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My Brother is Spilling All My Secrets

I can’t believe my brother did this…

While it’s a bit embarrassing for me to reveal so much about my behind-the-scenes work, I’m genuinely happy that Stephen pushed me to give this to you because I know it will make a huge impact on your life.

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220 Replies to “My Brother is Spilling All My Secrets”

  • Have not read Stephan’s article yet. Knowing you, you will use this expience as a challenge. Make you up your game.

  • Matthew, its not really a surprise for me that your charisma is a result of practice and self-developed since you have told it yourself many times. Knowing that you used to be an unconfident person once and learnt to be this fascinating personality only gives you more authenticity and makes you a huge inspiration. I have practiced what you teach in regards to confidence and human relationship and you advice changed me from feeling completely disempowered to very empowered. So don’t ever think anybody will perceive you differently because you revealed some “secrets”. Love you!!! :)

  • No surprise here. But it’s great that you are willing to share your underlying principles! I’ve come to practice most of this myself, so I do have an easy time, specifically with strangers, but it’s good to have it written together like that.

    I’m sure it will help many people out there and encourage them. It shows that this isn’t something that is just lost on some and inherited by others.

  • I’m a regular follower of all your videos matt but this is the first time I’ve ever left a comment. Just want to thank you so much for allowing this content to be released, and thanks to Stephen for orchestrating it. I understand that you’re reluctant to give away ‘secrets’ you’ve spent so much time and effort cultivating, but I want to thank you profusely for doing so, as sharing this type of information has such a positive impact on the way I live my life. I shall definitely be saving this for a re-read!

    From an inspired fan :)

  • hey, Matt, thanks for deciding to put that out, it takes real guts to do that. Besides, I don’t think it takes away any impessiveness from you (alright, maybe a tinsy little bit;)as I’m sure you can be real good spontaneous in your real life it’s just business needs loads more for that matter. Every and each great speaker does get spontaneous before the actual situation and write that down. yeah, as I said that’s business baby))
    Ps I don’t know why he decided to do that but he’s your brother and deserves being forgiven I think:)

  • Dear technical support, hey guys!

    I’m really intrigued by this topic so could you please check if the following error can be fixed:
    There was 1 error:
    Invalid value provided for: _UserCountryName0
    I entered the same email that I have in the comments here.

    Really appreciate what you do for us!:)

      1. Thanks again to you, Matt, and to Stephen, for this blog post! have just read it and it’s great and what I always wanted to know as wondered how all the stars stay so positive and irresistible in front of the camera, I really thought they attended some special course and now I know they did! and how liberating it is to realise that being born shy doesn’t put a label on you, you can always change that!
        Yeah you should do this! You should teach us to get as pro as you are! Are you up for a challenge?;)

        PS Thanks a million to your professional tech support and specifically to Edward who solved all the problems in no time!

        Olli x

  • Don’t worry, Matt, some of us could tell you were using stratagems because you were just too prepared! :-) I think the danger is in taking it too far to the “influencing” side, which results in a fake and selfish impression. Yes, we can use these techniques (which some learn naturally over time) to manipulate people, but without the humility and desire to give, it becomes an exercise in control. A performance. This is why people are revolted by politicians — we can sense the attempt at mind control and manipulation, and rarely much sincerity. I think this approach works very well in high-pressure situations like a TV or radio show, or in the work world… but I would use it with caution in my personal life because that much preparation is simply not genuine. It’s not healthy to be always thinking about what “effect” my words will have or looking at everyone as an audience.

    1. Hey Goldberry!

      You are right to be concerned about some people’s use of such techniques. However, you hit the nail on the head when you said “without humility and desire to give”. I always try to ensure that these two things are present in what I do. Despite any surface level techniques, what I believe and want to give from my core doesn’t change. In a seminar my goal is to get the audience to understand something that will help them using a variety of techniques. If I wanted to get a date my goal would be to ‘convince’ that person that I was worth going on a date with lol. It’s all a form of manipulation, but not all manipulation is bad. When a comedian gets on stage their goal is to manipulate us into laughing. But we want to laugh, so it’s all good!

      Ultimately we have to be coming from a sincere place, but there’s nothing wrong with learning how to put your best foot forward so that you have people’s attention in the first place.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Matthew x

  • I personally do not believe that your brother should have done that, at all! If he felt you should share these strategies with the world, he could have suggested incorporating them in the many seminars you give. There is no need for a public announcement! In ‘This’ world, success is not always owed to achievement but also so mystique. I don’t think I am reaching but perhaps your brother should write a blog on why he felt the need to, ‘Out’ you! A little sibling jealousy reared it’s ugly head for a moment! I’ve seen the nicest of people have to deal with this but it is there. Maybe he should dig deeper into his psyche to see why he felt so compelled to do this. Also, if he felt you were getting a swelled head and wanted to insert the needle to deflate it. He could have done this in private! Nonetheless, it does not change that way I view you. You are still a brilliant, impressive and humble man! Carry on Matthew! Carry on!

    1. Ah Misha, don’t worry too much, my brother’s only motive was to do what I told him to do at the begin of the year: “Give my audience the best content you possibly can each and every week”. He has fulfilled that demand this week.

      And he did of course ask my permission, and I said yes, knowing that it would help people, which from the looks of these comments it has.

      Me and my brother are best friends, and he’s my most loyal supporter in the world. Jealousy is not a word he knows when it comes to me. If you want proof, check out the cover of my book, which became a NYT bestseller and doesn’t even have his name on the cover, even though he wrote half of it. He deserves all of our thanks for the hard work he does with so little recognition for his genius.

      Matthew x

      P.S. All of this should show that what he is really too humble to admit, is that I have him to thank for a huge amount of my own personal impact!

  • This just makes me love you even more:). What sets you aside from all other ‘gurus’ out there is your honesty and modesty, and finding out that you work harder and put even more effort into what you do that I thought you did only increases my respect! So say thanks to Stephen for me. (first time commenting!:) )

    1. Yay first time comment celebration! (I’m doing a little dance).

      I ALWAYS want to bring you new ideas, strategies, techniques, and keep pushing the limits of what we can do together. What a dreadful thing it would be if I had become predictable.

      I look forward to your next comment. ; )

      Matthew x

  • I loved this advice :) I really identified with it since as a teenager and young adult I was also painfully shy and awkward. People seem to have this idea that you are who you are, whether shy, outgoing, or charismatic – and there is no changing that. But this goes to show that a lot of people skills can be learned and practiced :) You have been a great inspiration to me on my continued journey to becoming a better person!!

  • Stephen gives the audience the best content each and every week, this week is brilliant in particular. Plus it’s such a long article, as always so beautifully written.
    He has definitely done the right thing. I think it’s lovely he is such a great supporter for you. He won’t say things just to please you and gently points out a direction if he feels it’s right. We would all like a support in life like that, you are very lucky. And he’s so modest as well, all lovely qualities. Your mum must be an amazing person to have brought up such amazing sons. No wonder she is immensely proud of you all.
    Kathryn x

    1. What a beautiful comment Kathryn. Thankyou.

      I just emailed my mum your comment knowing how happy it will make her to read.

      And I agree, my brother is the man.

      Matthew x

  • THANK you for letting everyone know that you too, are human like everyone else. You shed light on something we don’t emphasize enough for success– that “natural talent” is nothing without “hard work.”

  • Wow Matthew was replying the comments here! This is impressive. I wonder what had happened? I came to the comment section just to check out does anyone have a problem to download the article. By the way, Stephen thank you for pushing your brother to do something out of his box, and Matthew thank you for stepping out, breaking the box and sharing the pieces. All the best!
    Love, Hidz.

    1. Hey Hidz!

      I always read the comments, but responding is not always easy given my schedule. Having said that, I wanted to help out as many people as possible with their understanding of this piece that Steve wrote, because I think it’s so important. People who ‘get’ it, will fundamentally be more empowered, and it will open up a new world of possibilities to them.

      Matthew x

      1. Hey I read the article…and guess what…I’ll try those techniques very soon! Hahaha….siblings could be pretty scary sometimes when they revealed our ugly truth-huh :). Good job Stephen and Matthew. I followed your progress (online) for years and I can see Stephen’s points clearly.

    2. Matt , i’m really glade you let these info be published , you just can’t imagine how helpful they are … and thanks to Stephen for letting that happen =D “lucky us”

      it was really interesting to know about your experiences and actually it didn’t take away any bet bit of the fact that you got an amazing charisma , yet it made it clear that you owned your charisma by your hard work which added more VALUE to it ” see what i did there i’m quoting you =b”

      I’ve been through kinda similar experience , i had to build my our confidence and improve my conversational skills , i can say i’m not the same person i used to be 5 years ago …. so this new approach would be very helpful to me and many of your viewers

      waiting for your next video .. this is the closest i can get to the feeling of being in one of your seminars , since i live in Sudan … SO keep up the good work ;)

  • To be honest, I don’t believe someone could just go to an interview unprepared. Come on! I listened to this interview a few weeks ago when it came out and I laughed at that story too because it was genuinely funny! What’s wrong with that?

    It’s great that you have been always interested in knowing how to “influence” people, but I think not everybody wants to change the core of who they are. I’ve always been introverted, shy and never felt good in front of the crowd, but trying to really alter and change this would be counter-productive, because this is the way I am. I appreciate the fact that you revealed your techniques, but I can’t picture myself using some techniques all the time instead of just being me. So when you meet a woman YOU like, you also employ all of these strategies? Or are you just you’re normal, introverted self? It’s interesting because if you’re always acting then no woman will ever have a chance to fall in love with the real you Matthew. And I think that would be a real shame. Not everybody likes extroverts and people boasting with confidence everywhere they go. There are all kinds of people on this planet and as many different tastes.

    On the side note, I don’t think your brother should reveal ALL your secrets and I agree that it is too personal, but if you’re OK with that then well… it is your decision.

    I’m a little confused right now and I’m not sure what to think. I’ll read the whole pdf because it’s interesting and maybe I’ll find it useful. After all, if you didn’t try to discover these techniques and then apply them in your life, you might never realise your full potential and become a successful couch helping many people (including me). Well, I will certainly be thinking about this post for the next few days, very thought-provoking!

    1. Hey Daria,

      I fear you may be judging this with a bit too much of a knee jerk response.

      I was always an introvert, but my life has been immeasurably improved by learning how to use the skills of the extrovert when I need them. If I didn’t learn this, I wouldn’t have had an interesting love life because I never would have met anyone, and you wouldn’t be writing this comment today because noone would have noticed my videos on youtube or wanted to come to my seminars.

      I’m still an introvert, that’s for sure. But I’m an introvert who has learnt how to put his best foot forward and be counted. That is a superpower for anyone who learns it.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Matthew x

  • Stephen’s 3rd point on being an Emotional Conductor!

    Thanks a lot for sharing, really made me think about myself as a girlfriend/woman (who is a very complicated relationship) and as a soon-to-be recent masters graduate and will face interviews.

    So I was especially interested in Stephen’s 3rd point. If you could give advice on that or examples in the future posts! To give a different perspective on conversations.

    If for instance my bf has a tendency to criticise me, or he loses his temper when I make a comment or ask him a question he does not know and thinks is “silly”.

    We were in a relationship for over 5 years and he broke up with me a year ago as things were getting worse between us, but seems he wants to make it up, however, the fact he feels very familiar with me, so he can lose his temper quite quickly and answer: “I don’t know why he said that, ask him if you want to know” (Although whatever I asked about Him would be inapproproate or silly to ask that person personally anyway, so my ex’s reply is silly in return).

    But at the same time, although I don’t like his behviour in these instances, I know that I am too serious of a person, I take everything too personally and over-think everything he says.

    So if I would be able to divert his mood and make things into a joke etc then we would potentially have better relationship as he is really great as a bf otherwise, and I know he does love me in spite of my own quirks.

    But such advice would be great to have also when I will be at a job interview or any other situation as this is something about how I deliver “speech” or have conversation or how I even look at life.

    Massive thanks!

    Kalea x

  • This is perfect! Thank you for posting this and the recording of the radio show! Maybe you should do a video on how to talk to people when it comes to friends and not just dating since you know so much about the subject of people!

  • Hey Matt and Stephen!

    Thanks for putting this vlog / post out today. I love the quality of the content. Not only on dating but to other areas of life we call all benefit from! At one point I was following too many “guru’s” and getting saturated with content. However, I ended up just following your blog and other social media sites as I find it to be helpful on many levels.

    I do have a question regarding how you acquired all these skills (Yes, I am asking for another secret ;)? Curious to know what are the 3 most influential books you have read that have elevated your success?

    Again, thanks for the incredible information you put out!


  • Now THIS is the stuff that’s important!! Ofcourse the dating stuff is important aswell and it has brought people so much already, but this, this right here, your brother is right, Matt.
    HUGE stuff. And I am so happy to read it, because it shows me that some stuff I already do (more or less) and others I can work on.
    I LOVE IT.


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