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4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • A couple of weeks ago, in my attempt to clarify a confusing situation with a guy, I set up a date with this guy. He canceled the day before when I’ve already told my friends we were going with them, ice skating. He asked me if it was really that important. Well that shows how NOT into me he was! I still went ice skating, had a great time with friends I haven’t seen in about a year. Afterwards I went to watch The Hobbit in 3D by myself (everyone else from the skating party wanted to see Les Mis), which cheered me up.

  • I went to meet this guy to where he lives (I live in Spain he lives in Portugal) and once I got there he told me a series of different excuses like that she had a girlfriend who didn’t want us to meet and stuff which I never believed. Then he talked to me to wish me a happy new year( we hadn’t talked since the “incident”) and of course I told him I was still mad at him but he responded saying that I had invented the girlfriend excuse and that it was impossible for us to meet that day and that he really regrets it. What am I supposed to do? continue talking to him or just leave him alone? HELP!


    1. Forget about him. Remember to value yourself!!! Too many times we do things to make a guy vote for us…when we should be voting for ourselves!! Move on and find someone who votes for you too! :)

  • This autumn I met a sexy guy that I dated for about a month. My friend had warned me about his past, even told me about his recent break up, but I decided to give him a chance anyway.
    For our first date he took me to watch a fotball match with his friends. None of us payed attention and we ended up leaving without knowing the results of his favorite team :) As he drove me home we discussed how tragic it is when x´s get back together, knowing it didn’t work out the first time, when there are so many people that could be right. And also how it´s better to be alone, than with the wrong person. He convinced me he was over his x as he kissed me goodnight :)
    The day after he called and we had the sweetest conversation, and within the first week I had told him that I wanted something real, special and serious.
    Two weeks later I invited him to a party. We had a blast and he kept reminding me how beautiful he found me when I danced. And when we kissed everything felt right.
    But after this he started to show some bad qualities and I started to question the whole guy. He asked me on dates and cancelled an hour before etc…
    A week after this he called to let me know he was back together with his x. I told him congratulations, and that I hoped it would work out this time.

    Even though I knew in my heart that it was his loss, and that our values were different, it still hurt when it ended. If I´m honest with myself I felt rejected.
    I guess I just need to learn how to not confuse the chemistry with the guy being special :) Because values are so important if it´s going to last!

  • i dunno if that is rejection or that i fell for the (i’m not ready to commit) type a guy. we were attached since 3 years now… whenever the talk come about a relationship or something serious between us, he say that ‘m the best girl he has ever met and he’s not ready, we are friends.
    and stupid idiot me i keep on the contact although that crap he says.
    he is not rejecting me, he is so nice and caring…
    but i want him in relation, he is not my friend inside me, i do wanna marry him. :D


  • It takes a lot for me to really like a guy enough to agree to be his girlfriend…but last Summer, I finally met a guy who was very confident, hot, really fun and funny. I thought he was perfect. He would write me sweet poems, and even told me that he loved me. I tried not to believe it all too much in the beginning, because he was a stripper, and the smooth-talking playboy type. But after a few weeks, I gave in, and believed it all, and thought that I was in love with him! One morning, I stopped by his house to see if he wanted to grab breakfast with me, and a little dog started yapping when I rang the door bell, and he never answered. He doesn’t have a dog, so I thought it was strange. Later I found out that he was also dating his ex and was trying to date both of us at the same time! Me and his ex started talking, and found out that he had been sending us the same sappy love poems, and making up lies about where he was at when he was hanging out with the other one. We both dumped him, but this was the most rejected I’ve ever felt. It was horrible, and I didn’t really know how to deal with it!

  • Happy new year!

    Before Christmas i was dating a guy and it was great. He seemed to be in the place where he was looking for a serious relationship. Being the right place in his life. He was 40 years old and a doctor. I really fell in love but there was something i couldn’t put my finger on. I somehow didn’t trust him. Then after 5 great weeks out of the blue he broke up with me and i was crushed. He did this via text and i couldn’t get a hold of him. He even had the keys to my flat.
    At the time we had been dating, i had been attending get the guy online. I remenbered the session on players and i got a bad feeling about doctor no good.
    Well by not getting angry and stroking his ego I Got back in tuch with him via texts and i got him to send back my keys and then he told me he was married and had a two year old son.
    Instead of swearing of men I have decided go out there again and risk a broken hart. I mean how many do I have to go through to find mr. Right and not doctor no good ? Anyway I am ready to go through as many as it takes. The more the risk the greater the gain:)

    Thank you Matt. You have really made a difference in my life. Thanks to you I am able to see the funny side of this hart breaking experience and this is helping me to move on. I can’t waste time on the doctor no good’s in this world. I’m 36 years old I want to spend my time with mr. Right.
    Big hugs from Copenhagen.

    Helle :)

  • Hey matthew I have been talking to this guy on facebook for a while and he had shown me that he cares and wants to be with me but when he went to the usa to finish school everything changed because he used to love talking to me everyday for 5 or six hours and he told me everything about himself and his family , his past relationships I mean everything but I font know what happened now like we barely talk once a week ?? What does that mean ??? And he can’t be that busy !! But its like I love him so I can’t really just let go and move on before letting him know !! So what do you think matt of him ? Does he like me ?? And one more thing how would you feel about a girl telling a guy first that she likes him ?? Wil he freak out ? Is it worth it or should I wait ? I need your help plz :)

  • I summoned the courage to call a guy I had a crush on back in college. I was visiting friends in the town where he lives so I left him a voice mail inviting him to a drink or coffee. His voice mail said he would get back to people before the end of business, but he never returned my call.
    I am disappointed – but now I can finally stop playing the “what if?” game. I don’t regret taking the risk, and as you’ve taught us – I was not afraid to look foolish, and I chose to create instead of wait.

  • Thanks for the amazing advice. I feel like this year is going to be – and already is the most exciting one so far. You might be interested in my new year’s resolution which is not to ever let fear stop me from something I wish to do. And I really go for it. I already see big changes in my life, which is incredible how fast it can go.
    So last week-end I finally decided to clear up a situation between me and a guy, which was really awkward the last past months and called him. So here it comes up with rejection. I thought he would think more of me than a “You are quiet OK” but I have to say, I get over this pretty fast. It’s absolutely better to have things clear so now I can move on in my love life again. I hope to meet some great guys this year, great dates but also rejections – to learn from them.

  • I had a client that I had a big crush for. I had mixed signals from him. I wasn’t sure he liked me but I knew there was something. It went on for a few months. His employees insisted that he liked me but that he may be too shy so I decided to make a move on him. I went to his office one evening, he was there, alone. We talked business and then it got friendly and we had an excellent time. I finally got up to leave, he walked me to the building door and said goodbye. I took a few steps and then looked back at him. He smiled and said, “Oh how rude of me,” and reached down to shake my hand. In that moment, I went for it and kissed him in the lips. He kissed back. Kiss ended and I walked away without saying anything.

    I didn’t call or anything. He didn’t either. A couple of weeks later, I had to stop by his office to drop off some stuff. I wasn’t planning on seeing him since I didn’t know what to do or how to act, or what to say. The employee told me his boss had been expecting me. I said I had to but my client came out, walked me to his office and said that the kiss was excellent and sweet but that he was not in a position to fall in love. I said, “I thought you liked me?” he said, “yes, but I am not ready for marriage.” I said, “Ok” I left and just wondered what his problem was. I thought it was only a kiss but he was thinking marriage?!? strange. He is still my client but it is all business.

  • One recent time I was rejected was at work, I had this huge crush on a guy I worked with, and I managed to get him alone, and I told him “I have to tell you something.” And he said “What?” and I said, “Just that-I like you.” And he said in a joking, teasing way “We’ve been through this!” And I said, “Well, I know, but it was two years ago and I thought you might’ve forgotten.” And he didn’t really say anything. Keep in mind this is a guy with a girlfriend, but I believe that you should always speak your mind, and tell people how you feel, because we only have one life. I had already told him I liked him two years ago, and he didn’t say anything in response. So I took that to be a rejection. And this was a second rejection as well. I’m still kind of bummed about it, since I think we’re kindred spirits, but I’ve gone on with my life and been interested in other guys.

    1. Also, I should mention I was pretty good friends with this guy, at work at least, and I worked with him for about 3 or 4 years.

  • I was rejected when I (embarrassedly) went to my ex-boyfriend’s house as a surprise visit and his then girlfriend was already on her way to his house. I mean that was four years ago and I still laugh at myself for behaving that way!

  • In the past 5 years I have personally approached 3 guys..all with the same name of Omar! LOL ! the name itself means: eloquent and gifted Speaker! needless to say… the first two Omars were younger than me and to this day we are close friends and we continue to share a lot of laughs.

    The third Omar, I was rejected by him in the most beautiful way–it didn’t even feel like a rejection-but it was a clear No (i’ve got to figure my life out etc.) He said, Zubi, you truly understand me and what I am going through, you make me laugh a lot, I am attracted to you- however I just came out of a relationship, am heartbroken and need to figure out my career path etc.

    One of the greatest things I have learned from all 3 rejections is that I know I am adored for who I am. I have learned that we have to fail forward to Success. Being rejected is obviously not fun, but after a few months… I would feel a huge sense of relief!! THANK GOODNESS those Omars rejected me !! It’s better to be told “No” early on than to be in a love fantasy forever !! You have to realize your heart is a huge investment- if someone says no to your investment…thats oOKAY- they just saved you a whole lot of time !!

    I am a very spiritual person and one of the Prayers that I keep praying is; “God Guide my footsteps to the right path..the right path to where my success lies, to where my husband is, to where exactly I need to be!”

    …In order for God To guide us… we have to be willing to take the steps forward !!!

  • Ok this is strange but it seems to have made me feel better reading all of these so I will share mine.

    I was with a guy for about three months and he didn’t want to kiss me as he wanted to take things slow. He told me that we were casually dating but that he was only dating me…later he said he will never be ready for a relationship and three weeks later he was dating someone new haha! But I viewed that as his problem not mine…despite the fact I felt unwanted for agggess I got over it. :-)

  • agh… rejection…. its a very painful but very old friend of mine :/ im visiting family in europe right now, partly to get away having been rejected right out of a job recently in LA, but rejection has followed me and been the bane of my existance for years. i won’t go through them all, b/c honestly, except for one guy in 2011, all the others i have met in the last few years have rejected me: either directly, texting me the equivalent of “thanks but no thanks”… or seeminginly interested and pursuing me and suddenly saying “oh i don’t want anything with you” or “oh well im not ready, i can’t, its not you its me” and a whole lot of other cliches that makes me sick to my stomach if i even think about it.. often though…i get a lot of indirect rejection too (disappearing) that hurts more than anything else honestly.
    the last guy was back in september… we were barely casually dating.. just getting to know eachother but seemed we had the same sense of humor, intersests, etc.. and i wasn’t even sure how into him i was but i was willing to try it out… out of nowhere , and i mean NOWHERE… the last text we shared was joking around and us laughing and goofing off…. and the next day out of the blue he just says “i don’t know i can’t explain it i just can’t do this”…
    i met a guy over new years, just over a week ago at a singles event.. older, a doctor.. and while he knows im here just temporarily, still, he took me to this new years party, showed me around the downtown NYE celebration… and we exchanged a few texts and he said how much he’d like to show me around town etc… he suddenly disappeared… no text no nothing.

    there is part of me that feels im starting to shut off to men entirely. i can’t handle it anymore.

    ive analyzed it back and forth, and alot of these rejections are radically different… but some are quite similar.. and the common denominator is always me. hence, i come to the conclusion that there is something severely wrong with me… im inherently not dateable or lacking the “relationship” gene as i call it. i have many friends, yet my last REAL relationship (that last 7 yrs) ended in 2007.

    i fell in love once since, with a sex addict/womanizer…. something i found out about well after the fact. in many ways, his “come here, go away” methods were a unqiue form of rejection that ate away at my self esteem… and it took a long time to recover.

    and yet, rejection keeps happening, and i continue losing hope that anything will ever change for me.

    it really really hurts… and im really tired of trying and putting myself out there even a little bit. i think ive lost hope. im 38 and tired of this. its demoralizing.

  • I’M SO PETRIFIED about rejection so thank you so much about these advices about it because it really helped me to open my mind!

  • So…I wanted to share a massive rejection for me was with an ex who made out i was the best girlfriend ever and we were in a good place to then end it out of the blue.. 2 days later he went on holiday and i found out he was seeing an older woman, i was 26 at that time. Not long after she fell pregnant. I was devestated..it took me 3 years to fully achknowlege what i had allowed to manifest in my life..in all that time i used time productively to work on myself..today i welcome all forms of rejection and make positive healthy choices because i see my self worth in all i do..i am currently single by choice..but am ready in 2013 to face love fearlessly. Thanks Matthew for the amazing encouragement and self worth awareness you bring to woman.. my spark has re-emerged.

  • I met a really cool guy through a mutual friend and we instantly hit it off. Within two meetings I had a massive – hearts a fluttering almost teenage crush. After a series of facebook chats and meetings including getting stuck on a mountain together on New Years Day, we finally kissed on a night out. I thought this was it, fate had dealt me an ace, finally I had found a good one – it had to be!
    Well two days of radio silence followed. My heart slowly sank until finally the guillotine fell – I got one casual text detailing how bad his hangover was after our night out. I should add a disclaimer here, he was not drunk. Burn!! Illusion shattered, wedding cancelled, mountaineering lessons for one required.

  • the feeling of rejection is one of the hardest feelings we expierience after breaking up i think. i’ve been with a guy for about 8 months and we’ve stoped seeing each other about 2 month ago. first few months have been wonderful, i had a feeling that finally he is that one i was looking for. as things happend to seem more serious i felt sometimes that my boyfriend becomes more distant and few weeks before everything ended up he seemed to pull away, saying that he’s busy so he couldn’t call or text etc.Last day we’ve seen each other he was very silent, saying just that he’s happy but feels very tired. the next day he called me as usually in the evening saying that for now he wants to stop seeing each other because he doesn’t know yet what or who he wants or when….. i was devastated… i’ve asked him to see me and talk as i didn’t want to talk out things like that by phone or via texts. he’s said that we’ll see each other soon but that has never happend. for me personally this kind of rejection is really hard and hurts so much.

  • Hi Matt!! I am Nadia your biggest fan in Egypt. Back at university there was this guy I really liked and we were supposed to go out after the midterms, (he used to give me signals that he is interested and likes me) anyway on the day we were gona go out he texts me just saying “Hi Nadia I don’t wana go out with you” I was stunned… a few weeks later I saw him and I said hi so cooly and left. I remember he was really stunned how well I took it…. turns out he was a jerk.

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