Back On The Today Show: He’s Just Not Ready For A Relationship?

I’ve just been back on The Today Show for another instalment of ‘The Other View’. Here’s the video. Enjoy!

(Having trouble viewing this? Try this link.)

From the video…

–Why does a guy tell a girl she’s really great, but that he’s just not ready for a relationship?

The first (and not so nice) reason is that he doesn’t really think she’s that great. The second is that he’s not at the right stage of his ‘blueprint’.

The clever thing guys can get you to think is that they ‘just haven’t thought about any of this’. The truth is that he’s thought TOO MUCH about it. He’s thought about his future and where he wants to be in certain areas, whether now is the right time for commitment, or whether he should be focusing on his career instead.

If the right woman comes along at the wrong stage of his blueprint, he’s likely to end up saying, ‘not right now’ – unless she knows how to change his blueprint.

We call this the ‘rare gemstone effect’. 

Don’t assume a guy can’t change his blueprint. But certain things have to happen for a guy to do so.

When a guy likes a woman whom he thinks is rare, he can suddenly start to question his blueprint.

What you need to learn is how to create the ‘rare gemstone effect’, show a guy you’re someone he’s discovered, and that he won’t find someone like you again.

–When a guy says he’s ‘not much of a texter’, does that really mean he doesn’t text much? Or that he just doesn’t want to talk? Should this be a red flag?

A guy can say this in an attempt to lower your expectations initially.

In relationships we have rules and we have standards.

I go into this in depth in my most recent video. A standard is a certain level of love that someone needs to show you.

If you can focus on the standard and not the rule, you’re going to be a lot happier. 

People have to decide what’s important to them and what’s not. If he can show you he cares, that he’s thinking about you, and that he loves you in other ways, this shouldn’t matter.

If it’s a symptom of him not meeting your standards, then it’s something that you definitely need to call into question.

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59 Replies to “Back On The Today Show: He’s Just Not Ready For A Relationship?”

  • The real hero is not what we see in the movies. the real hero who faces his self and know the disadvantages and advantages that he has. The real hero who did not hide but expresses moments of strengths and weaknesses.And always who try to become not only the best but extends his hands in order to help everyone in life.

  • So, he’s just not that into me?

    I read your book, subscribe to the newsletter and have tried your modules, so I’m not a hard-core skeptic. However, I draw the line here. Yes, maybe if I were prettier, more socially desirable, he might think about it. Me as I am, though? Never. It’s not about confidence or being a highly valued woman. Some women just don’t have what it takes and putting hope in our hearts, in situations like this, isn’t a good idea. Thanks for all that you do.

    1. Hi t.

      I think that hope and a positive outlook are essential and I always want to instill that in my readers, however you’re correct in that a false hope is not good. That’s why I address the unfortunate truth at the beginning that sometimes a guy may just think someone isn’t right for them, and that’s the reason they aren’t pursuing anything further. Thanks for your comment and support! : )


  • I went through the “Get the Guy” 6 month program etc., and feel like I still struggle with this concept. I understand the “increase quality, lower quantity”, “it gets better in the relationship” and “switch his associations with commitment” concepts. I find that I always begin with the “decrease quantity, increase quality” rule but it always ends up fizzling out. Hopefully with more time I’ll get better at implementing these concepts.

  • How do I get my hands on information about how to create te ‘rare gemstone effect’? Is this included in the ‘Man Myth’? If not, please consider doing a blog post on this topic.

    And when does IMPAC come out ?

    Love what u teach, Matt :)

  • The show clip was pretty funny, and it’s pretty great you squeezed in useful advice in such a short segment. Just forwarded on to a few female friends who are questioning just that right now! rare gemstones!

      1. Matt and Val,

        The video is not loading on the iPhone bc of the nature of the clip. But it will load on the computer or iPad :)

  • Kathie: He was worth it today.
    Matt: ..Today?

    Hahaha! Kathie cracks me up. She’s crazy.
    Thanks for your lovely advice today Matt.

  • Hi Matthew,
    How do I create the “rare gemstone effect” ? Could you elaborate a little on this concept ?
    Also, I think you should write a book to enlighten guys more about the female mind. I have a lot of great guy friends who always end up with the wrong women because the right women seem elusive to them. I think some of the things about standards and all also apply to men. Good men sometimes lower their standards and act as if they were low value men. It’s a pity because they have the potential to become high value men. Thus, high value men should be able to attract high value women.

      1. Hi Matt,
        Thank you so much for your honest and candid videos.
        Can’t wait for the “rear gemstone ” vid:)


  • Hi Matthew,

    I love your regular blog, but I use a Nokia Windows phone & I never see any of the clips. I also cant get The Man Myth video either. Are they in a format that cant be used by Lumias? (disappointed Miss here….)

  • Hi matthew i loved your video i really appreciate everything that you di.
    And that you always give a comment on every blog thnx So much.
    And Your a really good matchmaker and your kind to every. You always take time to answer Thnx so much i love everything that you do.
    And never chance who you always stay yourself. Well maybe i need to work on myself because i posted a youtube video and than i removed because i think i’ts not good enough. Thnx For everything i love everything that you do.

    Lovely Greetz a 15 year old girl ;) <3

    1. Thirza! Thanks for commenting, always love reading them.
      Congrats on posting a video of your own, that takes a lot of courage, so I’m very proud of you : ) Remember, we’re our own worst critics. I get nervous too! But if you believe in it and it’s something you want to do then you can’t let that fear hold you back. Thanks for the continued support lovely, really appreciate it. Take care!


  • Love what Cookie said. Have read your book Maghew and
    It’s great. You are an inspiration. Fellow Brit too!!
    But I agree to add more advice for guys. They don’t
    Seem to have the help out there.
    I just lost contact with a great guy. He had alot of emotional
    Things going on in his life. He is a very successful and wonderful
    Man but something just stopped him from continuing our
    Dating!!! I was so disappointed, hurt a little and am
    Getting on with my life. I sometes just don’t get it.
    Why a guy can tell you he misses you, that you are his dream girl,
    His soulmate, wants to build a dream house with, and start
    A wonderful life with. I never asked for anything, then all of a sudden
    It went cool so I just asked why the lack of romance!!
    He said he was in a funk, going through a tough time
    Emotionally, he was sorry, adores me and will make it up!
    It has been a month, I did wish him a Happy Fathers Day
    And said I had give us space due to his full plate!!!
    He acknowledged the text with a smiley face!
    In the meantime I’m taking time to enjoy my single life.
    Not waiting around for anyone, just taking care of myself.
    Any thoughts???!

    1. This story is all too familiar!! I’m going througth something very similar. He misses me, adores me, etc., etc., but stays distant with short text messages. I reply to keep interest but definitely living my own life. Seems like a repetitive pattern where I keep cool and the guy disappears. Would love your thoughts, Matthew!!

  • I love your advice and I was really looking forward to this because I need it! This guy I’m with won’t commit! He says “you know we’ll end up together one day isn’t that enough for now?” But I couldn’t see the video! It just showed up as a blank on my computer. So what’s the secret!? How do I change his blueprint?

  • Matthew, first let me say thank you for everything you do. My day is made when I see an email that you have posted something new. You truly have words of wisdom that remind me to embrace the woman I am and to be an even better me. Please don’t stop doing what you do because I know so many women rely on you.You are such a blessing to us all. Thank you matt:)

  • So do we even want guys who are unwilling to change their blueprints in life? A lifelong mate isn’t exactly the only curveball life is going to throw at us, and hardly the worst! : P

    I guess this concept really makes me wrinkle my nose because I’m very invested in furthering my education and professional fields right now (going for my Doctorate) but I also know that if THE man came along I would be willing to take another look at the “blue print” and overlap in order to move forward together.

    I suppose someone willing to overlap their blueprint with mine is a standard I have. Huh, interesting.

    Grand, as ever. ; )

  • Hi Matt,

    Great video! I was wondering about the “rare gemstone effect”. You didn’t really go into much detail about it; as in, how does a woman create that effect for that man in order for him to change his blueprint? Do you go into detail about it in the Man Myth program?

  • I couldn’t see the video but I always read your blogs and you’re so insightful. I’m going through a rough spot in my dating life. Just ended a relationship today that was so perfect which makes it even more heartbreaking.
    How long does it take to know if you love or are In Love with someone? Is 2 months too short to tell?

    Best wishes,

  • Hi Matt,

    Thanks for this post. I think I am at the point where I want to make sure I’m not scaring my guy into clinging to his blueprint. I just met a guy and all the green lights went on, for me, after so long in not meeting a guy who was of high value. I attended your seminar in Chicago and I am a woman who naturally has a couple of unique pairings at my disposal, and like that Jenna situation, I think I give off a sexy innocent/vulnerable vibe yet smart and playful at the same time. He described me to a room full of people as “classy” and “cool”. He is in a position to “teach me” professionally–and I am self depreciating without being “Hailey self depreciating” as is he. (BTW I loved Hailey on the show–I thought she was the perfect middle ground for Tim between Sarah and Jenna. However Hailey had trouble owning her femininity–I think I am Hailey–but working on that!) I called him on being confident enough to break rapport in a group setting and he challenged me to flirt with him—I immediately thought of your advice. Just to mess me up he turned into me (yes he reads body language) and I laughed and said something goofy. He said you’re horrible at it and I agreed, but I said “maybe you could teach me?” Matt I am high value and my eyes are open. I feel a real pull to this man. I know to remember to be easy at first and then keep my standards. He tells me he never flirts with people he likes. I ask him why you’re supercalifragilistic (compliment yet playful). He says he wants people to be comfortable and not uneasy. He said he took it up a notch with someone too soon. I said well–I was attracted to you the first time I saw you. When I left I remembered to turn and smile to gauge reaction (my hair is too short to flip). How am I doing Matt? I want to only give what I get back. I sent him a funny motivational video yesterday–you should view it as well. Its here:( and he gushed about my choice and about me not needing “lessons” afterwards as my presence was enough in any room and that he missed my “positive vibe infusion”. He asked for a hug on Friday the 5th which was the last day of class for me (its a resume/communication class), and I gave him one along with a kiss to the neck. When I saw him about 2 hours later randomly, he introduced me to his friend. Clearly just to show me off. No one said anything–I felt like twirling around (I should have!) Matt–put down the dog and let me know what to do! What chapter in Get the Guy. What video segment in Man Myth. I’m even reading Tracy McMilan (whose dead funny!) He’s kind of famous–he’s a life strategist as well. —-Sidebar…why is Kathy Lee breaking rapport with you over your age?! Tsk Tsk. A good man is a good man. Peace out brother! Hit me up!

  • Wondering if I could be the rare gemstone his life and wanting to know more Matt. Social barrier of age isn’t helping, I am 20 years older than him and I think this is an obstacle for him. How do you feel about the older woman / younger man concept?

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