There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Dearest Matthew,
I have a bittersweet comment for you:
The bitter…….I have given up on love, I don’t think I will get close to anyone again. The reason is because 2 years ago, a very close male friend of mine passed away from leukaemia at the age of 34. We had been friends since we were children and after he passed away, I felt like my entire guts had been ripped out…..I felt lost, empty and devastated. A few days after, I considered ending my own life as I couldn’t bear the thought of living without him. A month after, my dear sister lost her husband at the age of 50, so we were both going through the same pain and we still are. I never want to go through it again so if that means being on my own, then that’s ok.
The sweet…….In the last year I have been studying for a BSc, and because of my grief, found it hard to concentrate and got behind with my work. I contacted your team as I love your style of coaching ( I have commented on here before and said that !) and for the last 3 weeks I have been having phone coaching with one of your team called Raj and he is amazing !!!! He has helped me get back on track with my studies and is now helping me to learn how to take care of myself.
I shall be having coaching from your team, hopefully Raj, for a long time as it is helping me tremendously,
I will post again soon,
Have a wonderful day , Matthew,
Angela
Liked it longer, without edits! x
No cuts. Loved it!
Hi Matthew !
Thanks for this video, it’s really helpful, like your other videos ! (Sorry if I do mistakes I’m french). The longer of the video is good, it’s not too long.
I wanted to know if there are stores in France where I can buy your book ?
Otherwise, I’ll keep watch all you videos because you always say what I need to hear, you have always great advice ! And you help me to improve my english ahah.
Thank you,
Elysa
Great video, keep talking, man! Your way of thinking helps me a lot! :)
Loved the video, Matt!! Loved the longer style too, however, your video formats are wonderful either way, because of the wonderful messages and advice you deliver in every single one. I can’t get enough of them!
Thank you for always, ALWAYS coming through. Your program and book have changed me and the way I approach and handle the experiences in my love life.
I promise you that I will be sending you a hand written thank you card very soon…thanking you for the wonderful program you have developed and how it helped me find the love of my life (and I’ll include a picture of us as well) :)
xoxo
Luly
Great Matthew! Loved the uncut au naturel version and just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you and all the best to you.
Louise
Hello Matthew,
I enjoyed the longer video in its natural state. :)
This video was just what I needed to keep me from throwing
in the towel with relationships. Thank you so much for your
videos, I feel like I have my own personal life coach and
relationship mentor. ;)
Hi Matt, I routinely see facts on YourTango that say that 60% of married men have admitted cheating and that 55% of men would be bothered if their partner gained weight. Statistics like this are another reason why I often think/feel “why bother”? Why bother if the odds are high that you will be hurt and betrayed. But then I think, there are 40% of married men and 45% of guys who wouldn’t cheat (assuming they are telling the truth) and aren’t bothered by weight gain. So my question is, how can I find them and how can I determine that they are these kind of men? the loyal and not shallow kind?
That was one the most sincere, heartfelt and inspiring moments I have had the pleasure of “sort of” sharing with you. Thank you Matthew!
I had basically given up and believed that I wasn’t meant to find anyone special, after having only one date in my entire 36 years of life. Shocking as that may be, what’s more surprising is that I’m sharing this very private, humiliating and difficult part of my life with absolute strangers. However, it is what it is! And you have helped me realise that it REALLY is about simply enjoying life’s little moments with others day to day. I have been putting way too much of my focus on the “big things” as you put it.
Thanks Matt for my new “growth” spurt! I truly hope that one day I will get to share one of those “life moments” with you or at least someone as special as you.
Loved it without the cuts!
Hey Matt!
Thank you for making this video. I really liked the fact that you didn’t cut it. I really enjoyed watching it because you just let your ideas and your advice flow without any interruptions. I’d love to see more of these uncut videos because it feels more natural to me. Thank you for your advice and support, Matt!
Sweetie don’t cut a thing, the more you talk the bigger my smile. (:>)
Your Cougar
P.S
Get a Haircut
I loved this longer video! You really spoke to me because I was one of those who did everything right, and my husband of seventeen years still repeatedly cheated on me and left me. He even told me when he left for good the last time that there was nothing wrong with me and that he was the broken one, but I still have trouble believing that. I want to embrace my potential and not be afraid anymore. Thank you, Matthew!
I loved it, i literally got an epiphany from watching this.
I don’t know about creating chunks. I’m almost 41 and I still want a baby. I don’t have time to waste dating casually. But at the same time I’ve been alone for almost 4 years trying to manifest my soulmate. I believe it’s all a mantter of luck. Some have it, others don’t!
Loved the longer piece- thank you! It made a ton of sense and gave me a little hope, and at 38 hope is what I need! Thanks for the laugh at the end of your blogs too ;-)
Surprised that your examples early in this one makes it sound like the woman’s responsibility, mistakes, projections, rather than actual behaviors of men. Women are telling you they don’t “move on” because these behaviors are prevalent. The rare person is rare. Maybe guys need to look at themselves. Your point is well taken but you may be missing the point women are telling you, that you started with. Some generalizations are true. The “different mindset” and “new approach” are — according to this vid — that women “trust more” and “give more space” and “not strangle them…..” Maybe with editing, you wouldn’t have come off as blaming women, rather than encouraging women to be open to new possibilities. Thank you.
HELLO MATT!!! Will you please DELETE this? I clicked a box to be notified of replies. Unfortunatley, my mailbox is full of messages every time someone replies to your post. When I click to “Manage Subscriptions” to try to change this, I get a 404 Page Missing messages. THANK YOU!! <3
Hi Mari, I just saw your comment and I’m experiencing the same thing too !!!! I”m so annoyed with all the e-mails I’m getting from this blog and not being able to stop them. I’ve had to turn my mail off,
I hope you get sorted as it’s really really annoying,
Angela
You’re hilarious, Matthew (laughing at yourself at the end). That’s great.
The video works well unedited. We’re able to take in all the conversation without question (i.e. wondering “What was it that he cut out? Maybe I would have found that to have been useful too.”) To be honest, I enjoy listening to your conversations — the longer, the better. I’m just intrigued by your accent. It’s very therapeutic.
always,
Tammy
— The best therapy doesn’t look like therapy at all, but rather it looks like a good conversation!
Loved it old school! Can’t find a negatory on getting more advice. And a ps – even better. Hope the boo boo heals up nicely- till then- new conversation piece, eh!?