What Happened to All the “Real” Men?

I was surprised to scroll through the comments of my last video and find the following complaints:

  • “Modern men are such cowards
  • “A real man should go after what he wants…”
  • “This is beta male behavior…”

I have some strong opinions on this


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111 Replies to “What Happened to All the “Real” Men?”

  • Can’t even label my exs, I don’t know if it’s a weakness but even if they were horrible to me I just don’t see any gain. Thank you Mathew!

  • Right on Matthew. Maybe these women who are complaining about men should put the shoe on the other foot. Guess they just “don’t get the guy”, so to say. Flirting is fun and it is a way of saying hi come on over its ok to approach me. Now I can recognize more opportunities and start having more fun. I really enjoy your videos and have gone on you tube to watch all of the videos there. However today’s video really hit the head on the nail. You told it like it is and the complainers needed to hear that. Kudos to you Matthew

  • You know Matt I really agree with you. I have thoroughly enjoyed all your vids and they make total sense. Women that bash men are not any different than men that bash women. They ooze negative energy and who wants that mess. Every one is shy when in that little moment that you first meet a person. It has nothing to do with how strong you are or a fear of commitment. It is a fear of rejection and every one has that as well. Your videos help put the fear aside and help us all have human contact which we all crave. Thank you :) You are the best.

  • Hi Matt,

    Just wanted to comment because this video was hilarious. The responses you had to the negative comments actually made me giggle. What’s truly going on in 2017? Are men not men anymore?

    Of course men are still men, the social construct of masculinity has never really changed. Men are still expected to be the aggressors, be it in business, life, or even love. What has changed is the concept of what femininity is supposed to, or allowed to, do in response to the masculine aggression.

    Think back to just 60 years ago. In the 1950s, women who flirted or went after men they wanted or had multiple sexual partners were labelled as loose or called jezebels, and were considered unfit for marriage. Women were supposed to have no thoughts beyond homemaking (cooking, cleaning, child- rearing). We were supposed to simply wait for whatever man came to us to pronounce that we were off the market. There, of course, was some modicum of choice depending on your circumstances and social level, but by and large all that women were expected to do was wait for a man, any man, to come over and say “I want you. You will be mine”.

    Fast forward to now and the balance between femininity and masculinity has shifted. Women don’t just want a man, we are certainly not expected to wait for one to come swooping in and carry us off to domesticity. Now when men approach us, especially those who do without any attempts to gauge our interest, we react negatively. The aggressive behaviours are more often seen as objectification and taken as insults. Because we know the only thing that the guy is responding to is our physicality.

    The subtle flirt is a strategic move. It isn’t so passive as it seems on the surface. It is a way to analyze whether or not a female is going to be receptive to an advance. It isn’t necessarily because the guy is a Beta or is too shy. That guy often just wants to figure out if his efforts would be rewarded with a smile and an opened dialogue or if he’ll be met with a slap and a drink thrown down his front.

    The people who are reacting so intensely negatively to the subtle flirt that opens the door to courtship strike me as cynical and a little jaded. The way they describe the guy they want to experience makes it sound, to me, like the guy that stands at the corner yelling ” Smile girl! There should be a smile on that beautiful face you got! Hey! Pretty girl! Baby! What’s your number!?”

    You might recognize that as catcalling. You might call that harassment in the light of day. Is that behaviour somehow more desirable after dark and inside some club or bar? It seems to me that’s what the overtly opposed to subtlety are saying.

    As a very cynical person myself, it just is odd to me. I’m aware of my flaws and expect very little in terms of acceptance or honesty from men. I know that I am a bit broken and that is what I try to work on. I’m closed off and I’ve got a lot of trust issues combined with very low self esteem. Tons of self confidence, but zero self esteem. We all have trials, we all have emotional ups and downs. But I am trying. I am forcing myself out into a space that isn’t comfortable or fun for me. I would never begrudge anyone, male or female doing the exact same thing. Subtlely or not.

    I realize my opinion is not required or asked for, and I will likely receive mean and insulting replies, but I wanted to plant this particular seed. Thanks for the video. Out of the ones I’ve seen, I think I enjoyed this one most of all. I like seeing your humor, especially in response to negativity. It says a lot about a person that doesn’t lash out with insults but with well thought argument and a cheery smile.

  • Spot ON Matthew! Huge fan of you and your work, and this video is why. Thank you for tying it all back to empathy and how we really are so much more alike than different. You were willing to talk about what is underneath. Thank you:)

  • Hi Matt,

    What about other social environments besides bars. I don’t go to bars much anymore. I’m not in 20’s anymore. I’m in my 40’s so what about being sober. Can you do a video on every day meeting people without mind altering substances. Thank you.

    Warm Regards,

    G

  • Hi Matthew!
    Thank you for showing us we are all humans with our own strenghts and insecuraties. And that it is perfectly okay to have both both..
    We are all trying to find a way to get what we want and have a struggle with ourselves from time to time how to handle this.. but we will figure it out.. but only faster with you ^^

    Love this honesty and the previous video too! Thnx!

    Love Tamara

  • Matt!!! Your reactions to the comments were hilarious. And it was great to see you call out crazy comments.
    I loved last weeks video. It did show me missed opportunities in my own experience. So thanks!

    P.S. You are ROCKING that jean jacket!

  • wow, this was very enlightening to hear both sides and I agree with Matt, It’s very difficult for either gender to go up to someone they think is pretty or handsome,and this is because no one wants to get rejected. Its the fear of rejection is why I have had missed opportunities, thank you for just making this video, I hope it enlightened the people who don’t understand that men are just as scared when it come to putting themselves out there.

  • Your singing skills are so charming. it took me about 5 minutes to figure out what you were singing “mr. dawson” :) well done!

    So good, I dare you to a duet when I’m in LA this month!

  • Matt, while I agree with you that women need to provide some encouragement to make it easier for guys to approach us, I also feel compelled to comment that I believe things ARE, in fact, very different than they were 30 years ago. I remember the first guy I dated long-term. He walked right up to me out of nowhere and asked if he could buy me a lemonade, right in front of my mom. I was 20 years old. She smiled and promptly vanished into thin air and he ended up driving me home. We dated for 4 years. I don’t ever remember having difficulty meeting guys with strength of character or decent morals like I do now, and I never ran across any commitment issues that seem so prevalent these days. Sadly, I can say from experience that things have definitely changed, so I understand completely the frustration women feel, the disillusionment, and yes, even the anger, that is noticeable in some of the comments regarding this video. I would be curious as to what you attribute this change in how men and women relate to one another, or if you even agree. Thanks for another great video! Love your stuff.

  • Ohhh this video cracked me up! Your reactions to their responses were hilarious! Thank you for that! I love starting my day with a good laugh!

    Ladies (and gents), Matt is completely accurate when saying we are just doing the exact same thing to males by calling them “pussy’s” and “beta-males” etc . . . that they have been doing to us for centuries. If we think that by demeaning the other side, each other, or ourselves is going to bring about any sort of positive change or attract to us the things that we want in life and want to see in other people, then we haven’t made much progress in our own evolution as a sex and a species. The only way we can defeat the outdated stipulations and stereotypes of our current society and move it in a positive direction is to stop shaming each other, stop demeaning one another, and just start treating each other well.

    “Treat others as you want to be treated.”

    “Do not judge lest ye be judged!”

    I’ll be completely honest and disclose that I have been guilty of shaming both sides in the past when I had bad experiences with them.
    But I’ve also met amazing people from both sides and have even, like Matt said, recognized a former version of myself in certain people that have gotten on my nerves and realized that everyone, EVERYONE, is on their own path of personal-growth whether they’re conscious of it or not and everyone learns at their own pace, not just academically, but through life events as well. Some people will repeat the same mistakes until they’re truly ready to learn the lesson behind it and move forward.
    Some people, myself included since I’ve been shy most of my life, DO need that extra encouragement or sign that it is OK to find attraction or to think or feel a certain way. And gradually those bits of encouragement help break through each layer of our shells so we no longer feel like we’re obligated to get permission in order to show who we really are or to have confidence!

    Thank you for opening up a great discussion, Matt!

  • Matthew…you truly are such a good person. I just love watching the transparency and kindness you exude in your videos and certainly the advice you give is helpful. Inspires me to keep showing up in my own authenticity. Thanks.

  • Hi Matt & team,

    I enjoyed the insights that are shared from the male perspective.

    My mind wondered through the day and 2 things keep popping up for me from my experience(I don’t have a lot):

    1. I sat and thought about the subtle flirting and missed opportunities, then realized that I sometimes choose to ignore/dismiss flirts. Especially when I shared an interaction or 2 with a particular guy in the hopes that a contact or more of a connection is made. I tend to not flirt with other guys, nor am I completely open to receive it from other guys in the same place if I know I might be watched by the guy I hope to have contact with. Monogamous flirting I guess.

    2. I have not always been an avid “flirter-backer”, I do not actively seek the attention. I am 30 and my friends (who are married to men they met in my presence) still tease me about my bad flirting of my younger self. :-)
    I have gotten better with the initial flirting situation but it gets tricky when actual conversation has to happen. Flirting in a situation where contact is made makes me nervous because I have a tendency to misinterpret or just not get sexual innuendos and dirty jokes… I just politely chuckle if the guy chuckles. Most of the time it feels like work to me,I fear the conversation turns to some sex related topic that I am clueless about. At times I have to voice note my friends when I have a moment alone. I would rather do public speaking because there is no expectation of me to give something other than delivering information or discussing a topic that I have prepared.

    Thank you for the great content that your share!

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