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4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • Matt all that ever seems to come out of your mouth are words of wisdom! you pretty much hit the nail on the head about everything. Well, onto my rejection story. It was senior year of highschool, i had just won a scholarship and one of the perks of that scholarship was to go to Washington DC and attend some college prep classes, i ended up meeting this really great guy over there, seemed pretty confident and always was surrounded by a bunch of girls, we would exchange awesome banter and i had never really put myself out there before but this guy was too amazing to just let go so after a while of getting to know each other better i told him how i felt and he told me well, to be honest what you told me is overwhelming and i need time to think, he never got back to me and when i reached out to him, he was very distant and cold, he was no longer the charismatic guy i thought i knew.

  • I was rejected by my best friend. When we initially started being friends, he was interested in me. I said no and that I just wanted to be friends. For the years that followed we were. He tried at one point to kiss me a coue of years later and I said no,just friends again. During that time I was drinking and partying too much and not a good person. I shaped up changed my life, got back into school and now I’m one year away from Graduate school. He and I were still friends. I developed feelings for him and tried to start a relationship. We began being romantic, going on dates started being physical. I went away on a trip for my education for 10 days and when I returned, he was dating another girl. In a full on relationship with her. I had known him for ten years and never once expect him to do something like this. When I asked him what happened he wouldn’t respond. My friend said he was threatened because I really changed my life for the better. Another friend said he won’t respond because he feels guilty betraying me and no one wants to hurt their own ego. So he won’t admit what he did was wrong.

    1. Hi Alex,

      Thanks for sharing! Being rejected without knowing why is frustrating and confusing. Keep focusing your attention on all the positive things you got going on and the fantastic year that’s ahead of you.


    2. It appears that your best friend (IF your best friend is a guy, SHOULD be some one you ARE romantically int in. ! Thats just my opinion ,but that is comming from a woman post 18 yrs great marriage ( he died cancer 2002)Hence,you NOT having int. in him, I agree was probably expecting the impossible. Being his friend yeah (BEST FRIEND??> dif level of Interest/comfort in ea other AND NOW add the mix of physical int.by him/rejected by you.! I am a woman and even I get his frustration. I don’t think any man & woamn can be BEST friends and Not be romantically int together. And it also implies you took for granted YRs of HIS friendship ( especially knowing you rejected him at first) and now you felt offended that (how dare him) seek int in another gal just because you suddenly took int in him. I think you should have distant yourself from his “friendship’ earlier. ( Being objective_yeah yeah its easier on the outside looking in:)

  • When I was 15 I asked a guy in the grocery store for his number, but he just said “No, I’m good.” Then looked down like I wasn’t standing there. :/ it was my first REAL rejection.

  • Actually I just got rejected days ago. I was dating this guy from my university dorm. I went home for two weeks for the holidays and when I came back he told me he made up with his girlfriend from home (and apparently he had plans to make it work with her all along, she even visited him while I was gone).

    To be honest, I was stunned because, while he is a very smart and funny guy, I have to admit I always considered myself a bit ‘out of his league’. He is probably the only guy I refused to play games with and I was very sweet with and told him how much I liked him and how smart I thought he was… well all to try and make him comfortable. Apparently he got too comfortable haha.

    It was a blow on my ego most of all, but I was happy to see that the next day I was perfectly ok with everything, I am proud of myself because I took this rejection very well (and normally I don’t).

    And it actually had interesting results, he seems to be trying to flirt with me again and this is just days later!

  • I told my boyfriend of 3-4 months I was in love with him after he told me he doesn’t really us together in the future and it’s better if we move on. I thought it would make things better, however he murmured something like ‘oh, no’. Ouch!!!! :)

  • I’ve always had this fear of rejection and I really never knew how to control it, I felt like what if you do finally find someone you truely fall in love with and when you find deep inside yourself the strength to tell them you’ve fallen in love they just flat out reject you. But I ended up falling in love with a guy that I knew would cause issues just because we both had seperate groups of friends and our friends really disliked eachother so in a way I found them influencing our friendship and determining if we should trust eachother or not. Well one day I thought it was enough, he would always say that we are friends forever and I wanted more then that, so I told him that I’m in love with him. He was silent for awhile and then I realize it was a mistake to tell him how I felt, I rushed in with whatever distraction topic I could come up with at the time to save myself from how hurt I was and I knew he didn’t want to hurt my feelings so I never brought it up again. We’re still friends till this day but now we hangout with more people and don’t spend as much time together.

  • My boyfriend was didn’t reject me, he just pulled away from me more and more for a couple of months. Those were probably two of my toughest month of my life and finally broke up with him. After wards, when we had come on good terms again, he told me that he hadn’t had feelings for me in months and had just been too afraid to hurt my feelings and too much of a coward to want to reject me, he just wanted to see if he could fall in love again (by avoiding me that is). I would have loved to just be rejected. Embrace that the guy is being honest with you <3 I am now seeing him all day every day, because we are in the same class in gymnasium (12th grade, I'm from Denmark) I'm over him and it doesn't hurt me to see him in class… it is just hard getting reminded of the rejection all the time

  • In high school, when I was fifteen or sixteen, and after a class ended I declare myself to the guy who I liked the months. I went to him and told him I liked him and asked if he liked me, so I remember the answer to be no. I remember spending the rest of the day in a bad mood and very sad. Starting that day never declared myself a guy without being sure that he felt concern for me.

  • Hey Mathew! Happy 2013 to you too, and congrats on your book! Will I be able to get here in Australia?

    Well anyway, I suppose my most recent rejection is the funniest! It was New Years Eve and I was with one of my mates, I do admit we were both a bit tipsy, anyway I was hoping that after all this flirting and chemistry that had been going on between us that we could kiss at midnight. However, when I leaned in to kiss him he backed away and asked me what I was doing, I said I was going to kiss you, he then replied there is something I need to tell you, long story short he ended up saying “I’m gay”. Well I can defiantly tell you that was the perfect way to end the year with a bang! ahahahaha

    We are now just friends, and closer than ever! I see it as a good rejection! :) Izzy

  • My latest rejection came in the form of an email. All he said was I wanted more and he wouldn’t give any more now or ever. This after years of subtle flirtation and utter love sickness. So close and yet so far.

  • I was rejected a few weeks ago by a guy I was dating. At first he was super-nice, the perfect guy, sweet, interesting, handsome.. Maybe too perfect to be true? Hmmm. :P
    Well, as soon as I showed him my personality, the real me, so as soon as I started trusting him a little bit (which is extremely diffult for me buuut I forgot that part of me with him, don’t ask me why), he disappeared. I guess I scared him? I don’t know, maybe. And I didn’t ask him to marry me or something, I swear hahaha. The only thing I did wrong was trusting him and showing him things about myself, which exposed me to what happened next.
    But he didn’t just disappear.. what I hated and what hurt me is the way he behaved next: the next time I met him, we were in the club where I first met him, he was with his (boy)friends and started acting like an asshole showing me a new (and not nice at all) side of him. So I asked him an explanation because I wanted to understand what was happening, and at first it seemed like everything was fine again, he said he wanted to get to know me better, that he had missed me and all, but of course that was not true, he just wanted to play which I didn’t agree. I don’t like being treated like a toy.
    Next time I met him (same place) he behaved even worse, he let his friends dancing around me and things like that, like I was some kind of cheap toy they also could use. The day after that night we argued because he denied he had told me he wanted to get to know me better and denied he had done anything wrong with his friends. All I wanted at that point was to be left alone, but he made things impossible. He denied everything he had said or done, which is crazy.

    I honestly don’t understand what happened and why he had this Dr Jekyll-and-Mr Hyde behaviour (one minute he tells me he wants me, the minute later he rejects me) well.. I guess I’m extemely good at meeting selfish assholes.

    The “good” thing is that now I’ll be more careful, trying to take risks without getting romantically involved with the wrong guys. Well, at least I’ll try. Intention for the New Year. :P

  • I haven’t dated anyone since my divorce which was 2 yrs ago but reconnected with a guy from high school that I never really knew all that well but enough to say hi etc. and we had mutual friends. We were always attracted to each other though. He found me on fb and we have been talking via text for about 3 months. The 1st 2 months we spoke almost every day. We met up with some friends once at the beginning and had a great time. He told me weeks later while I expressing my annoyance with some men only wanting one night stands… that if he wasn’t putting all his time & energy into his 6 year old daughter that he would have tried (relationship) with me. We occasionally talk about getting together and he teases “no drinking” don’t trust myself. He said that women in the past don’t understand his work hours and the time he has committed to his daughter. I really like him but not holding my breath… We remain friends. I am always putting myself in social situations and I do get rejected from men and I do look at it as experience and sometimes the challenge can be fun.

  • Hey Matt,

    My rejection happened last year. This guy and I had been friends and at times a little more then friends for 6 1/2 years. I thought we could marry but we never made our relationship an official romantic relationship. I asked him out but he said no. I was devestated and heartbroken but I pulled myself together. I am so embarrassed by the situation. I dont talk to him or see him. I really want to try to love again this year.

  • Yay! He is back with a great video above and the vitality and passion we are used to seeing!
    The guy I was exclusive with asked to meet me at a dessert restaurant. When he arrived at the table, he sat down and said “first things first” and blew the candle out on the table. I didn’t say anything, just laughed inside. He broke up with me, it did sting initially but I never was really that into him, I was just being needy when I was with him. Didin’t see it at the time but I know when I go into it now….only took me 30 years lol..you see sometimes the person rejecting thinks it will be worse on you then it is..and of course, its never about them..just an opportunity to learn what mistakes I was making…again.

  • I rarely ask a guy out (usually I wait to be asked) but when I was a senior in High School (like 6 years ago) I asked the guy I had been crushing on in my math class and cross country/track team if he wanted to go to the prom with me. I was incredibly nervous to the point that I probably studered. It was after a long run and before an ab workout when I popped the question if he’d go with me (He was alone when I asked). He said he’d think about it. As soon as the ab workout was over I quickly fled to the women’s locker room because I didn’t want to hear his answer, but alas he called my name before I went in and pulled me aside and waited for all the women to go in and then he turned me down. Unfortunately I don’t remember what he said, but I got rejected. I don’t like rejection/being rejected but I guess its keeping me away from the people I want to be in a relationship with. I guess I should take a risk and pop the question again (i.e do you want to go out?) and see where it gets me! ) Thanks for some food for thought!

  • Hey matt I can never watch ur videos. I have adobe flash player so I don’t know why this is and my phone has everything straight I can see everyone elses videos? What’s the 4 things. :\ ???

    I had my guy tell me how he went 2 the bar and these girls all wanted to buy him stuff and invited him 2 live with them and he said… I said no, but your not like that. And he laughed. It was soo cute

  • Hi
    I know the theme is about rejection, but I just want to say to all the women- do not lose your hope. I was very cynical about being in love or even in the relationship. I could not understand how is it possible to have a deep connection with all the parties, alcohol, sex revolution- not that I don’t like it, I just know that it makes harder to stay faithful and look for something serious. I think I met someone who could potentially become my soul mate. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I will have a laugh some time later on when I read this post again, but at the moment I am starting to believe that love exists and it feels great. Btw Before putting yourself down, because of all the rejection you get, think about all the people you rejected. I bet some of them were good guys, but it wasn’t just what you were looking for. Therefore, rejection means nothing wrong. You have to experience some bad things so you can appreciate the goods that are waiting for you.

  • I am so excited about the book coming out and will definitely buy it and also so happy about the series coming to NBC. I am wanting to move on with with my life but having a hard time. I am 53 and still need love and to be valued as we all do no matter what age we are or sex we are. I fell in love with a married man, not knowing he was married at the time. i still love him but I am not a woman to break up a family. I have a child myself so I would never want to do that. however I still love him and miss him but i go on with my life and date other people and try every hard to forget him. I will be okay because i believe in myself and life. A lot of people think that we older people do not matter but all people matter. I believe in people and me, and Jesus and God so I will be just fine.

  • About 2 years ago my boyfriend of 7 years whom I had been living with for a year went on a business trip to China, and met a girl half his age who told him she was in love with him, after a short conversation, they saw each other for about 2 weeks and he came back home and said he was going to leave me for her. When told him I loved him he changed his mind. It was the toughest peroid I ever had in my life getting over this rejection, for a younger woman who was the complete opposite of me. I detemined myself to make some changes to make myself better rather than to become bitter. We are still together and part of my education has been with you Mathew and others such as Micheal Fiore, and Rori ray, and Cheri Norris, and many others.
    I now have a full time job which makes me less dependant on him and can continue the changes with a clear mind to know I can leave or stay at will.
    I beleive I was meant to stay with him some how as work was hard to find and had I a full time job and the ability to support myself on my own I would have left been injured and became yet another bitter woman in her 40s. I dont want that for myself. I want to glow with happiness, Love, and openness to life!!

  • Hello,

    It’s really comforting to see how many people go through what I am currently.

    A few months ago I met a guy and by our second date there was a visceral connection like I had never experienced. I think the main reason was not how he looked, even though he was attractive, but rather how he made me feel about myself. He was very sweet and would contact me daily asking how I was and never seeming bored by what I had to say. There were a couple oddities, like that he was not eager to have me meet his sisters when we ran into them on a date. Also he would talk about taking me to dinners and wining and dining me and then when the night came around, he would talk about having no money and use this as a reason to avoid a restaurant, when he would spend more on takeout for us both from restaurants that we would have gone to. The strangest part was that he complained about my not being as attentive as he was just as I found out that he was paying a great deal of attention to a friend of mine (who we knew separately) by sending her suggestive messages and even planning a backpacking trek through Europe with her around the same time I was to be traveling.
    This was more of a rejection in spirit than in expression but he made it known that he was not right for me and I can only be glad that it happened earlier rather than later. :)
    Thanks for that. It was cathartic.

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