Ever had that sinking feeling that something in your relationship isn’t quite right—but you push it aside because everything seems too good to be true? We’ve all been there. And no film captures this better than Anora, this year’s Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards.
If you’ve ever rushed into commitment, been swept away by grand gestures, or felt like you’re in a one-sided relationship, then you need to watch today’s video. I break down the 5 biggest red flags that signal your relationship could be headed for disaster—and how to spot them before it’s too late.
What advice would you give Anora for her heartbreak?
Get out of that “business”, first of all!!!! She will not be respected by men as a future wife.
I would say “one sided support system” is one of the red flags I related to for sure. It’s funny when you’re in it, it takes a very long time to see the red flag. Especially if you were raised that everyone else comes first.
Hi Matthew,
My ex and I have just started talking about the prospect of coming back together.
She was the greatest love of my life and I’ve never stopped loving her and caring for her. I always wanted to be with her.
I’d come into our relationship with enormous emotional scars, and had struggled to take steps that were important to my ex. She withdrew intimacy from me for almost a year but said the intimacy would return once I was able to take the steps that we needed in our relationship.
Then she pushed me away and quickly gave herself fully to another man. I was heartbroken beyond belief and a total wreck of a person.
She knew how much I was hurting in this period and did some very nasty things to me which increased my pain.
I have only just recovered enough from my heartbreak and have just started something new and exciting with another lady. She’s lovely.
Meanwhile, my ex was dumped by her new boyfriend and it sounds like she realises that he had only wanted her for his temporary physical gratification.
She is now opening the door to the possibility of coming back together with me … but only if I can demonstrate that I am able to demonstrate to her the commitment that she needs.
All of my friends and family would caution me against going back to her, and yet I still love her so very much and I can’t get her out of my mind.
I know that I love her, and I care so deeply for her. I want to be able to be there for her, and yet I struggle to reconcile how she was able to be so nasty to me when she was with her new boyfriend.
I struggle to reconcile how she was able to move on so quickly and seriously with another man and to not care at all about me in that time … and to now seemingly want to have me back in her life.
Why am I still so drawn to someone who was so nasty and uncaring towards me?
Dud, this is trauma bonding by your side. Nothing more. Think this. With your new girlfriend you feel yourself, but with your ex you fell anxious, at least, right? This is your mind, spirit and body telling you “stay away from her’. I had the exact same thing with my ex wife, who had an affair also. And I said ‘OK,let’s try it..’. She only wanted me to change according to her desires but when I was asking of something… fights… in a true fulfilling relationship we accept each other as we are, not as we want the other to be. Your ex has at least narcissistic behavior (she doesn’t want to change, she wants You to change). She is traumatized by her family and her ‘normal’ is manipulative men, like the one who dumped her. You are not like him, you are not her ‘normal’, so she sabotages the relationship. Stay away, start psychotherapy (I did hypnotherapy, man I was saved…) in a psychiatrist not psychologist (because most of do counseling…, we need trauma healing, as I did)
Dud, this is trauma bonding by your side. Nothing more. Think this. With your new girlfriend you feel yourself, but with your ex you fell anxious, at least, right? This is your mind, spirit and body telling you “stay away from her’. I had the exact same thing with my ex wife, who had an affair also. And I said ‘OK,let’s try it..’. She only wanted me to change according to her desires but when I was asking of something… fights… in a true fulfilling relationship we accept each other as we are, not as we want the other to be. Your ex has at least narcissistic behavior (she doesn’t want to change, she wants You to change). She is traumatized by her family and her ‘normal’ is manipulative men, like the one who dumped her. You are not like him, you are not her ‘normal’, so she sabotages the relationship. Stay away, start psychotherapy (I did hypnotherapy, man I was saved…) in a psychiatrist not psychologist (because most of do counseling…, we need trauma healing, as I did)
My life is full of bad relationship’s, the last one I was bombarded online by someone, who just seemed interested in himself basically.
I do wonder why I have never found the right person, and, or always had disastrous relationships. I’ve practically given up. Thinking that maybe life is easier being alone!
My life is full of bad relationship’s, the last one I was bombarded online by someone, who just seemed interested in himself basically.
I do wonder why I have never found the right person, and, or always had disastrous relationships. I’ve practically given up. Thinking that maybe life is easier being alone!
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Hey Matthew, thanks for sharing this video.
I’ve experienced “the passive presence” in the past with someone. I remember how it felt—I was never truly seen when I needed him. If I tried to express myself or suggest something, I was just “drama” or an interruption to his peace. But the moment he needed something, suddenly, he was present.
I was young, hurt, and naive at the time—only 23. Looking back, I’m so grateful things never went further with him. But after that, I struggled to find the right person. There were times when I started to believe, or at least people around me made me feel, that something was wrong with me. Still, deep inside, I refused to accept that.
Breakups were always hard. I carried so much sadness, and I think part of it was because I never had the right guidance or support system to reassure me that I wasn’t the problem. At 29, I finally decided to seek help, and it was around that time that I also found channels like yours that helped me learn and grow.
Looking back, all that resistance, all those painful lessons—they led me to something better. Today, at 36, I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. And for that, I am beyond grateful.
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