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4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • i recently started seeing this guy i met randomly while working, we are not colleagues but happened to be in the same place. We exchanged greeting and phone numbers. He texted the next day and went out on our first date the day after. The best date i ever had and he seemed to have fun too, we ended up at his place and you can guess the rest. He texted the next day and kept in touch all seemed to be going well. 2nd date had to be in my place as i am a single mother and didn’t have nanny that day, i invited him over for dinner and movie :) well until here, he showed up with flowers and a gift for my son….we had a good time and we have amazing chemistry….but after that date he went kinda cold and after a few days i asked him if he wanted us to continue seeing each other he said he is not looking for anything serious right now and that he has a lot going on, which i kind of know is true as he said from day one he is workaholic and work late every single night till about 10 or 11 pm and said he doesn’t want to feel that he has to see anyone but he suggested that we see each other when ever we can but he is not ready for anything more or expectations….I am a little confused as i can tell he really likes me and he said that but he doesn’t want anything serious. I said that at this stage i would rather not put labels to it but i would like us to get to know each other with an open mind to every outcome….than he suggested friends with benefits… :( and said is that a label…i said well that means he have to be friends fist…so he kept going on and on about how busy we both are and we have other priorities…my question is, does he not want to be with me or he simple got scared away by my single mom status…he knows i am independent and have a good job and all that….should i get back in touch with him or just wait for him to do that….i really like him and i would really like to see him again but not sure how to go about it without being pushy. He said “we see each other when we see each other but no going out of our way or try to force things one way or another”!! did i just get dumped or is there still a chance?

  • I recently dated a guy for around 4 months! In the beginning he would text everyday, call me up every other day and treated my like a queen anytime we went out together! After the first month he told me he’d like to make things official between us and things were fantastic! until one day when he suddenly cut all contact with me’ ! I heard nothing from him and after a few weeks I text him and received no reply! The following day I was chatting with a work colleague who was telling me about a new guy she’d been dating and revealed that it was infact the guy I’d been seeing for 4 months!! I was devastated by the news but felt grateful I’d found out now! As painful as it was, I’m a stronger person for the experience and will not allow it to dampen my spirits! Bring on the new year and the challenges it may bring :)! X

  • My very first relationship was monogamous and lasted for years and my second, was to the love of my life to whom I was blissfully married for 11 years. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer early May ’09 and passed away with me by His side, 6 weeks later.
    It’s taken me years to recover. Finding the perfect man, the perfect husband, the perfect human being; friend and partner in everything, almost never happens and I was one of the very lucky ones.
    Now, I want to be in a relationship, but having been so loved and so indulged, has left me feeling terrified of putting myself “out there”…. for men to analyze; scrutinize and criticize. It’s difficult to imagine what it feels like to fall from the highest of pedestals on which a man who is truly devoted and in love, will place the love of his life.
    I’m proud; am well aware of my worth and value and, I’m scared. We absolutely are all looking for love in our lives. It’ll open doors we thought were closed for good and define if not at least refine, who we are while allowing us to live our potential and all our dreams. I know, I’ve had That.
    Even though I’m scared, I’m convinced that I will one day again, be with someone worthy of me. Meanwhile, I’ll continue working with the one person who will never leave me and whom I will always be able to depend upon: Me. XOX

  • I’ve always feared rejection, and that is why I have usually avoided it…at all costs. One time, I was walking home with a guy that had been my friend for YEARS. I was finally going to tell him I liked him. And then, he blurted out that he wanted to get back together with our mutual friend. It really hurt. Then, I started liking another guy. I even carpooled 2 hours back to college with him. We watched a movie, and I thought things went great. Then, he just stopped talking to me all at once. I sent a few Facebook messages, and when he didn’t respond, figured that he just didn’t like me anymore. This year I will try to put myself out there more! And I just need to look rejection in the eye and tell him I’ll get the best of him next time.

  • Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and I been rejected many times, but the most recent rejection was, when I got the courage to ask my crush to go to a concert with me.
    Of course he wasn’t interested, so he said, ” I’m busy that week, but let me think about it.” I asked him again but to his favorite band concert. And still turn me down. I stop trying, because I didn’t wanted to seem desperate. And I have learned to value myself. And got the clue that he wasn’t that into me. But that hasn’t stopped me. And I know that wont be the last rejection, I’m only 19. But I do know, that I will attract the right guy I like.
    Thanks to the of Matthew Hussey.
    Ps to any beautiful person who reads this.
    Rehection happens to everyone, not just you.

  • Hi Matt,

    thanks for being amazingly awesome all the time. I am part of your programme and I can definitely recommend this to everyone! It.’s simply awesome!
    I was rejected by a man two years ago. We started dating first and he directly started to wanna have sex with me. ..I was 21 at that ponit and didn’t know anything about your wonderful advises! Throughout the following dates I slept with him and even I was the one who told him that I was in love…he said he wasn’t…so I told him I wanna sleep with him and he agreed for another date…it was a gorgeous date but after that I told him I only want him as my boyfriend. No friendship, no affair and if he doesn’t agree I don’t wanna have contact with him any more. He was addicted to me I felt it but you can see all the stupid mistakes I made! After 3 weeks he called me and said he is in love with me and he couldn’t admit it to himself before, he said he was feared cause his ex cheated on him. He asked me if I want it any more too and I said directly yes (I roll my eyes while reading all these mistakes I made). I told him to give me time and he wanted to see me so deeply and after 2 weeks I dated him. He told me that he likes me very much and that was honest…I felt it..but then he tried to have sex with me being home. I wanted to do something else but couldn’t reject him I was turned on too…so we had sec this night for about 4 or 5 times…we went to the shower after the first time and directly started to have the second sex and this happend 4 or 5 times. During the night he turned strange to me. I asked him whats wrong and he said nothing. I said that I wanna know now cause this feeling between us was awkward and he said he doesn’t want this with me and I said to him: “If this is true I directly go now and you will never ever see me again.” He felt very bad but it wad middle of the night I had to wait till next morning to go on the train back home. Abd so I cried the whole night in his bed…we even made a srx video that night, before he told me that he didnt want me any more. So next morning I went away crying and he kissed me on my forehead and felt so bad. He always underlined its not because of me! But you see all the mistakes I made…I also focused my life on him not on my life, I was always there when he texted or called..Anyway the folliwing weeks we continued having contact but without seeing each other. Once again he told me he wanna have a relationship with me after a couple of weeks and I again agreed to him but never met him, because I didn’t want…and after a few weeks he again said he doesn’t want it any more and I finally asked hom why! why did you then say you were in love with me and Matt I felt that this was not a lie he was in love with me! And he answered that was just a lie because I wanted tp have sex with you again. And I said well if thats true I am wondering why you are still here and not in Hollywood cause then you are an gorgeous actor! I felt that he was in love with me but I assume because of all these mistakes I made…you know! After that he tried to have contact with me the next whole year and once I said I was in his town he directly broke up work and wanted to meet me, I tild him before that he will never get sex from me again but he just liked me…but I finally said no to this date and after a year of contact and flirting with me via phone etc I said that I dont wanna have contact with him any more and sunce then we didn’t have. But as a result I can truly say that if I had known you Mr Wonderful Hussey during that time that would definitely have turned into a relationship cause I made so many mistakes which I reslised during your programme. And by the way he was an asshole so I don’t wanna have these type of guy again. I am dating a wonderful guy next week for the first time :) We have been in contact for 6 minth now…he had to show me that he is interested in me, my heart and not in my beautiful body first and he did a pretty good job for 6 month…we have contact nearly every day and Ihe asked me so many times for a date..I always said yes but first I wanted to see that he is interested in me in my heart and not in my looks as I said it before. And he definitely showed me the last few month! So I will agree to a date the next weeks and am sooo looking firward to it…but I still need your help Matt: Should I kiss him back when he kissed me on the first date??? No sex after getting…what you described in your programme, thazs claer, I won’t do that until I reach to that point with him…but what about kissing him back on the first date when he tries to kiss me??? please help I need your help Matt!!! Thank you so much for everything!!! :) ps. I changed my name amd my email address for this comment just for safety and pps. I am not from Ukor Usa or whereever you speak English, so if you finf any grammatical mistakes please keep them as a gift. They are quite rare to get from me…so this is very special if you find one ;) Lots of love and I wish you a very successful 2013, the best year you’ve ever had!!! xx

  • Hi,

    I remember having a crush on a collegue at work.
    i guess ive been so much around him and plus that time i wasnt that aware that i wasnt giving my self some value. i just didnt know how to approach the guy.
    later on i was totally ignored. so wud i say its considerd rejection? :)


  • Have you ever seen the “You Wanna Be My Friend” scene in the musical “Closer Than Ever”? I pretty much live that scene over and over. Rejection is my talent.

    The latest: I met a boy (note, I use boy, not man) through an event I was producing at my job. He was a delight that night, funny, charming, attentive, a bit unsure, yet bold. We clearly had similar interests and by the end of the evening, exchanged contact information. Not a word from him.

    Weeks later, he showed up at another event of which I was in attendance. It was like we were old friends. Another evening of great conversation, much laughter, a bit of intrigue, flirting, and friendship building. The next week, another event, the next, the same. This went on for a few weeks, slowly getting to know one another. It was lovely, organic, patient, enjoyable, no pressure. He was looking for “the one”. I was looking for someone worthy of sharing the incredible life I have who doesn’t fear my independence, my power as a human, the energy of me. He seemed to be all these things.

    Now, back to “Closer Than Ever” for some exposition. I have been rejected dozens of times in the last years. I hold the world’s record for “most dates scheduled that never happen” and “most first dates that never get to a second” and the most “non-dates” (evenings that I was very clear were dates, but apparently my date didn’t realize it). I apparently have about an 18 hour expiration date and my shiny wears off.

    This causes me to be rather upfront. One evening, things were clearly progressing with this boy. He walked me to the car after an amazing night with friends. He kissed me (it was sort of other-worldly, I can give him that). He agreed we would talk the next day and make plans for a night out with just the two of us. He actually sent a message the very next day. We had a tentative Sunday night dinner and a more official plan for Monday, which was my birthday. I asked him outright of his intentions, was he interested in more than sleeping with me because of that I had no interest. His reply: “Yes, more. More time, a relationship, a friendship…” It was sweet, and sincere. I felt good knowing that there were clear expectations to avoid the: “oh, I don’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend” the children I’d met had fed me time and time again before this guy (or the date who brought a date on our date – our 5th date…or the steady date who suddenly revealed his six other girlfriends in six other states and the wife at home…or….or….or….or….or…….). Clear expectations, intent confirmed, no misunderstandings possible. Right?

    I was on cloud nine. I had met a man, a good man, an intelligent man, a man who fit in my world and complemented it, who saw my worth and liked my quirks. I met him from simply living my life without having to try – without the constant heat seeking missile way I had floundered in the past. I was going to spend my birthday with a man that I admired and enjoyed every moment with.

    Then suddenly that Saturday afternoon, the messages stopped. The calls to make decisions about Sunday weren’t returned. Monday morning rolls around and I sent a simple message: “you’re not coming tonight, are you?” About 5 minutes before we were to meet for my birthday dinner, he responded that he was at work. Lovely. I ordered a bottle of Tequila and proceeded to make bad choices.

    Weeks went by, no word. Nothing at all. I finally sent a message with an inquiry: “why”.

    He told me he wanted a relationship, friendship…and an hour later apparently met someone else. He apologized for hurting me, wanted to “be my friend,” gave me some stupid line about things taking time (our meeting to the expectation conversation took 4 months and many evenings out and conversations between). I can’t recall what I responded with, but he wrote: “you’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”

    Here’s my response: “Simply because you placed no value on our interaction, does not give you the right to diminish the importance I placed on it and to dictate my emotions. You chose someone else, I can accept that. You handled it poorly, I can forgive that. I cannot sit by idly and allow you to belittle what I am feeling.”

    This year is a learning year. A research year to figure out that dynamic that attracts and keeps the attraction. To understand patience in this (even four months was clearly not enough). To live fully alone without wishing for another, yet being open to it if someone of value appears. This is my testosterone detox year. My dating sabbatical…not giving up, the sabbatical to rethink and question why I have allowed those unworthy of my time, attention, and kindness to keep me so precarious. No more. That rejection was the final moment to send me back to study – to study me and create the life I want with or without someone who appreciates the beauty I have cultivated.

    1. Alice, you almost had me in tears by the time I finished reading. This is so beautifully written, I loved it, and my heart goes out to you.
      Good luck and peace,

      1. I’m not sure why so many women accept “let’s be friends”. I don’t need any more of those kind of friends and I won’t stand for any man trying to absolve himself of wrong doing by belittling a woman’s response. It’s time for a break from all that. :)

        1. when you turn that breaking point into a jumping-off point, well you’re definitely headed in the right direction ! that’s the great thing about Get The Guy – Matthew puts it all in proper perspective and sends us off with such a positive spin, you can’t help but win.

          good luck and have a fabulous year, Alice !

  • Sorry let me rephrase that.:)
    Thanks to the help of Matthew Hussey, I will learned to attract the guy I like.
    And that rejection happens to everyone.

  • So.
    This ‘younger’ guy that I have been spending time (for the last year) went home to his parents for the holidays for 2 weeks. The last time he did, we Skyped a few times a week during the time he was gone… So yesterday, I called him via ‘facetime’ to see what was going on and if he wanted to see my face… since he has been gone for what seemed like a while to me. He did not pick up.
    Then I texted him: “wanted to see your face for some time”
    He texted back: “Hey, happy new years. I’ll be back Tuesday”
    (Whatever that means???)
    My response was: Oh OK… Happy New Year to you too.

    I felt totally rejected, but realized that regardless of how much time we spend together here in NY… He’s is just not that into me right now.
    I definitely need continue to consider other men for romantic relationships.

  • Well when i was in high i told a guy that i liked him and he didnt feel the same way. Ever since then i’ve been so afraid i being rejected that i dont even bother talking to guys i like anymore. But like you said its a new year :).

  • Ok,After getting over my ex with the help of your article of course early last year, I was ready to fall in love again… so,I met this guy at a local shopping mall. I gave him my number,and he called me the next day saying he would love to see me again blah blah.. I really liked this guy even though i only met him once,but i guess i played a little too hard to get and he got pissed of.I never heard from him again.
    I know its a bit stupid, when i searched for him on facebook and sent him a friend request ,he did add me, but completely ignored me….

  • Hi! Become friends with rejection.. Wow, you really make me think differently about things, you’re right..
    So, this is my story about rejection: I fell in love with a co-worker. I met him at work and went out one time, then I met his best friend (a girl) who seemed to be vert nice.. Me and her were going out a lot, never with him and I rarely brought him out as a topic of conversation.. She was dating someone at the time so I kind of became a friend she rely on to talk about things when they were going wrong..
    Meanwhile I tried to be as friendly and open to any oportunity I had to see my “co-worker” because we weren’t talking much, but it became harder and weirder, I started hearing things like: “everyone knows you like him” “maybe he’s not talking to you because he’s overwealmed”.. And I was caught in the middle, confused and ashamed.. But being near him just didn’t help me.. I know, I fell in love on my own, I created an idea, hoped for something and never gave up.. The last two months were the worst ‘ cause I thought I had it under control but God I was wrong.. Long story short, I saw him and his best friend kissing at this party we were, and also had to listen to their drunk friend (who was hosting the party but I’ve never met before) how he knew this would happen, how he suspected something but never said anything..
    Oh yes, it hit me that day, he and I would never be together, I never knew how much in love I was until my heart was broken and I had to find a way to shake this up ’cause I’ll have them both working with me next year.. I thought the best thing I could do is to leave things as they were.. It’s been hard, I’ve been seeing them at birthday parties and facebook, they seemed to be doing great and moving on into a serious relaltionship.. Makes me sad, not gonna lie, but I guess eventually things will get better…

    This is why I think you were right with accepting rejection, moving on with your life.. I wouldn’t Say I’m scared of love, but next time I’ll be carerull..


  • Hello Mathew, as always great videos.
    Mathew.no matter where i go no matter what circumstances i have always been rejected.
    I find myself attracting the men who i have no connection or attraction to.
    Im quite direct and forward because i believe you have to make things clear so men understand.
    I like to speak up about my feelings but its not attracting anyone.
    I cant seem to get a relationship.
    How can i get the man i want?

    Kind regards

  • My biggest rejection was my husband saying to me after a 16 year marriage and having just had our son that I don’t love you anymore!;( I went through 2 rough depressive years following that…then went online and have been having fun “dating” and learning all the rules/methods/principles out there and coming across your site Mathew has helped me loads..I stroll don’t understand why guys just disappear after half a dozen dates but am working on myself not to be bothered about it, as its their loss, NEXT! ;) so am working on millimetre shifts and bring proactive and increasing my social network, your online tutorials are my bible now matthew! Thank you so much and will try and make rejection my friend and laugh it off…x

  • I once gave my number to a guy (a fellow writer/acquaintance), telling him that I planned on going to the coffee shop that afternoon and he should join if interested.

    He said that he had coffee in his plans as well and maybe he’d see me there.

    Well, I never saw him there and he never called, but at least I went anyway!

  • I don’t have a story of rejection, but of one that might become one. Cotillion is in one month. I am attracted to my date but his friends have made it clear that he hasn’t thought of a girl in that way for a while due to a previous rejection. This month I plan on working out often in order to feel like my best self. When cotillion rolls around and if I’m still attracted to him I plan on telling him how I feel because I don’t want to regret never figuring out if it might have worked.

  • Great Inspiration points for 2013 Matthew- thank you!

    My rejection is recent. Two years ago I met a guy through work, huge, charismatic, beautiful (to me) and for two years we have had a strange on and off thing – very intense. Usually we see each other and then suddenly he turns on me and dumps me by text.Late last year he contacted me again, promised never to hurt me, and we had a blissful two months together, and he suddenly seemed to have fallen in love with me (as I have been with him for two years). Hi situation was complicated and we have always said that we had to accept that couldn’t change, when suddenly he said he couldn’t stand it any more and wanted to be with me forever. I was over the moon. It then transpired that he expected me to put up a year’s rent so that he could move out into his own place for the sake of his children. I said I could help, but didn’t earn enough or have enough savings to do this. At which point he said I had betrayed his trust and love and he dumped me by text. I was devastated.

      1. Thanks Matthew.

        And thanks for being an inspiration and a support to us all. You are a wise man. (Any chance you could clone yourself several million times)? :-D x

  • Well, Everything you said made me realize I don´t have a rejection story in which I had felt depressed maybe I haven´t felt in love yet! I am 35 years old and I guess I´ve never been in love. Is that possible? I have a 15-year-old son and it could be I´m afraid of falling for someone because of my son or maybe I put a wall in order to be saved all the time. I want to fall in love and have a family but it seems so difficult. Most men think that when you have a child, you need sex and we are”vulnerable”. That´s why maybe I am protecting myself from being hurt!

    1. Hi Denisse,

      Its never too late to start putting yourself out there. If you’re not quite comfortable with dating yet then try just making new friends and talking to new people around you. Thanks for commenting!


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