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Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

Hey guys,

Check out this video first as it’s an example of what I’m going to be talking about in today’s video:

Now some of you may have found this guy shocking and you’re wondering what this has to do with understanding men in general. Paul is certainly an extreme example of a player, but in order for us to have a greater understanding of the typical guy, we have to look at such examples from the outermost points on the spectrum and find out what is really driving these types of guys.

As I mentioned in the video, Paul is now in a serious, long-term, and committed relationship, and after hearing this I decided to track him down and find out exactly what had happened that made the shift for him to want to be in a relationship.

This interview is going to be included as just one of the many bonuses in my brand new, online programme, and so Thursday is going to be your chance to get your hands on it in full.

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228 Replies to “Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?”

  • Hi Matt,

    I didn’t find paul offensive at all. In fact I thought he was quite logical and well, male! If I was a male I’d probably be like him too! He was interesting and seems like a guy I could have a conversation with. (Not many guys like that either!)

    You mention in your video that women need to attend to the needs of guys. Fair enough and thank you for the insights you give into the male psyche, they are very interesting. But you see, I often believe that is is the MAN who has to attend to the needs of the woman first. In fact, I think this is how I tend to face a potential love partner (for want of a better word!) If he enjoys attending to my needs and I enjoy attending to his needs – then bingo, the relationship might work out.

    Do you see?

    Keep up the good work and take it easy.

    1. Hey Lorella, I couldn’t agree more. I think both men and women have to show their potential to meet each others needs simultaneously. I think the problem is in most case neither party is doing that!

      Thanks for a great comment! x

      1. Indeed. And i agree with you in that sometimes neither is attending to the needs of either. So, I just walk on through life with high value in myself and feeling great. Hopefully this will rub off on Mr Right one day :) And vice versa.

    2. Hi ladies/Mathew,

      I look forward to seeing some of you there on Thursday.

      The only thing that shocked me about the above interview was the deceit about the drinking. It was so cold and calculating. It wasn’t just that he went out of his way to make a woman vulnerable and less capable of making clear decisions, it was the fact that he seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable.

      Other than that, I remind myself regularly that men have twenty times more testosterone flowing through their body than we do, so everything else was no surprise. They’re bound to have a completely different agenda.

      However, as I’ve got older and socialised with older women, I have seen the effect that a sudden erg to have a baby has on some women. The stories I’ve heard and the lengths some of them go to make me shudder. Both men and women are influenced by hormones in different ways and even though I completely disagree with the actions some women take, I can’t help hoping that the recipients are some unfortunate players.

      I believe that if a relationship were meant to be, then it would be. Every relationship I’ve ever had has taught me something about myself. And ladies, we have more than one soul mate. Finding them is my problem.

      many thanks Lesley : )

  • I am interested in a man who is a medical professional, good looking and a confirmed bachelor. We have met ONLY online.. We live at a distance from each other and we want to meet up. He seems like the player type. I’m not sure what to do. I want to meet him but I want more than a “WILD WEEKEND” What are your thoughts? Could you give me some advice? Thanks so much Matthew! :)

    1. My thoughts: Meet him for a FUN weekend, and save the wild for later when he shows you he’s interested in taking it further than just sex and you have a bond with him. Doesn’t mean you can’t be intimate, but just don’t give him the whole package ; ) x (quick tip: When a guy knows the best is yet to come, he aint going anywhere)

  • Dearest Matthew,

    I’ve been reaching for your messages as a sort of survival guide and tool when inspiration and hope of finding love runs a bit low, but you always seem to know how to rejuvenate that hopefulness inside of me.

    This video in particular touched me in a special way. I live in NYC and sometimes it is impossible to compete with the many unique beautiful women that the city has to offer. Yet, this video reminded me that though sexy and provocative might be the “hare” in the race, Integrity is the “tortoise” close behind, the one that sneaks up behind everyone and wins the heart. There is a mantra that I live by when it comes to love – without Integrity, there is no love. I lost sight of that for a while, but wanted to thank you for reminding me how powerful it is in finding the right person.

    “It’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.” Thich Nhat Hanh

    peace & love,

    1. “Yet, this video reminded me that though sexy and provocative might be the “hare” in the race, Integrity is the “tortoise” close behind, the one that sneaks up behind everyone and wins the heart” I’m good with words and you still put it better than I could. Great job Lyla x

  • there are much worse examples that this ass clown in this video, and women marry them and try to love them, until he finds a better more interesting place to base his activities, . the only thing that drives them is control because they have no self esteeem. the real danger that you Matt, dont touch on, are real life sociapaths, which this guy I suspect is. they scary part is they do eventually marry, its not his need, his needs is a cover, because he craves being the good guy.. a pllayer is always motivated by the same thing, power, just like a rapist is, because he is a dic wisssle. Men like this spread aids and Hiv and other stds, and huge pain.women to them,are just meat, they are always charming. there are women who never recover from the years spent living with a sociopath. its crap that he changed, he just needs cover. im sorry Matt I like what youre doing. but hundreds of women are destroyed, and murdered every year, what did they do wrong,?they added too much value to the lives. a player like this doesnt change, I will put my house and all my future salaries on that. women dont need anymore guilt about adding value. Most women give too much, now you want them to feel bad cos they need to add value to this piece of crud who you call a man. I know whats real with men . How many men have you slept with Matt? how many mens underpants have you washed and ironed. on this im happy to discuss with you how you can player-proof women..

    1. Here is my answer to everything you just said Donna: You add value to someone who deserves it, and when they stop deserving it you move on to someone who does. The real mistake women make is not in giving ‘too much’ value (i don’t believe that’s possible in a committed relationship), but staying in a situation where the man doesn’t give back because they are afraid to leave.

      Thanks for your thoughts x

      1. perhaps Matt, the REAL mistake that many women make is giving a loser a chance in the first place, Matt, we are socially conditioned from the moment we draw our first breath to swoon as soon as a man gives us attention,
        So a good looking man who is charming ooiii yo yooooiii.!!
        Im willng to bet that 90% of the work you do with women stems from exactly this social conditioning we have received that landing a man is the answer to all their needs. How can we turn down such a good looking man,,, answer?? we cant! and If we did, an avalanche of whys? would come. I think the answer to this man is very simple, why does he behave this way? Because he can.

        as to Danielle who lamented I was criticising what you do, I centainly wasnt, in fact if you read it again I actually say, you work is needed,

        what you say is once a woman sees shes not getting back enough she should simply leave. Sound reasonable, but she cant for all the readons I gave before, and she may have children, and her self esteem is in shreads because shes been emtied out by his control and comand behaviour, and she doesnt walk away he gets madder and madder that he cant simply discard her like yesterdays trash….. boom!
        We are not dealing with a level playing feild Matt, surely you reslise that. So helping women find the right guy as you do, great work Matt and needed.

        but blurring the lines of what constitutes a human vampire, not so great.

        read some stats on how unequal the male-female inequality curve actually is, I wonder how you would deal with a women behaving this way.
        Im sure your workshops will boom and I wish you every success.

    2. Comments like this one bug me. Not only does it completely miss the entire point of today’s blog, but it’s so responsibility-ducking. I don’t think we should criticize people (like Matthew) for the good they’re doing and all the time they’re taking to help others because there’s a chance (there’s always a chance) that a man that one of us ends up with could “destroy” and/or “murder” us. This comment reminds me strongly of the people who try to sue dating websites when they find out the guy they met on the site is a registered sex offender. Seriously? What if you met him at a bar…would you sue the bar? This isn’t license to stop using our brains.

  • Hola Matt! como vas? well my english is that the best, but just wanted to leave a coment anyways, I enjoy your videos,they are interesting,have lots of truth to it, and teh way you delivered them are great, i would love to be able to watch the program on Thursday, I am vert far far far away,so from me and probably 100 of other people, GRACIAS! THANKS! MERCI! for doing this!

      1. hey!! I am in Montreal, are you giving a presentation in Ottawa?? gosh I wished i knew early on! cant way for tomorrow! whats the time?

  • Loved the video! Can’t wait for your big announcement! I got your Secrets of Attraction program as well, and even though it didn’t really help me with my case, I still enjoyed it nonetheless.
    I have a question, Matt… It’s probably the wrong place to ask but it’s driving me crazy!
    Why guys take you for granted when you tell them that you love them? As soon as they figure it out they stop trying and become a selfish, nonsensitive creature.

    1. Hey Jessi! In the programme I’m releasing on thursday the second part contains an answer to your question. Here’s a clue: It’s not all guys who take you for granted once you say you love them, it’s normally the type that just get their validation from making you fall in love with them. In the second interview I do in the programme I (and a very special male guest) show you how to avoid that guy.

      By the way, the secrets of attraction is included in the programme on thursday, but don’t worry that you already have it, because what you get with it is FAR bigger than that alone. You’re going to love it.

      M x

  • I agree with all that it is said above, there is nothing new about how some women carry themselves in social environments trying to attract men. I get myself out of that game so I am eagerly waiting for Thursday to see what exactly it is that needs to be done moving forward.

    Funnily enough, I went to a party in central London last Saturday and a very attractive man came up to me and introduced himself. I could quickly see he is the type you describe above, confident, handsome and looking like he has everything going for him. I could sense many women’s eyes were on him all the time, it was so obvious how some of them were eager to get their hands on him that it even put me off. He appeared to be quite accustomed and pleased with that situation.

    We spoke for a while and after he bought me a drink I moved on to meet other people :) Next day I had an email in my inbox from him wanting to connect (it’s a social network, not a dating network) and telling me ‘how much fun it was to meet me’ the night before. Reading his email I could see the sheer number of women he has in his network. It may not mean anything at all however, it may also mean that he just doesn’t know what he wants or that he is happy to play around with women in the same way as Paul did.

    Looking forward to see what’s on Thursday


      1. Thanks Matthew ! By the way, an online program is a great idea, I have been wanting to join the women’s weekend for a while but I haven’t got around to it yet.
        An online program sounds like it may be the solution. I am in !

        Thanks a lot

  • I thought the interview was really interesting, and I am looking forward to hearing the rest of it! I did not think anything he said was really, ” shocking” because as women we are active in what he discribes as female behavior. I got a lot out of what you said, despite not really being into the, ” player” type. For any realtionship I think added value is an important issue to ask yourself. I also must admit that at first I thought the video was going to be about learning to change a man which made me hesitant to watch. I was glad it was not nessesarily about that because going into a realtionship with the intent of changing the person seems unhealthy. I would not want someone to think, ” she is great, but I cannot wait to change her!”lol

    1. Absolutely Britney. i think anyone going in with the intention to change someone is going to face problems from day 1. I think we can INFLUENCE others, and that it’s fine to do, but the key is being the woman that makes him want to be the right type of man. Men often become who they really want to be around the woman who brings that out in them.

      Thanks for commenting! x

  • Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for your blog, I really enjoy it. The one on heartbreak was very helpful for me, seen I’ve gotten mine broken recently. Don’t really understand what went wrong there, but it puts things in perspective :)

    Bye !

  • hey Mathew in my opinion this blog post has been a hook line and sinker! For many reasons but the top two are as follows: 1) you chose a very common problem most women have today in age with the player type and so the chance to get insight into ‘the players’ mind and to have an opportunity to really know why he does the things he does is AMAZING!!!
    2) you kind of challenged the viewers at the end by asserting that there are two types of viewers the dabbler and the viewers who truly want to make the decision to commit to this program! so you made them kind of reflect and say to themselves am i a dabbler? haha
    kudos to you sir and i shall see you on thursday! Thank you so much for your hard work and dedication!

    1. Hey Maribel! In response to your two points:
      1) I don’t like when women get hurt because they don’t see what type of guy he is. If you’re going to sleep with a player, at least know that’s what you’re getting : )
      2) I like action takers. They are immensely more interesting than talkers. : )

      See you thursday! x

  • Thanks SOOO much for your comment Matthew. I enjoy your videos and all of your information you share with us. Yes, you are right… although I have flirted with him and been pretty suggestive in our emails. I think we need time to get to know one another. The rest can come later. If sex is all he wants then he isn’t the man for me!
    Appreciate your response. Have a Marvelous day! :)

  • Hi Matthew,

    I have just been dabbler for a while, but yesterday I actually went ahead and purchased access to the seminar videos and I really enjoyed watching them and feel like I have learned a lot, especially from the one about the male mind.

    I am currently in a situation with a ‘player’, but it’s not all that simple. We actually went out for two months then he broke up with me in December. The reason why he ended is was because we were both in our first year of uni and he wanted to ‘live freely and play around’ for a while. So we stayed friends, but it didn’t take long until we went back to having sex. At this current stage we’re secretly friends with benefits, but we’re not exclusive. It kills me because I still have feelings for him and I know that we would work as a couple if I could just make him commit.

    Is there any advice you can give me or should I just be a big girl and get back into the ocean and look for a new boat?

    And please keep up the good work, these videos have made me able to get attention and feel a lot better about myself on nights out! x

    1. Hey Charlotte. Please take this from the loving place it comes from: YOU HAVE TO STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM.

      Right now he will never make a decision about anything whilst he still has that with you. You need him to see that either he is in or he is out, but right now having sex with him might feel like you’re staying close to him, but it will be doing the opposite.

      Let him see how much you respect yourself and how high your standards are. You are a far more powerful woman than to give to a man who is not prepared to give back what you need. I’ll say it one more time so that you feel strong enough to actually take this advice (which i know won’t be easy)


      WAY MORE.

      I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but you don’t really want a guy who can’t make his mind up about whether he wants you do you?

      Be the amazing woman you are, and expect the best. Nothing less.

      Matthew x

      1. Thank you so much for the reply Matthew. I did have a talk with my guy and it turns out he hasn’t actually had sex with anyone else the last two months even though he could have. 1, because why would he when it’s so much better with me and 2, because he has too much respect for me.

        But in a week I’m going back home for the summer, so I won’t see him in two months, and when I come back we are going to live very close to each other with common friends everywhere, so there is not way we can continue in secret. He will have to make a choice then; relationship or nothing.

  • Oh my gosh, your so cute!! Aha, love that your replying to everything, you really are a great guy!! I’m thinking that a lot of girls are wandering what makes YOU tick, because you are clearly THE perfect guy! The world needs more Matthew Husseys, and girls who know how to land you!! haha, Have a great time in Ottawa, your totally missing out on the Jubilee Celebrations here thou babe

    Keep these gems coming!! x

    1. Hey Hannah! I know i’m missing out on the the English celebrations. I feel like the people who fly me to these places don’t want me to celebrate anything in England this year, because they seem to be making sure i’m out of the country for everything!

      I’m far from the perfect guy trust me, but I work hard on being better every day.

      Thanks for your support x

  • THANK YOU so much for all your videos, I always get so excited when your newsletter comes out! Always great, great stuff :)

    I haven’t watched this yet, but it seems to be exactly what I need. I am interested in a guy who is the player type and I don’t know what to do… Hopefully this will give me some guidance!

    Much love,
    Antonia, 19 x

  • I think that Paul just searched for someone to accept him, and he didn’t see anything wrong in the way he was trying to find that. I think that he doesn’t deserve to be judged – he didn’t force any woman to be with him. If any woman had high expectations from him (even she didn’t know him very well), she can’t blame him that he didn’t fulfill her high expectations.
    I’m the type of a woman that like to scan a guy before connecting with him on physical level. So if I don’t see in a few weeks that he’s the type of a guy who’s happy to be with ME, and that he wants to be in a relationship with ME, (and vice versa), I’m not gonna sleep with him, nor date him anymore.
    Last year I dated a player – I knew from the start that he was that type, but just like Paul – he was like huge magnet to me! There was something about him!! I didn’t judge him at any point for being like that, but I wanted to know him as a person! So we dated a few weeks, and I saw that he just don’t get from me that high level of excitement that he wants (and I don’t mean just on sex here). And I really didn’t know how to give that to him, although I really wanted to know. Well, after few weeks it was obvious that he and I were not on the same level, so we stopped dating. But here’s my point – I didn’t judge him at any point for being a player, because all the time I kept my standards high, and didn’t lower them, although he was very attractive. We both tried to get what we want – I was trying to get a boyfriend, and he tried to get excitement. :)And we both stayed empty hands, because we both knew what we are looking for, and didn’t accept anything less.

    And although he wanted so hard to get me in the bed with some really good phrases :D , I can’t blame him for that, because so many women fall on that, and he thought that I was the same. The point is – without me sleeping with him, he didn’t get from me the level of excitement that he wanted, so definitely he wouldn’t get it in other way around.

    I think that he’s a very good person, he’s such a fun to be around and we are always happy to bump into each other in town and chit chat a little bit.

    So women – use your head and intuition, and don’t rush in anything with guys with high expectations.

    Matthew, sorry if I have any grammar mistakes – English is not my native language, so sometimes it’s hard for me to express what I wanted to tell you.

    Can’t wait for the thursday!! :)

    1. I think I should do a ‘COMMENT OF THE BLOG’ award for each blog that I do, then release that one in a newsletter or something. What do you think? If I did, this one might just win todays so far, because it is SOOO on the money.

      What I love is that you are advanced enough to see that you don’t need to be angry at him or make him into a bad person, you know that you just need to be astute enough to recognise that you’re not compatible right now.

      Wonderful comment, keep coming back! x

  • Thank you for your kind words! :)
    And I forgot to tell you – so many people (male and female) judge me for not judging him. That’s just so funny! :)

    I’ll definitely keep coming back, I really love to watch your vlogs – you are such a positive and happy person, you have that spark in your eyes, and I always feel great after watching your vlogs! You always cheer me up! :)

  • hey!
    really like the vid and your point of view, I don’t hate this guy, I actually like that his being honest and open about it, even thought I don’t believe it’s satisfying as a person to have so many flings or whatever you want to call it. But I do think it’s grate that he found someone, everyone deserves a chance to be happy.

    the’re this guy with who I occasionally sleep with, we did date for like 3 years, have been broken up for 2 and neither of us is in a relationship at the moment or looking, he is always nice, it’s like being in a relationship, except we don’t say “I love you”. I would want to be in a relationship with him, but he doesn’t want to (I’ve asked). do you think his a playing? or what is he doing? what am I doing (I feel stupid)?

    really looking forward to see the rest of the interview video on Thursday, hopefully I will get answer or something.

    PS: off the charts CUTE relationship with your mum <3 my brother and I do the same with our mum.

  • This really was the man every girl in NYC had to avoid…!
    But even he was looking for something else than just sex at the end.. ;-)

    However I wonder how we girls can make those players realize that we have so much more to offer than just a physical connection?
    Yes we have to test them, wait long enough and show them our nice & interesting life…but even then most of them don’t go any further approaching us? What is wrong with them? Do independent women really scare them off?

    Sometimes I meet goodlooking, well educated men and all they seem to look for is just a physical connection and no relationship? They pretend to be interested in you but if you wait a while without giving them “a physical reward;-)”, they just go off… Still they remain acquaintances and keep saying that you’re great but no actions are taken..?

    By the way a male friend told me that men surely prefer women who aren’t “too pretty” but “just pretty enough”…so they are sure the girl will stay and they don’t have to pay too much attention to other guys trying to get their girl…is that true??

  • You know his point where he’s like the sexiest most confident of the flock ‘wins’ the bloke…that must be a really hard pattern to break from a mans perspective. I’ve just gone through this…was dating a player, he would only agree to meet me if I went to his flat. I never went.I stuck to my guns which was really hard…he agreed reluctantly on the odd occassion to go for a coffee but it was a massive tug of war.
    He’s now with a polish bird who I would assume was physical from the get go. I did think about giving it up so often but glad something inside me held me back. Great article mat x

  • hey there

    me and my soulmate dont talk now but not because we dont want to its because in islam we can have this feelings till we get married you know!! so its kinda hard for me to not know whats he’s doing ..anyway i know he loves me.. and the last time we met we decided we cant meet again till he do something ..and when we were sittting he wanted so bad to hold my hands and its not i didnt want to i really wanted to but god in my heart and i felt he’s testing what i have for him so i didnt give him my hand and i saw tears in his eyes and after this he became realy strange the last time we spoke i was so upset and he said we agreed that we’ll not meet or talk so whats wrong. and i dont know but i felt he’s abit strange.. does he love me or he’s a player

    we have been together for like 3 years and he dumped me and 8 month later he called and cried and i took him back but we decided not to see each other ..help me

    1. Hey Hagar, this sounds like a confusing situation for both of you. I think you need to communicate how you actually feel to him, and find out what his feelings are. If you are really right for each other then it’s going to start by being open about what you both want. If he opens up then you’ll find out whether he really wants to go forward with you. If he doesn’t then at least you tried to communicate properly with him instead of guessing at what he is feeling. At that point if he can’t open up then it is not your fault, but you’ll have to be ready to make the tough decision to move on if he won’t give you that you need.

      You’ll either make each other happy, or you’ll make each other miserable. If it’s constantly the latter then it’s time to move on because the whole point is to enjoy each other. And even if right now you can’t be together for any reason, you should still be able to enjoy visions of being together in the future. If it’s all pain it defeats the purpose.

      M x

      1. i found alittle bit of relief by ur reply.. let me say that when we used to talk the last couple month specially before his father passed away. he was like i will never leave you again because i alwayes have to remind him that i cannot handle another cut from him he’ve hurt me once and i can not take it again !!he knows that i love him and i old him that i will alwayes be by his side because he was facing alot of bad things at that time .i was assuring to him that i love him and i will alwayes be there and all i want from him is to be HONEST !! and he said ok i will be honest he never say something bad like am not sure or anything like disappointing he used to say that but then he started to talk like i will not leave you and he said more than one time that he want to get married to me once everything is ok and when he’s more stable .. i know he love me and i love him too but i feel like being honest with him and being so easy and forgiving him all the time is giving him the chance to take my love and time for granted like he’s sure i will wait for him for the rest of my life and i will not marry anyone ..and he changed his number without telling me but he called me after from another number and said i am just checking on you .. i am freaking out mathew am just afraid that he will do the same thing again like being afraid to tell me what he’s thinking and then he just disappears like last time .. am i going crazy? or should i just relax and not think but for some reason i want to change my number so i can let him see that he will not find me whenever he feelis like calling i want to follow my dream and have fun and take him out of my head because i cannot controll my self sometimes i deleted his number and e-mail so i can stop my self from thinking of contacting him i dont want to wait for him to contact me anymore its so hard to let go when i know that he love me .. and let me tell you something else his mother is not accepting that he wants to marry me and wheni told him what are you going to do about ur mother because i cant marry you without her approval he said that he will talk to her and he will convince her !!

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