Last year I found myself on camera for a TV show – on one of the biggest stages I’d ever been on – in front of a live studio audience…
This clip is going to ‘inoculate’ you for life and have you ready should anyone ever try to embarrass you in front of others.
As a compliment to this video, get the guide that everyone’s been going crazy about…
Click here for my brother’s expose ‘The First Five Minutes’ >>
This video was and is very helpful. I don’t usually comment on anything and usually enjoy reading what others have to say however, this one is big for me. This will be a bit long, so sorry in advanced.
I am 24 years old and going into my first year as a full-time high school Spanish teacher. In any school I have ever been to for observations or student-teaching/internship, I get mistaken for a student. This would be a bigger problem if I didn’t know how to manage a classroom. Thankfully I can say this has been one of my strengths and more importantly, I know how to seek advice and ask for help. While I am confident in my teaching ability, credentials, and ability to manage a classroom, parents are not always so trusting. This video definitely gave me a tactful way of dealing with parents.
So now I have a story:
This past year, at 23 I had 3 classes of 35-40 students each. I created lessons to engage my students and got to know all of my students very well. I use a lot of humor in my classes and usually use it to diffuse situations that can easily escalate. Some students feed off of angry teachers so I learned very early on that if there was a behavioral issue that hadn’t stopped after trying all the typical strategies, I would just casually ask them to stay after class and continue my lesson. All my students knew that if it got to that point, it meant talking to me one-on-one(after class they are more themselves than in front of an audience of students) and help me clean up a bit. If this happened more than once, it resulted in hearing me call home to address the issue with their parents. I always spoke to them first to find out why they acted in that way and point out why it was wrong together, and then call home, which was mainly to hold them accountable while allowing the parent to be aware of what was going on in class. I always made sure to keep students there so they knew exactly what I was telling their parents and they could contest at any moment and hear for themselves the positive things I had to say about them along with what needed work. I always remained positive even when some parents were very rude and blatantly stated they could care less how poorly their child was doing in any class. Some of them were genuinely grateful for calls. On this particular day, it was the third time I had this student stay after class for her behavior. Upon calling her mother, she answered the phone from her job at a hospital, she was a doctor. I introduced myself as the student teacher and explained what had happened and how her daughter was sitting right in front of me to hear the conversation. I explained how she was a very bright student that did very well in class but after moving her seat and asking her to stay for detention, her behavior had not improved and she continued to try to get three specific classmate’s attention who were really struggling in the class. I attested to her valuable contribution to the class when she was focused but lately, she was more interested in impressing others in the class and was being disruptive. My question was if she could work with me in reminding her daughter that while she could get outside help to understand, other students depended on class activities and time to grasp material. Her mother quickly met my question with an attack. She responded: “thank you for calling but, I was not informed there was a student teacher teaching my child. May I ask, what credentials do you have to teach, I mean, are you even prepared?”
I am so thankful that I wasn’t running low on tact that day because I could not believe that she completely turned the conversation around on me KNOWING her daughter was sitting right in front of me. I mean, it was almost as if she completely stopped listening after “I’m your daughter’s Spanish teacher, student teacher under Mrs. ******.” Without changing my tone, or moving my body in the slightest, I responded:
” I’m sorry you were unaware however, at the beginning of this second semester, I sent out a syllabus stating I had taken over this class and required that each student have their parents sign. Your daughter brought that slip signed by yourself, and has a copy of the syllabus. I have been here since October and teaching completely since November(It was May). I am a native Spanish speaker who graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in both Spanish and Latin American Studies as well as lived a year in Spain to further my studies. I have completed a teaching program that prepared me in both classroom instruction and classroom management and prepared me to teach all types of students, making adaptations where they are needed, and catering to student learning to provide the best education possible. Ms., I can go on about how I am very well prepared to be teaching my students, however, this call was to focus on your daughter and how we can work together to best serve her so all students in my class can have the opportunity to learn free of distraction.” This woman’s voice IMMEDIATELY changed and her tone became softer and the conversation became about her daughter once more. My audience was a mother on the phone but more importantly, her daughter watching me react to words she had not heard. I couldn’t roll my eyes, clench my jaw, or slam my head on the desk(no matter how badly I wanted to). I had to keep my calm and respond. How this happened, By the grace of God because Lord knows I would have screwed this up. I definitely will be reminding myself of your tips to ensure I never embarrass myself or disrespect a parent or student in any way.
Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your experience, you gave such a good answer and your teaching methods are inspirational, I wish we could have more teachers like you!
Love this story Felicia! What a great lesson in composure under pressure! Hats off to you for resisting the temptation to get flustered or angry and just remaining calm and authoritative. I found it really inspiring.
All best, and thank you for sharing your experience,
Steve x
This is very good.
I was once in a small business meeting with a colleague and two acting bosses, we were all young women and I was called out over an issue. She, the superior, was wrong I has the situation completely in hand but I crumpled and was obviously personally upset. It was such a small issue that continued to loom large for me in a job I was really very good at. I wish I’d had the knowledge to deal with that meeting, and her, at the time.
If you don’t plan, it gives others the ability to catch you out and you are always in the uncomfortable position of having to think on the hoof. I also think, as the female sex we do like to talk, we are good at putting our foot in it. Love the advice on pausing to give a more measured response. This also helps to remain calm, choose the mood and re-direct the criticism, as Steve advises in his plan.I’ve put it to use already and it does really get results.
Thank you for all the effort you are putting in to help us.
Kathryn x
Thanks so much Kathryn – Love how people are combining Matt’s video with the stuff we released in the guide. Can’t wait to see what other blogs Matt has up his sleeve on this topic.
Steve x
Hi Matt,
Even before the video started I knew exactly what confrontation you were talking about. My heart was racing the first time I saw Taryn call you out. I have been in a situation like this and never felt prepared. Even after it was done, I found myself reliving it in my mind, contemplating what better ways to deal with the sheer injustice of it all. Your video today showed me that I missed out on a huge step – take a step back from the situation. My emotions are on the frontline and are getting battered, when ‘they’ actually should remain in the back. I remembered how incredibly impressed I was with the way you reacted. I am happy and thankful you shared this with us today! Would love to hear more on these and similar topics. Love, always
Hi Matt,
Since you looked a bit nervous about what the opinion of your e-mail audience would be I decided to leave a reply.
This is so wonderful and life saving. Especially since Steve wrote you grew up were a very shy kid, scared of a lot of things. It is so empowering to me and many people, to see you learn/grow and ‘master’ reality (and conquer the world. Haha.)
I think you’re also full of NLP techniques which the larger amount of people world has yet to hear from, and you’re probably doing that. Which is by definition a very good thing! I would love to keep following you love life advice and you life advice. Doesn’t matter what kind of coaching actually, because untill now you give value to all your video’s in a way. (Yes, even the graffiti one.)
The reason I’d like to keep following your life advice is because life is something that’s always changing, something you’ll always have and cannot deny. If you deny it, it will just keep happening anyway. Love you can sort of choose to ‘not get into’ with someone (BECAUSE you feel incompetent in life.) Yet life is undeniable, no matter how hard you may try. (Don’t get me wrong, keep doing love life video’s to!)
Keep kicking ass and teaching the rest of introvert, shy people in the world how to come out of our shells, releasing our power.
You know, you’re actually giving us the tools we need to empower ourselves, without having to become someone we’re really not.
I’m very grateful to you and your team. And brother of course!
Xoxo
Everyone seems so relieved that Matt was a shy kid haha – I love it.
Thanks so much for your encouragement Esmay. Matt’s made an incredibly bold and visionary move in releasing this content – I think people respect Matt’s honesty and how up front he is about wanting to give value in every area to his audience. So happy it’s paying off!
Steve x
Hi Matthew,
This is also very good.
Thank you.
This was useful to me.
Matt, at a social event you see someone you know well. You strongly dislike each other. The person obviously sees you too. To avoid any potentially nasty exchange, do you:
A) go on and pretend they’re invisible
B) nod across the room if you make eye contact
C) go to them and say hello even if they might say or do domething nasty
I’m not sure about this. What do you think?
Thanks! Loved this.
Hi Angela,
I would say the high value way to respond is B.
If you respond by following A, you might think you send off a vibe of not caring (because you both know you are there), what you’re actually doing is sending a message of being scared or intimidated by her. So much that you have to pretend she’s not there. How awkward when she decided to go up to you! C is not working either because you might indeed set yourself up for a nasty encounter. You have been through that before with this person, so why volunteer to go at it again?
B sends out you know she’s there, you acknowledge her there, but you’re not interested in any more contact. In my opinion that is the high value thing to do.
Janet
Thanks, Janet!
Thank you matt! This is extremly useful stuff! I absolutely think you should do more on handling people and situations in general and not just love life! Even though i really enjoy these parts too!
Hi Matt,
Yes yes yes! I really loved how you used a visual example AND step by step example to help walk us through this situation! This is amazingly helpful for me. I.definitely respect and admire your reaction and I appreciate you taking the time to break down a personal moment for you in order for us to learn from it. Its a great change from the norm. Thank you!
Loved it. Great format, good suggestions wrt keeping it neutral and sticking to the evidence, blocking rather than reacting. Appreciate the new format. Thanks for all the valuable advice and keep up the good work!
It totally demonstrates the mastery you have over emotions. I wish I’d known how to do this 15 years ago as it would have saved my own career. Come to think of it, my inability to do this has caused me to be at the mercy of my father’s emotional beatings throughout my life because I’ve always responded with rage. Because I haven’t known how to handle it, I’ve anticipated and jumped on negativity in ANY social interaction even where none exists. Thank you Matt, please keep it coming.
Thank you matt for bringing good quality material , I found this helpful and will certainly keep these techniques in mind. I would very much appreciate learning more as you share in these topics , self development is never wasted. Truly fascinated by all that you share, Thank you! :)
I recently bought your book get the guy, the greatest book I have read. I’m using techniques in my new relationship and I’m loving the response my man is giving back to me. Amazing!.
Once again , thank you matt. God bless you
Michelle. X
Love love this stuff matthew, you little genius! Keep it going! I followed you from way back when you started and just can’t believe how far you and the whole programme has come! Well done :) asking your audience what they want really shows why you’re here, genuine. x
Thank you Matt. Amazing insight. I love the discipline and control you show in your communication. The break down in technique brings your advice to a whole new level. I would love to see more insights in the future.
Hi Matt this is absolutely awesome. Thanks for breaking it down. I loved how you used someone’s negative comment to you to validate what you had been saying all along – very clever. When someone tries to put you down staying calm is very important to remain in control. It was great how you were prepared by quoting one of her previous comments.
My question is this in social situations how do you prepare for preparation? Do you keep a journal and at the end of the day write up stories? Do you analyse situations and write and review them? Do you imagine different scenarios to interactions and write down different outcomes? Actually Matt how would you’re define the key principles to human dynamics? This video to me is clearly all about power dynamics and the need to dominate. Understanding how to deal with this is essential in today’s demanding world. Thanks Matt great work :)
Hey, Matt)) it’s a great comment, thank you for it!! So the preparation in real life would be knowing a lot of things about yourself and why you do them and should be respected!))
you should absolutely do more on that topic cause it’s much wider than dating but still applicable to it! Love it!;)
I actually watched the show to get more dating advice and analyse your confident behaviour on stage in front of a camera! You did it so professionally and having taken a role of a bad guy who tells the ugly truth)) that was harsh! and it’s so hard now to imagine you blushing because of that!
Seeing Matt on camera has shown me that working on TV/YouTube videos is a TOTALLY unique skill that takes a long time to master. Luckily, Matt’s has loads of practice by now and makes it look so easy!
Steve x
I love this view and insight you’ve given/shown here. I would like to come to workshop with skill building steps like these. Thank you for sharing great information. :)
Matt’s seminars are truly amazing events. You should definitely go to one when he tours – you’ll get so much great content and insight from seeing Matt on stage for an afternoon.
Thanks Kathleen,
Steve x
Hi Matt,
I really enjoyed your video and it resonated with my own beliefs and analysis of how I have dealt with difficult personal and professional situations in the past.
I find that if I am being attacked verbally and the attack has no substance, just by staying with and speaking my truth, my response is unreactive and powerful, as you described.
If I have done something wrong, I will feel emotion such as guilt, anger, hurt, indicating that I have a problem. Having identified what I have done to contribute to the situation, I will admit to it and apologise, accepting my issues.
However,if I recognise that the other person’s anger, bitterness or negative emotions are about their issues not mine, because I have listened to my heart and feel nothing but my truth, I stay in my heart and continue to respond from my truth.
Hope this other way of observing your situation is of interest to you and others.
June
(A fellow British coach)
Matt,
I have been following you for sometime and have found your teachings very useful and helpful.
I read the expose your brother did and found it very interesting, both because of the point that was being made and the little bit of friction shown between you and your brother! It gave me mixed feelings about how I thought about you though, perhaps you hadn’t been completely sincere after all….
I’m so glad you posted this. It confirms to me beyond doubt, how much you really do care. So much of what people face in life and moulds our love lives, has to do with resolving conflict and is core to good communication. I have found myself in the firing line in many situations like yours and crumbled.
Thank you Matt, I would love to hear more.
Katherine
Thanks Katherine (I’m responding on Matt’s behalf because he’s in seminar today),
I don’t think the Guide I released should make you question Matt’s sincerity at all. Matt knows he’s worked incredibly hard to get to where he is, and after reading the document, thought it was time to share these techniques with everyone else. We’ve always believed that working at something helps you to truly understand how to apply it, and we wanted others to see that there are clear steps that can be followed to have the same effects in their own lives.
Really glad you’re enjoying the new content!
Steve x
I would definitely like to see more videos similar to this. I had a situation at a work review recently where after 9 years of getting all positive reviews, I received one that was all negative. My boss brought up petty little things that really had no impact on the fact that my work is always done promptly and accurately. I was so caught off guard that I didn’t know how to respond. I left the review feeling terrible even though I know I strive to have stellar performance. My reaction after was anger for not defending myself more…but after watching this video, I have a different perspective on how to handle the situation in the future should it happen again. Thank you!!
Awesome to hear. Matt’s dissection in this video is helping people SO MUCH. It’s really cool to see this effect it’s having.
Steve x
Thanks Matt, I think this type of self-development is very valuable, making valid points, keeping your composure and retaining your energy. It is exhausting arguing esp when you are emotional and feel something is personal and go on the defensive.
Being detached from situations and seeing them in there true context helps and more of this stuff is welcomed!
You aren’t just a ‘love life coach’ you are a life coach and we could really get a lot from you sharing your knowledge and wisdom.