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My Brother is Spilling All My Secrets

I can’t believe my brother did this…

While it’s a bit embarrassing for me to reveal so much about my behind-the-scenes work, I’m genuinely happy that Stephen pushed me to give this to you because I know it will make a huge impact on your life.

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220 Replies to “My Brother is Spilling All My Secrets”

  • Hi Steve and Matt,

    It never hurts to have support from a brother who is a keen observer and a gifted writer. You know what they say ‘surround yourself with like-minded people who are there for your best interest because it creates an oasis around oneself. I enjoyed your article Steve, especially your description of the Japanese martial art of ‘Aikido.’ As an Aikido teacher for over three decades, I have seen remarkable developments from those who apply the principles of Aikido in their everyday life. ‘Redirection works one hundred per cent of the time and resistance never works.’ During all types of storms in life, as long as one keeps their integrity and stays centered, everything works itself out. Much thanks. Lynn Fabia

  • Hi Matt and your brother

    Well done to be honest ! And this report of your technics could help me and others ! Thank you

    A French woman

  • Hey Matt and Steven,

    I love to see how close you two are and how funny you both are. I also love to see how supportive of each other you are. It’s obvious that both of you want to help us as much as you can and that is awesome! Steven is a great writer and it is obvious how proud he is of Matt and how proud Matt is of him. Ya’ll are a great team! I totally ” get it ” concerning the blog about Matt’s secrets. Thank you Steve and Matt for everything you do. I can feel that you have our best at heart in everything you do for us, even when it’s something embarrassing for you Matt. Ya’ll are both very talented.

    Hugs to both of y’all,

  • This is so beautifully meta. It’s like a fairy tale about a quest for Only The Pure of Heart to win the crown, except instead of pulling a sword out of a stone or summoning a unicorn, the task is to dismantle artifice, subvert the expectations of a polished public image, and publicly admit to it. (I think there’s probably some lessons in there about teamwork and listening too. Very Joss Whedon.) AWESOME. This kind of thing is what really sets y’all apart from the other clickbaiters.

    Charisma-Related Anecdote: a few years ago, when I saw the novelist David Mitchell speak at an event for the first time, I started looking for other readings he’d given that had made their way online, and I was startled to find that, in several of them, he told the same seemingly spontaneous jokes as at the event I’d seen, displayed the same fumbling modesty, and used the same innocently clever lines to create rapport with the audience. Of course I felt betrayed by the idea that he had planned it all out and strategized, and that we (the audience) thus did not have the special spontaneously intimate camaraderie with him that we had basked in that day. The wool had been pulled from my eyes, and I resigned myself to a life of cynicism.

    Then I thought about it again and realized that if a person can live through the monotony of an international book tour, repeat the same schtick to strangers day after day, and convince every audience that it’s fresh and natural, that takes some damn talent. So I forgave him. (And everyone else I love who I’ve seen do this since then.) Charm doesn’t stop being charm because it’s honed; it just gains a layer of skill. And some people will never have any to display, even with all the coaching in the world, if they don’t grow it at home. All we can do is hope that those who have it use their powers for good.


  • First: Amazingly interesting article Stephen! I could not put it down. I could not consume it fast enough. I could not re-read sections enough to squeeze and internalize all the information. I’m working my way through the IMPACT program (which is brilliant btw) and I could see how it all fits. It help clarify/explain those moments in one’s past where we connected or influenced or were very effective. When you don’t know why, it becomes really hard to replicate, making it feel like “luck”.
    Second: I know the base of Matt’s business is the dating advice, but I find the human dynamics articles/videos a million times more interesting. I love the insight in communication, charisma, influencing. You should focus more on this. Maybe even make a new company division.

    In other words, thank you for writing and sharing the article.

  • Hey Matt, thank you so much for the work and effort that you’ve put to this world, it means so much to me and I believe lots of others out there. Recently, I tried to download the ‘first 5’ but it couldnt be downloaded, help?

  • Hi, Matt

    I cant seem to find the vid link to your interview with elvis duran as steven mention it. did i missed it?

    Would be grateful if you could post the link

  • What was said about your spilling of secrets was common sense and knowledge in which I do all ready many don’t know how to interact with others so this is extremely good to share. A creative project an ocd go a long way. planning out everything is success but not the only key. there is much more to that. as for staying calm and choosing the way you are going to feel as you and I do choose an admirer I wont give you mine but it controls them changing how you feel and act. Last is in my being a wise women having concern for others an feel bad for them to opens a gentleness about yourself, and also puts you above them. Yet to never talk down to ones beneath you. thank you. brandy

  • Had a conversation about story-telling with my lil’ brother and found out he does the same thing but I am not surprised as he has always been a great story teller. As for me, I have always been a bad story teller lol, never mind trying to repeat a joke that I just heard even a few seconds ago -always a tough crowd it seems when i tell one. Haha… So it’s not always common sense as someone mentioned earlier in this comments section. Until recently I have never thought of doing what u have suggested. Just never occured to me so thanks for pointing this out and sharing such a valuable insight. I appreciate any direction that will help me be a better and thoughtful communicator. One of my goals is to choose my words wisely knowing that the recipient can be encouraged greatly or discouraged miserably. Words are more powerful than many realize so thanks for the encouragement. :)

  • I realise you were somewhat embarrassed Matt, but all credit to your brother. Sometimes it takes someone who has the courage to be honest with us, to help us take the next step. And it also takes a little modesty and humility on our part to accept this. WELL DONE, MATT and I think you could consider yourself fortunate to have a brother who has done this for you and who cares about you enough. In my case, it’s my cousin, who’s French and who used to be a teacher who is honest with me. Sometimes it drives me mad!! but I appreciate and cherish her so much.

  • I have tried over and over to download this “Spilling All My Secrets”, but I keep ending up at a page telling me that I was unsuccessful because “This form is no longer accepting submissions.” I had tried on the very day I received it, but no luck. Is this a glitch in the system?

  • Matt,

    This stuff you do is fantastic!

    Admittedly, your more general, interpersonal life-hack content has a greater personal appeal because A.) serious dating isn’t where my life spotlight’s currently swung) and B.) You’re really quite skilled with it. That said, I have employed some of those same tips in the past that you mention in your videos (involuntarily).

    And you know what? Retrospectively, that *is* when the passion ignition kicks in. Just could never ID that “X” factor ATM it happened.

    You know, if you think you could use an American female content writer to plug somewhere into your site (who’s willing to go out into the world with some of your conversational hacks in her social tackle box and report back with what sort of “win” she reeled in), then please get in touch with me. Could be fun!

  • And – message to Stephen: Loving the document thus far! (Very astute observations here. You and your brother work excellently as a team.) I’m only partway through it and have to put a binary bookmark in it because I got to that aikido bit and it reminded me I have to be at muay thai and JKD this morning… and I’m late! Time to “redirect” my bum to the dojo. Thanks for your work (and the reminder!) Can’t wait to finish it.

  • I am that you decided to share this because it isn’t always easy to break that ice in certain situations. I always look forward to your videos and follow you on YouTube as well. Your segiment on abcd is one of my favorites. I can’t afford to by the system yet , but I will when I can, because I used some of the things you’ve said and they have worked. I recommend you to a few of my friends. Best of luck with all your future endeavors and may God bless you with someone who sweps you off your feet.

  • This is wonderful. How else could you be more honest towards your work. Of all the videos and ideas you have thrown so far, i believe this is the most precious one. This makes you unstoppable. A zillion thanks to you for such worthy ideas. Trust me you have changed many many lives including mine. Though i have not been planning on dating someone any sooner, but your ideas work in everyday lives making one charismatic charming and desirable, something which you already are.

  • Dear Matthew,
    you made me cry. Yesterday I found one of your videos.
    Now is the second day I’m listening you. Your lessons, your videos. Your knowledge is so wide.
    I must say to you: You are very wise man. It is not only enormous knowledge about human behavior, it is a wisdom you have, that make you special and unique one.
    Thank you very very much.

  • Just wanted to wish MATTHEW a very happy birthday JUNE 19th …..
    I have always enjoyed and been amused by GEMINI….Hope his birthday is as fun as he is!!!! We really enjoy him…

  • Hi Matthew,

    I’ve loved all of your video’s so far. This one feels a little contrived. Right from the start you’ve said that you’ve worked on how to speak with people – which I love being an introvert myself.

    Siblings are painful however I think that Stephen has only said what you’ve been saying between the lines all along.

    Keep doing what you’ve been doing – ignore everyone else – including me. :)

  • If Sacrificing your personal inner secret would save people out there, then I advocate you do it… In essence Hussy you have a calling and you must admit. A saviour has come and that’s you “Hussy” get moving on and on there is a reward for every good deed. I love your courage to be exposed.

  • I don’t normally do this but this is an exception.

    I’m a recent follower and audience of you and I just finished watching this video. Towards the end of it, you said that by allowing this, people might think you’re not naturally charismatic and that people will be less impressed by you but I disagree. I think that by allowing this you became more relatable and reachable; human. So I thank you for sharing this to us and I’ll gladly practice these techniques. :)

    Much love from the Philippines!

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