In this week’s video, I’m going to go wildly off script and dive into these issues to explain exactly what you need to know to win in dating in 2019.
Believe me: This message will help you avoid the traps I’ve seen too many single men and women fall into…
Let’s Continue this Conversation and Grow Stronger Together. Leave Your Comment Below.
Hibmatthew. I’ve just bought your book to start reading tonight! Was watching your video also…for such a young man to know what makes us tick was very enlightening to listen too. I’m sure I’ll pick ups one tios as I continue to read it xxx I’m 63! Have I got time?!
So i do get what you’re saying – we can’t control others and their behaviour and we don’t have to accept their behaviour either if it seems uncaring etc. I think if someone doesn’t meet me halfway and put the same effort in, then i’m not going to chase them. I’d rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t treat me with respect etc. However I do think sometimes its hard to decide if a new guy is worth continuing with as no one is perfect and people are going to mess up at times and so it’s hard to decide whether to give someone a chance to show they can understand your standards, versus knowing straight away they will never change. it isn’t easy!
Matthew , you are so right. You speak on behalf of all women. We really suffer these days. It’s a daily discussion between us, ladies.
It became really challenging to find someone who is really into you and doesn’t invite you to the bedroom straight away. I thought we only have this issue here in Middle East but looks like a global problem now♀️
I love all your videos and advice. It’s so grounded. I think I need help with men say and do rude or in appropriate things. What approach is best to set firm boundaries for respect and to show them how to treat me, without being to harsh and pushing them away. I think that’s my number one problem. I don’t tolerate much and my approach needs tweaking. Lol.
Thank you, Matthew, for acknowledging what any woman who has ever put herself “out there” already knows. On line/app dating (actually there’s no such thing as we don’t really “date” on line!) serves a purpose. It’s meant to expose you and potentially introduce you to people you may have never met otherwise. And because there are literally THOUSANDS of men on line, sorting through to find a gem here or there is a daunting, tedious, and highly time consuming process. Lots and lots of frogs so to speak. I personally believe out of the entire pond, there are about 3% that are worthwhile. And even then, you have to click with one another. I’ve met about 80 men in the past 3 years. That’s a lot of coffee and lunch dates! Only 3 were interesting to me. One “got away”, one turned into a 16 month serious relationship that wasn’t meant to be, and the last (by far the best) is that rare gem. You can choose to gripe, make poor choices, blame all the crummy men, give up…..or…..put on your game face, strap on some courage, genuinely invest in the process, have fun in the meantime, and have faith that maybe, just maybe…. you’ll find it. But you have to be willing to put in the work!
Matthew I really appreciate everything you say… some of the comments of women that are negative well they are generally negative all the time…about dating sites … the point about dating sites is a longer reach… I live in a community of about 1200 people and I am not attracted to any of the men that live here so I have been forced to go on dating sites for who I am looking for…it takes perseverance … it is not going to happen right away in most cases…we all need to slow down and learn to relax and like you said, Matthew, focus.
Very Understandable. I Hear You From Your Heart.
Thank You
Dating is ovrated today, but aren’t we? The male and female, who are now stuck in this non old fashioned way of dating. Well on my man’s defense, and even on my own, here’s my response:
I was looking for love at 62! Yes you heard me right. At 6302 I found myself in a position of not wanting to spend the rest of my years alone.
I joined several dating sites, and thru meeting ( well virtually meeting) lots of me, sifting through the rights and wrongs, on both parts, I learned from the experience.
I think that’s the key to today’s dating, learning. I met my boyfriend through an app just by chance. I sent him a message explaining we had nothing n common, but just that I thought he was the most sexiest handsome man I had seen on the dAting site.
Not expecting him to write back, because we shared nothing in common…I sent it. A week later he answered me and asked, *are you sure you don’t want to get to know each other?”. I was surprised, but thought, “how cool is this.”. We started chatting, laughing, finding things we ZDID both like and share. We started out as friends. Because he lived in Ottawa and I was 8 hrs South…we just kept chatting online. Then he called me. And we started conversing on the phone. Which led to writing letters to each other. Mind you, it has been several months now, he’s out of Towne on business, (which we talked about), but before he left, he told me he mentioned me to his sister. I was flattered. Then when he was visiting her, she lived in the UK, I met them, his family, over the phone.
It was through all of our “online dating” that we noticed we were becoming closer. We went just “friends ” anymore.
He comes home next week and we are planning our long awaited meeting. We’ve known each other for over 3 months now, but it has been like old fashioned dating-getting-to-know-each-other nerts girl-guy calls girl-guy meets girl….it’s just taken awhile.
I can honestly say, that we love each other, he has said the same; whether thru destiny or divine intervention, we met, not knowing anything about each other.
My point is, share with your lady followers and the guys too, that old fashioned dating can happen, online, through internet descripency, and work. I’m nervous about meeting hut excited. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ve learned a lot. Thank you for ALL your videos, workshops, and such. It has so helped me.
I told my bf I had a “relationship” coach, and he actually said he felt flattered,bthat I cared so much. Thx Matt for all your hard work. I’m not sure what is around the corner for us, but investing in time has paid off.
A faithfulful follower,
Pam
U are such a good man, matt.what u say is so tru.we need to walk thru the bad to become stronger.luv is a challenge.But we all do find luve eventualy.Hang in there!
I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to us about this and the positivism of your work
We can’t control what guys are doing but we can control the choices we make. I gave up accepting bad behaviour from men. I gave up trying to be “perfect” or skinny or made up all the time. I figured I would make my life great and still keep looking but make sure that I was happy without a guy. Really happy not just faking it. About a month after this change perhaps less I met a wonderful man. I have not had to compromise in any way at all. He is smart, kind, thoughtful, exciting to be with, handsome… We have been together for about 5 months now and he is the one. I am pretty sure of it. Still giving it time to be absolutely sure but I adore this man. He really is exceptional. I have never had anyone treat me as well as he does. Never been able to have the discussions we do with anyone else. Never been able to be as honest with both my expectations and my concerns as I am with him.
The thing is though. He had the same problems we have. None of the women he has dated before have told him he is handsome or smart or fun so his confidence was in the toilet. I figured he was just shy (which he is) but turns out its more than that. So don’t judge on gender, just judge them on their actions and if you are not happy with it speak up and get rid sharpish. I had 7 years of thinking I wasn’t worthy before I was able to let it all go and just be myself and allow the best bits of me to shine.
If you don’t want dick pics then don’t respond and hit block. If you get fed up with “ask me” profiles then don’t respond to them. If some guy is messing you about and keeping you dangling then just get rid as fast as you can. Learning to see and recognise the signs is so important. Learn them, practice saying no with out fear of guilt. Make better choices. It worked for me so I am sure it can work for others. Being in a relationship isn’t the be all and end all. Its just a bit of cake after supper.
I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to us about this and the positivism of your work it really cheers me up
Brilliant message, Matt! So on point: we can’t control others or outside circumstances; if Life’s not going to get easier, we should focus on ourselves, on making ourselves stronger. Great advice!! Love it. Thank you for the wisdom you share and your thoughtful videos. :)
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. Dating today is so very hard. Thanks for giving women hope of meeting a good guy.
Thank you!!! This message was well prepared and came from your hart..
Adri
I’m with you, Matt. Let’s stop focusing on what we can’t change and putting our energy instead into learning how to better communicate with one another. I am here to learn from you. Keep the lessons coming! Thanks from the Lone Star state!
This was a nice and true speech… thx
Thanks for bringing this up. I do appreciate your take on it. As I am bringing up two children, my son is 8 and my daughter is 12, I am perfectly willing to wait for 10 years so you can to teach this generation coming up that novelty and shallow sex is not worth it. Please please somebody do something now.
This is one of my favorite Matthew Hussey videos, both because of how candid it is, but also because of the solution. Thank you for being so passionate about what you do!
one of your best videos ever! You may not have changed dating but you changed my outlook. Thank you :)