I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
If I hear one more time u have to love yourself first I think I will cry. It’s so much better to share that with someone. After over 20 years of marriage it was time to move on and the marriage had a very rough ending. I am rebuilding my life and who I am. I am discovering this crazy world of dating. The genuine person is so hard to find. Your videos have taught me much about the guy mindset although I try not to lose myself. I want a guy who is okay with me and being a female who has worked in the competitive world of management does change you. Just yesterday I wrote how I want positive productive people in my world. But it’s not that simple. The elusive chemistry is just not something that you can solve. It happens when it happens. Your videos have been my dating buddy guide at times and help me adapt in these crazy times. TY!!!
Lovely, Matthew! Beautifully done, as always! I so appreciate your ability to authentically connect with so many to share such valuable wisdom and insight! You guys are accomplishing wonderful things with your knowledge and talents! Thank you! xo
Hi Matt,
How you always inspire me when you speak from the heart. Love it! I guess it is part of being human, feeling lonely sometimes. Here we are, with so many others surrounding us and we still feel like we’re the only one who feel a certain way. Of course, we know that can’t be right (we don’t know EVERY SINGLE PERSON on this planet), yet the feeling can overwhelm us as much.
For me the feeling is often about being good enough, just as I am. I have tons of ideas, but I always feel like they wouldn’t go anywhere. Scared of my dreams. Sometimes even scared of the depth of my feelings. I am my own biggest critic. All these things can make me feel like an outsider looking in and that is a lonely place to be at.
I have started blogging about choosing happiness, which has done absolute wonders – next to attending your retreat of course! ;) – and the moments now that I feel alone I have my own words of comfort that can help get me back up. After all, nobody else can change your loneliness; that is up to you.
Love always,
Janet
In 2 days, I was planning to leave on an international trip to visit a guy I’m seeing. Yesterday, he texted me plans, directions, links to things he was suggesting we do together while I’m there. Then last night, he wrote that he was feeling shitty because he’s actually started sleeping with someone there a couple weeks ago, so he no longer wants me to stay with him because it “wouldn’t be fair to anyone” for him to jump from her bed into mine. He knows my ticket is non-refundable and we’ve been planning this for several weeks. But I’m on my own now if I decide to go. This is his idea of ‘doing the right thing.’ I thought he was a good one. Now I sadly REALLY don’t. And I feel pathetic and sad and painfully lonely. Sorry for the length of this comment. Blame it on the timing.
When you are kind to someone they do want to be around you, but it doesn’t cure the ache you have for the person you actually want to spend time with…great video!
My solitude gives me the space to discover myself and explore my deepest thoughts.
It takes time, it takes effort, and it takes patience and real love to reach across the chasms we create. Political – religious – ideological – professional…
I think loneliness isn’t okay – when we feel we can’t cross the chasms… but solitude can lead us to find ways to cross them. Realizing in our differences we can still find ways to relate… and accept. I think that’s a good thing too.
Did you get my comment?
Thank you for keeping the entire message…. I was sitting home feeling completely alone n depressed when this appeared.
Dear Matt,
Osho has a really lovely quote about being alone. Osho says “the capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other without reducing the other to a thing without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom. Because they know if the other person leaves they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness can not be taken by the other because it is not given by the other. “
Beautifully said
Matt,
Now that I have posted my Osho quote, I want to say that I too feel loneliness and worry about getting swallowed up by my circular ‘monkey mind’ thoughts that swirl around. I think our ability to love ourselves and the alone time with ourselves is directly connected to our ability to be loved by others. If we don’t like ourselves and would not hang out with ourselves why would anyone else want to hang out with me either. This alone time also allows for us to become interesting people. In my time alone, I took yoga classes, painted, journaled, cooked, walked, meditated, exercised etc. Tried to use that time to the fullest and not ‘wish it away’ since when it is gone there might be times when we want it back. Entering the sacred art of relationship there will be times when you crave your space and to be alone. So funny how that works. I think recognizing and having an awareness of being alone and giving ourselves permission to be alone is so powerful.
Hey Matt,
I will be attending your retreat in May and I can’t wait to meet you. You know I have thought that with all the speaking, interviews, blogs, etc. how lonely you must feel sometimes. I want to thank you for allowing this video to be raw and unedited. I think the public thinks that celebrities or public figures have perfect and happy lives all the time.
My loneliness has taken many forms in my life. The one that stands out the most is when I was married with an amazing step-son I was at the loneliest point of my life. I guess that is why your statement of “never, never, never, never, never, never, never…NEVER EVER SETTLE” resonates with me so deeply.
My blog has varying types of content so very raw from the soul which many people relate to and more recently more content and resource filled content. It’s a work in progress, but you have inspired me to write one about loneliness vs solitude. They are very different things to me.
Thank you for sharing this part of you with us, your adoring fans.
See you soon
Brilliant video! Heartfelt, raw & honest.
I get it completely. I have teenage children
and I have observed that they are so
disconnected with their peers despite the
multitude of social media. It breaks my
heart a bit. I intend to reach out more to
people in general & foster more actual interaction
with my kids & their friends. Thank you for
this video. Kim
Wow. I watched the loneliness video twice to make sure I got it all. It touched my heart as this is why I don’t want to be alone. This video is very encouraging and may just give me the motivation I need to move forward. Thank you so much Matt. This is really good stuff.
Matthew, I absolutely loved your video on loneliness!
I am blessed with lots of friends & family, but I broke up with a partner of 16 years, seven months ago! I have started online dating and it’s pretty frustrating for
Me! After several different dates, I thought I found someone special. We first talked on the phone on Valentine’s Day …. And after several phone calls we met and had a great attraction for each other! He did pressure me to have sex with him, so…. I finally gave in after much discussion & arguments. So…. after a couple of times of having sex, he stopped texting and calling! I actually text him and broke it off with him! Anyway, feeling lonely and used! I’ll learn next time!
I have never had a problem attracting men although I am very plain looking. My beautiful don’t understand why I get the guys. I don’t really get lonely but I am ready to find the one. Iam all.most 52 and haven’t fallen in love yet. I’m wondering ifi might have philophobia,loli donook my age at all and arract alltypesof men but mostly 26 to 38 year olds. You know that will not work out in the long run.I guess people are attracted because I’m highly educated. I can get any man I want and they fall fast and want to marry but I get scared and can’t keep them.. I have never been married but I am ready to meet theove of my life. Sincerely Erica Demornay any advice?
Sorry for the word run ins . I’ve been up for two days straight and my brain is aittle foggy.
Matt,
I just filed for divorce from my husband of 25 years. It was a tough decision, but I believe the right decision because it was a toxic relationship for me. After having been with someone that long, you get used to never really being completely alone. Being alone now is both a high and low for me. It is such a great feeling to be able to make my own decisions and do what I want for a change and most of the time, I really don’t feel lonely. But those moments when I do, are very painful. Thanks for helping me to realize that everyone feels alone at times.
Hello Matt,
This video made me leave fist comment!
Of course you’ve made amazing videos and i also took your program.
And i always thought i will write you an email when i get some great result.
But when you said “we are in this together” i felt so releaved.
Thank you for your boldness to share this with us.
Take care xo
Separateness is an illusion. REALLY important stuff you’ve shared…ahhh you are a humanitarian too! Thanks for doing the work you do.
I love the bit about the “personal PR campaigns”! Ha! So true, I also refer to it as social media “Curated Lives”