I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Matthew, your words are reaching the people you so generously work to reach. Please be assured, the time you spend and insights you share are making a difference.
Thank you-
Jan
I’m studying abroad,so I am about 3000 miles away from my parents, my family members & my friends. Actually, I have failed 2 times in my life here while studying abroad. My parents did ask me what might be the reasons of my failure because they see me as I am completely a different person compared to who I were back in my hometown( more like studying type).But I don’t want to let them know that I am actually lonely here away from them because I don’t want to let them down and I want to come back to them with success (or otherwise I better don’t come back). I’m actually spending most of time here thinking about loneliness than studying. My friends here frequently told me that I am such a strong & positive person for being able to get back from my failure and go on with my life. But I think my “positivity” & “strong” are just the biggest way to cover up my loneliness and I ended crying alone in my room or in one corner at the library. Now, whenever I feel lonely & empty I’ll just think of the success that I really really wanna bring back for my parents & family even though it takes a lot of tears & pain.
I really really thank you for what you said at the end of the video which makes me think that I’m not alone ;).
I’m studying abroad, now I am about 3000 miles away from my parents, my family members & my friends. For being honest, I’ve failed twice in my studies here away from my family, my parents did ask me what might be the reasons of my failure because they see me as I am a completely different person when compared to who I were back in my hometown(more like studying type, more ambitious). I don’t want to tell them the truth because I don’t want to let them down. I want to go back to them with success (otherwise, I better don’t come back). Being away from them makes me understand the meaning of loneliness & emptiness. And now I know that they can kill my dream. In fact, that is the reason of my failure, I am thinking about my loneliness more while studying. My friends here always told me that I am a strong & positive person for being able to move on from my failure. But for me,the smiles, positivity & strong that I’ve been showing to them all the time are just the biggest ways to cover up my loneliness. I ended up crying in my room alone or at one corner in the library ;). Nowadays,everytime when I feel lonely, I’ll just think of the success I want to bring back to my family back in my hometown;). Thanks matthew for the things you said at the end of the video so that I know that I am not alone ;)..
Thanks Matthew. This video touched my heart. I am not dating at the moment as I am afraid to open my heart, but one day I will, when I am ready. I have a very active social life, but at the end of some days, the loneliness engulfs me. Thank you for understanding.
Hi Matthew,
Thank you for posting this one.
I think I feel it too sometimes with even being in a big crowded place. Surrounded by lots of people. Just a bit of restless feeling.
And when being alone it can pull you down too, when overthinking starts. At least that happens too me sometimes.. I guess I miss someone around from time to time, who fully understands and listens.. It seems like it is harder for people to listen too.. with everybody being bizzy and on a schedhule and with not socializing in person.. like always being on their phone, watching tv and stuff.. people talk less to eachother.. which is sad to even look at sometimes.. like we are all focussed on our own stuff. I’m guilty of that too sometimes.. but I try to make a diverence :)
Love, Tamara
Mmmm, honest and candid message about the benefits and shared experience of loneliness.
SHARED experience. True and encouraging. Thanks.
I need to leave my boyfriend of two years because despite a deep love for each other, great chemistry and a lot of fun, not enough of boxes are checked (lack of confidence, some integrity, and some leadership issues). I’m sad and feel alone because being with him has made my life better than it had been in years, in fact ever: he is kind, patient, funny, gracious and adventurous and someone that I will love forever, whether we are together or not.
I hate that because we won’t be in a dedicated relationship anymore we can’t be in each other’s company as cherished friends. For a while it won’t be possible to be together and not fall back into the relationship.
I’m not looking forward to living in this state but I suspect it will force me to grow, to appreciate and take stock of my side of the equation in this and all relationships. And this loneliness will bring me to my knees to talk to God a bit more.
I’m learning that just because I’m sad or lonely doesn’t mean I need to “fix” these emotions and get rid of them. This is what “normal” and “healthy” really are. Not mother’s “go to your room until you can be happy again.” There’s stench in the social media air that says we should always be happy and to push down anger, sadness, frustration and so on.
Nope. I’m not getting on that train to crazy-town.
I’m going to embrace these awful feelings because they are what will heal me and allow me to move on to next best thing that is planned for me.
Giddy up. We go.
Well in the video you say we think because we alone we are the only ones but not is more people feeling the same. Well I don’t have really friends only I have co workers we see each other another only at work or in reunions but I don’t have the one to talk about my loneliness or my other feelings if I happy sad angry. Well I have one friend he was annoying but he was in the past near but somedaily he was fat he always call to made me laugh or get me upset but just to know he was in the other side of my phone was satisfied but one day he was gone forever he passed away die of cancer every time since that day I expecting his call but now I realize will be no calls anymore. I have a daughter but now she is more focus in her relationship with her boyfriend she decide to give me one day from the seven days to me but really she doesn’t she just give me 3 hours from that day I can’t talk to her I just listen to her and that made me happy she come to speak to me and get some opinion about it but I’m ok with it. And my routine go back to the same go back to my coworkers and do on but I still didn’t find the one I lost and that made me sad and lonely but I still have hope one day I’ll find the one to talk laugh cry and get mad about it. Thanks I hope you understand what I wrote
My english is not the best but I just needed to comment this,first of all: THANK YOU because this just came at perfect timimg for me I have all this feelings of loneliness and I know its all about the pressure, I have certain age and in my country I “should” be married some years ago and right know I should been thinking about babys; but surprise!!! Im not…Im single and even if I been dreaming about it my person is not here yet, sometimes I try to understand that we all have different moments in life, different experiences and that not everyone is as happy as they show at social media but with this video I will sleep a little less worried because I know Im not the only one feeling this way..thank you so so much!
Whenever i feel any tiny bit of loneliness, self-doubt, or anything other than happy within myself and the day, i turn to you, Matt. Your videos, blogs, programs are all i need to lift me up, remind myself why i started with Get The Guy and put a smile on my face to enjoy the rest of my day.
Thank you… You really are my daily inspiration!
Just found this video. It’s been a rough 17 years of loneliness. I have been working on my worth the past year and making great strides. I’m considering your retreat this year. Bless you Matthew
I appreciate your vulnerability and glad you decided to release this in its raw form. You just became human and relatable to me. I have just a little different perspective…Loneliness is not a weakness but a chance for your strength to emerge and change your focus. It is an emotional wake-up to all the amazing choices you have in life…for those people who are happiest in their own misery and unable to make changes in self discovery then tragically loneliness becomes their master and they become lost in the stagnant quagmire of their own thoughts and feelings. My father is one of the loneliest men I know and it is difficult for me to spend any amount of time with him because I care for him and get sucked into his misery when I should be encouraging and uplifting. The sad thing is that he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get visitors and why people don’t make more of an effort to come see him.
Hey there, Matthew. I appreciate the raw video. I am a happily married woman with kids that absolutely adores you. There is something about the fact that although you probably do not intend to show, your personality shows in your videos, and I absolutely love it. True, we do not get to see all of yourself. I have come to realize there are very few people who analyze things and have this cerebral need for analyzing everything. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me years ago, it is only that recently I have to realize this is something that is part of me. This need to discuss and analyze to share with like minds. When one makes this realization, the world becomes truly lonely, it is lonely to think there are not many people who share like minds of openess and inquisitiveness. I feel truly lonely in that aspect. I visit your YouTube channel only because I enjoy the fact that another human being that has a veracity and curiosity for analysis exists. Truly Matthew, I absolutely am thankful that you live in this world. It brings comfort to my mind. You are a bit younger than me, but you will come to realize the similar in due time.