Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.
Happy new year!
It’s been over 6 months now since I’ve started dating again and I’ve been meeting new guys via an on-line dating site.
So far, almost every date or connection that I’ve felt has fallen flat. I’m an attractive, intelligent woman and honestly, in the past I haven’t experienced much rejection at all, but the last few months have really taught me some good lessons about self worth and what I project about myself to men.
The first couple of dates that I had were with guys that I had been texting and talking with on the phone for a few weeks and thought we had good chemistry until the first real date, which on my part I thought went ok, but they just weren’t interested which is always confusing. And then another guy, same deal… our date went well, he asked to see me again, but stopped trying to make an effort to talk with me soon after and made the “I’m too busy excuse” and after a month of no contact he still claims he is interested in dating yet makes no effort. Same story with another guy recently who I’ve been making a really good connection with, but he lives a few hours drive away and we haven’t met in person… he had suggested coming to visit, but decided not to and didn’t offer up and reason why.
I’ve been noticing a pattern. The more I initiate contact and open myself up before he does, the less interested he becomes.
I’ve just been really learning about dating and how men work and that’s the thing, they like to work for anything that is worth keeping and I haven’t been letting them do that… there could be other factors that I’m not seeing as well, but this is turning out to be a great lesson in communicating with men so far :) And also projecting self worth and value. I’m sure by the end of all of this I’m going to end up with the man of my dreams!
Thanks so much for all that you do Matthew, you’re helping to improve so many lives in so many ways and your positive attitude is contagious!
Hi Carly,
I’m glad that this site is helping you through your dating journey. Thanks for sharing your story with us!
x
It’s not the worst rejection per se, but the last one was when my ex and I saw each other last time we met. He was looking at me with his eyes twinkling and I know he loves me cause he still does lots of things for me, if I need it. When I asked him why he was looking at me like this, he said he was looking at everyone like that. Well I’m no fool. Then he told me it was good that I noticed that guys fancied me. Not that I knew that guys fancied me but that I took notice (we were talking about the same look he threw me). But then he said that me and him it’s really over.
This rejection is not too bad for me because on some level I know we will be toghether again. Don’t ask why but it’s a feeling I have.
Hi Ste,
Thanks for commenting and sharing your story!
x
LOVE your videos Matt! Can’t wait for the TV show and your book! I had a tough time thinking a time I got rejected. Which is not a good thing! It means I’m not putting myself out there enough. But one time was when I was playing basketball at the gym with a bunch of guys. And I went up to take a shot and a guy just put his hand up and swatted the ball back down. I make the fact that I’m a girl an excuse too much. Anyways, this happened several times more. But most importantly, I learned from it. In my practice, I incorporated a little fake shot before my real one. :)
Hi Ange,
I’m glad you are planning to put yourself out there more! Taking action is the best thing you can do to put your love life forward.
x
I am 44 divorced mom of two teens. I decided I was bored with my spare. Time and began to take ball room classes when one of the instructors who’s quite young became interested in me. He would dance with me at our practice parties and become physical with me and said he couldn’t help but hold me. He did this on more than one occasion which made me uncomfortable and. I told him to stop be denied it all. Needless to say I have noticed how men react or make eye contact with me so I smile all the time. This is just a small step in going back into the relationship world even if I get rejected I’m ok with it .
P.s I have another dance instructor who’s not as hormonal as the other one and its a lot better dancing this way.
Thanks for commenting and good luck with the dancing!
x
I’ve got rejected by my ex-boyfriend someday in Nov 2012. Couldn’t get over it as he did not give me a clear reason to why he decided in breaking up after 3 years of being together. It was tough for me.. I text and call him everyday but he just chose to ignore. I even throw my last bit of dignity away by waiting outside his apartment the whole night for him. End up he just walked away, leaving his family to settle things with me. It was totally embarrass and really silly of me to devalue myself to a point like this. But at least I tried my best, perhaps? Till now I’m trying to move on.. :(
Hi Eileen,
Moving on can be tough and no one expects you to do it right away but hopefully each day will get better and you’ll be ready to go out and meet new people soon.
x
i was rejected i went out with a guy for about 6 weeks n we got onreally great then he just stopped texing then ignoring my texts i still dont no wot happened i thought we were good 2 gether ?
Hi Matthew,
Thanks so much for the videos you put out, they really do apply to life beyond love life.
My worst rejection was with someone I have a history with. I had been the one mostly responsible for (short-term) rejection, but both of us had hoped that we could still be together again at some point.
When I came home and we saw each other for the first time in more than a year, he asked if we could sleep together so that he could get over me and be with someone new he had met. Although I didn’t do it, enough happened between us that made me feel compromised and confused that after how long we had been together and how much we loved each other, he was willing to hurt me permanently for something casual.
I’m starting to get over this relationship for the first time in five years, and without rejection this painful, nothing would have caused me enough pain to need to put it behind me.
Thanks again for all of the good stuff you put out there. Looking forward to 2013!
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for sharing your rejection story with us. Having everyone talk about it here has helped so many already.
x
Hello Matthew!! Happy new year!
Here is my story:
I’ve been rejected, last year by someone I was already in love with, but we were colleagues for 1 year. We went to Paris together to visit a friend of his, he was sweetn romantic and all, but nothing happened… except that I was convinced that he loved me back.
A few days later I told him how I felt for him, he didn’t really answered much, he said that I should take my time to get over it, and stay friends… I was heart broken but I accepted that rejection… and two days later he starded a long distance relationship with an asian girl 7 years younger than him and played the “really happy guy” all over his FB page… our “friendship” wasn’t enough to at least spare my feelings… I talked about it with him… he said “If I had to do it again, I would do exactly the same” (that was the most hurting part… the kiss of death) I felt so … worthless. I almost thought he wanted to punished me or someting. That was too hard.
I got over him quickly, I met a really sweet guy 15days later… but I still feel worthless. nice story huh? :-)
Thanks for your vidéos!
Hi Mawii,
I’m glad you met someone new to share your time with. Don’t let the rejection of the last guy keep you from enjoying the attention of this new guy.
x
I just began my freshman year at college last fall and immediately felt incredibly attracted to this one guy who was my room mates best friend. He seemed unexpectedly right in so many ways I had never felt before. The feeling was mutual and one evening he came over to watch a movie and he ended up staying the night. Nothing happened other than cuddling(completely PG). Everyday after that we talked on facebook, yet the following weekend he went home to see his family, and changed his relationship status from “Single” to “In a relationship”. I felt incredibly played and the “next best choice”.
This is the first time I’ve responded to one of your videos, I’ve loved just being on your newsletter and receiving great advice from you. I thought this story about rejection might make you chuckle if you ever read this: I went on a first date on halloween, I couldn’t go to a dance the next night with this fellow because I had an opera production I was in then, but I was still really attracted to him and really wanted to get to know him, so I ended carving pumpkins with him that same day he’d asked me out to go swing dancing. After the date which I thought had gone really well I get home and in my inbox is a newsletter email from you about exactly what not to do on a first date… its the one email of yours that made me wince, I realize that I had done most if not everything on the don’t do list, if only I’d read it before, lol. He hasn’t asked for another date since and I’m not surprised at all. Better luck next time I guess. Thank you for all the heartfelt work you do and I really appreciate your advice:)
Thanks for your sweet words, Caro! I’m glad that the newsletter is helpful. Better late than never! x
I’ve never really been rejected, cause I don’t have the courage to hit on the guy I like, or make a move. Even when it’s clear that he’s into me too. I guess at heart I’m an old fashion kind off girl who expects guys to do so. And I’m not the type who always knows the right things to say, I also fear of getting it wrong. But I really want to break this cycle of having the opportunity to just go for it, but chickening out and regretting afterward.
Once I made a move by mistake:
I had feelings for a guy I used to hang out with a lot. We really clicked. I was in the friendzone for ages. One night I was drunk, called him and told him how I felt. We started dating the next day. He felt the same way as I did. And all I could think was, why didn’t I say anything sooner??
Point of my story is that I’m missing out on a lot because of my fobie of rejection. 2013, a new year, new chances to meet new people and probably also get rejected. But what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger :)
PS. I loveeee your video’s and a happy new year! X
Hi Deveney,
I’m glad you are enjoying the videos and I hope they inspire you to go out and meet new people. As you can see, people can get past rejection and so can you!
x
Matthew you are the best! I have a playlist with your videos on yt and I suggest it to all the people i care about :)
Concerning rejection, i cannot remember the last time i got rejected in my love life-not for any other reason other than the fact that, although I usually make the first move, I always go after those I know for sure they like me.
However i have been rejected a lot recently in the friend zone(not sure if that falls into the category of the things you want to hear on this “comment thread”) But now my new year resolution(especially having watched your new video) is to try harder, take more chances and meet a whole lot new people!! :D
Best wishes to you to find everything you want this year! :)
Hi Anastasia,
I’m glad that you are using the videos and applying them where you need. Thanks for the comment!
x
Hello Matthew,
I am a fan of you from Sweden. I saw your last video and thought to reply
I have a huge crush on a guy in my school. We have talked occasionally together. I have never asked about his favorit music style, but i do know that he is into music, so thought that i should send him a PM with a sample music from a soundtrack that i like to his facebook. The resualt? I got rejected.:( He didn’t answerd or anyhting. He just read the PM.
I wrote something like this: Hi, i dont know why but i think you would like it (the link to the music) Give it a try. Take care.
What on earth did i do wrong? From now on i do not have any confidence in talking to him anymore :( Help?
Cheers and take care /Christina
Hi Matthew,
Happy New Year, and thanks for helping so many amazing women to find love.
My latest rejection was with a guy I was seeing at the begining of 2012. We had been “going out” for about two months, and I thought it was time we decided if we should continue to see each other, or not. I just asked him if he wanted to continue to see me…. at first he didnt really know what to say, but after a few more questions and comments from me, he decided that he didnt want too, but also said that he didnt want to hurt me. You should of seen his face though, he looked so happy!!! It was like a weight had been lifted. I think I had been really anxious, and insecure…. a weight was also lifted for me too as now at least I knew where I stood. The truth is that sometimes I am more afraid of men saying yes than saying no!! But on the other hand, I want to be in love and to be loved, and have that relationship. So lets hope 2013 I can get out there and make that happen. Thanks Matt for all that you do
Trina
When I experience rejection I always remind myself that The the wrong one is the right one to lead me to the best one. I know that’s cheesy but before I gained the confidence I needed this little saying helped so much. I also try to use rejection as a learning tool it can tell you so much about yourself and what you might need to change/work on. I also love something my brother said one time when I totally bombed on a business attempt. He asked me if I thought any successful person got to where they were on the first attempt and of course the answer was NO! With that said when rejection does come your way find the humor in it and move on to the Best One:) Happy Man Hunting Ladies:)
Hi Matthew !
I’m from Montréal Canada and I love the way you express yourself and give us tips. I’ve been rejected a few times last year on a dating site because, unlike some other ladies, I do take the first steps towards men and rejection often has to do with my weight. I’m a BBW and I’m not shy about it because I had lots of boyfriends who enjoyed this very much but I can understand that I cannot be to everybody’s taste as they are not all to mine. One of them was SOOOOO much like me in what he was describing, we would have had a blast I’m sure. But when he told me that he was not interested… well I just thought, too bad ! Attitude is for something in it after all isn’t it? Have a great day !
Hey Matt! Thanks for this video, I feel really pumped. :)
So, my rejection story would have gone better except for one thing. I was about to call the guy to tell him my feelings, and as it turns out, one of our mutual friends took the liberty of doing it for me, and then informing me through text. I got furious and told her that if he couldn’t even let me know himself, I didn’t even want to be friends, in spite of the fact that we had been really good friends before. That was in October, so I intend to try and fix things when I see him tomorrow. I’m still mad at our mutual friend, though.
i did not get rejected yet – its my goal for the new year!
nova xx
Hiiii!
So, I have to tell you that I am really scared of rejection and I loved this video about making the rejection your friend, I want to do it!
I remember one time that I got rejected and it was really painful for me – it was with one guy that I really liked, we had couple of dates, but they were going worse and worse and finally he stopped writing to me. Even though we didn’t have any argument or he didn’t say it to me face-to-face I still felt rejected very painfully ’cause I reaaally liked him.
Good tips Matthew! Thanks for motivating me to keep trying.
I was thinking about rejection and why I am so hesitant to put myself out there. One particular story does not come to mind, rather a melange of memories, ranging from a boy asking me out in middle school when he really liked my friend, to guys hitting on me when they were dating other women, to me having great conversations and first dates and the guys never following up again. I see those incidents as rejections, because the lack of follow up or sincere interest leads me to believe they were not really into me, and I guess I needed the confirmation before I reached out and expressed interest.
I pledge to follow up with men I connect with this year. I hesitate to be too assertive because I’ve had male friends tell me I can be intimidating. I have wonderful friendships and I love meeting people, but dating stumps me to this day. I recognize I could be more open with how I feel, and this is not easy to express. I look forward to more of your sage advice! I’m 30 and would love to fall in love, for the first time!