There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Matt, I just want to kiss you for every time you made me feel better! I was just crying my eyes out because of another failed relationship, thinking exactly what you said, that I’m giving up, and I went here in search for something that would convince me that I’m wrong and found it in the very first video.
Thank you for always making me smile! :)
great video loved it…
I loved the video! I learned a lot that I am going to apply to my own relationship now. It makes so much sense to chunk things down and not get caught up in te stress of “I have to get married”. Thanks!
“It is what it is” – you sound like Eckhart Tolle, this brilliant spiritual teacher of our times. Great stuff, thanks!!
Hello all of you,
This is kind of the moment I waited for. The moment that I am finally NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!
And I’ve not had a serious relationship in 2 years. So, thanks Matthew. Thank you so very much.
And to all the other ladies out there: NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
You’ve taken one great step but listening to Matthew, your Mr. Right is out there waiting. And it’s soooo worth it.
Love you xxx,
Caroline
Dear Matthew,
many thanks for this and all your videos that you make available to us all! I feel you are right on with your insights and suggestions so you are making a great contribution to all of us making an effort or struggling with finding a meaningful relationship in this crazy world. You are very honest and sincere, and generous in sharing all this for free. I am a great admirer and am learning too. I am 63 and seeking a good man after a divorce. I am having a lot of success Meeting men so far and excited about the possibilities. Thanks again!
The length surprised me, but I love the sincerity. I seriously considered doing myself in earlier this week because I am tired of missing meaningful connections in my life. Thank you for caring, Matthew!
THANK YOU! I am so happy you are talking about this because I’ve been thinking about these questions lately! By seeing friends& people around me putting so much pressure about the whole “what is this with this man, what are we, is he the one, should we have kids” I so much agree, the minute we look at our next relationship as being the life long partner, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I was wondering this week “what are the real reasons why people have kids” and I realized that a lot of people have kids because they’ve been together for years now and it’s the thing to do, because they still thing in the old model of finding a life long partner with who you share everything from beginning to end. Which don’t get me wrong, I think is possible and amazing when it’s with the person you really love and want to share more. I’m just sad when I see some couples that seem to not be really in love anymore but stick together because they’re scared of leaving the person! So they have kids to have something together& feel connected again, like the solution to their couple problem! But what if a guy may be good for us for a certain period and than as we grow, change, an other will come along!! I love what you said! It’s more about the intensity&special moments we spend with that person! We should maybe just stop thinking of where it’s going, if it feels right, just enjoy the time we have with that person! . Share what we feel like we want to share and see where it goes with no expectations. :)
Love the video long with no cuts like that too!
Thank you Matt!
Take care!!
Hi Matt,
Watching this video I felt my head nodding a lot… It looks like you know more about my past happenings than I do myself. I hear a lot that if something went wrong you should look for the positive to take out of it. You know, the positive that I take away is that I found your blog and can see your videos. I would have never checked for something like this if it went perfect. So I lost a guy but I found you.
Reg. your question: It really doesn´t matter, Matt. No matter how – just talk to us! ;-)
Hi Matt!
Personnaly I really love the uncut. Just as you may pause to continue your thought, as a listenener we too have moment where our thoughts are absorbing your sufgestions then as we are, when you keep going, we have time to process and start listening again. :-)
Your words of wisdom came to me at a perfect time. I had seen a comment from another email about making my man blah blah and thought … i dont need to read
May God anymore about relationships… very synical… then there was yours saying dont’t give up… Thank you so much Matt for breaking life down to MOMENTS MOMENTS!
I liked the longer, uncut version today. But I also like the shorter, cut versions.
Maybe a mixture?
Liked what you said about sometimes doing everything right and it still not working out. Guess I can’t do it all myself. If the guy isn’t in the right place or able to hold up his end, that’s on him…not me. I need to remember that I’m only responsible for my half of the relationship.
Thanks for that insight.
Anything you do is perfect. Just as long as you DO!
And please be careful in the ring! Don’t hurt that beautiful face!
Thank you for your wisdom talks.
Lovely
k
right. “But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.” and when nothing works out after these moments, that’s when you say “I give up.”
I liked this longer, uncut version…and agree with Candice . Mix it up depending on the topic…keep it fresh and HOT.
Sorry about your eye.
Now giggle and move on…
<3
I love the last part, u always have a great advice matty.. ur so sexy promise… :D careful don’t hurt your face..
I loved it , I feel the cuts are annoying.
I really enjoy your video and thank you so much your remind me to living moment by moment and enjoy each one….
Take me off this list, your manage message site doesn’t work. VJSL8@CS.COM
Thanks. Awesome message!
No cuts, not too long. I like this video as it is.
Sonja
Uncut. More conversational.