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4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • Hi Matthew!

    I was rejected few months ago. I met this guy during a trip and I straight away liked him. We bumped into each other several times during parties and I decided to ask him out on a date. We had fun that day but after the first date we stopped talking. I’ve tried talking to him again but he ignored me completely. It was painful but I’ve decided to move on. I’m still working on that though

  • Hi Matthew,

    I was rejected recently on an online dating website. The guy said that my pictures just weren’t doing it for him. I was initially offended, but then I thought it’s ok and just let it go. I thought to myself, I’m not his type and really that’s ok. I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me. And he is making room for the right guy. At that point, I was ok.

    Thank you for all of your wonderful advice, it has really been helpful to me!


  • A guy I had been chatting to for a long time cancelled 2 dates and a third was planned. He sent a text the evening before saying that he was cancelling so that he could have a date with someone else instad, that she was more his age and that he wanted to give love a chance. I told him I thought he was very rude to cancel any date so he could see someone else, and told him he was an arse. I value honesty, but really this was taking it too far. I was not disappointed at the date being cancelled- it was half expected anyway- but it was the reasons for the cancellation, the complete lack of apology and the sheer arrogance of the man that angered me. Needless to say, love did not work out between him and his other date, he has messaged me saying he kicks himself over the lost chance and, as far as I am concerned, he has burned his bridges.
    I don’t get hurt over rejections on the whole, unless they do the big silence thing and don’t have the manners to at least let you know. It’s because you end up having a week or more of wondering. Much better for people to just say they don’t want to see you any more, then you can adjust and get on with things.

  • I used to have a big ex problem, we were togethet for many years and after the brake up, we got back together a few times. the last time we were kind’a dating he desappeared…from earth… O_O WTF?? who does that??!! useless pig!
    At this point, he better keep hidden, or else i’d rip his head off.

    that was like the worst rejection EVER.
    i can’t take rejection and i don’t know how other people do.

  • Your video makes sense about creating value. I do this already and have been rejected twice now for being great and wonderful. I have found that being great and wonderful scares men off too. Its hard being rejected like this, but I am thinking now that its the men who are the ones with the problems, and they just don’t know a good thing when they have it.

    1. Thank you Sam for sharing. Same happened to me last week… Rejected because of being too perfect…
      They say it has to do with the low self-esteem of the man. But anyway it’s painful…
      The thought that really helps to overcome it is “He just doesn’t know what he has rejected. He is not a guy for me as I need a confident man that feels good near strong and interesting woman.”
      Thank again, hope it goes well…

  • I was rejected after being neck-deep in a relationship for 7 years. Firstly, the world went back for me, I absolutely lost track of time and my activities for a while. It took me months to be able to start talking about it with even my best friends. But its been a while that I am totally over him and realized how much of stress that relationship had put on me.
    I feel much better now, but surprised to see myself become skeptical while dating this new guy, and seem to be a little too cautious than I should be.

  • Hi Matthew! Everything you say is everything I need to do but I still get very intimidated by people that I don’t take action. I come up with so many excuses for myself and I don’t know why. Well I think it’s because I do fear rejection a very lot. And I’m glad you talked about it. It’s one of the things that has kept me from possibly being with someone that I was attracted to. I will definitely make it a resolution of mine to face it this year. To answer the question, I mostly get rejected by guys when I tell them I’m saving myself for marriage. They say they want to get to know me, but they act that they’re ok with my standard, take my number, and never contact me. All the time. My last boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t hold it any longer. It makes me wonder, is there not one guy out there who can hold it?? or maybe I’m just in a city that doesn’t have them. But I love where I live, LA, and I’m not willing to move. It’s a bit frustrating. So that’s the biggest rejection I get, hopefully I can find someone who is willing to respect that and want that for himself as well.

  • Hi Matthew,

    I was rejected few months ago by a coworker…:( when I started working with him, he was very close with a female coworker, so I thought they were together. I later learn that she has a boyfriend and he was single.

    After a month there I started having strong feelings for him. I had the feeling that he feels the same. It was close to valentine ,so I said “if we don’t find a date for valentine, then we can go on a date.” He smiled and one of my other coworkers said that would look weird (he is white and im indian). He looked tense so i then apologise saying I was joking, and would only date an indian guy. I later reallise when others around, he would be mean and rude but let alone he would be nice…

  • Hi Matthew, I have definitely made rejection my new best friend these last couple months! I decided to re-connect with a guy I dated in the past just recently. All I did was wish him a Happy New Year to re-connect with him. His response was: I’m in a relationship; loose my number! I told him he could have been less rude in his response & then he decided to cuss me out! I then decided to ignore him & he proceeded to send me some more texts. I wished him well after he cussed me out & did not reply to his last text message. Not sure if he is really in a relationship. You think he would stop texting me on a Saturday night if he has a girlfriend to spend time with after I decided to ignore him! I’m proud of myself that I didn’t stoop down to his level & start cussing him out! I also realized i shouldn’t waste a second on a rude & disrespectful guy. So my friend rejection got my back this time! =)
    Shine on,

  • Went out to dinner with a guy that I’d met at a party. His brother came along because he was the one with the car. I had more in common with brother who was driving, more than my actual date. My actual date turned out to be very obnoxious and rude. A few days later, I made a very bold move and called the brother who had the car. I told him that I liked his brother as wild friend to party with, but not as someone I could date. I then told him that I thought the two of us hit it off pretty well and that I would like to have lunch or coffee sometime. He said that it would be cool with him but that I should not expect much more as he had a girlfriend. Sweetest rejection ever! I never saw either one of them again, but I’m glad I made the choice to speak up!

    1. Just wanted to add that rejection should not be taken personally. Know your worth and the sting won’t be so bad. I get rejected by my current boyfriend and we’ve been in a very committed relationship for 7 years now. Sometimes we are the ones doing the reject-ING! Right?? I’m sure there are other people out here who feel the sting of us rejecting them. Just sayin’…

  • Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for your insight, as always! Great ideas for life, not just dating! :)

    I am a natural at meeting people, approaching them, starting conversations, etc. Friends and family constantly are floored by the way that I am able to walk into a room with 25 people and come out with 25 friends.

    That being said, I HAVE NO GAME! The moment I think a guy that I like is into me, I crash and burn. I am such a forward and honest person that I have to remember that people in general like a little mystery and intrigue! Very hard for an open-book gal like me!

    Anyway, my story: I had to take my car to the auto shop for repairs a few years ago, and had the car rental place send someone to pick me up. The guy who drove my rental to the shop was way cute, super nice and very much flirting with me. He was gazing into my eyes, smiling at me non-stop, flirting, etc. He ended up taking me back to the shop to pick up my car the next day, too – same story with the flirting. So the next day, I called his office and asked him if he wanted to get a drink. He responded, and I quote “No, thanks, but if you ever want to rent another car, give me a call.” WOW! Really, that happened! I was hurt, a little irritated and confused (um, why the giving me “goo goo” eyes then???).
    It took me about a week to not feel embarrassed about it, but I never had to see him again, so I got over it. Now, in hind sight, that is one FUNNY way to get dissed! I laughed out loud just typing this up!
    Hope all is going well for you! Congrats on the show and the book – and your “US Tour”! Hope to see you at one of your shows in the east (crossing my fingers for Pittsburgh, PA or Cleveland, OH).
    All the best,

  • Hi

    Engaging video!

    Best rejection from a girl ever: “I would love to stay the night, but I have to leave now, because at midnight my bicycle turns back into a pumpkin”

    Best job rejection: “We have chosen to give the job to someone, who is even better qualified than you”


  • Hi Matt!

    It’s a great idea…. getting used to rejection, in order to taking risks.

    So, just to comment on MY rejections, let’s start with the fact that I’m overweight and always have been, so I’ve had to handle rude jokes from kids (kids are quite cruel) ever since I was one, so I have quite a lot of experience in that field, fortunately, cause it helped me grow a lot, and understand many things while getting older.

    I remember this one time I was at a dance and I was dancing with a boy, then all of the sudden comes a girl (who apparently didn’t like me) and tells him something and they look at me and start to laugh.
    After that, I was 15 and I liked this guy with whom I had a sort of a friendship, when I told him (through chat) what I really felt, he said ‘ you sould’ve tolde me earlier’, plus a friend of mine got involved in this whole ‘thing’ and this guy told her once, that if she didn’t like him he could always run to me and do whatever he wished with me.
    Few years later, met this guy online, dated once, and whenever I mentioned a second date he said he couldn’t.

    I also had to go through a rough period when I was a teenager, cause I could never fit in any group -cause all the people at those groups always kept me out of everythingt- ill I got to uni.
    Whenever I go out I can ocassionaly hear people’s jokes about my weight (specially when I go to clubs).

    But I think it’s about how you handle things and how you choose to look at life. In the end, the only one who will be with you till the very last moment in your life is you.

    Hey! Now I think about it, it’s a very good way of letting go of any previous burdens, by writing it down.

  • Hi Matthew,

    This is the story from my first real rejection. I never took a risk before in my life with a guy, always waited until he told me his feelings, before I’ve done anything.

    I got rejected last week from a guy I was dating for a period of time. It all started in November. We went on two dates, everything was great. But then the preparation time for the exams started and he had no time anymore, was stressed and he was never good in communication via text message or internet. We’re in the same sports team so I see him twice a week. He kind of started to ignore me more and more until I asked him 3 weeks later if he actually still want to see me or not. He said yes of course and we went on a third date. It was great.
    He already started to talk about getting something for my birthday in end of march and we were always talking about quit private and very personal stuff. We also got intimate every time, but no, he is not that kind of guy. Actually he was quite inexperienced compared to me. The Christmas came and we both went home and I haven’t seen him for over 3 weeks. The communication was bad during this time. I tried to stay in contact with him, but it was hard.

    The next time we saw each other was in sport again begin of January. He kind of ignored me again and I got frustrated and texted him that we need to talk, asked him if he realized that I think he is great and I would like him but his behaviour would confuse me and I have no idea what I’m on with him. He told me he thought about us but don’t want to say anything until he came to a conclusion. The next week we had no contact, but there were a few things I wanted to tell him, so I wrote a letter due to the fact that I have a handwritten poem from him, that he gave me because I liked it when I saw it. I gave him the letter a week after my last message and waited. I really don’t like showing my emotions to others, if I don’t know theirs and this letter was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done cause it cost me a lot to hand it to him. Actually I tried it three times before I made it.

    We’re living in the same building now and on the way home last week he tried to talk to me and needed 10 minutes to tell me in front of the elevator that the way he treated me was not okay, that I deserve something better. That he thinks he don’t want a relationship at the moment and that his grandfather died over Christmas.
    A week before he told me that he failed in two of his exams and that if he fails them again in August he probably can’t come back to university. He also told me that he rejected a girl a few weeks ago, because of me, because he had the feeling there was something between us. But he has no idea what, he can’t name it which is weird for him. So he asked me if I’m okay with being friends. I said yes, but he didn’t believed me and started to ask if I’m sure cause my eyes would be red. I was really okay in that moment. I liked him a lot but he never gave me enough attention/put enough effort in this to make me fall for him. He is quit a passive person, but I still like him and would love to date him again. I know his live is complicated at the moment and I’m not even convinced we fit to each other. However I would still like to give it a try, but I guess that won’t happen the next time.

    At least I learned that to take a risk and getting rejected is okay.

  • Let’s see, there’s a lot of them!
    The funniest one was a guy in a bar wearin a really ugly sweater who told me he wasn’t interested because my shirt wasn’t “family friendly!”
    Then recently I guy I was planning a date with suggested we paint my bedroom this color I like. When I rejected that idea in leiu of getting a coffee, he ended up canceling, telling me he looks for signs that magic lies this way or that and good tidings. Ok I guess there wasn’t magic with me!
    So instead I went out with this other guy that night and had a lovely good time. If he rejects me at some point I’ll try to be happy about it like Matt suggests… I guess it’s just freeing me up for another guy. Time to get comfortable with rejection because I’d rather have that than not take chances!

  • Hello Matthew,

    I was with my ex boyfriend for three years, and one night before our vacation to meet his family, he broke up with me. His answer was balancing school and me at the same time was simply not working. I had an hour with him that night and have not seen him since,as that night he left out of state and two days later I packed my stuff and moved back home to California, as I was in Arizona. This guy simply avoids any confrontation at all costs, and our break up was completely a surprise to me. I still love him so very much, and right when I think I am moving on, I’m not sure I can. Is there anything I can do or say that will work in my favor for him to give us another shot or should i simply move on? All I can think of is all of the good, it most definitely outweighed the bad in our relationship. We really were perfect for each-other, I am so ready for love! Thanks in advance!

  • Rejection… becoming an expert at it. Online dating is the perfect training ground. I’ve read, listened to so many dating coaches and still it’s hard to online date feeling like that piece of candy in the glass window and hoping that the men will pick you.

    After 3 months and 30 first dates I finally got a second date. Now mind you all of the other ones always ended the date with, “Hey I would really like to see you again” and then never call. My “first” second date was going out fishing… we both love it and I really felt confident it went well but he was a bit quiet… of course when in nature and fishing “QUIET” is the whole idea. We got to the landing, packed it all up (I did try to help but he didn’t want me to) and we had our first kiss and strong hung… many kisses later we had to go our separate ways (both had our own vehicles) since the mosquitoes were eating us alive and he stated that we need to see each other very soon. I got home, got the cooler put away and text him that it was a excellent ending to a wonderful night… that was it. No response and it is now going on the 3rd day. I remember what I’ve been told… When you feel you want to find out what’s wrong… don’t do anything. Did I give him my value??? I believe I did. I was not going to take the passion any further on the second date and we had really had two good dates.

    we have not talked about exclusive… just way too early for that and yes him on Match every one of those days but so was I. Rejection??… yes… would I have liked a…”Just not there for me speech??” YES

    I look at it this way… I am getting out, getting experience and meeting new people… I do not get intimate with these men… I value myself way too much. If they want sex… they will have to get to know who KATHIE is first and I will then let them into the intimacy. Frustrating for women also guys…;)

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