure on our emotional state so better not even think about it. So, I am so happy I hear your advice.
Yes, I notice your little something in the eyelid :)
And the video was great, I enjoyed the long.
Blessings,
Marisa
Hi Matt
You’re bang on the nail with this one. For me anyway. I hadn’t really said I’m done with relationships but I have not been trying for over a year. Just seemed easier and less fearful and I could tell friends “I am just sorting myself out first.”. Anyway I am about to book some group guitar lessons which I have also been putting off because i realised after your vid that I’d always imagined being able to share my music with a partner.
Thanks for pulling the wool off my eyes.
In fact i liked the video like this without any cuts … & I didn’t see it was too long. It was great and it ment so much me.
Hi! I didn’t mind the length at all. It was very valuable and relatable. Not in the love context because I’m happily married, but I do feel tired sometimes – literally and figuratively. I do feel ‘stung’ sometimes, and I really appreciated your positive message. Thanks, that was just what I needed. See you in October.