There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
I didn’t feel it’s that long cuz I love listening to you :) btw your hair looks amazing !!!
nice advice but honestly i think it sounds easier than it is…changing your way of thinking, acting, having a relationship is hard because often it’s not just the way of thinking that needs to be changed but your way of feeling too..cause why aren’t we just the person we wanna be?? cause it’s hard to overcome all the insecurities and other problems we’re faced with…
Hi Matt,
this was the perfect message for me tonight. Thank you! You are totally right, it seems the problem of our “make your dreams come true” society to have this vision about everything – even love, which cannot be fulfilled that way. The pressure on people who have lived quite a long time as singles, makes them look harder and harder and finally completely may lead to the opposite: it pushes the others away. It seems the law of life. So we need to be calm and open, let it go and give our best, that`s true. I found all your advices really really helpful and necessary to change ones point of view..because it is true that proactivity and openness, discipline and calm inner trust as well as self confidence and knowing what you want are the key for everything in life – including our love life.
I really enjoyed the video a lot more than the other cutted versions though it depends on the style of the video. Sometimes the cut-version may support the message of it better.. In general you are doing a really great job and I like the authentic and cool way of talking to a camera, even though we all know that you might have gone through a huge coaching procedure..;0) the result is great: authentic, professional, sensible, intelligent and comprehensible. And hopefully extremely effective ;0))
Best
Martina
I thought this longer video was the perfect length at the perfect time. I think it would be cool to see a variety of lengths in your videos. Nice to have a choice between something short and sweet and something I can listen to when I’m feeling focused.
Perfect length and perfect contents… Thanks for sharing a special moment with me on my bday xx
Great video Matt, always arrive at the right time and perfect little reminders to keep me on the straight and narrow. Long or short they’re always helpful!
I’m sure you get inundated with offers but would love to try a coffee ‘moment’ with you next time you’re in London! :-)
Please don’t change anything leave it the way it is , loveeeeeee it!!!
I think the variety of the editing styles serves you well. A lot of jump cuts to a message like the one in this video may have been a distraction from the sincerity you delivered. I liked the cuts done in “Wait or Create” because they amped up the energy and excitement, and that completely fit the message you conveyed in that video. So, for my two bits, I hope you continue to embrace variety.
Now, if you do another video in the spirit of the Gatsby parody AND were able to complete that in a single take… I would be very delighted indeed.
I will admit there have been times I have said the famous I’m done but what I’m really saying is I’m done worrying about it and feel sometimes you have stop worrying when you’re gonna meet that guy. My goal is to be the best version of me that I can be and let things happen. If your not in a relationship right now is the best time to work on YOU become the best you can and enjoy living your life :)
Hi Matt, thanks for your video. I thought it was really excellent. It is clear that you have many years experience of working in this field, you are extremely knowledgeable and clearly an expert. All your points were so eloquently put across too – without edits? impressive. Perhaps what you were getting at is – am I going around in circles too much but I think it is very useful for the listener to hear your points and hear them in an expanded version as to us it allows your message to sink in and be absorbed better.
great post & hope my feedback was useful!
have a great day. Mary.
I really enjoyed today’s video. Not too long but more personable without the cuts being made. Almost like being live at the time. Thanks for being encouraging to all women out here. I have been enlighted by all you videos since finding the first by accident a couple of months ago. Have a great day!
Jayne.
This was such a great topic! and you’ve helped me to see things differently! you are the best, thank you so much! :)
AND I LOOOVE videos this way! it’s just so FRESH! keep it like this!
Absolutely prefer the not cut videos!
Thanks for talking about it, I surely noticed the new style and feel that your messages come most real and authentic when they come without surgery. You so don’t need that!
Keep it old-school, please!
Thanks for everything!
I didn’t even notice it til you pointed that out.
And either version is fine by me. I just think of it like another piece of candy that wouldn’t have been there otherwise. But just think about what you want to tell us and we’ll listen regardless.
This was a perfectly timed video for me personally.
The reminder to think about those littles moments rather than the big goal is actually what I needed and has also given me a new way to approach someone who I think needs to think about the special moments more themselves.
Thank you for this video Matt I think you’ve done a brilliant job with this one including the longer no cut version. Keep it up!
This is my favourite of all your videos so far. So practical, so relevant to me and so many of my single women friends, and so hopeful.
I like the way it turns the usual, ‘I want to find the man of my dreams’ vision on its head and says don’t focus on the big picture, focus on the small details and the big picture will look after itself.
Liked it without the edits, less ‘jolty’ which made it easier than normal to focus on the message. But I also liked it without the edits because the last few videos have all had that choppy, edited style, and it was getting a bit samey (as well as feeling a bit gimmicky). It also feels like it comes more from the heart if you can do it in one take like that. But if you do all the next few vids in that style that will get old too. As I’m sure you’d say yourself, as long as you keep mixing up and being predictably unpredictable it’s all good!
And I didn’t even notice the eye thing til you pointed it out!
Totally random, especially this being my first comment! Just wanted to say your voice sounds like chocolate and your arms… oh my… are utterly delicious.
Thanks for the invaluable advice. And your videos, the longer, the better x
I’m sure you’d much rather get a response from Matt and who can blame you, however that line of
‘your voice sounds like chocolate”
I LOVE IT!!!
Once again Matthew,
Great video!!! always a pleasure to watch and learn from you.
I will tell you that I am not one of the woman that have told you they have given up. in truth I think that’s an awful thing for a woman to do to herself: forsake love because she had some bad experiences? I used to believe that bad was just bad, then I realized that the bad was actually good once I started to learn something from it and yes gain as well.
what I have learned in certain situations is that the pain I was caused was not about me and or my character,but rather theirs.
what I’ve gained once I did see the good, as strange as this may be; self-respect,self-love, compassion,and also a higher value of myself.
also I wanted say that I love the uncut video much better…
keep up the great work!!! One day it’ll pay off ;-)
Thanks so much! Your Videos are great, especially the non-cut-ones. Please keep on posting them.