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4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • I have been rejected recently because the man wanted me only for sex but led me on to get it. So I was a victim of the ‘pump and dump’. However my rejection is really nothing compared to my friend’s recent experience.

    She had been dating her bf for 5 and a half years. Then he went abroad to spend a year in Canada. She was due to meet him in Toronto for a visit after a few months. They had planned a trip travelling around Canada when she arrived. She got off the plane after a long-haul flight and excitedly greeted him, only to be faced with a bombshell. He told her that he had fallen for another woman and that he was going to spend time with her. She tried travelling on her own but couldn’t face it and got back on a plane after a day or so.

    It was hard for her but she’s doing a lot better now. She says that that experience is going to be the making of her.

  • I’ve never been rejected by a guy as far as dating goes, but then again I’ve never actually been on a date even though I’ve been asked out before! I know there are good guys out there, its just that none of them seem to live where I do, or they are already taken, or the most frequent problem is they just want “one thing!”
    I’ve only really liked a handful of guys, and I do fear rejection, but mainly because I’m scared I will lose them as a friend. If they were important enough to catch my eye, I certainly don’t want to lose them as a friend because they got weirded out when I told them I like them, or I tried to flirt with them.:( Advice, please?!!

  • Hi Matthew,

    that was a great video to start the year! Absolutely useful

    In 2011 I received several rejections to my applications to various vet schools in the UK and Australia. It is my dream to become a veterinarian, and I was fresh out of college. I was very disheartened, but did not give up.

    Eventually I applied to Massey University in New Zealand, and had to go through a stressful, intense selection semester in the first half of 2012. After months of hard work, I finally made it into the vet programme of the university and fulfilling my longtime dream at last.

    This year will be my returning year to vet school, and there is not a day that goes by that I am thankful I did not take rejection so harshly, but embraced it and fought for my own life goals

  • Last year I was rejected from a guy I was not that keen on. We met through online dating and he was really was not my type at all, but he seemed nice and maybe someone different was exactly what I needed.
    After a few dates we went to the cinema and considering I had not be with anyone in months, when he leaned in for a kiss I didn’t stop him. And we spent a lot of the rest of the weekend together.
    3 days later he confessed to me that a female friend he had been interested in for a long time, had just let him know that she had the same feelings for him, so he couldn’t continue to see me. It was all over before it began!
    The hardest part to deal with was the actual rejection and ego beating I got from the experience and not so much the loss of him.

  • hi matthew i think right now i am about to be rejected, i cannot gather up enough courage to ask this guy about his concert the next day, whether he really put me on the guestlist as he promised and..actually am quite scared to go to the concert as such since.. we havent seen each other for two months, the last time we saw each other he kind of tried to kiss me but i never saw that potencial in him since he is quite older than i am, and automatically probably from being afraid i just gave him a kiss on the cheek. since then we have been chatting a bit and i really started to see him in that light but i dont know how to decently signal it and it seems as if he is okay with being just friends.. so tomorrow we are about to see each other (if i dont back out..) but there will be tons of his friends and i dont think we are going to spend more than few minutes together but.. i still feel kind of pressure i put on myself since i havent seen him for so long and dont quite know how to act, everything just seems like i am going to fail and be boring or awkward only because of that build up, i know im not supposed to be building things up but how do i stop doing that? nothing seems to help..

  • Ages ago at school, we had a test in a subject (RE). There was this really cute boy in my class, so at the end of the lesson we went out and he was walking behind me. I asked him what he got, but he said he didn’t know. I did have to repeat the question, but I was embarrassed and ran off because I was embarrassed because he didn’t continue the conversation. Maybe it was because I ran off? :( I just felt like he didn’t want to talk to me. Is this rejection? How could I try talking to him again.

  • I remember being alone with a guy i like, and then I told him how I felt, we’d known each other for ages, and I felt we had great chemistry. I don’t understand what I’d done wrong!

  • Well it wa when I was in Highschool. I was really into a guy and put lots of effort in and I thought it was going well, however after I had done the work of getting his phone number he went out with my friend. Maybe not really a direct rejection but maybe it still counts? I do have to say that after that I didn’t really go up to people to ask because I didnt want to get hurt. I just watched the situation and actually wanted the guy to make a move, however thats also not really easy.
    Thanks for everything. Have a good week :)

  • I had a daily walk to class with this guy I sort of new and had a lot of similarities with him, and also was very attracted to him. One day I gathered the courage to ask him if he wanted to hand out and he jumped on the chance! Of course I was excited and we exchanged numbers but I was waiting for something to come up or for him to text me to hang out. Well a week went by and I got nothing but a few texts that I had initiated and gotten a response. So me and my friends were out at a bar and saw him there. I was excited and went to go talk to him. He seemed very disinterested so I was getting realy bummed. So finally he said he was sorry for leading me on and didn’t want to be that guy but after he said yes he thought about it and changed his mind. At first I was like well ok gee thanks, but at least he was honest. It bothered me for a long time because I kept thinking he never actually gave me a chance. But we had our daily walks to class and everything was fine. So eventually I got over it and decided it was a waste of time to try for someone who isn’t looking for anything. Then one day he told me a story about how he went to a bar for this one girl and all she said all night was hey and went off with her friends. That moment I decided he wasn’t looking for a girl like me but was chasing after someone who wasn’t into him. And from then on I let it go and forgot about him because.

  • I recently go rejected by a guy I was briefly dating. Now this has happened before and usually I can deal with the rejection pretty well. I just close that door and move on. However, dating your workout coach was probably not the best way to get over that rejection. He felt that I was getting to “clingy”, even though he initiated everything. So while our dating ended my workouts of course did not. It’s a class setting so I don’t have to interact too closely with him. Seeing him every week makes closing the rejection door harder than others before. We get along and there is no awkwardness going on in the gym, but the situation is somewhat comical. Still have some lingering feelings, but trying to just focus on myself and working out for the year ahead. He still flirts, but initiates nothing outside of the gym like before. Sometimes I think of changing gyms, but that just seems like running to me and he’s great as a coach. Those can be hard to find. Thought this story might help some people. But if anyone has any advice on how to deal with rejection when you have to repeatedly see your “rejector” after the fact, that’d be great! Thanks!

  • I think I might have been rejected, but who really cares? If some random guy rejects me, he never had a chance anyway, so I really wouldn’t know! Guys are not a necessity for women. Plus, players and goofball sleaze-oids are too common. No one pays attention to them! A woman can’t be rejected by someone who can’t pass the audition to begin with. And as far as “chasing men” goes, that’s idle entertainment and pointless as such, but it’s more adrenaline-addicting than video games so that’s probably why women might do it. “Chasing men” is THE guaranteed way to “get rejected”.

    1. Because “chasing men” is so very effective in making them go away and never bother you again, I will admit to “chasing” a few guys just to make them go away! It works like a charm! I recommend it for the super-jerk dudes in your life!

  • I have been rejected loads of times… but I reject a lot as well. From the past few months I have rejected about 5 guys because I don’t feel attracted to them. I know this is wrong. In my past love life, guys never seem to take me seriously and that’s when I used to get rejected all the time. Its complicated.
    By the way I really like all the advice you give, I have put them in practice and I guess that really helped getting those guys after me haha, I just haven’t found the one I like.

  • Hey Matt, as always brilliant video and great advice – 2013 is already a year of a magic as created by me! :-)

    Rejection and I are firm friends – both in the receiving and giving. And in both I try to be graceful, although sometimes that gets missed in the mess of feelings etc.

    The most memorable story for me was about 5 years ago. I was working up in Newcastle so got the train each Sunday evening to get there for the week … that particular day 2 police officers were sat at my table and we spent the 4 hour journey chatting/laughing lots. Exchanged names etc and a quick hug as we went to our seperate taxi’s on arrival in the Toon.

    I built up courage over the week and phoned to leave a message at his work place for him to call me. He did. We had a chat and a laugh and then I asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink some time …

    His response “on a date or just as a friends?”

    My reply “well ‘date’ is kind of American but ok”

    To which he replied: “I don’t know how you missed this in 4 hours of conversation Vikki, but I am gay!” …

    I cracked up laughing and said “oh well, thems the breaks”. We talked further that day and agreed to catch up soon. We continue to be friends now and go out on “dates” whenever we are in each other’s cities. Last time we were out in Soho together we got stopped at a bar by the bouncer to explain to us that it was a gay bar … he had to point out that was fine with him ;-) So, I’m not the only one who gets confuddled!

    Looking forward to more fabulousness and laughter,

  • Happy New Year Matthew & thanks for sharing this video. The rejection I remember cleary was from 2007. Me and my ex were having a time -out but we were still having sex together. I still had feelings for him and was so desperated to have him back. I shared my true feelings, even wrote him a letter but he rejected me. I felled like my world was tumbling down. It took me almost 6 months to get over him. The thing is now that he is the one pursueing me, but not for what I want. Because he has a girlfriend & child now and only wants to have sex with me. For me that’s a sign to be grateful that we didn’t hook up again.

  • Hello there
    I took rejection so very badly as a teen taking years to come to terms with the end of 2relationships, even the grief extending into my marriage.
    After that 24 year relationship ended instigated by him, I was excited to have the rest of my life before me and to have dodged a bullet for the next 40! I was also shattered and damaged from the dynamics within that relationship.
    I wasn’t ready to pick a man for life but after 18 months, my body reminded me that although extremely happy some corners in my life could do with rounding.. I began to date men from a dating site-something I would never have believed that I would have considered. I chose route this as I live in a tiny community and didn’t want a reputation for not settling!
    I met some fantastic men , some 20 years younger (not chosen because of that!) all bright and with a twinkle in their step and a spark and a brilliance about them. I was stunned at the response to me. I can see now that it was because we all shared an honesty about what we were seeking and now I have a clearer idea about what I would like in a partner. I had to reject many, and did not always do this in the best way, so I learnt to be direct and sensitive, rather than spare feelings which caused confusion. This was so hard and so good for me. I had a pattern of choosing unavailable for long men who were off travelling in a few months but that suited me at the time. In my social circle I was aware also that I was oozing attraction???? A man took me aside and said you are just so happy and straight and confident and kind and I want to be with you for that . This tied in with the advice from you that I keep dipping into , to be oneself , to not play games, assert boundaries,if I did feel rejected on any level I chose to dilute that feeling with pleasurable attention from new dates or to be amongst fun friends and not dwell on what I may not be able to change . I have a lovely group of new male friends and recently, very recently, have become exclusive with a very appealing man. I will let you know how that goes.
    Lis xx
    Corrnwall uk

  • The one time I put myself out there, it turned out that my Spanish dancer friend was also interested in the same guy. Didn’t feel like I could compete, so I told her she could have him.

    He ended up disappointing her though. It messed her up a bit and I’m not happy about that… But I feel like i dodged a bullet. I believe he’s also into drugs now too! Glad it never happened!

    – Jacqueline

  • Hey Matthew,
    So this New Years I went to a friend’s party. I was having fun, mingling and hanging out with everyone, couples and singles alike. I had a few drinks so I was definately relaxed, probably too relaxed. I was talking to my friend that was hosting the party and jokingly asked her when she was going to set me up with someone. She said there was a guy at the party that she wanted me to talk to. She pointed him out so I made a mental note that I would eventually make my way over to his area, if the opportunity presented itself. I eventually got impatient, waiting for him to be alone, and I saw him looking through pictures of people who were at the party (it was a party game). I went over and said, “Oh! I want to see if I am in here.” So he and I looked through the pictures, he was very sweet and engaging, and then he just kind of went back to his friends and started chatting with them. Later that evening, I was talking with some friends and he sat at a chair near me and started texting someone. I looked over at him and thought, oh what the hell. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “I just want you to know you’re a sexy guy. The booze is helping me tell you that, but I just thought you should know.” He smiled and said thank you, apologized saying he had to finish his text, that is was important, and I said, “Yeah, no worries,” and went back talking to my friends. Later that night, he went up to one of my other single friends and started talking to her.
    So moral of the story, I understand that I was an idiot that night, but I learned from it. I can’t force something to happen and I can’t get impatient. My friend that got hit on by this guy knew he was available, but didn’t even try persuing him. Lately, she has been focusing on working on herself and not worrying about relationships. I admired her for not trying with this guy and just letting whatever happens to happen. I let my worry and impatience get the better of me, and the intoxication factor did not help in the least. So to conclude from my little experience, don’t chase the guy, let him come to you, and gin is not your friend when you are trying to make a good first impression. Good luck to you all! Your ideal man is out there!

  • I don’t know if you can call this a rejection, but it’s the only one I can think of right now: I remember when I was about six years old, there was this guy I had a crush on and saw every summer on vacation. Probably this sounds weird, but one day I couldn’t wait any longer, so I just called on the phone asking him if he wants to marry me. I could tell it was overwhelming for him. His answer: “I have to think about it.” His voice didn’t sound very convincing though and we never got married- Haha! Still I think his answer was pretty good for a 6-year old :)

  • Hi!
    – This isn’t a rejection story but I just wanted to let Matthew know:

    I love you’re advice, thanks a ton! Because of you the comfort in myself and my confidence has gone up. I thought this would help with relationships but it made my self-confidence go up a ton. I can’t thank you enough. I’m still working on it but I have gotten so much more confident im myself – I want to thank you. :D Thanks!

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