There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
I liked this video very much! One of your very best. Thank you!
your website is amazing and you influenced me for many years i guess not only love and relationship, far beyond bigger than that. thank you so much and boost confidence in my life and person as me im korean, my names is hani!!! and im a such a huge fan for you love ya~
I like the videos when they are not cut or edited. I’d rather just hear what you have to say as it comes to you. Thanks for all of your help Matt. :) I personally have been working on making more eye contact with people as you suggested in your book. :) sometimes I look at the person 2 or 3 times to make sure they see me. :) & of course I always remember to smile. It’s only been a couple of months, but it’s still a work in progress. :) thanks again
I enjoy all your advice, but it seems to be only directed to singles. Do you have any advice for someone who was 100% committed and has 3 children and caught their husband in an affair. After 7 years, I thought I could get passed it, but it still isn’t working. I am not in love anymore and am in it for the children. What is your advice?
7 years is way too long to be remembering something that is in the past.
Wow your video came at the exactly right time for me. I am 25 years old and never experienced nothing with the other sex, not even a date. So yes I can say I give up sometime. next week I’m having a vacation in Spain and I had decided that I am just going to have FUN and FLIRT and enjoy being ME and your words in that video makes my decision even stronger! I am definitely going to create moments for me!!
thanks for the advice matt! :)
and ur laugh is so funny….! :P
I LOVE this video. Thank you for being my life coach, and I know this sounds cheesy, but you really have changed my life. I am 19 years old and have become more confident, more willing to take risks and a more sociable person. I used to be shy and had a hard time approaching guys, but through your videos, your book and your support, you have helped me push myself to become the person I want to be. Thank you, Matt!! x
Oh my god. Thank you Matthew. I was feeling so hopeless. Just done, like you said. But this video make me realize I should stop searching and work on myself first. Then live life as est as I can. Hopefully my special someone will come to me.
Hi! I really enjoyed this video. You should do more like this. I actually wanted to ask you to do a video about “how to flirt” and Ideias for keeping the conversation going. I know you already did a couple, but none of them really adjust to my situation. There’s this guy, we’ve already gone to the movies, we see each other every once in a while (never got phisical at all), but whenever were alone, there’s that awkward silence, that only makes me more nervous. I enter this state of boring statue girl. I see that he tries to be funny, but but doesn’t work ( not funny at all). I try to play along but our talk eventually dies. I,ve tried the 21 questions thing, but he gives me square answers, and the talk dies again. We’re both boring and shy. I’d relly appreciate some advice.
I loved that you took the time to share this great information the way you did. I like the old way. This information is how I believe things should go. Life has many bumps in the road, and it is nice to feel at peace knowing life is a shared experience even if I never find that one so as to speak at least I have put myself out there and love the life I am making. It would be nice to have a great shared experience with someone so I will see down the road what ever life brings me with someone else. Thanks!
Hey Matt,
Great reminder that life is made up of small moments, not grand scenarios.
I am so glad you asked about your editing methods. I vastly prefer the “uncut” videos. They flow better and come across as more natural. I found the cut and paste method choppy & distracting, and have been hoping you would go back to how you did them before.
Thank you for asking! One more reason to love you.
I know that a lot of what you help women with here is getting the guy to finally commit to a real relationship. Honestly, I feel like I have the opposite problem. I’ll really like a guy, flirt, and go out on fun dates, only to get nervous and bail once we’re actually in a relationship together. I can feel myself close off and shut down, but I have no idea how to change it. My friends and family tell me I’m afraid of commitment, but I don’t want to be. Any advice?
Wow, what a great video! I like it that longer way, I think you should do this more often :)
Without the cuts! Funny, before I even saw the last
part I was thinking that. You’re interesting enough
and speak quickly enough that NO cuts are needed.
Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!!! Thank you so much for doing what you do so dang well!
Hi Matthew,
Thank you so much for making this video for all of us out there consistently thinking to ourselves – should I take a break? I like your way of approaching relationships and the way you look at things, I am right now so excited and inspired by this video, I am going to be this generous, affectionate and giving person that I want to be in relationships and I am going to be very open to all the possibilities and having my hope up that the other person will also be courageous and open enough to let the magic happen! thank you so much!!
I like the old way!
Yes you can shoot and edit the video the “http://www.garancedore.fr/ ” way but as long as you keep it real, hearts will be touched either way. :)
I have this question and really no answer to. When it comes to men and love I’m clueless…and REALLY hope you can shed some light.
Question: there is a guy at my gym and he seems to be interested – well were like school kids he stares at me and I look then look away and vice versa. So last week I made a “move” and introduced myself. I’m super shy and well the conversations we have had were so var not long as I walk away due to shis shyness… So I left my business card with front desc to give to him. (They say they gave it to him).but I have not heard from him and he acts like he didn’t get it?
He still stares and we have our brief hi and all…
Tonight I stumbled on a photo of him via a “friends” photos on facebook.
What do I do? Do I start a “hey I know you” via facebook or just leave it?
Please help!
In my humble opinion just leave it. He knows you’re interested and that you’re an awesome person. If he doesn’t drum up the guts to just ask you out by now after leaving it so wide open for him, move on to the next guy who will.
Go ahead and have more actual conversations. Take initiative. Shyness is the way to have an empty lonely life; trust me, I know. Just go ahead and start talking to him again: about actual stuff, about stuff you are passionate about, not just boring “hi, how are you doing.” Yeah, maybe he already knows YOU are interested in HIM, but the only way he can know that HE should be interested in YOU, is if your true fascinating inner self is revealed. Boring “hi”s won’t reveal it.
I think you guys should do what you feel when it comes to editing. No one way works ALL the time. This subject specifically was best and most heartfelt uncut, perfect mood for it.
I am not sure what to say Matth because I think I understand those women. Honestly I just got my heart broken like couple of hours ago. I tried your tricks with the man that I had a relationship before, he responded but then the result is different from what I expected. Failed. Yes. It is hurting very bad. If not because of this video and your advices I honestly will numb myself. Hey friend, I am feeling so hurt and I am not sure what to do or how to deal. Kinda blank this moment. Now I am thinking, talking is easy right… to experience it is another story. I have few guys in line and a couple of them already stated their interest, but I do not feel like invest in them at all. Is there something wrong with me Matth?
Sorry. My grammar and words just f**k up. So sorry. I hope you will still get my point.