There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Matthew, is that all you get from boxing is that little cut? I’m going to have to rewatch those Rocky movies (teasing, you are darling…). I really enjoyed the uncut video, it seemed positive and spontaneous and sincere and imperfect, the sort of qualities you encourage us to embrace when we’re out and about. Having said that, I dont mind the edited videos, those are great as well, finely distilled and on point…..What I really want to see is the bloopers video—Jameson?
Thank you Matthew for this weeks video.
You are so right in what you say. I am totally with you on all points but when you are beaten down by making a mistake it takes a while to get up again.
I went and blurted out how I felt recently, only for it not to be reciprocated. I felt in such physical pain. Anyhow I was actually already ill and I gradually looked like I had been in the boxing ring and lost. The virus tracked down to my eye, so believe me you look pretty compared.
I was going to write that I like the fact it was not continually cut before you asked. Much better, you somehow come over more sincere, it looks less rehearsed more from the heart this way.
K xx
Hi Matthew,
I much preferred the non-edited video. It was a lot more powerful, and really made me reflect on what I’ve been going through for the past several months. I too have been feeling like I was done with love. I’m 34, and have been out with guy after guy that has been a letdown after letdown. It was inspiring to watch your passion about the subject. So thank you.
I loved this longer piece and also like the way you mentioned older women. I have just turned 47 and have 2 failed marriages behind me! For the past 2 years I have tried internet dating and that hasn’t gone as well as I would like it to either. I am definitely ready to give up and have been saying this for a few months now! However, having watched to this I have a glimmer of hope and think that maybe I can still find someone to be with as I know I have so much to give and so many experiences to live through and learn from. Thanks Matthew.
Excellent vid. Applies to many areas beyond love. Uncut is great. Cheers fron austin tx.
I’m sure the other girls can help me with this, whats that film where she says ‘Don’t look for Mr Right, look for Mr Right Now.’ – It’s killing me cause I can’t remember but it seemed so appropriate for this video. :)
Hi, Matt!
Before I provide feedback regarding the video, I just want to say that your hair looks fantastic. Very classy and sexy.
Today’s video was wonderful. I enjoyed it. It was authentic truth spoken given with such love. I enjoyed this video more. I felt more connected with the message because of its authenticity and practicality. However, do not give up on the cut versions because they are so hilarious and when they’re entertaining I learn just as much.
There is something I’ve been desiring to share with you. By making this one simple adjustment to your videos would broaden your audience. It will add another layer classiness and another level of strength to your videos and it’s content.
Would you kindly consider choosing not using profanity in your videos. I say this with love. Matt, you are a creative person that uses choice words that flows from your being. The use of profanity is so common, you are so above that. I’m not sure if you’re using it to make a connection with everyone else. But you can still make that connection through your sincerity,being genuine, being authentic with us your audience as you did with the last two videos.
You are such a gentleman and I’m sure you know the gentleman and princes that use profanity. But still it’s common and it’s a way to connect on a common level. Again you are above that. You choose words so perfectly. You have an amazing ability to create. So, create a new possibility of developing a new word to bring across that thought. By doing this in allows me to share the videos with my community without fear because the thing that I share represents me. I’m not common. Now, I hope you don’t think this is me putting limitations on who you are. I’m not. I just speak about words. But words are also the condition of the heart. Choose your words like you choose gem stones. Choose your words like you choose your lady. Because I know you are your word. You are so creative, perfectly on point and direct with the use of words you. Allow your communication to rise one more It’s professional. It’s beautiful. It’s brilliant. As you are, let it your communication left you Let’s this . are very poignant to me profanity is common it is your gentleman
Oh! My! I used Siri (iphone) and I did not proofread this. My apologies for the improperly placed pronouns and other grammatical fumbles.
Hugs to you, Matt, my brother.
Dana
Oh! Update since we spoke in Philly. I decided to just remain friends. After coming to your seminar I learned a lot about myself and I desire more in a mate. And I’m just going to let it happen without expectation or hope. I prefer surprises. and precious moments.
The video was perfect like that!:)
And thanks for it, Yeah sometimes it really feels like giving up on men, but at the same time, life is not as fun without them!
I need men in my life, pain or joy, I need them:)
Love you Matthew!xxx
Matthew- This is exactly what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it! I’ve been skeptical in the love department lately as I’m on the eve of my 30th birthday (and the typical panicking has ensued, haha). Thank you so much for this video, I believe it will truly help me try to put things into a different perspective, so I’m not putting so much pressure on myself and the other person. Love the fact that it was longer and uncut! More of that please. :)
I thought the content was good so the length was fine. Your message needs to be as long as it needs to be. I also liked it without the cuts, sometimes they are distracting.
I live in the Palm Springs area and it’s like living in the Gay 90’s,–all the single available men are either gay or 90. What advice would you give to someone like me who doesn’t go to bars, I’m actively involved with my passions, yet I never seem to meet single men who are age appropriate? Have a joy filled day, VJ
Hi Matt,
This video was great. You’re a great life coach and so natural too. I can tell that you rehearsed a little bit in your head and with your notes and then you allowed it to flow from you. That’s one of the best things about you, because we can see how authentic you are about sharing your knowledge. You are so inspiring. Thank you for being such an amazing gift to us. Love, Lucia (from Argentina)
The video was great…thank you Matthew for such good advice!
Hey Matt, that is a great video. Like the format very much as seems like you are sitting in same room and talking directly (not just to camera). Thankyou for your continued posts. Although I am seeing someone they are still very relevant.
Take care, sarah
I always enjoy seeing your videos Matt, the length was ok, don’t worry about that!
Matt…always love your insightful videos. Not longat all iin fact not long enough lol! Always useful info that helps me to grow and see areas where I am in need of correction. This piece reached out and grabbed me because I ended a beautiful realtionship with a man my junior where there was definate chem and interest but because I wanted things to move faster where he wsnt quite ready …you could say I lost him. We hav again picked up our friendship and I am taking it as just that and letting things grow on there own. This video helped me in that I will take the precious moments over the bigger pic anyday. much cudos to you as always :-)
Good grief Matthew, I totally love this video!
The timing of releasing it is so perfect because so many people suffer from Sunday Neurosis!
I just have to share some of my story here, maybe it will help other readers…
In the beginning of this year, I decided I would surround myself with men who have good things to say to me and about me. Guys who are gentle and compassionate, yet well rooted in their masculinity…and the journey has been pretty incredible! It’s hard to weed out the slackers and also call youself to account on lowering your standards for the sake of others!
And I’ve got to say Matthew, that you have made it onto ‘the list’ of those guys who I will regularly allow to ‘sow’ goodness into my life…
Many changes have taken place in my life, and I identify so much with what you say about ‘creating moments’. Yesterday, on my way out of the grocery store, a very nice looking man approached me and said, ” you look like a wonderful woman, be blessed and have a great evening”. Honestly, I was so taken aback that I almost bumped all the chocolates off the shelf next to me….it was really quite comical!!
My point is, that that ‘moment’ really made my day, because it affirmed my belief, and what you keep saying. ….there are good guys out there. Nothing stays the same, things always change. The challenge is to be like a boxer….get up and keep on going! No pain, no gain…
Thanks Matt, all my girls are going to see this!
Take care,
Liezel
South Africa
Hey Matt,
Thought the video link was great. Perfect in length, timing, ideas, concepts. Best one I have seen so far. Keep on inspiring us ladies to go the extra mile. Just when I thought I was going around in circles you have given me food for thought.
Thanks. Stay cool and relevant :0) Mariam x
Hi Matt!
I love this video. It’s exactly what I needed :)
Thank you for being you! x
Hey Matt!
I hear you. Really you say the same thing no matter what the situation you are going through; albeit in such a gracious way every time.
The Problem: A couple of days ago I felt so despondent about life as it was a long weekend and I knew I would spend it “getting” to do housework, homework and spending it with my 6 year old. While all those things are toward the good in themselves, it just meant screamingly that I would again not take time for myself and developing connected moments. Having said that, I realize that I must create those moments for myself.
The Past: My past relationships have been plagued with my inability to connect with others on a deep level and express my own needs. As a result I have attracted people who cannot do the same. You helped me see that Matt and I thank you for that. My own trust issues have just helped me attract others who cannot trust fully. Very much a blind leading the blind scenario.
Connections: So now I have tried to really connect with my existing relationships and to be open to new ones. My main goal has been just that–focusing on the moment. I have met someone who I am forcing myself to stay in the moment with and to focus mainly on my growth into being a better me. A better me is a better relationship in the long run with all people. What is really ironic is that my new job requires me to meet new people everyday and to impart this wisdom in helping them meet their potential. I can see why you do what you do. Its awesome to support people in their life journey.
The Vids/Jameson: The long content curve without cuts are more authentic and we all know you can rant for a long time without stopping, so yeah… Jameson will have to do something else with his non editing time. Though editing is fun–a long time ago in another life I wanted to be an film editor. Sorry Jameson… maybe you can work on a collage of past incarnations of Matt’s hair? Just a thought.
Thanks again for being you Matt. Your “living up here” area is looking good.
Cheers,
Faith
Hey I watch your show “Ready for love” in Thailand right now. I was sad it was took out in the US. Now I came back to Thailand…OMG!!! It is here!!
Congratulation to the good way out!