I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Hai,matthew :).when i see your videos,you always lift my spirit,a lot of times you videos comes up when i am dealing with the same issues.i am 29 years old and single.i have had a good life,great memories,amazing connections and i have a great mind set because i am a positive person who knows that some things will past.lonely is something that i had to deal with lately.because i came from burundi,a country in africa when i was 11 years old.my parents divorced when i was 5 years old and he got re-marrried.so when the war broke.everybody got seperated,when my father sended someone to come and pick me to bring me here in holland.i found out that he register my stepmother as my biologic mother.so when i was younger,i had contact with my real mother but the older i get,the more i realise that there is something missing,like there is a whole in your heart.the last 3 years,my biologic mother has been ill and lately it had become worst.so i have to send her even extra money to take care of her.i dont have enough to go to see her and the fact that in burundi is not safe to travel to and something may happend to her or me.i am not able to go and see her,that has made me feeling so lonely and like there is no hope.is something difficult to talk about,even to write about.but the more i talk about it with people,the more people knows,the more i feel like i can handle it.the cure to lonelyness is understanding,sometimes the fact that someone knows that you are feeling lonely can make you feel strong and powerfull.thank you matthew for your words.i know that is okey to feel lonely in life,is okey to feel sad at times because that is a part of life too.we are all in this together,no matters what we deal with,we shouldnt forget the other beautiful aspects of life
Hello Kim, hello Mat,
I hope you will see my message… This is the first time I am adding a comment as I guess it’s the first time I realise how I am not alone to deal with this situation.
This is a really tough one Kim, as mum as are such a figure for all of us.
But please don’t keep all of this for yourself, speak to your mum as if she was there with you send a letter with pictures and memories of your life and try to connect your heart with her in any way.
Try to build a happy life that would make her proud as when she won’t be here anymore she could see the a strong woman that you became since you left your country.
I have lost my dad 2 years ago and even if we weren’t super close I speak to him when I miss him and I want him to see that I’m not giving up and try to stay positive.
I recently decided to stop worrying about finding a guy. I was ready to commit with guys not treating me how I deserve it so I had to stop hurting myself and face my Sunday morning loneliness feeling., I need to have a more peaceful heart less anger and I guess as you said Matt it’s done by helping other.
The time will come on when I’ll be done with this building phase I’ll meet this guy and I will be happy that I waited. And for all the girls living in countryside I’m telling you : being in a big city is not making any difference or maybe we feel the same but just a bit later when we come back home late after a night out.
I hope my answer will help as much as I have been touched by other comments here. A hug to all of you girls and Mat thanks again
We are all alone from the moment we are born until the moment we die. But being lonely doesn’t have to be a part of it. I think people should be more contempt with being just with themself.
I believe that it is of course good to have someone by your side, true friends and family that cares for you, but if you do have a peaceful mind, and having a positive outlook on whatever might come you don’t have to struggle with the meaningless feeling of feeling alone. Because we are not, we are all individuals living in a big hub called the earch together.
Be nice with people, and have an open-mind towards everyone you meet. A stranger is only a friend you haven’t met yet.
Believe in yourself, stay strong and keep moving forward!
Myself, I’ve been restarting my life several times, moving from place to place, country to country. Along the road I’ve lost friends, and I’ve had to create new friendship and new social circles everywhere I go. It has thought me a great deal about myself, and sometimes it has been hard. Especially now, living in the Netherlands. I don’t speak Dutch, and sometimes it is lonely not to be able to understand what people are joking about, and I feel left out sometimes. All my best friends lives miles away, but I have managed to get some good friendships here as well. Now I am starting to feel that Amsterdam is my home, I feel at ease here and people are so friendly, that it is hard to actually feel lonely with so many great people around you.
I think a cure for loneliness might be travelling and exploring the world, learning how to restart, learning to cope with your own thoughts, and learning to be completely by yourself. It is a great feeling when you do manage to reflect and understand your own ways of actions.
Thanks for the video!
Sending some loneliness love! :*
I loved this video Matt so thank you. and Right now I am feeling pretty alone. It seems as if everyone around me is getting engaged, married, or having kids. Or just in general having the time of their lives, meanwhile having a family is the one thing I want the most. So it is really difficult for me to see it happening, to what feels like, everyone else, but me. I know my time will come, but it feels so lonely to be where I am right now. Especially when the guy I was seeing said he needs time, and when he responds to me after hours of not saying anything, he says “I was just off a bit.” So it doesn’t help. And it doesn’t help that I live in New York City, where there are millions of people, but it feels so incredibly lonely at the same time.
Hi Kalee,
I feel exactly the same way….all my friend are getting engaged, or having babies or just being in relationships…Seems like everyone is having the time of their lives and l am the only one who is alone…I am struggling with this a lot, especially that l live in a different country and my family is more like enemy than family….so that doesn’t help either…
I live in London and slowly realising how lonely this city can make you feel sometimes…
Thank Matt for this great video, loved it! Hope you will make more in this raw style!
Fru
Kalee I totally get it too. I’m pretty much in the same situation and while there are times I appreciate being on my own or the solitude, sometimes it is just lonely and deafening. I sometimes wonder if it will change. So you are not alone in how you feel, and I guess I’m not either!
Just what I needed to hear this morning, at a time when I feel lonely.I have always felt different and alone since my childhood. Though I like my own company, it would be nice to share my life together, yet my romantic relationships never seem to work out. Thank you
This is so true. I feel lonelier when I’m surrounded by many people.
Thank you Matt for this video.
Thank you so much for making this video, as saying goes you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone,You can be with your partner and still feel alone,you hit the subject right on the mark.
I’m glad you didn’t go back and edit the video. X
I feel alone most of the time but know one could ever tell, I wear a smile and always act happy and upbeat with others. I like my own company and I do have friends, but one day I would like to find someone to share my life with again.
Thank you Matthew. Xxx
Hi Matt, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing such a personal video about a topic which affects many more people than we realise. I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely for the past year after being made redundant, having major surgery and living alone. I no longer look at social media as I find it too depressing and have lost contact with many friends and former colleagues as I am simply too embarrassed to reply to their messages. I am slowly trying to regain my confidence and have reached out to a few close friends, however it’s been extremely difficult. Whilst our lives are a world apart, it’s really comforting to know that somebody as talented, successful, confident and attractive as yourself, occasionally struggles with loneliness too x
Great video Matt,.Feeling so lonely in London,.away from family and was stood up yesterday by someone I had feelings for. So good to losten to your video,.cheered me up a little and it is true what we need to remember there others feeling exactly like me right now. What am I gonna do about it depends on no one else but me
Thank you Mathew fir this raw but yet so powerful video! I have gotten more out if this video than any other. It spoke to my heart and actually made me feel somewhat less lonely. :) I
I am starting a new relationship with an amazing man. Someone who shows me love and respect and puts my needs and desires first! It is truly an amazing feeling and I am hoping with all my heart that we will keep moving forward! He has been hurt in the past and is worried about telling his children about me. He said he usually waits 6 months.. I am going thru a very bitter difficult divorce and have a teenage daughter that loves me one minute and despises me the very next. I don’t get to see her as often as I would like and it kills me. She knows about my new relationship and is fairly accepting but also scared about it and distrustful. My gentleman friend and I agreed we will let the kids decide they are ready to meet us.
Even though I moved to be closer to family and I have a huge wonderful support system in them, I still sometimes feel very lonely because not a one of them can truly relate to my situation.
I could go on but I won’t. Please just know that I truly enjoyed this video very much and you were right about not editing!! It was raw and powerful and spoke to me! I know it will help others!
Thank you again Matthew!
A little Less! Lonely now ;)
Once God filled my heart with his love, loneliness left me. I used to hate being alone and now I enjoy time by myself. The difference is now I know I am NEVER alone. God is ALWAYS with me and loves me more than any human can. Even if I never “land a great guy” I can be happy by myself knowing God will never leave me.
Hello Matthew,
Your video came just at the right time. I have recently gone through one of the most difficult periods in my life. I felt stressed, devalued, unlikeable…a true failure. I cried to myself everyday and occasionally to my frieds but I didn’t want to burden them with my troubles so I kept a lot inside. All of hurt, pain, self doubt that I was going through boiled over on New Years Eve when we were taking a group picture and I was tapped or bumped or pushed, in that moment that one small, inadvertent, action was a metaphor for what I had been feeling for all those months. That hurt the anger the raw ugliness of what I had been going through boiled over at my friends. In that moment I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing. My reaction was so much the opposite of who I am everyday. I felt terrible. I apologized truly, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and everyone understood and forgave me except one person. My most treasured friend. She is someone I still see often as part of a larger group but clearly our friendship has offered it is very superficial, obligated, and awkward, I grieve this friendship that was so special to me like I would grieve a death. It has left such a hole in my heart and in my life. As I said the person I am is not a person that was that night. I am happy, friendly, people tell me I’m always smiling. But this loss has left such a loneliness it’s indescribable. Your video has come at just the right time as yesterday was a difficult day in relation to the front. I know that she would not want a phone call from me so I sent her a letter, the old-fashioned way, in the mail, I hope she will get it and no how much she means to me and how much I miss her.
Thank you Matthew from the bottom of my heart,
Gina
Matthew,
Thank you for your video on loniless. I have been following you for two years- this was your most profound work. I love your advice, but this was healing work. I have felt such shame about feeling lonley at times, like what’s wrong with me. I recently realized loniless is a function of being human and for you to model your own vulnerability is an not only an act of courage but that is the act of a true change maker. We need to meet our loneliness with tenderness and give ourselves the love we feel we aren’t getting in the world so we can be in the whole ness of who we are when we meet the right person. You never meet the right mate when coming from a needy lonely place. Wellness is a skill. Thank you for this deep and authentic work. I have so much more to say on this topic and your approach but I will not take up your time.
Thank you
Stephanie DAngelo
Innerharmony4me@gmail.com
I really liked and appreciate this very special video. Being an opera singer myself who performs regularly, I can related to how you feel. On stage, we put on this bright and positive persona, to entertain people (in my case) and to bring some form of inspiration to life. At times, when i finished a show and come home, the loneliness kicks in. The audience did not know the fear and worries we go through, performing over a flu and expect near perfection all the time, it can be very demanding and tiring. Thank you for being so true and share this with us, it’s lovely to see such a down to earth and human side of you Matthew.
What you say starting from 07:40 is pure gold. Thank you.
Good video Matthew. Your sincerity and honesty help you to connect with people who sit at the end of the computer :p That’s why you are successful.
Thank you for leaving this unstructured Matthew. This is poignant and insightful.
That’s was great Matthew. Well said and sending you a hug ({})
Such an important message! I rarely get on social media anymore because it just makes me feel less somehow. The good news is that it allows me to be more in my own moment and I can appreciate the small moments of my life more. It will really help to acknowledge that loneliness exists for everyone. Thank you for talking about it!
The loneliness is more about paradigms, as well you said it’s not a bad thing and we’re not alone. We have to understand it, enjoy what it brings and stop comparing w/the others people’s life. The way we’re connected in this century isn’t the only way, we need to continue exploring the world and sharing w/other ppl. Thanks for your inspiration moment. We love you too. Cheers!