Everything Wrong with Dating Today

In this week’s video, I’m going to go wildly off script and dive into these issues to explain exactly what you need to know to win in dating in 2019.

Believe me: This message will help you avoid the traps I’ve seen too many single men and women fall into…

Let’s Continue this Conversation and Grow Stronger Together. Leave Your Comment Below.

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140 Replies to “Everything Wrong with Dating Today”

  • Hi Matthew, I appreciated what you said in this video. For what it’s worth: for me, it’s not about complaining, nor do some comments need to be framed solely as complaint. It is about having the harder, sometimes ongoing realities that we experience with men fully acknowledged. I think that you tried to do that here with respect to some important problems that we deal with everyday, which is good.

    I’d suggest to you that adding a few brief comments *on a regular basis* that acknowledges these and other challenges we face would only build trust, and would not be a waste of time. Generally in life, it is harder to take in or fully benefit from advice, no matter how good, if it isn’t clear that our struggles and efforts are first being acknowledged and understood. It doesn’t have to take much time to show genuine awareness and empathy, and we value ongoing recognition of that with which we struggle, and also overcome daily. The daily grind! I am fully in your camp about the importance of being proactive, and ultimately focusing my life energy on questions like “what can I do to move my life forward?’ – and I believe that I do this as a life practice. Just reminding that it is helpful and builds our trust to do both. It’s not always apparent from your videos that you do understand and empathize with what you discussed above, fyi, and everyone won’t see all of your videos anyway. My two cents. :P Good luck in your work.

  • That was perfect and TRUE! Matt I am applying those standards not just in my romantic life but all areas. I am much happier now that I am valuing and loving myself!❤️

  • Hi Matthew, I thought this was a brilliant video and also so refreshing to hear. I worked out a long time ago that we can’t change other people – all we can do is change ourselves and be the best people we can be. There is also another point that when we work to grow ourselves, the kind of people who cause us such unhappiness resonate with us vibrationally less and less or we are able to recognise them and get out far quicker if they are not right. They just don’t have any place to stay. I think there are deeper beliefs at work such as the fear of being alone or ending up lonely. Once we enjoy the process of being on our own, being the best person we can be, I believe that energetically we can then attract a more committed and happier relationship if we choose. I love your videos as they are always such a good reminder of working towards the best me. Thank you!

  • Matthew, BRAVO! I’ve bought your latest book (How to Talk to Men) and I’m just starting to read it now. I think these two videos you do are wonderful because it really shows your potential customers who the author is. And a confidence develops enough to make a purchase because your readers and viewers feel that they have a real sense of who You are which is so important when you are receiving advice from someone. Anyway, I think this video was a god-sent blessing to so many you need to understand that regardless of all your fabulous spot on advice, that you understand that it’s not going to produce the results we want if we haven’t run into a quality man. And honestly, when you work from home, and you have children, or you’re like me who homeschools my child; so being at home is 90% of your life, and then you’re trying to apply the wisdom that you give us….. There are going to be many women who are conducting their entire dating life through online applications. And what you pointed out this week about online based dating being so full of complications, and the fact that you actually spelled them out, exactly what they are, I think really helped so many women to take a second look and really give it some thought as to whether or not they want to sign up on Match.com or other places. I used to do that, but I felt like a certain type of man is the type of man who signs up online. And I’m not saying that all men are like what I’m about to describe… but I think 90% or more of the men who do online dating make that their 100% means to accessing potential dates. And everything you described in this video about the fast-food aspect and dopamine rushes and they’re always being an idea of someone else or something better is mainstream in the guys that are doing dating online. And I think these are the guys that most easily don’t give any woman what they really want. And if we use your strategies on these men, we might be able to hook them for their next big rush, but what we catch in this Sea of Love won’t be worth catching. I personally fight the urge to sign up for online dating because there’s such a temptation to say to myself,”not enough people know that you exist oh, and how are you going to find mr. Right if no one knows you exist”. I ballroom dance and I go to my sons Little League games. So I’m constantly surrounded by the same people, who I’m either not interested in, or they’re not interested in me, or they’re married. So it’s not that I don’t get out. I just keep getting out around the same people. And that doesn’t give you a huge selection oh, this buffet of guys you talk about. So attempts you to go to the internet but I really think that there’s a certain type of guy on the internet that I’m actually trying to avoid, so it going there is like signing yourself up for a 100% chance of not being in the right place to meet the right guy. To make an analogy, it’s kind of like saying, “I don’t want to date a guy who’s fishing every weekend, and then you go rent a boat and see who you can meet on the lake” so that leaves the opportunity is like the grocery store to meet somebody. I’m 47 years old, but people tell me that they mistake me for someone in her thirties. I’m bubbly and vivacious and Goofy and driven and I used to perform in musicals and dance companies until I had a car accident that injured me to much to continue that career. So I would like to see a lot more videos about how women who stay home 90% of the time because their work is at home, their family commitments are at home, and their social life revolves around the same places on the same people, how these women in their 30s, 40s, or 50s can avoid the internet completely and still have revolutionary results in finding a life partner. I wish I could say that I had the financial resources to spend time at the golf course or do you a lot of adventurous things that I’m interested in so that I can put myself in the places where I would meet men with common interests. But my budget is so incredibly tiny that many times I’m just struggling to put food on the table and have a little extra to go do my ballroom dancing which means the world to me because it’s who I am. I dance from the age of four to the age of 37 and oh I’m not capable of ballet jazz and tap anymore, ballroom dance has been my last access to dancing after these horrible car accident injuries. So where can I go and what can I do to live this wholesome and limited life, and still have a great chance of meeting a life partner? Which means but I really have to take advantage of every situation I’m in whether I’m at the post office or the grocery store or at the park with my son just places that are free that people linger in…. And knowing what to do in face-to-face interactions where you’re not in a place that anyone is expecting to hit on someone or acquire a date, is more tough. because people are just going about their life and they’re not thinking about meeting someone when they’re going to the store to pick up some milk. And I don’t want to come across as someone desperate or too flirtatious, or a woman who’s just picking up guys everywhere she goes. And also there’s probably some advice that you would need to give us in terms of how to flirt with a guy at the grocery store and simultaneously figure out whether you’re flirting with someone who’s already got a girlfriend!!!! Can you help with these things? I hope you can. Because this person who’s writing you this comment is a fabulous individual who has spent the last 29 years caring for her divorced disabled mom, and now is raising a son on her own, and has survived breaking her neck in a car accident with lifelong sustained injuries, and I’m always putting everybody else first. And the thing I really want the most is for someone just to love me, someone whom I can fall into their arms and not have to be this warrior that I am twenty-four hours a day…strong for everybody, and having no one to pamper me a little and laugh with. I really need your help Matthew. And I also would like to know if you would read Mimi Tanner’s book, “Hard To Get”, and give a thorough review on it. Because she appears to have millions of followers who absolutely swear by her work and how effective it is. Like you, she has a huge following who claimed that her techniques work. I bought her book as well, entitled, Hard to Get. And as I begin to read both your book and her book, I’m wondering if you and her oppose each other in your thoughts. And here’s a wonderful idea for building your business… If you read her book and you felt so inclined to contact her, I think that you guys could make an amazing team in terms of creating a video, or short videos, or a book, in which she uses all of her techniques on someone like you, and then you give your honest responses, and inform your readers as to what a guy is thinking when a woman does what she suggests. it’s an idea you’d have to toss around in your mind a lot but considering the fact that she has so many testimonials but she has a completely different style than yours, I’m just wondering if teaming YouTube app could produce an expert duo of both the male and female versions of the best dating and relationship tactics. They say iron sharpens iron. And it would appear that both of you are iron. Now what would happen if you were put together? The results could be phenomenal! And you would both have the chance to share each other’s subscribers. Okay I’m done, but please remember all I said about being so how many pound and wanting to avoid guys on the internet, and how a woman could not make a fool of herself at the grocery store or the post office, looking like she’s trying to hit on a guy when she should really just be doing her shopping…. :P. Thanks for CARING, Matt!! You’re awesome!

  • Nice video Matt. I totally agree with you.it seems that a dating process and finding love have become more and more about how selfish you are compare to how selfish is the other person. More likely they will be separated because they got bored in the lack of effort of the other about the amount of investment in the relationship. Anybody is thinking in getting deeper, just to have exciting moments meanwhile something more exciting appears. I really miss the times when people really tried. But it doesn’t mean you need to be the same. That’s why being yourself in a relationship and being present and sometimes giving the best of yourself wisely could give you the opportunity someday to find a person who is able to do the same and finally compromises with you. So I’m hoping to find this even when I have been just failing in the intent….

  • A-bloody-men!!!!!! I have been saying this to people for ages now. Online dating has so blurred the boundaries of what is acceptable in relationships in a way that I really don’t like. I met who I thought was a wonderful man online in the Spring. By late Summer it was over. The reason? He could not commit and had serious intimacy issues. The reason? He refused to come off his dating app. Apparently I ‘needed to trust him’. That had nothing to do with trust and everything to do with respect. The result? I was gone.

  • Thank you so much for addressing this concern. I respect your position, both in noting the “ADHD” culture we are in, and choosing to be positive and proactive. Great men are out there. I’m dating one and have two brothers in the dating scene again. Focusing on our empowerment and right communication is key.

  • Matthew,

    I agree with you 100% – only I have the ability to change my situation. Taking risks is hard for anyone but no more so for someone who was burned terribly in a previous relationship.

    I want a real relationship not a mediocre one or a half in half out scenario. I also know that I am the one who needs to change the way I let people treat me. Standing true to what I want is something I cannot negotiate with anymore… Thank you for this inspirational session

  • Thank u for that video. Now please tell us where to find the men that could possibly want something g real.. that aren’t completely focused on looks and sex. And after you do that please tell us what to do to interest one of these 40 to 50 age group of men. Please don’t tell us to love ourselves blah blah.. I do love myself. I’m a great catch! I’ll never be perfect but overall I know that I am a desirable woman. Tell us what to do to find one of these guys and how to get one. Tell us how to not become cynical and turned off by this dating culture because after three years divorced that’s what has now happening. It’s exhausting and futile most of the time. Thank you Matthew, if you help women to do these things I’ve mentioned I would buy whatever program you are selling.

  • Hi Mathew, I agree with what you said! I am well aware of the fact I need to concentrate on myself. I have stopped dating at all at this point. I’ve gotten more insecure with myself than usual. I feel that it’s me that’s causing the types of men I attract and that it’s also me that allows men to treat me like they have. Not that my dates/relationships have been physically abusive, I just seem to allow myself to be taken for granted. Growing weary and not getting any younger!! Lol

  • GREAT VIDEO! Love your openness and transparency. After reading your books and watching your videos for several years, I knew it was up to me to be accountable of my emotions and who I date. I believe in the law of attraction. Focus on what I want then what I want will come into my life. If I focus on what I don’t want then what I don’t want comes into my life. I’ve been working on myself since my divorce. I take responsibility for my actions in the marriage. I refuse to blame my ex husband and the father of my four children that it’s his fault I’m the way I am. I grew 25 years with him. He chose not to grow up which is fine with me. I couldn’t change him. I focused on what I could do myself. He chose to walk away and find a woman who could mother him. It was the best decision ever. Now I’m I’m dating scene. It feels good to walk away from what doesn’t benefit me anymore. I’m stronger and I know your videos mean well. It means you want us to focus on the GOOD. What we focus attracts us. Keep up the amazing job. You’ve got my support. ❤️❤️❤️

  • Well stated. And, thank you. While I’ve not written in about this theme, and while I’ve understood your approach and why you do what you do, hearing you articulate it is really meaningful and touched me deeply. There are a million issues out there in all arenas of life and, while my one goal in life is to be empowered and equipped, sometimes just taking a moment to acknowledge that I have to come home and shower off the shit–and what kind of shit it is–really helps. Taking that moment to acknowledge helps me feel not so alone, not so despairing, and reinvigorates my desire to do what I know to do and continue seeking the finest people in life who share the same values of empowering themselves and others and engaging with the parts of life they can control and creating an amazing life! Thanks again for your thoughtfulness and attention to the hearts out there listening to you…

  • Good advice! We can’t change culture and as Terrance McKenna said, culture is not our friend. It doesn’t mean give up. It means we need to have fierce standards as Matthew said in this video and not invest our resources in men who’ve caught the novelty culture disease. I’m an expat dating in Latin America and in addition to the novelty-lust fascination hurdle, the vast majority of men here are mysogynistic and hate successful women because a successful and independent woman feels threatening to their ability to control and be needed. Women get killed here for being financially independent and before they’re killed they’re raped and tortured. These are called feminicidios. Sometimes this hatred for women is very subtle but it’s there in the little ways a man will try to sabotage a woman after acting on his best behavior for weeks. I’m not giving up on finding my man. Every time I learn a new lesson, I keep raising my standards and setting the necessary boundaries that protect me from wasting my resources on a man who only wants to bring me down as soon as he reveals himself for who he is. I don’t use dating apps because they’re full of personality disordered men like narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths as well as your run of the mill emotionally unavailable cowards and non-committal players as well as the Mr Nice guys with integrity problems. Instead I create experiences for myself to enjoy life and I believe I will meet the right man in an experience that he is also enjoying. I’m careful of being realistic while also not letting the scarcity mindset take over because that leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I keep redirecting myself to abundance, gratitude and faith. Even when another dickhead reveals himself, I let myself get angry at first for how he thought he could get away with treating me and that helps me enforce the boundary. Then after he’s gone I redirect to gratitude that he revealed himself. Next! I know that when my man shows up I’m going to appreciate him because I had to go through all of this to find him. Keep your standards high, ladies and know your worth!

  • Hi Matt,

    Interesting video for sure. The challenge of not being connected as man is true for many of us due to work/life balance or in my case proximity to larger towns with people to meet spontaneously.

    The question of men and commitment gets posted and discussed often through podcasts like ‘The Gender Knot’ etc which I think although true are sometimes true are sinplifying the point. Many men such as myself get so excited when you do get to interact with someone and I always find it puzzeling to hear that this trait is uncommon.

    You’re videos are typically right on point keep it up.

  • Thank you soo much for ure latest video, it can be difficult to get caught up in what’s wrong while trying to stay positive and continue to put ureself out there!! Thank you for your support and effort. I used one of your texts on a guy where we had plans but I didn’t hear from him with the details… i sent the text, I wasn’t passive and he responded in a very positive way where he set up another date with a place and day… thank you!!

  • Thank you for this video Matt! I am 55, divorced for 2 years and am trying to weed thru the men who are hooked on “novelty” as you have described. I once asked a counselor how I would know if a man was telling me the truth. They are so willing to chase and give praise, want to spend time with you in the beginning but once you really get to know them you see they are either not how they portrayed themselves to be or once they get bored they seek out another women to get the hormonal high. My counselor told me there was no way to tell but to back-pedal once their story started falling apart.

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