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Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

Hey guys,

Check out this video first as it’s an example of what I’m going to be talking about in today’s video:

Now some of you may have found this guy shocking and you’re wondering what this has to do with understanding men in general. Paul is certainly an extreme example of a player, but in order for us to have a greater understanding of the typical guy, we have to look at such examples from the outermost points on the spectrum and find out what is really driving these types of guys.

As I mentioned in the video, Paul is now in a serious, long-term, and committed relationship, and after hearing this I decided to track him down and find out exactly what had happened that made the shift for him to want to be in a relationship.

This interview is going to be included as just one of the many bonuses in my brand new, online programme, and so Thursday is going to be your chance to get your hands on it in full.

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228 Replies to “Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?”

  • Hi Matthew,
    I think both men and women want and have a need to feel attractive, important, appreciated and valued. I think that is part of human nature.
    I was given some really great advice from my therapist. It was confronting but it really put things in perspective for me. She said, write a letter to your “husband” as if you already had the relationship you wanted and talk about what that relationship gives you, what that person brings to the table, and the importance of specific qualities.
    Finally this year I wrote and re-wrote it. I took a hard look at the deal breakers and the underlined attributes that were imoprtant to me. It made me very clear on what I need and want in my life, I couldn’t squint my eyes and say it kinda sort of looks like it if you tilt your head. It either is…or it isn’t.
    I think it’s true you need to look at what are you adding to his life…but in return just as important…what are you adding to my life. My mom use to say, if that person is 85% the person you need and want in a relationship than you have done great. When it really starts to slip further you need to start re-evaluating the relationship and if it is worthy of sustaining.
    I am really excited about Thursday! Thank you so much for your warmth, sincerity, self-expression and commitment to living life powerfully and helping others do the same. In my book you are a jem!

    ~Jenifer xo

  • Hi Matthew I guess I have been what you call a dabbler and wasn’t even aware of your site and all that might be here. I am though really looking forward to your video tomorrow (Thursday) with the hope that it will be a real help to me in my situation. Hopefully it will be affordable and I would like to add that so much of what is out there is mostly directed towards the young adult. I am approaching 60 and seniors need help as much as anyone. Maybe more so because we have often been out of the dating scene for decades and are astounded at what we find/experience upon re-entering it. It is so difficult to make a connection and keep it. Really hope the program you are about to unveil will be helpful for someone like me. I am tired of games and searching so really looking for the answer to help me put an end to my search.


    1. Hey Judy,
      Thanks for coming to the site! I will answer your question very directly by saying that that it will ABSOLUTELY help you no matter what your age. My oldest client right now is 83, and she is having an amazing time using what we teach. Your temptation when you watch it will be to say that it is for young people, but I promise you that that feeling will just be the part of you that is afraid of trying something new. Remember, no matter what age you are, being ‘youthful’ is an extremely attractive quality. A lot of what I teach in this programme will bring that amazing youthful energy out, and you’re going to have a blast trying it!
      Can’t wait to hear what you think!

      Matthew x


    I’ve been trying to get in contact with the Get The Guy team but I haven’t heard back. Don’t worry…I’m not holding my breathe. This hasn’t, however, deterred me from trying….I’m relentless.

    I’m a student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the United States. I have no clue how I’d call over to your head quarters otherwise I would have tried that. Instead, I’ve sent email after email.

    Maybe commenting on your blog will grab your attention?? Crossing my fingers.

    You’re the MAN. And I’d like to tell you and your team why. (Both good and bad reasons). Am I peaking your interest? Again…crossing my fingers.

    Sending you and your team a big hello from all the beautiful and sassy lady badgers from good ‘ol Madison, Wisconsin!!

    Hope to hear back from you.

    All the best,


  • Hey Matthew!
    I have bee following your emails and videos for a year now since i heard about you. i have been so heartbroken always cause i feel that guys like me and flirt, but then when I fall for them and tell them that, they just tell m it’s friendship, but i know in my heart they somehow are not telling me all of the truth. They give me signs and smiles that are for sure to a woman a sign of liking a person. somehow the latst guy didn’t even take my seriously it felt like, and just took it as a joke. I am so hurt by that, no one undrstands, and I really want this guy, he made me fall for him so deep. And then he just turns away. First he is nervous around me and drop things on the floor when he sees me, trips on the stairs, spills beer over himslf when I say something…and the looks I have been reciving is not friendship looks…Im’ so confused and really am ready to take my life in to a romantic level, but nothing ever works. I am so happy you are gonna publish online secret of male minds:) I really have serious intentions with love and haven’t had the money to come to london from finland. thank you! I really want your help with this guy. we are friends, but now I wanna show him my best sides always, trying to fight for him :) cause i ALWAYS FIGHT for what I want in every aspect of my life. please help me! Hugs/Michelle

  • It’s a great site it’s nice to know im not alone with these issues.

    My main issue is that I appear very confident so im told in most situations but im actually ridiculouSly insecure ifact i had an eating disorder for five years and I end up being attracted to men who are very manipulative and overly confident and im only just starting to realise why that is. I really would like to meet a guy but I just struggle so much with confidence innfact sometimes I go home early on a night out, i want to find a guy who’s interested in me as a person and that i can enjoy being around and having fun with not somebody who pretends to care for a while and then leaves i guess it’s just not happening at the moment I need men help x

  • Matthew dont know why but when i was trying to see the video of interview with Paul dont know what happens but it stop and doesnt continue and really wanted to see it all how can i see it all? i just can go till minute 1:06 and seamed to be sooo informative! im sure many girls could learn a lot of it … mmm want to learn tooo :O! hehehe oh dont know what to do not sure if u got it on youtube?
    thank u for reading me :)!

  • Salut Matt :)
    Seriously, I live on the other side of the world, and this kind of guys exist every where, so thank you so much for sharing these precious infomations, It cleared up many things in my head.

    Good Luck Matt,

  • Cool, this is true, more true I’d say of very many non heterosexual guys. There is a very real problem in the homosexual male community with this type of guy. ‘m unemplyed and t be honest I doubt I’ll be abe to afford this product but once I am I’ll check it out If it’s nt dpfor me then I’m sure ‘ll be abe to help out my very any female friends with great advise when they need it. I have your previous DVD’s for men and they are great with some guys but they can splitt into really I’d say two categories, that is men that respomd with more of a female mind set and those, while being homosexual/bi respond to the ale mind set from your earlier work.

    Great stuff Matt

  • Hi Matt, love your blog! This isnt a comment for this video but i have to ask you something. I have been into this guy for 3 years now. We have said hi to etchother on the streets and talked a bit on facebook. But the conversations are really short and boring because we don`t know etchother mutch… He said that he think that im pretty so I know he`s intrested. But I really trying to ceep the conversation going but I have nothing to talk about… I know I got a lot to offer cause I personally think I have a great personalety but I don`t get the chance to show him that… And the second thing I am a virgin and if I example get togheter with him and he have been with some girls (not a player) can that relatshonship work without sex? like at first. Sorry for bad English I am from Norway. Hope you understand half of it ;D Please help me :) Merete

  • Cool, this is true, more true I’d say of very many non heterosexual guys. There is a very real problem in the homosexual male community with this type of guy. I’m unemployed and to be honest I doubt I’ll be abe to afford this product but once I am I’ll check it out If it’s not for me then I’m sure I’ll be abe to help out my very any female friends with great advise when they need it. I have your previous DVD’s for men and they are great with some guys but they can split them into I’d say two categories, that is men that respond with more of a female mind set and those, while being homosexual/bi respond to the male mind set from your earlier work.

    Great stuff Matt

  • Best video yet. It’s so true, I’ve found that guys will initially move in for physical stuff to see if you’ll go for it (because that’s how they’re built) but when you have more to offer than just “being hot”, it intrigues them. … you’re seen as something original and more valuable. Love your advice Matt. You’re changing the world! :)


  • Hi i was just wondering if you can give me some advice on talking to guys and if i should just go up to them or not. I am only 14 and everything but i really want to have a relationship but im really shy and dont know if im ready. Could you help? Thanks :)


  • I love the program Matt, very valuable advice and uplifting to me after coming out of a physically and verbally abusive relationship a while ago.
    I know this is unrelated to the general topic here, but would you give some thought to a future blog giving advice to single women with young children? I would love to hear your advice on the subject.
    Cheers, Karlie

  • so nicey blog! currently dating guy for 6months.keep in touch with once a week at least seeing and just hang out but he doesnt show up to commit,yeah he is having sex with me only no other girls dating tho,but way he’s type kinda play guy like to hangout bunch of guys..driking..sports..i never asked date first, always wait and he asks me out. i wanna kinda move on further or ditch him or wait to be dumped. but i really really like him… ouch…what should i do?!?

  • Hey matt,
    Thank you for all of this brilliant info :D
    My Question is how to understand what drive guys at a fundamental level? And how do I add value to someones life?
    Kate x

  • Hello Matthew!

    I was wandering if you have any videos about older women with yunger men and how to keep them. My boyfriend is 23 and I am 40… We are together for one year now. Do you belive there is a chance for us? I can’t be yung for ever and my age will start to sow more and more by the years. He seems not to care about that but I know that will change. So, tell me what do you belive about that? What do you suggest?

  • Hi Matt, this is Stella from Italy. I do really like what you say in your videos and was very relieved when reading your last email from the newsletter where you wrote about the fact that a player always remains a player, not worth to spend time in trying and change him. But now that I have seen this video I am a bit confused. Can you explain better if it’s worth to deal with such a type of man?
    Thanks for everything,

    1. I can give one,
      – Your personality. Either you are fun or boring, interesting or not.

      The rest!!! Hey Matt she is calling you.

  • hi mat iv been dealing with a guy since i was 18 back then he was the player type weve been through ups and down he was 27 at the time. Now im 26 and he is 34 and things have changed we reinterduced ourselves to eachother as friends to see if we were compatiable with eachother hes been telling me he does not want a relationship after the fact of us being intimate with eachother and me fullfilling every need that there is most important his friend then all of so sudden he tells me he loves me and he shows it in every way but he tells me he wants to be single still i have other options on the line what should i do i feel i wasted enough time loving this man through all of his druma and still no result

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