Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.
Non-rejection is the worst. Obviously mutual feelings, he keeps talking to you for a long time in an almost relationship way, asks you out but turns flaky. To guys: Scared? Man up. Saying nothing about what happened in your head does not make it easier.
i hear that. disappointment is so much easier to deal with that unanswered questions of a flake or a Houdini-style disappearing act.
Thanks, jg and Matthew. It surprised me but just writing it helped, been getting out more lately.
Thank you so much! This video was exactly what i needed :D
I was rejected recently by my ex boyfriend, when he told me he didnt feel the same about me anymore….What I do about it? I told him that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt love me back, but it kills me ever since… I lost the ilusion, the motivation,inside me I think it was all my fault…. I feel frustrated because I put all my effort to this man, I fall in love with him and he did the same, he told me he love me and that…, and now everything is gone D: …. I have never deal with rejection, this is my first time D:, it hurts alot …. Dont know if I should try something to bring him back, or just move forward :/
Thank you again, you are a blessing :D
The guy that rejected me, doesnt matter anymore, he cheated on me, so he´s not worth it…
Hi Matt! It’s been a while since I last left a comment on one of your videos. One of the rejections, because Lord knows there have been many, that I’ll talk about here was one that happened recently. I was finally ready to get into a relationship with this one friend who I always secretly felt had feelings for me. It took me almost two years to realize I felt the same way. We told each other how we felt about each other and then we were going to talk things over about where we stood. Unfortunately, that never happened because he realized that he there were things he had to handle in his life and including me in it would be too much. I really believed that I could be vulnerable with this guy and that I could just open myself up to him. That was tough because I was ready to put my heart on the line and include someone in my own life other than family and friends. I completely avoided him for some time and then started talking small with him once again. The most I realize now that I can part with is a friendship and I’m happy with that. I learned so much from the experience though: I now have a much better understanding of what I want in a relationship and in a man. There is a part of me that wonders still what could have happened though.
I made the stupid decision to ask someone out by text because I was too chicken to actually say it their face. I think I knew before I even sent the text, but he said that he only liked me as a friend. Men see me as someone they can only be friends with but never lovers. Anyway so I realized that he didn’t like me and got over it pretty quick, but then the same thing happened to me again later. It was with a different guy but I got friend-zoned again! I’m now learning from your videos what I need to do to become more of a girl who guys will love and not just like. Your tips have been so helpful. Well hope you have a grand new and can’t wait to see more videos.
xx
I managed to be rejected 5 times in the last year and for every time it felt better and better. Not because I didnt like the guys, i really did. Everytime I took a chance on love I opened up myself and I let myself be vunarable. And eventhough nothing really came out of me being honest at those times I could feel myself grow stronger and not taking the rejection as personal as I have in the past. They didnt say no to me because Im not worth it as a person. They said no because of their lack of understanding of what I have to offer as a person, Or because what we wanted in life was different. Being honest about my feelings helped me save time. It helped me invest time in where It should be invested- in me and in people around me that appriciated in ways that these men wasnt open to do. Thanks for this challenege Matthew. This is something I believe in alot. Ive been rejected more times this year than ever before but life has also never been better. Every rejection is less time spent on the wrong man and one step closer to being able to meet the one that will be worth it all.
Thank you for sharing, that was inspiring and good to hear :)
Well. I was rejected with the guy who supposed to leave country to another one and didn’t went (because of work, etc, etc) BUT NOW he’s dating someone else and then I turned to be in a “very special dearest good friend”…I don’t know how I ended up that way…but that’s the situation…and he hasn’t called back again.
Even if I’m a “good friend”.
Thank you for the tips. :) I’ll apply them.
Lourdes.
Last year, I met a guy on Halloween night at a party. We chatted, got to know a little bit about each other and I (at least) became quite attracted to him. He ended up coming over to my place and we talked more, and we soon became tired (it was around 2am) so he left with a kiss goodnight. A few days later, (we exchanged numbers) I texted him asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch. No response! Till this day, I still can’t figure out what went wrong! We had similar interests, he left with just a kiss (which is how it should be on the first “date”). I’ve never felt more rejected! I still see him around on campus, and only once did he say hi – but otherwise it has been awkward! I actually ended up seeing him at a party about a month after Halloween, and I went up to ask him to dance, and he literally pulled out his phone and started texting… not even a “no”! That’s when I realized this guy is not worth my time.
Hmmm very recently rejected….I met this guy on my birthday – drop deal gorgeous, an A&F model. We instantly hit it off, he later texted my friend who had invited him that i was beautiful, smart, charismatic etc, He started talking on the phone, he was like ‘I haven’t felt this way in a very loong time’ was counting the hours to our date. Our chemistry was electric. And then last minute he calls to reschedule – I was hurt, told him I’ve never been ditched before and its not a good feeling. We had become fb friends, I wanted to delete him, but he’s still a friend. I have chosen to take the higher road. I have had two really cute guys ask me out since then and I’m gone out, but my heart still secretly longs for him. I’d posted pics from NYE with a hot guy and I saw him post status after that like ‘Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart’ etc I wonder if it’s directed to me.
My sense of value and worth doesn’t come from him, so I’m still thankful for how my heart had come soooo alive, even if for a brief moment in time….
There are two instances that stick out for me:
One a guy rejected me because I called him out on fliting with a waitress.
The other was when a guy rejected me just because I told him that I didn’t drink!
I am a full time college student surrounded by guys who pretty much just want to party hard/no commitment. I was on winter break last year and felt like sparking a conversation on facebook with this guy that does choir with me at school and we ended up hitting it off and started texting everyday. Mind you, we really had never talked in choir in person in the past. but we just started texting daily and i was just so into him and he was definitely into me too, he made it blatantly obvious. so we were all excited to go back to school for the new semester and hang out which we did. we had a thing for like a week maybe two then all of a sudden he stopped trying to contact me and i was pretty upset. so i finally asked him what the deal was and he basically said “i know, i’m sorry, it was just different dynamic face to face.” I was heartbroken because i really thought we had hit it off after actually hanging out in person. That was a pretty big rejection and i still feel like i’m always being rejected by him because he’ll be all charming to me but nothing will ever happen. rejection sucks!!!! but you now have me looking at it in a different way. my friend and i have been using your advice constantly lately. thank you for everything!!!
How can any girl reject you :S.. my goodness… :)
Hi Matthew, great video. I recently got rejected (I think). I had a crush on my good friend since college but he never shows any interest in me or anyone else. However, he told me that out of all the people he met from college, i’m the only one he still talks too. So I confessed and ask him if we’re reaching 30 and stable, would there be a chance we can go out. I thought that was a hint. Then he wrote back and told me “patient is virtue and I have faith we’ll find our way without rushing into any set condition. live day by day with the flow”
I know in my heart that is a “no”, doesn’t matter how he try to word it nicely. But I’m glad I did ask. Because now I know that i can stop wondering what could have been.
I know I’m not the expert but to me that doesn’t sound like a no. Matt what do you think?
I don’t think that’s a ‘no.’ It’s a ‘not ready to make that kind of decision.’ Check out Matt’s video on youtube about the Friendzone and think about whether it applies to you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9k-sl59e8w
Hello Matthew, my name is Emily. I’m eighteen and I won’t lie, I’m fairly new to relationships. I have, on the other hand, taken your advise from day one and I’ve found a guy that is very interested in me. I have been in relationships before and lost them all by allowing them to rush into things too quickly. I like to take things slowly and I remember in one of your messages that you told us to take it by our own pace. I am now taking your tips and putting them to good use (and when you say that it can work in a week you’re right!)! Thank you for the advise so far, and I hope this friendship blossoms into a beautiful relationship down the road.
As for the bad breakups… I can only think of one. I was dating a young man who I thought was my everything. It was quite honestly that “first love” kind of partnership. We had been together for six months and we “loved” each other… or at least that’s what I was led to believe. He told me that he loved me and then out of the blue he started ignoring me. He rejected my calls, didn’t message me back, and avoided me at all costs. I left him one message asking him to please explain this odd rejection that he was pulling out of the blue and he responded with “Ask Carlie.” My first reaction was… ‘…okay… he’s cheating on me with Carlie, or he’s committed a crime and doesn’t want me to know about it’; being the stubborn girl that I am I waited… and waited… and waited. Finally, after three weeks of crying myself to sleep and allowing myself to think of sooo many possible things that he could have done to betray me, I called up Carlie and just begged her to tell me what was going on. I didn’t ask her about the possibility of a secret relationship just, “what’s going on?” She explained to me that he had been talking to another person behind my back. I was crushed. The entire time she was explaining the situation to me I was thinking, “who is this girl??” After what seemed like an eternity she told me that this person lived on the other side of the world. After a few more questions she said, “the name is Uros.” He had dumped me *without even telling me about it* and started dating “the MAN of his dreams” from halfway around the world. That’s right… I got dumped for a man that lived in Ukraine. I confronted him about it the next day and told him if it wasn’t meant to be he could have confronted me and not used my friends. Who in the world used a girls’ friend to break up with her?? I would have rather him tell me than make me believe he was cheating. … that’s the worst that I have. Right now I’m living life to the fullest, enjoying the presence of my best friends, my Senior Year, and my soon to be graduation. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to your next message and reply! :)
Emily, my name is Jill and I have had quite a few friends who have gone through this same thing personally I have not and have to admit for me it would be a relief. It’s one thing when it’s another girl but when he’s into dudes it’s kind of hard to compete. So glad you have such a wonderful outlook on life:)
Jill, I know! I don’t blame him though… the guy was pretty attractive. I just wish he wouldn’t have been such a snake in the grass about it. My theory is, “let it be”… like the song. :) If it wasn’t meant to be, let it be. I know people come and go, but I try to keep a little part of them all with me and I tend to stay friends with my exes. He and I are best friends now, and I couldn’t ask for more, he’s happy now and I’m happy now.
My most recent rejection was with this guy that I met at a debate tournament in long beach. We were both in the team and I just transferred to that school. Any who we starting talking right away and we had the best friendship. He wanted to know everything about me. and during the time my boyfriend and I were having mis-communication problems and we were both quite angry with each other especially since he went to New York for three months while I was still in California so we couldn’t see each other to work our problems out. So eventually since this guy clearly had feelings for me I decided to break up with my boyfriend and go with the new guy. For about a month it was flying and cool he took me out on a couple dates than I started hearing some very bad things about his reputation which worried me so I talked to him about it. He didn’t deny any of them and he told me the truth on what happened and why he did it. So I thought that since he was being honest we got a closer connection. Than for about a week he completely ignored me and treated me like just a friend and I played along with it after he decided to get flirty again and I simply didn’t care for it so he stopped talking to me than I felt like I made a mistake so I called to see if he was free to talk and he said no and the next time I saw him he was with another girl. It stung for a little while but I got over it pretty easily since I wasn’t invested to deep anyways. I did learn tho with my boyfriend and him that I shouldn’t be to hasty to make quick assumptions about people based off of what i heard. A month later me and my boyfriend finally talked out everything and we started dating again, since its been a few years together we decided to try again and we’ve been a lot more understanding of each other and we actually listen more than just argue before actually analyzing the situation so I’m pretty glad that all happened. One thing I always think about after a rejection and even a break up is what I can take from the relationship or fling that’ll prepare me for the next one so i cant say I regret any of it. :)
MY complicated recent Rejection: I was taking a language course and on the last week I met an awesome, confident guy named Tim. Tim seemed to be very flirty with some of the other women, but I took Matthew’s advice and took control of the situation. I asked him to sit next to me and we started to talk more and more during the week. As the course ended we kept in touch through text messages and facebook. Tim seemed perfect and finally told me that he felt attraction for me. I pretended to give myself more value (and i was scared that he had many women) and said that maybe we should stay friends. However the more I thought about the situation the more I realized that he might be the one. So, the next day I confessed my real feelings but there was no real response. Maybe he thought that I was playing with him, but our conversations shortened and his replies became more delayed. Later I confronted him about this and told him that this situation made me upset. He later did not talk to me for roughly a week and later asked me if I still liked him, when I replied no out of disappointment of the course of the relationship and humiliation (although it was a lie) our conversations ended and he found a girlfriend with in the next week. My peers tell me that he was a player and is not very committed, but sometimes I still think about him and find myself doing things for him (as in trying to appear better -working out, finding clothes he might like…) This happened about a month ago and today I feel loads better, but am still confused.
I guess I won’t talk about recent rejection, but the worst one. There was this guy who was my best friend and who, for some time I was completely certain he was the love of my life.
Things were complicated cause he had a girlfriend, who was abroad at the time and a lot of things started happening between us. Ok, it was wrong, but it hurt all the same when he decided to get back together with her.
I am still not quite over that even though it’s been two years. But this is a new year and I am feeling totally diferent towards my love life, thanks to you Matthew. Have a great year you too!
Happy new year Matt! Keep up the good work handsome xx :)
Me and this guy met through a friend. I wanted to sing for a show and needed an instrumentalist (I hate it when there’s a pre-recorded CD in the background), so my friend suggested a guy she knew that played piano. I instantly took a liking to him. Soon enough he asked one of my close friends out, who knew I liked him, and she said yes… and then took me dress shopping with her for the date. After not even a month this friend of mine made the excuse that she had to get her priorities (work and school) straight and wanted to leave this guy, who I had now become best friends with. Within a week, she was with another guy. A few months passed and I decided to tell this guy that I was interested in him. He barely said anything but an awkward “Oh..”. So that’s my story of rejection, if you can call it that. We’re still best friends.
I guess it’s just not meant to be. I’m hoping to start this year on a new fresh foot. He’s still my best friend and I hope he always will be, but I’m not going to wait around for something I know isn’t going to happen. I think this year instead of focusing on my love life I’m going to try and focus on doing things I enjoy. If I get lucky along the way, great, if not, I’ve still got time to make things work. I really shouldn’t be too worried about getting into a relationship. Just in case anyone is wondering, I’m 18 so I have LOTS of time. Good luck to you all and I wish you all the best in your love lifes for 2013. Most of all, I hope that you all make some good mistakes!
Happy New Year Matthew,
Thank-you for the tips, I have all these resolve to make in 2013 but I haven’t really done anything different to what I would normally do yet…. How will the results be different? Keyword YET..
Rejection ah good old rejections I love the angle that you have taken on rejection, but I don’t think taking rejections well is as simple as that, sometimes you are in relationship or in persuit and you hit the wall, its not going anywhere, other areas of your life are solid, you get mad, hate on him with the girls & couple of drinks. You move on its fine. Then there are other times of your life where other areas of your life not so great but relations they are great, the happiness, the connection, the joys then BAM. It’s over!!! It started with “I wanna go to Australia but we can stay in touch” which became… well it became nothing. It ended. Why end something so great? V painful experience, which left me struggling to piece my life back together. It literally feels like starting from ground zero. You look at yourself you wanna make changes so that next time it will be so much better, but inside well lets just say my heart just not in it. It is hard to keep going/ motivated. It has been 9 months since and it still feels raw. Aaragh!!!!
I had met a guy I really liked, after a few years of being out of a serious relationship. I decided to take a chance and asked him out on a date – things went considerably well. We went on a few more dates after that, and I was quite pleased with myself since I normally am hesitant to take chances! When things started to get a little more serious he told me over coffee that he wanted to keep seeing me, but not actually “see me”.
I haven’t heard from him or spoken to him since.
I don’t regret though, if I never took the chance, I would’ve never gained the confidence to take more chances! You give great advice, thank you for sharing it!