Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.
Hi Matt, rejection has always been my nemesis. In order to make rejection my friend i will have to become even more confident so that my ego will have a level playing field.:)
The first rejection that came to mind was when I went dancing with some people new friends. One of the girls knew a guy at the bar so he came to say hi. I thought he was hot so when he introduced himself I think if may have exuded an extra eager greeting. It wasn’t long before I got the feeling that I was being avoided and it continued for the rest of the night. He seemed to be into the other girl anyway. I’m fine with that. What was most upsetting was that he didn’t even want to talk to after that.
Matthew, I want to thank you first for your newsletters. They’ve been a comfort to read and I learn something every time.
I am 18 and am going to college right out of high school. I have been rejected by two separate guys. I’ll start with the first.
When I was sixteen, I fell in love. Or “love” as I see it nearly three years later. This boy (let’s call him Simon) had been going out with a girl for a year. After three months of knowing me, he broke-up with her and rode his dirt bike out to my house. We talked and listened to the radio for the longest time. Then he kissed me and he told me he loved me. Enough said there. Fast-forward a year and he had broken up with me a good dozen times, all through text. Each time he came back, and each time I accepted him. By the last time he had rejected me, I had an interesting collection of information. Simon had been messing around with my best friend (at the time), a girl who was dating his best friend. For months, when Simon would come to visit me, he would make stops at houses of other girls and get “attention” from them. The reason I “got the message” the last time was because he had his best friend (yes, the same one mentioned earlier) curse at me and told me to basically get passed it. And I have. I wish it hadn’t happened, but at the same time I’m glad. I have grown a lot since and have become smarter, pickier. I don’t want to go out with a guy just to feel wanted; I want to go out with him because I want him, too. My relationship with Simon was the longest relationship I’ve ever had, and the only real one. In short, he was my first and only everything. I haven’t been kissed since.
Last summer I spent at an art program. The first person I met was a guy in the film department. The next four weeks were spent doing my work, making new friends, and seeing this guy every day. The film department would have viewings of films, and even if he knew our schedules conflicted, he always invited me. Whenever we had free time, there was a good chance we could be found together. This stood true even after he told me he had a girlfriend and never had feelings for me that way at the end of week one. I can’t tell you how long I spent bitching to my roommates about it that night. But I got past it and kept in mind we were just friends. I could have hated him for making a clear move while having a girlfriend, but he told me how things were, and that much I could respect. Still, though, my roommates said he was clearly flirting with me, but I ignored them, even when I was dancing with a friend and he cut in, I still ignored them. It wasn’t until the day after the program was over and all had gone home that he text me, telling me he had broken up with his girlfriend and missed me; he confessed he had always had feelings for me. Long story short, he said he would make the three hour drive to see me, never did, and got a girlfriend, someone who went to the same program. They’re still together, and though I don’t feel that way for him anymore, I still loathe their Facebook updates. So I let go of the one guy I felt a connection to since Simon.
It’s a New Year and, as custom, I came into it alone. I never know when a guy is flirting with me and haven’t gotten a guy I wanted to ask me out since “Simon”. With your help, Matt, I would like to change that.
Happy New Year, all.
Hmm.. I don’t know if this is rejection per say or if it’s just me. I’m a 26 year old student likes her 33 year old professor. In the beginning he e seemed to be friendly with me as in he would find a reason to talk to me and once he asked me if I need someone to talk to, I can always see him in his office. He would sometimes stare at me in class. Hmm.. few weeks ago he began to change, it just seems like he became irritated with me. He started avoiding talking to me. I sent him an email asking him for help on my assignment (I genuinely needed the help) and he replied back rudely.. I got the impression that he does not want to be bothered. He told me to pass by if what i wanted to ask him was very urgent so I went to his office the next day at the specified hour only to find out that he went home. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. What changed? Maybe I mistook his friendliness for something else.
Rejection:
This happen a 3x years ago. I was not having a good day I nervous of serious situation I was going thru at the time. Well I went to work of course thinking of my situation I notice this guy in my check line that was quite handsome I thought he caught me checking him out literally. Well we could take our eyes of each other. Every time I was checking another customer out of my line he is staring at me but would not crack a smile as soon as he got closer like 2 customers away he cracked a HUGE SMILE. I knew the guy but my mind could not put the finger on it. Then I realize who it was. He burned a cell in my brain that was sooooooo strong I could get this guy out of my head. 2 months went by I did not see him so I picked up the phone and asked this guy out for a drink he said NO! he was attached ( I believe it was fabrication because he responsed with an um first and also took him a few minutes to come up with something. Yes he listen to me but he got a little upset and a MALE Friend suggested that I don’t approach him again let him come to me. That what I did but he NEVER came back to my line after that but he was alway watching me, primping himself when he walk past me. His body language will alway speaks volumes. But he never came over why! He stop coming in the store 8 months before he relocated to another state for a job. I notice he stop coming in a few my seeds stated the same thing they have not seen him he keeping low profile. When I did see him he was by himself.. After he left town someone told me that his pad was filthy and the stove was a mess. They were totally shocked because he is so well dress in the public eye he was soooooo POLISHED NEAT AND PUT TOGATHER NICELY…
Dear Matt! Hi, I have been in a realationship with someone who told me that i just want you for sex! he broke my heart! you know it is forbidden in my religion and my country to have sex before marriage! i really like him and have feelings for him but he just want sex and fun. what shall i do?
What do you do? You RUN. As far as you can. Run far, run fast, and run now! This guy isn’t interested in you. He’s probably not even interested in your body. He’s interested in pleasing only himself no matter the cost and NO woman should EVER accept that. You are worth SO much more! If you need to do something, take care of someone who’s struggling more than you. Look outside yourself for opportunities to lift others around you. As you offer a hand to someone in greater need than you, your own pain will be lifted and you will find joy – real, lasting joy – in spite of any rejection.
Hi Mathew,
I have been working with this guy at my job for over a year now. always flirting, and high-five me looking for reasons to be near me. some times he is very chatty and the next hour he won’t even talk to me. today when I got to work he smiled and said hows it going. this has been going on for so long now my friends think I shoul wait and see what
happens.what do you think?
Heidi
You have two choices. First ask him why he keeps staring at you, ask is it because he finds you so groundouts and has he ever seen anything like you in the world! Secomdly IGNORE HIM. Find someone else to flirt with, go to lunch with.
Hi Matthew
I must say that you are looking good and can’t believe that anyone has rejected you! Anyway I’ve been rejected recently. I go salsa dancing and the etiquette on the dance floor is that if anyone asks you to dance then you dance with them after the dance you say thank you and move on. I asked a guy to dance and he said no, I was a bit shocked as I was with a guy (a friend). He told me not to worry and led me away! When I go dacning I want to dance but some guys just stand there obviously eyeing up the talent so I don’t get asked to dance a lot! :( What are the tips for me to look as I want to dance and have a laugh but nothing else ? Ann
I guess you can say… I did the rejection before he could. Things were getting a little flirty with this guy at work. I would catch him staring at me alot. And he had no problem talking to me out of the blue. A lot of flirting on his half. Things were getting too emotional on my behalf. I transferred to another location. Mainly because I was scared of my feelings I had for him. I go back to this location every once and a while (to see my friends) and I would catch him staring at me again. But he would never come up to me and talk. I want to talk to him but I get scared of my feelings ( and I guess of the thought he might reject me now) so, I end up leaving without talking to him…then hate myself later.
I’ve been dating a guy for 1,5 months, we committed since then for one more month and it became less and less fun (I was panicking most of the time, trying to use the get the guy techniques though :S) and we had a ‘serious’ talk but both of us were so nervous that we didn’t really really talk, but still decided to carry on the relationship and 2 days later he cheated on me. He texts me 2 days before new years eve saying he didn’t ‘behave’ at the Christmas party he was at. And later we spoke on the phone and he said maybe he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Of course I said: you could have told me that earlier jerk. I was sad and angry, we texted back and forth, (both sending angry messages) and later he said that if I wanted to talk about it, we could meet up. But I didn’t I was just too sad and it wouldn’t change the facts anyway (plus all my friends said “don’t do it, he’ll only hurt you more or try to carry on with you, but you cannot accept”). So didn’t see him since then (kind of regret it because there are a tons of things I’d like to know, but it’s been 9 days now). It feels weird because I wasn’t so sure about him and that’s why I didn’t sleep with him at all, I wasn’t my best self in the later stages because I grew very insecure (he has a way better and active life than I do at the moment- I don’t even have a job…) and I wanted to break up a couple of times, but still I stayed, because he is handsome and attractive and intelligent and I wanted this to work. Even though I wasn’t madly in love I felt heartbroken when he’d cheated because that means he didn’t respect me. Plus when we sent each other angry texts he said: “You can’t blame me for not being in love with you” auch.. well I wasn’t in love with him either, but that was fine with me, because I’m afraid to fall in love. I’m afraid to get hurt and now it happened anyway. So this was my rejection. Any words of advice for the futur? Or how to deal with this? I miss him and I wish I’d meet up with him so I knew why he cheated, I don’t want this to ever happen again. Is it too late to call him and meet up?
plus he wasn’t just handsome, he also put effort into the relationship, cooked for me 3 times, took me out on fun dates (in the beginning). But later he stopped calling (even when I was sick for 3 weeks! But we’d still meet up once a week. I told him I’d love for him to call me more, but he didn’t. He later said that he doensn’t want to be pressured and meet my expectations.
why didn’t u spend the new years with him??!!!! u were together… u were in relation, why didn’t u spend the night with him and had fun and went to the party together!!
am afriad u didn’t “fully filled” him with u… so he had fun somewhere else :/
Well……actually I was with this guy for sumtime..l.but this got a little rough. I wasn’t reli attracted to him after sumtime…..but now I realise tat all i reli want is him to b by my side n for him to b with me through thick n thin…..I was so stupid to not realise tat before.n I have no idea on how to tell him bout my feelings towards him coz I’m scared that he might reject me.
Hey Matt,
thanks for all your posts, really enjoy them.
i experienced rejection not so long ago. i met a guy on the net, we hit it off til we met in person. i was intimidated by him and it made the date kind’ve awkward. i’ve had a difficult time overcoming this as i blame myself for not being the bubbly, talkative person that i usually am. i have all these questions in my mind. was he not attracted to me in person, did i bore him to death?! we not on bad terms or anything, but i would’ve obviously liked for a happy ending. im doing my best to just do me…im feeling so uninspired…
The ultimate rejection – about 8 years ago, the man I was in love with, wanted to marry, and have a family with got a vasectomy. It goes without saying that I was devastated, and in a way, I still am. It took me a very long time to get myself free of him. And even though I did finally let him go completely about 8 months ago, I still think about him daily. I kept thinking he would see how wonderful I really am, and he would change his mind. I’m almost 45 now, and now I will never have a child. Rejection: the gift that keeps on giving. Forever.
Hey Matthew!!
I’m 15 years old right now and I have my real crush for the 1st time. Sure, I liked boys before but it was never this serious. So, he is a senior and his name is also Matthew, and he is leaving this year. I hope something will happen but I know it won’t, so I’m getting rejected everyday a little bit but thanks on this video, I hope I’ll survive untill he’s gone :D Greethings from Croatia! xx
I’m 16 years old and I had my heart broken this last summer. I met this boy at a poetry read I was doing with my school, I was nervous and he came up to me and asked if I was ok. We started talking and walking and before I knew it I was falling for him. After I did my read he told me I was amazing and lots of other sweet cheesy lines followed. He never officially asked me out on a date but we hung out all the time, we were atracted to eacth other. I was hesitant about the love thing, maybe I just knew. But I would occassionally ask him, if he meant it when he would say “I love you forever.” He asked me to trust him, and I stupidly did. I trusted him with my heart and he threw it back to me over a telephone line “We need to just be frineds.” I was devestated. Later I found out he was using me and another of my friends to cheat on his long time girlfriend. Three months later, his girlfriend and him each send me a message announcing they’re engaged. he is 19 and she is 16. Well yesterday he calls me and says he just needs a friend, things aren’t working the way he thought they would with Lexi (Girlfriend he cheated on). I listened. He asked for advice on his relationship. Is it wrong that that really hurt? Is it wrong that I’m still not totally over him? Why does my heart still skip a beat when I see a message from him on my phone? I’m really not sure what to do. I know not to trust him anymore, but being the manipulative person he is it always starts with “I just need a friend.” Am I being an awful person, if I were to say “Find one somewhere else.”?
The other thing, when he called me I told him we needed to meet and talk in person. I asked him if there was someone else… I’ve never felt so worthless or used as when he nodded and said “yes there is.” Did I do something wrong? Was I not good enough?
It only got worse when I realized he’d been cheating with me. I feel like a horrible person, because I didn’t have all the facts.
Any way, bottom line is he hurt me, and a close friend of mine in the same way, and he’s still playing with my emotions, so yeah, I’d say that’s regection. At least my run in with it.
Any advice on how I should handle the situation would be welcome. I’m lost, confused and hurting. So please, any words of wisdom would be welcome.
. There Are loads of things you can do and spend your time thinking about than boys. Life belive it or not is far too short to be wasting your time musing over someone who is not into you – move on. Find a hobby and immerse your self init. Get to know you, your likes and dislikes. Love yourself. Go,to,the gym. Love your family. – he will come one day but don’t wait around for it. Keep busy.
hey korrin,
aaawwww, i can imagine you feel lost n totally awfull, but even if i m just a stranger, let me tell you something: this will pass sooo sooo quick..
STOP blaiming yourself for what happened and, most important, stop thinking about it!!
you are 16 now, so just “be happy” you learned that “game” already, this gonna save you from lots of tears in future..
just dont think bout it as rejection or anything, just see it as a lesson in life..its not your fault, he probably is doing this with many other girls, and if it wouldnt had been you, it would ve been someone else..
so stop thinkin it has anything to do with you, as its simply not your fault..
but you know what is your fault/responsibility: to think this guy wants be your friend and still talkin to him.
seriously, he is making you feel shit! and you are wasting your time, by listenin to his stories, on how things not work out with his girl.
(to check how much he cares bout you, try the following trick: call him really late in evenin,or some weird unconvenient time, say your bike broke on way home(or whatever “emergency”), you re other side of town and really need a friend to come pick you up n drive you home..or somethin like that, i think u get the point here..).
i had countless guys trying to get me into cheating on their girlfriends/wifes and all tell more or less the same story, they tell you how bad things goes with their gf, they tell you how misunderstood they feel, they kinda try to make you feel special, as if you would be the one, who actually understands them, its like a lil carrot they keep dangling infront of your nose, to give you the hope, they might break up n come together with you..but this never ever happens, they just do it to keep you warm, for the case their girlfriend gonna dump them, or for the case they just wanna sleep with you again..
seriously girl, stop worryin , stop thinkin about him, stop anwsering his mails..you know, the best advice someone gave me once is: BEST REVENGE ON AN EX IS, IF YOU ARE FEELING FABULOUS N AMAZIN N HAPPY.. :)
You said the following: “I’m really not sure what to do. I know not to trust him anymore, but being the manipulative person he is it always starts with “I just need a friend.” Am I being an awful person, if I were to say “Find one somewhere else.”?”
My answer: NO!! You are not an awful person for choosing to stay clear of someone who is only using you. Matthew talks about “high value” and you are!! But you have to see it in yourself. You are complete all on your own. Your life can be fun, joyful, and fulfilling even if you’re single! You make the rules. You get to decide each day to be happy! You have the power to make your life exactly what you want it to be. Don’t wait around for someone else to fill a void you feel inside. Reach out to others around you whose challenges may be greater than your own, do the things that lift your heart, refine your talents, strengthen your weaknesses. These are things you can change. You can’t change someone else. You can only change you.
Dear Matt, Thank you for the video! x
I got betrayed by my ex boyfriend of 3 yrs before he finally left me with other women and girls. There was alot of tenderness for each other, but I didnt trust him and ended badly. It was painful. We took time apart to move on. I miss him, i’ll keep in touch with him through messages casually. He’s attached but doesn’t love his current girlfriend. It’s been a year, I feel stuck and rejected, maybe its my imagination but i don’t think love is over btwn us. I hope to bring back trust, have a gd time with him and feel attractive again. At the same time, I do want to start this year fresh, to know what i want and to pursue it with joy and self confidence. What do you think and how should I deal with this situation? :)
I believe everyone deserves better. And it’s really not difficult for anyone to get attached. But the way to seek self confidence by a woman may be a little different than most men do. I want to be valuable and be exclusive esp being a woman. I really want to fall in love like a child, boldly again this year! Easy to say, not sure which way to go. Ive been thinking hard…!
dear jolie, i have to reply to your post,as it really hurts me to even read this..
sweetheart, this guy betrayed you and now he is with a girl, who he doesnt love(i doubt he tells her in the face, he doesnt love her)..
i mean, come on, what does it say bout him? what kinda person is he?
he aint honest, he doesnt value other people much, he probably isnt even a very happy human beeing, otherwise he would not be in a relationsship with somene he doesnt love..
sweety, please, i dont know you, but i beg you, forget this guy! you want to be with someone honest and nice and someone, who has good values!! its a new year, spring is coming soon and there is plenty of amazin funny cool guys, who you could date n go for icecream and walks n movies..isnt this more exciting , then waiting for a cheater to dump his girlfriend…you have only one life, make the most out of it!!! otherwise one day, when you re 80 and look back, you totally regret how much time u wasted..love should be fun!! it should not hurt!! all m best wishes for you!! stay strong and before wastin time thinkin bout him, go out n buy new shoes or lipstick or somethin that makes you feel sexy ;)
Thanks VIC. You will never believe how silly it is for me, to let go of other opportunities, desired by other suitors who were very attractive and attracted to me. The hurt received makes me disoriented. It is unbelievable for one man who has won me over with his lies. This message (im grateful to) from you who do not know me, has to knock me out of my senses. I realize it is not only a woman with a complete life is attractive, she has to feel confident within, stronger to reject what’s not right and stand by it. It’s a new year, and it’s great to receive your message! Thank you very much.
I’ve been rejected a few times now but it always seems to be in the same way. A guy will start to take interest in me and start flirting. I usually don’t have any feelings for them at first but as soon as their charm works and I think we might have something going, they change their minds and pretend nothing happened. I don’t believe this is me getting my signals wrong, especially because friends of these guys will tell me that he is interested.
Has anyone else been through this kind of scenario?
this exact thing seems to happen to me time and time again… it starts out that im the one who is perhaps a little unsure, a little hesitant or perhaps not even attracted to the other guy.. yet he is the one who takes the time to win me over, or starts talking to me, starts showing interest, and i begin to feel there is real potential. i get to the point where im ready to let the relationship unfold as it will, and right about that time, the guy calls it off. this is what happened to me this past september, and to some extent just this past New Years eve. … so believe me, you are definitely not the only one. it sucks tho, and im struggling to understand this painful pattern myself.
That is the best advise i heard for a long time, on to accept rejection and how to learn to cope with it, I was rejected few years ago by my best friend whom i fall for,it was a painful experience but i guess i learned how not to take things personally, people are people and human beings and we cant control others but only our action and reaction.
Thank you
lots of best wishes to you
Hi Matt,
Thanks for the tips! they are great.
Okay, So I’ve been (sort of) rejected two days ago. I met a quy at a new years party. I was very atracted to him, even though he wasn’t realy my type of guy.
So, we just decided to have fun just that night. I don’t usually do this often, but it can be fun when both people are expecting the same thing.
The next morning I left after breakfast, I didn’t give my number, neither did he.
Two days ago I got a text. Apperently he got my phone number via a mutual friend. The message said that i should expect anything from him, and that we should make a big deal about it.
Huh!? that was sort of allready the plan.
I know it is ridiculous, but I was totaly offended by this. It feels like a rejection some how. Maybe it is just my ego that got a little scratch. :)
Perhaps it is not a real rejection, but I thought it might be a good addition to the list.
Warm wishes! Sophie
For me the possibility and hope of what may happen or the excitement of a new journey in my life far outweighs any possible rejection. I would rather know and move on then wonder what may have been. I have never had any problem putting myself out there because the worst outcome is a ‘no’ and the best outcome can be amazing. I think the problem exists when you invest a lot of time and yourself into someone. At that point rejection can be difficult and feel very personal. But remember….as one door closes another one opens. This may be a digression, but I am Canadian and as Justin Beiber says in one of his songs…’there are 7 billion people in the world’. When I get discouraged I just think about that statistic! Isn’t it wonderful!!!! (my problem is knowing when a relationship is not right for me and when to move on…I don’t know what is realistic to expect from a partner)