4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • Ok I have been single now for 4 years. I have dated now and again through this time but none of them stuck. Either they just didn’t call back or I wouldn’t sleep with them after the 3rd date so I got the “it’s nice meeting you” I admit a part of me did feel rejected, BUT I didn’t take it too hard because there was something wrong with each of these men who fell away. Either they weren’t over their ex or they drank too much, or hey they just wanted me for sex. I have recently been morning my single state but all in all I am glad that I didn’t settle for something less than I deserve. I am also happy that I still value myself enough to not compromise the way I expect to be treated just to be with someone. So still single and my value is growing every day! If they reject me I am glad that they saved me and them from wasting each others time :)

  • When I was in gradeschool. My boyfriend dumped me of 3 days for another girl in my class. I only had 2 boyfriends the other I dumped because I guess I was afraid of what would happen next. I have never had a serious relationship before and right now I really want one! So I’m not quite sure how this love thing works!

  • I had a an exotic romance on my travels in Bolivia, I met a guy who was quite a bit taller than me (which is rare in Bolivia as I’m 6 ft!)..
    We had amazing chemistry and had an amazing week or 2 together spending as much time together as possible..
    I went off travelling for a weekend and when I came back he said he had something to tell me.. He had met an American girl the Friday I went away and didn’t know what to do as he liked us both.. I was confident and certain he’d pick me as I really felt like we had something between us and he said he’d call me the next day to say what he’d decided.. the next day he didn’t contact me..
    I went out with my friends in the evening only to see him out with her.. I was not happy and had a massive go at him in my broken Spanish (it felt good!).. The rest of that evening I was really upset and felt so rejected but the next day I woke up and thought f*** it, his loss! There are plenty more exotic men out there for me!

  • Hi Matthew,

    Just a message to say thank you for all of the amazing advice. It really has been life changing for me. I’d like to share my story too.

    I have been rejected many times in my life, from boys I had crushes on when I was younger to guys I liked but just didn’t connect with me or appreciate me for myself and rejected me in high school and university.

    I was rejected two years ago by my french tutor who I liked for a long time, we had a date but it didn’t go too well and I ended up feeling miserable when he up and left the country with not so much as a word.

    Rejection is a pretty horrible feeling but during that time I took in a lot of your advice on youtube, your website and reading your e-book. Instead of focusing on other people, I decided to focus on myself and being the best person I could be and what I wanted to get out of life. It wasn’t easy but I felt a lot happier. Later on I was asked out by a really nice guy at my university who I met through a mutual friend of ours.

    I was very anxious at first, I was scared, worried and didn’t want to be rejected again but I had faith in myself and took the chance. I’m very happy to say that we’ve now been together for just over a year. :)
    To everyone out there who feels rejection, don’t treat it as something to feel low about, rather see each one as a pillar which will help you overcome the greater obstacles in life and add to your value as a person. Be happy and be true to yourself. :)

  • The rejection I still remember today happened when I was around 16 (twenty years ago). There was a really cute dreadlocked German exchange student at my high school. I watched him for a few weeks then just walked up to him in the stairway one day and asked him if he wanted “to do something some time”. He said “I’m doing something all the time”. I said “every day forever?” And he said yes. So I turned red and said “okay” and walked away. He told the girl he was staying with and her friends, and a lot of people knew I had hit on him, and thought I was pretty strange for doing it. After that he stared at me a lot, but I just ducked it. I remember this rejection so clearly because the whole thing was very weird. I would never just ask out a stranger today. But when I was young and full of hormones things like this seemed like a great idea! :)

  • One of the worst rejections is when a guy (or multiple guys through out the year) really hits on you at work, and comes in your work place a few times that month still hitting on you. Then all of a sudden he stops coming in, then the next time he comes its with his girlfriend!

    I know men and women like to flirt, but cone on! If you are already taken you are off the market! Frusterating but in a way, kinda funny :)

  • My worse rejection happen before christmas, a man that i wish to be with me been cheated me after i found out that his talking and flirting with another woman, I thought is like end of the world because i love him so much. We never had a formal breakup i just stop talking to him and sending him email. Now my life is very sad and not happy anymore :(

  • Hi, Matt!
    You’re right when you’re saying about “value”, and me personally think that it’s a very very personal thing, you know, some people just do nothing and always have a value, but some have to struggle for that. On the other part maybe those people who struggle they just do something wrong because they don’t know how to show the value in a natural way. Just thoughts.
    Thank you for advices!

  • I got rejected by my best friend…. over the phone.. I once was feeling a bit too brave and told him but he didn’t like me in that way…. we continued being friends afterwards with no issues but it was killing me inside…

    a mutual friend told me that he rejected me because im dark-skinned… because im DARK.*sigh*… ever since I found out I have been having self-esteem issues as I don’t feel beautiful or pretty anymore………

    it truly hurt me and I feel unloved and unwanted.. I have lost faith in love.

    1. I have the same problem that you do because I leave this situation now I told hem that I love hem and he didn’t say anything and that really hurt

  • I’ve been rejected Twice as well, once when I was in 4th grade I think – there was this guy I liked – valentines was coming up – I ended up buying him a stuffed toy – and since I wasn’t brave enough to give it to him, I gave it to his sister – the next day he came up to my desk and called me the worst name ever (I still remember the exact words he said) – it hurt – and I stopped liking him right then and there.
    The second time was when I was 19, I was in collage and one of my teachers told me (assigned me) to talk to this guy I liked (for 6yrs)(what a waste of time!) – so I did, I eventually mustered up the courage and went over there – started talking (very poorly I must say) and he NEVER once looked up at me! he kept his face to his phone and was texting someone while I was talking (he didn’t even acknowledge me!) – I left there thinking man! I am not going to do that again (I was embarrassed for a LONG time) but that did end my long crush on him for good. – I swore I would not like somebody for that long again – without ever talking to them – they will have to say something to me or vise versa – but in silence I won’t like someone for that long again unless I know there is attraction.

  • Matthew

    First I would like to thank you for your daily letters I honestly value your advice and I’m putting it into action.

    I fell for a guy that was working with me, he was also attracted to me or so I thought. We begin flirting after a few months and after a month we were kind of seeing each other, but kept it under wraps because we didn’t want people to find out at work. In the meantime, he was chatting up another girl who works with us as well. The one day when we had a team building activity, we all went to a bar afterwards. The girl he was chatting up was also there. He’s behaviour that night was just different and I couldn’t understand why, till later that evening as we were about to go back, I realized that something was going on between the two. We all took a cab together as we live in the same area and my stop was the first so on purpose I asked him to get off with me(as usual) and he refused. He asked me what was wrong with me and why I would ask him to get off at my place. He was acting like Im crazy or something. I was really hurt, confused and embarrassed. The humilation I felt there and then, I can not begin to describe. The girls in the car laughed at me because it was obvious he had decided to go with the other girl home. The very next day he called me to apologize and give me excuses that didn’t make sense. I didn’t take him back but I feel like I need to regain my dignity. How do I do that and how can I prevent this from happening again? I think I’m bad judge of character.

  • Hi,

    English is not my mother tongue so, I am sorry for any mistakes I might make.

    I met a guy few months ago. At the beginning, he liked me but I did not because it was too soon for me, I did not know him enough by that time.
    We became good friends and got to know each other. I started liking him more than just a friend.
    I let him know about my feelings. But he just said he liked an other girl. I just said « OK »
    And then he told me : « the truth is that I like you but I can’t be in any relationship with you because you are the marrying type »

    He send me a text two hours later to tell me that to him I was special even though we were not in any relationship.

    PS : I love your videos and thank you very much for all your very useful advice. I wish you all the best for this new year :)

  • Hi Matthew,

    I have a question that is perhaps somewhat related to rejection… I have been dating someone for about 6 months. It has become a meaningful relationship, it is healthy, and we care deeply for one another, yet we haven’t confessed our love or anything like that at this point.

    There is just one thing that keeps bothering me. He still has hundreds of photos of him and his ex-girlfriend on Facebook of them on trips, kissing, looking happy and in love. He was in a three year relationship with her, and that was the only time he has ever been in love. I told him after a couple months that it annoyed me he still had those photos up, especially the ones where they are kissing or laying in bed together- yuck! He still hasn’t taken them down.

    I don’t want to be a nag, and I know it is partially my fault for looking at the photos. But at what point is it disrespectful to me and our relationship that he still has these photos of him and his ex online for everyone to see? Since our relationship is still fairly new, I’m not sure if we’re there yet- the point where I can be adamant about this without seeming totally insecure. I’m not sure how to approach this, because it seems I can’t stop torturing myself by just knowing these photos are there, and I can’t resist looking at them from time to time. I don’t want to obsess about this, but it is bothering me. What should I do? Thanks ever so much!

    1. Wow that’s an awesome question Sunny. I would love to see a video from Matthew on this! I had the same problem with this except kind of in reverse. I dated a guy who I was madly in love with for over 2 years but he just could not deal with the fact that I had photos of a guy I briefly dated. Now let me qualify that statement. The guy I briefly dated had been my best-friend for years, I dated him for only 1 month, and then he went gay afterwards. Yes quite the doozy! But my ex still had a bad reaction whenever he saw any photos of us (from during that 1 month) and he resented how close we were. I realized over time that while I saw the other guy as only my gay bestfriend who I made a mistake and dated for a month, my boyfriend saw him as an “ex” and reacted as such. So, when IS a good time to get rid of photos? Great question!

      1. Thanks, Chekeitha for your comment. Actually, my best gay friend has been my close friend for 15 years. Naturally we tried dating briefly too, but it didn’t work out, and later he came out as a gay man. We still joke that we’re going to just marry each other and have kids together someday, since we love and trust each other so much!

        I guess my current situation is somewhat delicate, because in one respect, I think it’s great that he had this previous relationship and has been in love. It has made him who he is today, and he is a great person and boyfriend. I’m not worried he wants to be with her- I know that’s not the case. In his defense, he’s not constantly messing around on Facebook worrying about things like that. But our relationship is getting to the point where my family and friends know him, and they are on Facebook too, so they can see his photos. I feel weird about it. When I broke off a 6 year relationship, I deleted a ton of photos of my ex and me looking all lovey dovey. It just seems like good etiquette… especially if you’re in a new relationship?

        I’d really love to hear Matthew’s perspective on this!!! Sorry if it’s too much of a tangent, but I didn’t know where else to ask! Thanks! xx

  • Hiya :) thank you for all of your advice and i am definitely going to use your ideas to change my life this year!
    Well last year (2012) was quite a big year for rejection for me, it happened on numerous occasions but the main (and first time) happened like this: I met this guy at college and got to know him really well, we met up loads of times and things like that. things gradually escsalated and we began flirting more and more and it honestly seemed like we were meant to be together so i thought one day after meeting up with him that i would text him (i know, very cowardly but hey) and express my feelings for him and see where he wanted to take things. He turned round and said that he had never wanted anything more than a friendship (when i know for sure i was not misreading the signs) but that he wanted to stay friends with me. I was at home at the time staying with my dad so i just went up to my room and cried. i cried and cried and cried, constantly. This was in may and i havent spoken to him since. I tried, oh boy did i try, but he was having none of it. 2 weeks after that happened he turned up with a new girlfriend. It hurt be gradually i got over it, especially when in september i met this great guy with whom i got into a relationship with only to have him cheat on me when he was away in the army… Yeh i now, not the best luck but hey, 2013 is MY year! The same goes for all you other women on here, THIS YEAR IS OUR YEAR, LETS TAKE IT BY THE HORNS!!! :D

  • Hi Matt!
    I really loved this video. It’s so true in any are of life that if you aren’t afraid of being rejected, you’ll allow more great things to come. So I got rejected by a male friend that I confessed my feelings to. Now he seemed polite and said he wanted to maintain our friendship even though he was dating someone else. However, in public he would always ignore me, as if I wasn’t there. I realized that he wasn’t that good of a friend to begin with, and I did the ultimate relationship ender..I deleted him on facebook! I felt I had to because I didn’t want to be fake and pretend that we were still “cool” on the web, when in reality he would treat me like a leaper in our daily encounters.
    Well that’s pretty much it, but I still wish we could have stayed friends and avoided this awkwardness.
    P.S. I told him over facebook!

  • Ok so my rejection story doesn’t involve a man but involves a dream. A while ago I applied to Oxbridge and didn’t get in and it was heart breking – a dream shattered and yet out of the tatters of this shattered dream emerged joy. I ended up going to a uni I was very happy at and where I met an amazing group of friends, that I never would’ve met at Oxbridge!!! ( and very likely would have struggled with the lack of social time at such an institution). A word of encouragement where a door closes a window opens!!! lol

  • I got rejected last year. I really like this guy but she had a girlfriend so obviously I did not make any move. After a few months, I had this news that they broke up. What I did was be there for him as a friend. I did not make any move because I want him to move on. It would be unfair if I take advantage of the situation. My friends knew that I like him. Then suddenly, few weeks later, I realized that something is going on between him and my friend. My friends told me that maybe the girl was just being nice since the guy got into a break up. But for me, it was different.
    So I texted him. I asked him if he and that girl is into a relationship. At first, he does not want to answer my question and keeps on asking me why. I had no choice but to express my feelings. And I told him that if there is something going on between them, then I will be out of scene. He told me that he’s sorry but he likes the girl. Probably I was too late. But I realized what made him attracted to the girl is because the girl can go out anytime of the day. Unlike me that I have to go home right after school. There’s no problem of my attitude because the girl and I are both of the “boyish” type. I’m straight and she’s bi. So I guess spending time as much as possible with him is the reason why he got attracted.

  • Hey! Everyone is beautiful! Skin colour shouldn’t matter! If that guy wasn’t into you because your skin, then he doesn’t deserve you. It’s like saying you don’t like someone just because they’re blonde.
    You’re beautiful! <3

  • Matthew, thank you for the wonderful work you do, helping women everywhere have the loving relationships they want and helping them build self confidence and welf worth. You have helped me a great deal. You are the best we have in United Kingdom and it’s about time, because nobody teaches people, women especially, about relationship dynamics, not at school and definitely, not the media… women and girls have to learn the ‘hard way’… and sometimes, they never learn because they just give up….

    I’ve been rejected many times in my life, first by the schoolkids in my class who bullied or avoided me (I have a form of autism – Asperger’s syndrome which I now understand is the major cause of communication problems I’ve always had) and then by men…

    I’ve also been rejected by my Mother who went from one extreme of mollycoddling me to completely ignoring me while smoking and drinking because of her own issues… my father was very successful in his career but drunk most of the time so he was NEVER PRESENT which is another form of rejection…

    Feeling of being rejected, in fact, was so familiar to me that it had become my automatic ‘to go to’ emotion whenever things went wrong…. and when they did right, I now believe I actively chose the kind of people I knew would end up rejecting me, and they did !

    I hate to admit that, but part of me sadistically enjoyed the feeling of pain in the pit of my stomach whenever I’ve been or felt rejected, because it felt like HOME.

    Maybe, my messed mind confused feeling rejected with feeling loved, as that’s the only way my parents made me feel, that I even existed.

    Having autism makes it hard for me to get in touch with and process my emotions as it is, but I am trying and with comprehension and learning, from great teachers like you Matthew, on things like relationship dynamics and how men think and what are their emotional triggers – things are definitely looking up !!

    I have a relationship with someone really dear to me and although not everything is perfect, I feel hopeful that it will work out.

    It would be mad doing the same things and expect different results so I am open to learning as much as I can and do things differently.

    Thank you, Matthew and God bless you for doing what you do and for getting better and better at your job (or shall I say, your CALLING) because I have noticed in the last 2 years I ve been following your work that even you are learning and becoming better, and so we are who learn from you.

    I know that what you do comes from your heart, I sense how much passion you have for helping people make their lives better, to make it possible for them to feel happinees and joy that a good communication and deep meaningful connection with another human being brings.

    You provide the tools and the bridge for that connection to be possible.

    Keep on changing this world to be a better and happier place, one podcast, one article, one live appearance at a time, Matthew !!

    You are an amazing human being !!


    Have a wonderful New Year and may a good wind catch your sails (sory, don’t know how to translate it better from Russian)

    Eleeza (Ezra) Jones
    Aspie Girl

  • I wrote all that above and forgot to mention the actual time when I was rejected, by a man, of course.

    The first time was when I fell in love with a boy at school, we were both 13. I had no idea how to flrit with boys and being autistic, I was already different. So for the next 6 years, I wrote him love poems, called him on the phone, stalked him everywhere – actually followed him and his friends at a distance, believing they did not notice me – they did and made humiliating comments but I just put up with it because I was obsessed with him.

    One day I called him and told him that I was very unhappy and took some pills because I didn’t want to live any more (I lied, but its the only way to keep him on the phone because he d otherwise put the phone down on me) and because he was a medical student, he really cared and insisted to meet me to talk to me and try and help.

    He walked me home after learning that I didn’t take that many pills (maybe a few paracetamols, which was stupid thing to do, but wasn’t lethal dose) and as he was leaving to go back home, I shouted after him, ‘I love you ! Please, come back !’

    He came back and said: ‘Don’t say that. Just don’t’, looked really annoyed and walked away. My heart was broken.

    After that, I couldn’t bare to live in the same city any more and left Russia. I actually came to UK (in 1990) to ‘make something of myself’, to prove to him that he rejected a worthy human being…

    but all these years later – 22 years have passed and I saw things from a different perspective…. well, I’m happy to say I don’t care any more. I stopped caring after the first ten years !

    I have seen him since – he has changed a lot ! He drinks, he doesn’t look happy, he stoops when he walks, he s put on weight and he doesn’t act with confidence…. I don’t know what’s happened to an arrogant, self assured confident boy he once was…. his wife has left him and he is still a doctor but he relies on Vodka a little too much

    yest, time and time again since then, whenever anyone has rejected me in any way, men, I would fall madly in love with them. If they are nice and treating me with respect and actually show they care – I feel nothing. I reject them and in a most cruelest of ways…. with no remorse

    Rationally, I know I must change, but I wish I knew, how

    Maybe, Matthew, you would consider doing something on this topic ?

    Why do some people feel attraction towards people who reject them?

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