The whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon has been on a lot of people’s lips recently. I generally don’t use my platform to talk about celebrities, firstly because I don’t like to judge people whose lives I know nothing about, and secondly because I don’t much care what they are up to.
I did however watch the VMAs along with a lot of other people, and found the whole performance somewhat uncomfortable. It’s hard to express exactly why without some serious reflection.
I believe in empowering women and showing them what beautiful people they are. I believe respecting women to be of the utmost importance, secondary only to a woman’s own self-respect.
So I was left a little conflicted with the Miley thing. A lot of people are judging her right now. She’s entitled to go through phases, just like any of us have. In a perfect world she’d be entitled to go through these phases without the judgement of millions of fans and non fans. Unfortunately (and fortunately for her income), she has millions of fans and non fans ready to judge her.
The truth is, I do not care what the world thinks of what she’s doing. Nor do I much care about what the general population thinks about anything. We all have to be smart enough to look at a situation objectively without the rants of the mindless controlling every aspect of our thought. The temptation to parrot the demagogic ramblings of the gross tabloids and magazines is always there.
But I’m reluctant to go down the righteous route of “she’s a role model so she should do better”. She’s not some elected politician who has a responsibility to their electorate. She’s a singer. She makes lot’s of money selling records, amongst other things. I will admit to finding the concept of lots of teenage girls emulating this ‘phase’ disturbing, but whether that really is her responsibility is another matter. God forbid we ever be in a position where every move we make is judged on how great an example it presents to millions of others; an impossible standard to live up to to say the least.
Although I don’t think ‘Miley news’ or any sort of celebrity news is ever really interesting or of any consequence, yesterday something did catch my attention: an open letter from Sinead O’Connor to Miley Cyrus.
Since I cannot talk from any personal experience of the music industry, nor of being a 20 year old woman, this letter contained a lot more credibility than I have on both counts.
After allegedly claiming that her Wrecking Ball video was inspired by O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2U, Sinead expressed her concern for Miley not only as an artist but as a woman.
This letter sums up the ‘High Value’ way to look at this situation more authoritatively than I could. It’s long, but it’s worth the read I assure you.
After you’ve read it, let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter (I would love it if the comments weren’t about Miley Cyrus, but about the situation itself. There’s enough judgement on her as an individual without us having to add to the pile. I think it’s much more positive to keep it constructive and look at it as something to take personal learnings from).
Dear Miley,
I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today i’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your Wrecking Ball video was designed to be similar to the one for Nothing Compares … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.
I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.
Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.
I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted … and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.
None of the men ogling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a fuck about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a fuck about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a fuck about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped … and that includes you yourself.
Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and it’s associated media.
You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever … Don’t be under any illusions … ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty … which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.
I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying fuck about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.
You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age … which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.
Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question … I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.
As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image … whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now … Not because you got naked but because you make great records.
Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any motherfucker who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.
As posted on www.sineadoconnor.com
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Remember to leave a comment. What are your thoughts on the situation?
Dear Matthew,
My opinion, I strongly agree with Sinead O’Connor’s letter to Miley. To be honest I look at people as an individual and not as someone with alot of money or fame. Today society is mostly made up of hatred and judging on what is right or wrong, we forget the big pitcure on how we are all just people with a different story. I don’t beileve what Miley presented was right for the image of millions of fans and even family to watch and think of her as a “role model.” But I also think what she did shouldn’t have been so hatred toward her by the media and by the people who judge her because their morals are different. Deeply I could go in depth with this topic but my main opinion about Miley is I really respect her as a musician, she comes up with heartfilled lyrics and has beautiful voice to sing her feelings that can’t be explained through words. She’s like any young woman who is living in this crazy world dealing with issues alot of people can relate to. I am also her age and it can’t be easy for her being in the spot light, getting judged, trying to keep sain and to live a personal life. I garentee she’s lost her self respect through the life experiences of drugs, men and cruel people filling her head on what is right. I truley hope she can get the help she needs to be satisfide with who she really is and stop rebelling and hurting so much. Alittle off topic but your book “How to get the Guy” had great valid points that true beauty comes from following your own personality and being a high-valued woman with it. Miley is beautiful she just lost her way. Love is a dangerous battle, you just have to believe in it.
Our behaviour in life is a result of what we believe in.
I wish men would start treating women as humans, not as something to play with that didn’t have feelings. I wish the musicindustry would start treating talented young men and women as humans instead of moneycows without feelings. I wish every woman should start treating themselves as humans deserving everything in life without feeling they have to undress and alluding to sex all the time. We are humans and shall be respected as humans. Why is this so hard to understand? Why is life built on disrespect for eachother and why is money and power the only way to go? We all can write a new history – but not the way “Miley” chooses to do it. I can understand it’s hard to be a celebratie – but you need to understand that you are writing history for many young people. You have to write it well!!!!!
It has been interesting to read Sinead’s letter and people’s comments.
I have been sort of aware of the talk that Miley’s performance generated, but I had not thought about the subject too much until I got your email with the link to this page.
Personally I share the feeling you had when you watched the show. I only saw short cuts of it on the news, but what I saw also made me feel uncomfortable. But beyond that I found the whole thing a paradox and couldn’t help but feel apathy.
After reading Sinead’s letter I reflected on why.
Sinead points out at the fact that the people behind Miley’s every move are the people who call the shots in that industry.
Yes, it is Miley’s responsibility to accept or reject what is proposed to her, but reality is not that simple.
I don’t live under the intense pressure that celebrities experience, but I can imagine it must be quite intense because even for a regular person like me, pressure at work and the amount of energy it requires to make the right decision at times, have always been significant … specially for a woman. Then again, even more so for a young woman.
I am not even talking about an industry that exploits sex for profit. In general, the world is not yet a place that treats women equal to men, and there is plenty of evidence of this at a global scale.
The faceless men that Sinead refers to, seem always rewarded with profit and impunity from the very people that feel outrage at situations such as the one that Miley chose to embrace.
The sex appeal that young women seek these days is merely a competition among themselves, staged by industries that know about selling products. Ads have been selling sex and popularity to teenagers and young adults for a very long time, and although it can be said that not everyone falls for it, evidence shows that this is not true for the majority.
An example of sex sells for me is Kelis’ Milshake video. I saw this on a Saturday morning a few years ago, and as a grown woman my jaw dropped. Nevertheless, this video was shown many Saturday’s in a row at 11am, and I don’t recall any public uproar about the singer, or about the faceless men pulling the strings.
I think that if we are going to talk about women’s values, then we need to be honest about what is going on in society as a whole, rather than selecting the effect rather than the cause. That is, to have an open and honest discussion about what it means to be a woman in the 21st century.
After all, even today in a country such as Australia, women are paid less than their male counterparts, pregnancy and children in the corporate environment are not welcomed, and the penalty for the rape of a woman is ludicrous.
Which brings to mind the public uproar inspired by Roman Polanski’s alleged rape. I remember that at the time, the majority of people I hear talking about the situation were saying that they were shocked and horrified at his arrest, without a shred of evidence either way. They seem smitten by the man’s career which is quite disconcerting to say the least.
Whether or not he is guilty should be a matter for the court. But instead, in the minds of so very many men and women, what had happened (if indeed it happened at all, it was said), had happened a long time ago and was not relevant any more.
As I reflect on just these very few points, I understand now why I felt apathetic about all the comments expressing indignity at Miley’s performance.
If we are really concerned about the value of young girls and young women and their self esteem, then we could:
-be sure to provide community environments that empower women from a very early age so that the impact of the media is minimum.
– campaign for tougher penalties for the rape of women, including prostitutes.
– have a public uproar about media messages aimed at young people, but in particular a public uproar about the faceless men behind those messages (have paparazzis taking their pictures, get their stories on the news, shame them on Facebook, etc)
– at schools, create an environment that teach young boys – from a very early age – to respect and care for women and be at ease with the opposite sex in relation to their sexuality and intelligence (making sure male teachers lead by example)
– create environments in the media and social media that promote all of the above.
Too much?…
To me there is no use in picking popular scenarios to get outraged about. I think that with respect to women’s values and self esteem, there are plenty of scandalous situations to be overwhelmed by in many aspects of our daily routines.
In all honesty, expressing shock at Miley’s performance without expressing shock at everything else that negatively affects the value of women is extremely inconsistent, and cannot possibly be taken seriously. Much like Miley’s performance.
Well said Jessica,couldn’t have said it any better.
Best comentary! Honest, couldn’t say better.
Btw, what I had in my mind for some time… I don’t know how Miley trully feels about it all and how she will get out of this , BUT she have done massive impact on the fact that people now are thinking, talking more loud, more often on all these bad things happening to young girls, woman across the world.
She have pushed all us, even those who don’t involve in all this Miley situation, to THINK.
We can look at her as on young poor thing, but maybe, just maybe she will grow big and strong out of this… And she could start a big movement…
she said it all…
in a way i already knew but didnt have the words to translate the worse type foolishness…
…promote the triviality and selling yourself
now days this kind of thing make it easy to men to treat all of us as undervalued promiscuous girls, makes me sad and sic to know there are so many women thinking this is what men want end how they can get best doing it. the worst is this way they make “good” girls (sort of saying) been confused with the type or worst, looking boring or to hard to get, as there are so many so easy to reach.
sad sad sad
I agree with Sinead – it is merely exploitation of a young woman going through a phase in her life.
She is too young and has lived in a confined box so her understanding and inference of the situation is limited to her restricted socialisation. Her father was in the ‘celebrity world’ and she herself was pretty much born and bred into this world. For her attention seeking is ‘normal’ for many of us it is a profound deficiency in oneself (such as low self esteem) which we are trying to address / alleviate through validation by others.
For a celebrity this is obviously done on a larger and somewhat more extreme scale.
I think Miley is dangerously close to pushing the extremes so far that there will be little left for her to do. And what is it all in aide of? She needs to leave the world of celebrity for a while and reflect on who she is – and if the answer is “don’t know” then go and make herself the person she wants to be – not who she is expected to be.
I completely agree. I’m 21yr old and I work with young girls ages 11-20 and we teach them this everyday we talk to them. That they need to have respect for themselves and know that they are worth so much more then they could ever understand. We tell them that they are worth more then diamonds and more precious than gold. We work to build them up into high valued women that will not lower there standards for anyone. I’m young just like Miley but I’ve learned for myself that I will no longer subject myself to just anything. I know that I must respect my body and have a standard that others must respect it as well. The group that I work with is called Valuable Young Women and I think that my girls could teach her a thing or two
Wow.
If Miley doesn’t take that advice, then I don’t know what is to happen to her. Sinead has said truths that all young women should be employing, whether that be in their own professions or in the dating world. Pimping your body/sexuality can only lead to dangerous paths, as our world of ‘hook-up culture’ has shown. As a 24 year old, I can attest to seeing so many young women fall into this trap, thinking that they will be more respected if they are the ones ‘controlling’ their sexuality by allowed men to objectify them in such ways. It’s just backwards! I’m so happy Sinead wrote this for all to see!
Sinead wrote a fantastic letter. This is imperative honest information for all women. We have to respect ourselves enough to say no. Its sorrowful to see anyone male or female exploited. Its why we are feel uncomfortable and sleazy when we see that exploitation. Sinead is not a personal role model of mine, though I like her her music. As an older woman whose has been there I appreciate her sharing her wisdom.
I am impressed with the letter so much that I also want my daughter to read it. She is 15 and we used to watch “Hannah Montana” together. She likes Mylie but I think she is rather confused to see the new Mylie. And I believe this letter will help her understand a lot.
It took me aaaages to have an opinion on this, especially after reading everyones arguements for an against and I was hoping to have some clevery constructed response bordering on profound and moving but the truth is, I actually don’t know.
Speaking as a 23 year old; can I really condemn her when I go out on nights out in bodycon dresses to show off my figure and legs or that my eight year old niece likes me to put my lipstick on her lips so she can be like her auntie? (In defence of me: It’s organic clear lipbalm but she thinks its grown up) The point is; where do we draw the line? If I buy a clevage enchancing bra or skyscraper heels then am I part of the problem not solution?
As I said, I really don’t know if Im entitled to judge this.
I am 30. I wear clothes that I like for me- I walk a lot, I get into life- they are often little clothes. I also wear clothes that I less than care for in order to conform to my work- not a problem. I’m actually celibate but as my gay guy friend has often told me, if you dress like a slut then guys will think that you are a slut. I don’t really care- I don’t think it is fair to expect women to walk around in Burkas because men just can’t help themselves, and in my spare time I’m resigned to just let them. However, I believe that the most amazing & special thing about me is my brain. At work I want to be damn sure that not even the slowist of men could ever deny that at least I must feel that way. I can’t control what people think of me or what they see in me, but I can control what I think about myself. I think that Sinead seems very wise and caring. I think that Miley is at an age for women that we often lack the sense of self to put ourselves first and really treasure ourselves. Naturally men & women too, often exploit vulnerable young women & it’s a shame. I hope Miley does make it through okay, and starts to truly value herself more. I do have to wonder how any caring parents wouldn’t have picked up on that, especially when Billy Ray was used up & spat out himself to an extent. Hate to judge, but are her parents not the demons in all of this?
No one suggested a Burka. What was being respectfully suggested was that being naked in a video maybe something that Ms. Cyrus think twice about doing again and that potentially all of us women out there should respect and value ourselves. Dress how you want Sara, no one is telling you how to dress. The letter is, in my opinion full of love and concern and I respect Ms. O’Connor for that.
This video came across my Facebook Timeline today: it’s corny, made by a high school singing group and the point is fantastic! @matt I sent it to your email but I’m posting it here.
http://youtu.be/oartIE7rKuM
It is well done! However, I am fairly certain that these boys have a Facebook profile picture that shows them with their girlfriend in a bikini.
They are Mormon. I doubt it.
“So I had to be careful. I recognized the responsibility that, whether I liked it or not, I had to accept whatever the obligation was. That was to behave in a manner, to carry myself in such a professional way, as if there ever is a reflection, it’s a positive one.” – Sidney Poitier
This quote says so much to me – it reminds me of a time when human dignity was scarce, for all peoples. Yet many rose above it not just for them but for those to come. Thats the kind of mark that needs to be left behind. Yes we should be High Value Women but also a High Value Human. Oh and it was SO nice of Sinead to relate to Miley as a PEER! Sucks that she doesn’t pay heed to advice.
thanks Matt! it`s really an appealing letter for all women, especially for young ladies. I can feel the motherly love from Mrs.O’Connor and I am very glad I have the chance to learn from this issue.all the kindness and good will to Miley, I believe she will find her way and be fabulous for herself and her fans.
Matt, I truly appreciate what you do for us ( women).what you teach us is much more than the practical skills, but to recognize our value and cherish ourselves.it might sound strange, what you teach us is somehow similar to some traditional Chinese values which young generation keep neglecting. btw, it`s quite entertaining when you speak Chinese lol your accent may be better than mine :D
Hello Matt, You did right by many women by posting this. Cause alot of the times i have also come across ladies that have make it a point to show off their body and not in a nice way! What is sad here that these women don’t understand that showing your body off like that does not give you respect. Respect is not earned by looks but it is earned by character and manners.
You have to be Stylish and sexy without exposing and if people do love you they should love you for your brains not your body!
Physical Attraction, I suppose Matthew will disagree with me on this, is merely a step 1 for you to have the utmost attention of a man you need to have the Charisma and Witt to Attract him further and combine these too along the way!
Please Respond if you agree or disagree! :)
Hi Matt,
Wow, that was such a deep and meaningful letter. Her words have touched me in so many different ways, even though I have no connection to Miley’s situation at all, and I hope these wise words from Sinead will somehow touch Miley’s heart also.
Today’s society has changed extremely, to the point where people are now more concerned about their image than the actual value or talent they bring to the world, and I agree with Sinead.
I am only 19 years old, therefore I am in no place where I could make any rational judgements. But I feel as though I am old enough to understand that every human being is worth more than they think. Once they believe that, I think only then they will create positive impact in the people around them, in ways which will inspire others to reach their maximum potential.
I think this message that Sinead is trying to put across is beautiful in ways that will wake young women wake up from this artificial world we are living in – I would include myself in this fact. Like Michael Jackson once said in his “Man in the Mirror” single, “I’m starting with the (wo)man in the mirror!”.
wow really well said. Much respect to Sinead O’ Conner. I do hope she reads it and that many more young talented singers will get and understand this message
Matthew- I appreciate not only what you had to share in your own words but for sharing Sinead’s letter! It is such a good reminder to all of us women who we really are and that we should not allow ourselves to be objects of desire. Well of course it’s great to be the object of desire to only one person but that would be normal. :)
Thank you for all that you share! And I love your rants – all of them- so keep them coming! Your honesty is refreshing and I’m never intimidated or offended in the least. I get a chuckle out of your rants! So cute!
Take care.
I understand what Sinead is trying to say , yeah everyone should value themselves and Miley is doing the opposite . But hey .. have you ever seen one of those lottery adds and it has people saying what they’d do for very large amounts of money on them ? I dont know about anyone else but if i needed to ‘twerk’ toget the amount of money Mileys getting paid , id fucking ‘twerk’. Think about it , she needs people to talk about her , thats what every famous person needs , its how they get paid .. whether its good or bad that they’re talking about people will talk and that makes her shit loads of money and popularity (might be for bad but you’d still do it for the money she’s earning right ? ) . Shes young and her attitude is fuck it , and motherfuckers love it ! . im not a big fan myself but I wouldnt mind being her for a day .. let the haters hate they aint the ones making the money , everything will be forgotton about in a while and guess what ? she will still have her money . Please write back . Heather