The whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon has been on a lot of people’s lips recently. I generally don’t use my platform to talk about celebrities, firstly because I don’t like to judge people whose lives I know nothing about, and secondly because I don’t much care what they are up to.
I did however watch the VMAs along with a lot of other people, and found the whole performance somewhat uncomfortable. It’s hard to express exactly why without some serious reflection.
I believe in empowering women and showing them what beautiful people they are. I believe respecting women to be of the utmost importance, secondary only to a woman’s own self-respect.
So I was left a little conflicted with the Miley thing. A lot of people are judging her right now. She’s entitled to go through phases, just like any of us have. In a perfect world she’d be entitled to go through these phases without the judgement of millions of fans and non fans. Unfortunately (and fortunately for her income), she has millions of fans and non fans ready to judge her.
The truth is, I do not care what the world thinks of what she’s doing. Nor do I much care about what the general population thinks about anything. We all have to be smart enough to look at a situation objectively without the rants of the mindless controlling every aspect of our thought. The temptation to parrot the demagogic ramblings of the gross tabloids and magazines is always there.
But I’m reluctant to go down the righteous route of “she’s a role model so she should do better”. She’s not some elected politician who has a responsibility to their electorate. She’s a singer. She makes lot’s of money selling records, amongst other things. I will admit to finding the concept of lots of teenage girls emulating this ‘phase’ disturbing, but whether that really is her responsibility is another matter. God forbid we ever be in a position where every move we make is judged on how great an example it presents to millions of others; an impossible standard to live up to to say the least.
Although I don’t think ‘Miley news’ or any sort of celebrity news is ever really interesting or of any consequence, yesterday something did catch my attention: an open letter from Sinead O’Connor to Miley Cyrus.
Since I cannot talk from any personal experience of the music industry, nor of being a 20 year old woman, this letter contained a lot more credibility than I have on both counts.
After allegedly claiming that her Wrecking Ball video was inspired by O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2U, Sinead expressed her concern for Miley not only as an artist but as a woman.
This letter sums up the ‘High Value’ way to look at this situation more authoritatively than I could. It’s long, but it’s worth the read I assure you.
After you’ve read it, let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter (I would love it if the comments weren’t about Miley Cyrus, but about the situation itself. There’s enough judgement on her as an individual without us having to add to the pile. I think it’s much more positive to keep it constructive and look at it as something to take personal learnings from).
Dear Miley,
I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today i’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your Wrecking Ball video was designed to be similar to the one for Nothing Compares … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.
I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.
Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.
I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted … and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.
None of the men ogling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a fuck about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a fuck about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a fuck about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped … and that includes you yourself.
Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and it’s associated media.
You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever … Don’t be under any illusions … ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty … which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.
I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying fuck about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.
You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age … which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.
Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question … I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.
As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image … whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now … Not because you got naked but because you make great records.
Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any motherfucker who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.
As posted on www.sineadoconnor.com
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Remember to leave a comment. What are your thoughts on the situation?
Well done Sinaed. Regardless of Miley’s age, she should want to be a good role model. I was disgusted to hear that a pole was taken and Miley is who most men in their 40’s wants to have sex with.
I think this is a great message to Miley. For her role model to take the time to write this to her is really precious. I think this also goes for all the teenage or young female ladies in the show business world. They don’t really give a fuck… very true. I hope Miley takes this message to mind and heart and see what Ms. O’Connor is trying to say.
Thank you Ms. O’Connor. Some of us needed this advice.
Great message for all women, and I have to say its a great message for anyone out there that feels obligated to objectify themselves for people to gain attention and respect. When in doubt it actually does the exact opposite. Sad to say how the media has this effect on very young people or how it can prey on the weak and people fall victim to these idealizations.
I have to say I have been following with this entire feud, and what is worse is how the media takes pleasure in this to gain “viewers” or “make money” off of this because its “drama.” Not to judge, but I don’t think someone’s mental illness should be made fun of or mocked. (on miley’s part – mocking Sinead’s mental illness) We all have our own personal demons that we all deal with and no one should put that out in the public and mock that when people have been victims of abuse in any form. Mocking her is mocking tons of people out there who are struggling through this and that I would say is crossing the line. It’s a form of bullying and no one needs that.
either or Sinead message is great for men as well… since men always have lyrics that are super sexual and the way to get a women is through drinking, partying, drugs, and saying nice things etc etc. Since the entertainment industry is filled with many men. however, On both parts… change starts for both sexes… but its just sad… to see these things happen, and knowing young girls watch these things since the internet nowadays are so easily accessible and when parents don’t’ have the time to censor or block websites, or their friends show them…. influences.
Hi Matt,
big fan of yours here.
I think Sinead’s message to Miley was well intended, a message that from female to female, stemmed from a place of experience, wisdom, and care, and although I appreciate the sentiments and agree with her warning and perhaps Miley will too, one must tend to their own garden and stop worrying about what’s going on or growing in other people’s gardens. Yes, she’s a public figure and her messages are visible to the world. Still, we have the authority to filter out as well as take in what we deem to be appropriate. There are many other artists who continually spread much more tainted messages out there, only they receive less attention for it because they aren’t half naked while they do it. And although I completely agree and find the performance to be disturbing, some wise person once said “The greatest gift you can bestow upon yourself and the world is the gift of knowing yourself”- author unknown
Miley is an entertainer, she grows up in front of the audience. She’s in the process of maturing and discovering herself and no one can rush that for her. If people leave her alone, they will find that one day she has grown up and chances are if she hasn’t died she will most likely be ok. My message is: stop imposing. Let the kid grow up and do what’s necessary for herself, high value or not. Everyone has a unique path and a unique way of learning and growing. God doesn’t impose a way for others, why does man?
I’m about to open a huge can of worms but I feel our society has become too open with sex meaning there’s nothing sacred about it. Sometimes I feel we are no greater then our pet dogs if we want sex we just go get it don’t worry about love or commitment just worry about how you’re gonna get your fix.
If I remember correctly Matt has said you can be too much of one thing and that’s not good. She seems to be the kind of chick that turns into the one night stand.
I’ve cried when I watched this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYjl7e0qnhQ
that’s a real value
I think its sad we have an acceptance of this kind of expression which can only be deemed as self destructive and self degrading. I am speaking from experience. You don’t have to be elected in Government to be responsible or a Role Model! I am tired of watching these influences in modern society Sexualise Children and Women we are not sex objects! No one was put on this earth to degrade themselves. I agree totally with Sinead O Connor who herself is well aware of the trappings not only for those in the Entertainment Industry but in every day life. Miley Cyrus performed that sexual degradation in front of a very young audience. There lies the responsibility part. To really love is to tell someone the truth that is not called judgement that is called being brave enough to LOVE. That is what Sinead did here and I applause her for it because she is the only one it appears who is willing to speak truth. And she also does not condemn Miley for she is well aware of the power of these destructive influences around her. Anyone with a real heart would want to see only the best for Miley in this situation.
I believe in empowering Women to understand their real worth in themselves. We are not toy things just there to be used in fantasy. We have qualities that surpass so much more than that. We have needs a woman to be loved respected and be special. We have the ability to lead Governments! To be strong! Motherhood is not a Vocation below us but on an equal to us to our design and a beautiful gift. We are a gift to the world and any good mans prize. We want commitment loyalty and the real deal. Don’t settle for second best ever!
This made me feel so sad when I read this. Thankyou for sharing it with us and thankyou to Sinead for sending this to Miley, that’s a sure sign that someone really cares.
Their is so much truth and wisdom in the message, I felt it to be very empowering and had a strong impact when I was reading.
Gosh that’s something I wasn’t expecting so much of from a message. The way Sinead writes makes me think of life and men in genural, such as this could be applied to real life.
I admire Sinead and I wish that I had someone like this in my life in the past when I really needed it. I feel that I was left to fend for myself though and even now I feel that my few on life is with inocence.
This letter is geniuse!
Your right also Matt, I hate people who judge and dig at other peoples character. Were is the love? And why can’t show more compassion and understanding to others and probably the people who are been judged the most are the ones who need the most care and understanding.
I really wish people would be more open minded instead of judging and attacking.
Wow!!! A very cool and passionate letter and very good advice, sadly I think some girls only learn the hard way and have to hit rock bottom before they realise their mistakes. I’ve made bad choices in the past and ended up hating the way I felt afterwards like I had no respect for myself. It’s only now with age and experience you can look back and think I would never want to do those things again.
I suppose respect for yourself and your self worth should be taught from a young age then maybe girls would be stronger when they are faced with all the temptations of modern life.
This for me was a must read indeed, I have forwarded it to all the female friends and family members who are young as well, that I care about.
I really respect Sinead for reaching out to her, Sinead was not in anyway judgemental or condescending. She was just sharing adivice and wisdom that one can only gain from making mistakes as well and learning from them that is how we gain maturity is it not. With that said I hope Miley has an open mind and is receptive to this advice, it was obvious via the tone of the letter that this advice was given from a place of genuine concern and in the spirit of love and sisterhood.
I also learnt a lot from it as well, you have to respect yourself “Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a fuck about you” that really hit home for me. We spend so much time and money on makeup, clothes, the gym trying to create an image to rein the men (don’t get me wrong I think taking care of yourself and dressing well is important to feel confident and about yourself in public and private)in whether consciously or unconsciously and in the end we need to be vigilant not to confuse lust and desire with love, because we will only end up being used. Also “If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognize those who do not” that is so true, which is why it is important to get to know a person as well to see whether his intentions towards you are for good and for your benefit as well.
I understand that she is trying to shed the image of Hanna Montana but other fellow Disney child star Alum such as Anne Hathaway, Hillary Duff, Selena Gomez,Justin Timberlake,Ryan Gossling and Kerry Russel have managed to successfully do so through illustrating their talent through their craft, let the talent do the work instead of an oversexed image.
This was a really good read for me, I enjoyed it, thank’s for sharing Matt. Much love from a happy customer/follower.
WOW this is a long message and I knew what it said so I did not have to realy read it. The reason I knew what it said is because the truth is the truth nd sometimes it’s easy to see. If all you got is your skin then you got nothing an interview with a model red yesterday “even my heart is plastic” Sincerely and clearly what ever she is facing being slut is not going to help her to love her self at all every woman can comment men promote this crap because they want to see more of it. But what is woman that is not man is a need to be protected a need to shelter the precious valuables and that is what makes us a woman. For her to ignore the mind boggling problems we face today with young girls on facebook and on and on- shows a lack of respect for women and for herself. A diamond is a diamond because its rare not shared with everybody. when your husband looks at you and knows your dime-dozen when you look at yourself and know your dime a dozen its shameful
I hope she takes such excellent advice
As a 22 year old woman myself breaking into the music industry these words do not ring more true. The record label truly does own you and your body. They make revenue off of YOUR talent which had nothing to do with any of the creative process at all… It’s infuriating! And seeing Miley who is merely two years younger than me soak it up like a sponge saddens me.
It saddens me because she gives the impression to us young women that the only way to get attention is to sexually objectify yourself and she proves that point in her music video.
I love the fact that Sinead expressed contain for Miley when no one else will. Someone has too.
The fact that Miley’s father is sitting back and watching this however disgusts me.
On a complete side note, I would love to personally thank you one day Matthew Hussey for the inspiring and empowering work you do focused on women.. As a young woman I have taken your program to heart and enforced these values in my daily life and am a much happier woman. I am so grateful that I found your work at such a young and impressionable age because you have changed my life. I grew up watching women be sexually objectified, treated like crap by men and settling for less than they deserve.
So thank you for allowing me to find the strength and courage I never even thought I had.
Love Haley x
An inspiring letter but easier said than done when those in power manipulate you and have reduced your self esteem. I will use this advice to inform a decision I have to make in my own working life. Thank you for sharing xxx
” If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not”
The biggest life lesson learnt that turns you into a woman… Unfortunately you have to go through it yourself before you understand it.
Sinead was spot on with her open letter, if you respect someone enough to base your style on them then listen when they are trying to help you. Again this only comes with age & experience on each individual’s ‘journey’
Yes, yes, yes!
Yet, Sinnead, I would prefere not to confuse the INNOCENCE with NAIVTY (as Your way, in one place, of expressing the thing may perheps suggest?)
I’m convinced (as You surely are too) that our heart has to remain INNOCENT for us to remain fully alive. Not cynical but capable of recognising our own truth and the truth of the others.
But, on the other hand, we have to stop to be NAIV. To be able to protect this INNOCENCE from becoming a powerless offer of abuse.
It demands a consious effort. Precisly the effort and the courage You two are showing. Thank You, Matthew! Thank You, Sinnead!
I really did not like the terms used in the lather.
To be called prostitute so many times, must have distracted Mile from the rest of the letters contest..
Some one must get involved since the father aperently is not..
But to get suth a letter from some one you dont know, telling you in those terms that you are being used and becaming a prostitute, must be very revolting.
I would have done it very diferently.. But i would have done something!
Although Sinead’s general message was worth making, I agree that Sinead’s letter could have been better phrased, then Miley may have been less likely to rebel against it. I’m all for liberty for women but Amanda seems to put too much emphasis on women gaining this through dressing sexually, if they so wish. Of course women have the right to be sexy but we can do that in a tasteful way and not in a sleazy way. Most of the timeless female celebrity sex symbols never completely exposed themselves naked for all the public to see and personally I don’t think the current over sexed media gives women freedom. I also believe that each of us have a reasonability to express our sexuality in a tasteful way. I think Miley’s video was tasteless. Most of her fans are probably teenagers. Teenagers are confused enough about sex and sexuality and Miley isn’t helping. Miley might be pulling the strings with the decisions regarding exploiting her sexuality and not the music industry. Either way I think women should not turn-on one another because of this issue but rather direct our young woman in a respectful manner.
I agree with Sinead and that it’s a matter that should be taken seriously, as I remember being a 13 year old girl in the early 1990s, and the music videos and artists were like a role model for me. They were what I considered how to be “cool” or accepted amongst my peers. So now we are seeing women in music videos with a lot less clothes on and as sex objects and some even showing violence and messages of killing in the videos.
I also noticed a trend in fashion with young girls today wearing a lot less clothes and being more sexually active today compared to when I was a teen. This means that the artists in the music/entertainment industry do have an influence over the youth. Therefore they are responsible in showing good values and what high value women really are. The young girls today seem to be unaware of this (due to brainwashing of the media and the entertainment industry) and they feel valued by showing off their sexuality and beauty, rather than being modest and showing what’s in their minds.
I prefer another female artist’s response to this letter:
http://amandapalmer.net/blog/20131003/
It’s definitely worth a read.
Yes! Yes! Thanks for that. Gotta love Amanda’s liberty. And her awesome husband Neil Gaiman. Although I feel we shouldn’t expose ourselves for the tastes of men, we shouldn’t hide ourselves or inhibit our expression for them either. After all, Amanda got this amazing man who was stunned that he fell for this woman who is naked a LOT. I’m pretty sure she won him by being unapologetically who she is.
I think Miley’s not a very good dancer and maybe we saw way too much of her tongue… but I prefer to live in a world where we can do as we please without shame, and take responsibility for it, and stop judging each other and ourselves… that gives us much more freedom to evolve naturally, not just cover our bodies and ourselves and our fears and our eyebrow-raising moments in the cloak of dignity.
I agree…But i feel as though they never learn. They are sooo consumed in the industry they are blinded to how they are slowly destroying the respect people have for them and the respect they have for themselves…soooo sad!