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Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

Hey guys,

Check out this video first as it’s an example of what I’m going to be talking about in today’s video:

Now some of you may have found this guy shocking and you’re wondering what this has to do with understanding men in general. Paul is certainly an extreme example of a player, but in order for us to have a greater understanding of the typical guy, we have to look at such examples from the outermost points on the spectrum and find out what is really driving these types of guys.

As I mentioned in the video, Paul is now in a serious, long-term, and committed relationship, and after hearing this I decided to track him down and find out exactly what had happened that made the shift for him to want to be in a relationship.

This interview is going to be included as just one of the many bonuses in my brand new, online programme, and so Thursday is going to be your chance to get your hands on it in full.

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228 Replies to “Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?”

  • Hi Matt, thanks for your video, its brilliant, love the shoots at the end of video, you look so sweet!!! xx

    I am quite young and pretty girl, well-educated at master level, but I always meet the type of players in my life. To be honest, I am still virgin so I can’t go further in relationship with any men as they always initially want sex in the relationship, no one can wait to do that after the marriage. As a result, I am still single for long time, it seems very hard for me to find the right person, I sometimes feel frustrated. I don’t know how to do to be honest Matt, can you give me some meaningful advices, please?

    Thanks so much! xx

    1. Hey Gilliant, there are many people out there who believe in only having sex after marriage, so you are not alone. You just need to find these people, and amongst them someone you are truly attracted to. Don’t compromise if that’s what you believe in, just develop better strategies for meeting those types of people. i’ll be here to help along the way however I can! x

      1. Thanks Matt x, its so meaningful to me, so I can continously keep my perspective beacause of your support. To be honest, I sometimes want to give up that but now following your advices I feel like that I need to wait to find the right person until I meet. However, I perceive that maybe it takes long time to reach that or even I’m always single forever in the worse case.

        I truly appreciate your help, Matt. x

  • Hey Matt,
    This sounds like such a great opportunity. I live in the states, though I was in Spain for the last 5 months, but couldn’t find the time out of my internship to come to one of your seminars. I stumbled upon your one of your videos on youtube because I wanted to be more confident, and your advise was to accomplish a goal that I had put off for a while. This for me was applying to graduate school. Im writing this 2 days before an interview for a Doctoral program. I feel so proud of myself (a very rare feeling). Just wanted to say thanks for your genuine advise, really helped my career! and hopefully it will help me in my hopeless romantic life as well. haha. looking forward to Thursday!

    1. That’s so great Natasha! Congratulations on everything you’ve done so far! And your love life is far from hopeless, it’s just an area where there’s a lot of room for you to grow. Remember, when you have an area of your life that you feel hasn’t gone anywhere it’s easy to grow fast there! It’s when you’re already great at something that change happens far slower. So for you victory is near : ) x

  • Hi Matthew
    Just emailed you at your info email address, to thank you because all your advice work. Thank you for doing what you do, it means a lot to me and I am sure to a lot of women out there. Best, it enhances the romantic streak in all of us, just by being spontaneous, our natural self, rather than flirtatious, and for sure that’s a good thing. Anouck

    1. Thankyou so much Anouck! It’s my pleasure to help, I love doing this and these kinds of responses make it all the more worthwhile x

  • I think I agree with Paul. I’m single because I have not yet met a guy that adds value to my life!
    Now, the question is, how can I find a man that would add value to my life?

    1. Keep following our blogs, or come and take one of our programmes lol! That’s what we do!

      In the meantime:
      Step 1: Work out what value you want him to add to your life
      Step 2: Figure out where a guy like that would be
      Step 3: Learn as many strategies as possible for meeting and attracting that type of guy!

      Thanks for your comment! x

      1. Thank you so much for your advice!
        I’ve joined the Fast Track programme the morning it went online! Haven’t look at it yet because I was on vacation, in London actually. I’m sure it is going to be great! Hopeful. :)

  • hey Gorgeous

    You are the messenger of change for women all over the globe!!!! This stuff is all so easy isnt it!!! Its right there in our faces and we cant even see it! I was the sexy flirtatious girl…and I have used my sexuality at a very early age to get what I want! Its so profound what hes saying…but finally I get it!!! Especially after your amazing Womens Weekend in London Im on a roll baby! Your da best!!!! I believe he is speaking for all men when he says all of this…when you think about it…its so logical! time for us all to wake up I say!
    thanks Matthew…Keeps those videos coming!!!! Luv ya!

    Katrina :)

    1. THANKYOU Katrina! I love your positivity and how eager you are to grow. It makes me smile to know you were on the Women’s Weekend with me rocking the building! x

  • I believe that some people make mistakes with others due 2 the fact that they themselves haven’t quite found there trigger.

    U just have 2 look @ things from a distance in order 2 evaluate what’s going on with an individual & what really made them act the way they did as a human being.

    We all just have 2 not judge them & just really take the time 2 understand it instead.

    g2g rite now but I appreciate the insight~

    Crystal L.W.

  • Hey Matthew,

    I have been in a couple long term relationships, but now that I’m single again, all I’ve been finding are guys that start to get to know me, seem interested, we talk about day-to-day things, and all of the sudden sex becomes involved in the conversation. I don’t try to be overly sexual or flirtatious like Paul said, I just try to be friendly and introduce myself. Every time though our conversations seem to directed to sex.. For example if I’m texting a guy about work, he will bring up how maybe I need to go over to his house and watch a movie and relax, maybe “cuddle” or something. It seems like I try to genuinely get to know someone and they try to make it more about sex then anything. What confuses me though, is then they end up in a long term relationship with someone else soon after..
    I even had a guy who was working out of town for 3 months, keep in touch with me through the entire time, and very clearly say he wants a relationship and has feelings for me, and then got back and it turned out that he just wanted sex too.
    I know it may be the type of guys I’m attracted to, guys like Paul.. However Paul said the mistakes that were being made by the girls were being overly flirtatious and sexual and thinking they should offer sex. I think I have made that mistake, however even when I make sure not to.. It still doesn’t work out. How do I give him something valuable in his life so that he thinks of me as less of a short term fling? It just seems like this endless problem I’ve been having, so I feel like I’m making the same mistake over and over! I just don’t know how to solve it haha
    (Sorry for the long question by the way!) I hope you can help! :-)

    1. Hey Adrienne, thanks for your question. I’ll start by saying that the programme I’m releasing on thursday is going to answer this for you. In fact your question will even be answered in the interview I did with Paul which you get as a bonus. But in all of this there’s something you need to realise…guys want sex. And that’s ok. It’s better than him not wanting sex with you! You just have to make sure you pace him. The answer is not to go cold on him as soon as you find out he wants sex. Decide what pace you want to move at, then apply that principle with each guy and you’ll be fine. Stay tuned on thursday for a response for how to add value in ways other than sex!

      M x

  • Here’s the truth everyone. ALL men are biologically programmed to want a variety of women just as women use flirtation or looking good (it’s a mating thing). Read The Female Brain and The Male Brain by Dr. Luann Brizendine (she also has a website and blog) and you’ll see why. There is no quote on quote player in male or female..I think men have more testerone then they know what to do with at times and it’s ingrained for sex and that is why they always look at other women, fantasize about them or cheat. It’s in the DNA. Even when guys commit or want to they still will want sex with other women they find attractive (and this can be your friend, a family member,etc.) and it’s purely animal/physical thing It’s a natural response and isn’t their fault. But women also will find other men attractive and will want to be with them too. So for me personally I don’t think monogamy or commitment as it is will work for me but everyone has to follow as they do and what feels best for them.

  • Hi Matt,

    I wanted to sign up for the online weekend video but looked like I ended up getting the secret of attraction instead. How can I get the online weekend one?

  • I can’t wait for Thursday! I ordered the Secrets of Attraction digital programme, and I’m really eager to keep moving forward with the new content. Geographically, and financially, I’m one of those dabblers who can’t make it to live events, or weekend seminars. So, the digital programmes are incredibly important to me. You’ve made such a difference, and I’ve never been this motivated to change. Thank you so much.

    Now, about the video. I’ve gotta say, watching it dredged up some old wounds of a very hurtful experience I had a few months ago. As did the last post, Expectations vs. Reality. But I think it’s important to understand the reasoning behind someone’s actions, and not get caught up in the negative, theatrical there-are-no-good-men-left kind of thinking that comes easily when you’re single, and insecure about the dating world. Frankly, I’m tired of being insecure! We ladies rarely get to hear the Player’s side of the story, so we don’t understand why we keep falling for their tricks. I’ve always appreciated the honesty that goes into your videos.

  • Hi M

    Thursday sounds exciting!
    You should consider flying out more to Canada!

    cheers from someone who appreciates what you do in Toronto!


  • It wasn’t that shocking to me when I watch the interview and made me wonder why and how the person do that to us women nowadays. It made me think of what will help to be value the person’s life.

    Since I have been experienced dating a player in my past. I have asked the current guy that I have a thing with him if he is player or not. He said no. During our relationship, he has spoken to me he dated someone for one day but they broke up because she cared about people think of her. I find out he has secretly dating someone in beginning of the year who is 6-7 years younger than him. They didn’t go work so well. Somehow he comes back to me and see I am doing..There are times he shows how he had feelings for me.
    This guy who couldn’t make his mind yet he comes back telling me he is willing to change for himself to attend some classes but he fail to drop out.

    He has said that he hasn’t been physical with other women that he met recently. It’s only me has been physical with me. He has been mention him and are not doing it as friends with benefits. He does admit he has been selfish towards me since he had struggles with paying the bills and such.

    I have invite him to go my house parties and go on some place relaxation from all the madness to work. Due to his busy schedule, he just did not have get some good night rest or not really able to arrange hang out / dates with everyone including me. I did give him a gift to have something that was valuable to me to remind him to keep himself inspired.

    I have recently met his friends at house party after our date. He didn’t introduce me to his friends once we got in there. I just try my own thing to introduce myself after I put my purse somewhere safe. He was busy doing laundry and cleaning his room. It’s weird how he stayed in his room for awhile. Few of his friends just check on him and have side conversation while I was watching TV and hanging out with his friends. He just randomly walks around the house and sees me talking to them more than him. Once everyone is in different area of the house, we had our one-on-one time together.

    *Sorry, my grammar structure / English is not that great.


  • I’m impressed of how frequently you’re posting videos lately ;)
    just wanted to let you know, thank you

  • Hi Matt!
    I think this guy is quite clever, in fact!
    well, definitely arrogant, maybe the type who would make me nervous if I met him in person speaking proudly about all his conquests, but I think what he says is true!
    Apparently, this man who’s super-handsome, needed more than a pretty face and body to decide to settle down, so he’s not that shallow.

  • This is definitely a wake up call for me. I feel like I’ve been single forever and now I see why. Thank you Matthew!! Can’t wait until Thursday! :D

  • I think sometimes woman don’t understand the difference between ADDING VALUE and trying to GIVE TOO much. I don’t know to communicate what I’m saying, but maybe you understand??? :)

    Love your content and looking forward to seeing the program.

  • Hi Matthew

    That was a interesting Blog, even though I thought the guy was an asshole to begin with, but if girls cannot see that when he approaches them, and they also could be just looking for sex, then I could not blame him for getting away with it, I’m glad to say that I don’t fall for the Mr smoothies lol…I started a date with a meal then sex and i instigated it because I was very attracted to him, and it suited me at the time being friends with benefits as he said on the second date that he dosn’t do relationships…but after sometime I got attached and needy and it ended, but, he contacted me again then long gaps and still contacted me six months after saying to me “best we move on” but this time I asked him what was going on with him and he said that he had a lot of baggage and that his Ex had moved back in with him (they were together for about 17 years, when i first met him he told me he had been split with her for 3 years) I was socked that he had come back to me “in a relationship) I asked him what he was doing here with me and he said “well it’s obviously not cut out to what it should be” I said so why are you with her, he said “it’s comfortable” I told him that I cannot see him anymore…..This has really hurt me as after 6 months I was getting on with my life, now feel I’m back t square one, but this blog has really helped me understand my feelings.


  • hi MATHEW the guy paul kinda upseted me how he did the things he did but its intresting how men react to diffrent perspectives of life i have been single forever and but theres this guy i like and i think he likes me he comes to hang with me sometimes and we cuddle and kiss but i think we are just freinds hmm and hes confusing.

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