There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Well, I don’t want to be done with love, but at this stage of my life, love is done with me. Through years of online dating, speed dating, etc. I’ve learned the hard way that I’m not within the age demographic that men are looking for (turned 34 a few months ago). It makes me very, very sad to think of the love I’ll never be able to give someone. If men out there would give me just half a chance, I could have really given something special to someone. However, I am now facing the reality that it is very unlikely to happen at this stage and that ship has long sailed. I am in the twilight of my life and really want to make the most of the years I have left. I wish I was a stronger person who could keep going through disappointment and rejection, but I’m really not. I’m no longer a young woman, so can not keep going through that for a dream that will not come into fruition. I need to make the most of the time I have left, rather than wasting even more of it chasing a foolish fantasy. I may not have the romantic love that I yearned for, but I’ll learn to make the most of the other love that is present in my life through my friends and family.
Christine, you’ve got to be kidding!! 34 is YOUNG!! I was expecting you to say you were 70! And even 70 year olds can still find love! Keep looking! And if it’s having kids you think you’ve missed, let me tell you about my friend Carol – she found love and had a child at 43 – that’s right FORTY THREE!! You’re much too young to give up! You may need some attitude adjustment, but your age is not the problem! Good luck with your search – the right person for you is out there – now go get ’em!! :-)
Internet and Speed Dating was not the way to go. Better luck with someone you meet and get to know in real life, over a period of time.
Matt – I’m editing some video right now and dealing with all sorts of cuts and I had your video on in the background thinking ‘can’t wait till I’m pro enough to not mess around with all these cuts…’. Ha! So yes, loved it in this vide. because it didn’t feel like you were rambling. Just depends I suppose. Thanks for that =)
Why don’t you just admit men are pigs? You never admit it and yet dance around this fact for 14 minutes. Just admitting this, you will gain more credibility with women. The rest is Disney-sappy bullshit advice that goes nowhere.
I love this type of message. Long enough to get a large picture and think about these topics
I personally LOVED this video! Very real and I could certainly relate to everything you said. Thank you so much Matthew for all that you do! :)
I like your videos without the cuts better than the ones with the cuts. I don’t know why but it feels like I get more information without the cuts. I know you probably cut to get more relevant info in but the conversational vibe without the cuts is something I’ve missed in your videos.
Matt do your thing. We dont have the answer, and you probably dont either. Still, you make us feel, even if its just for a moment with your videos, like there is hope. Like there is something beyond the things were experiencing right now. thank yooouuuu!!!!!
In my opinion this is one of the best videos you’ve made… its natural, its talking to me…without cuts… its like I am sitting on the couch there in front of you Matt! Cheers :)
I think your videos are great! I like this one and it is natural and you were not rambling. Your videos are real and genuine cuts or not your heart is felt. however i do prefer cuts with the points clear and quick as long as we get all the message you are conveying and who you are.
I appreciate this video the most because the subject matter applies to me. Also, you spoke from the heart. Thank-you.
Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?
I’m planning to start mmy own blog in the near futurre but I’m having a tough
time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then
most blogs and I’m lookng for something unique.
P.S Sordry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!
I like what you say Matt, but most women I know do want to have a relationship and children. So they’re focused on that. Is it bad? I don’t think so. Because being with a man makes me feel I am a woman.
I have everything I need (job, house, friends, etc), I am independent and I don’t need a man. I would just love to be with one.
I am the girl you describe… I met men who just disappeared after a few very nice dates, or sometimes even a few months of dating. It’s very painful and I am done with it.
I am really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog.
Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays.
I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was
good. I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a
famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!
I liked it like this. I felt like the Universe is talking directly to me through you. Perfect timing :-)
you’re adorable, and yes,I do like the extended videos better.
OMG
I was done with love, now that I have seen your video… its given me what I needed to be told.
plus… the longer the video, the better :) much needed
I never gave up because I wanted the big thing, ever. Marriage is not my dream.
I gave up because the honest truth, guys have it really easy now days. Women chase, and they have gotten used to the fact they don’t really need to make an effort to get a girt. So, they don’t.
I usually would agree in a great percentage on you videos. Not on this one. The analogy of traveling along is great, I have never had the fear of being without a person, however, finding a quality guy now days has narrow it to 0 for me.
I am not giving up, I’m not longer looking, and not because I wanted to get married and didn’t.
You have a wonderful sense of humor! Keep doing what you’re doing, it works.
What about finding closure with a past relationship? Have you ever heard of “ghosting” where the guy just stops talking to you out of nowhere? Despite the fact you were in a relationship? What can you do in this situation?