The whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon has been on a lot of people’s lips recently. I generally don’t use my platform to talk about celebrities, firstly because I don’t like to judge people whose lives I know nothing about, and secondly because I don’t much care what they are up to.
I did however watch the VMAs along with a lot of other people, and found the whole performance somewhat uncomfortable. It’s hard to express exactly why without some serious reflection.
I believe in empowering women and showing them what beautiful people they are. I believe respecting women to be of the utmost importance, secondary only to a woman’s own self-respect.
So I was left a little conflicted with the Miley thing. A lot of people are judging her right now. She’s entitled to go through phases, just like any of us have. In a perfect world she’d be entitled to go through these phases without the judgement of millions of fans and non fans. Unfortunately (and fortunately for her income), she has millions of fans and non fans ready to judge her.
The truth is, I do not care what the world thinks of what she’s doing. Nor do I much care about what the general population thinks about anything. We all have to be smart enough to look at a situation objectively without the rants of the mindless controlling every aspect of our thought. The temptation to parrot the demagogic ramblings of the gross tabloids and magazines is always there.
But I’m reluctant to go down the righteous route of “she’s a role model so she should do better”. She’s not some elected politician who has a responsibility to their electorate. She’s a singer. She makes lot’s of money selling records, amongst other things. I will admit to finding the concept of lots of teenage girls emulating this ‘phase’ disturbing, but whether that really is her responsibility is another matter. God forbid we ever be in a position where every move we make is judged on how great an example it presents to millions of others; an impossible standard to live up to to say the least.
Although I don’t think ‘Miley news’ or any sort of celebrity news is ever really interesting or of any consequence, yesterday something did catch my attention: an open letter from Sinead O’Connor to Miley Cyrus.
Since I cannot talk from any personal experience of the music industry, nor of being a 20 year old woman, this letter contained a lot more credibility than I have on both counts.
After allegedly claiming that her Wrecking Ball video was inspired by O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2U, Sinead expressed her concern for Miley not only as an artist but as a woman.
This letter sums up the ‘High Value’ way to look at this situation more authoritatively than I could. It’s long, but it’s worth the read I assure you.
After you’ve read it, let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter (I would love it if the comments weren’t about Miley Cyrus, but about the situation itself. There’s enough judgement on her as an individual without us having to add to the pile. I think it’s much more positive to keep it constructive and look at it as something to take personal learnings from).
Dear Miley,
I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today i’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your Wrecking Ball video was designed to be similar to the one for Nothing Compares … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.
I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.
Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.
I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted … and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.
None of the men ogling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a fuck about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a fuck about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a fuck about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped … and that includes you yourself.
Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and it’s associated media.
You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever … Don’t be under any illusions … ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty … which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.
I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying fuck about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.
You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age … which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.
Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question … I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.
As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image … whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now … Not because you got naked but because you make great records.
Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any motherfucker who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.
As posted on www.sineadoconnor.com
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Remember to leave a comment. What are your thoughts on the situation?
I think that unfortunately most of the time , in our society, women are expected to flaunt their sexuality… and if they don’t show much of that side, they risk being rejected or almost ignored.But the thing is, if you allow yourself to live based on your sexuality ,believing that it is the most powerful “weapon” that you have ,you’ll become shallow and hollow…You’ll have no core confidence !So ,at first, it may seem fun to live based on that but in the long run it’ll damage your self-respect ! …And the consequences of that damage could be very dangerous to your physical and mental integrity .
I totally agree!
I want to start by saying that I like Mileys singing and some of her songs, for instance, if you don’t look at the video and only listen to the music, Wrecking ball is a really good song and it’s even kind-off mature. But I agree that the image she puts out is not a good one. As a young woman myself (22) I can say that I would never be influenced to act like that from watching her videos, or anyone else’s for that matter. I weren’t when I was younger either. Now of course there are kids, teenagers and young women that is influenced by her and who thinks that this is the way they need to be, how they need to act to ‘matter’. However it should be (is) their parents job to make sure from a young age that they are safe with themselves and feel valuable and so on and so forth. It’s not entertainers jobs to put us on a right path in life or show us how we should act or live, their job is to entertain, yes they do need to think about that they influence other people, but where do we draw the line for that? I’m like Matt in that I don’t care all to much about celebrities and all that, never have. But as a teenager I made mistakes that I wish I could take back, that was influenced by some of the less good role models in my life and all around me, but I’ve also made mistakes when I knew perfectly well that I would regret them later. It’s not easy to know how to act and it’s damn near impossible to know how the way we act may affect others. I think Miley is aware of what her behavior send out to people tho and I don’t think she really cares at the moment. In the future she will probably look back and condemn her own behavior but for now, personally, I think that even tho it is a great letter, it might not change the way Miley portrays herself. From what she herself have said she seems to be fully aware of herself and why she does the things she does. And in my opinion, as long as she feels like what she is doing is what she really wants, that it’s her own choice and that she feels good and strong doing it, I don’t see how it’s any of our business. When it comes to the bad influence affecting children and teenagers, like I mentioned before, it’s their parents and other parts of society’s, not entertainers, “job” to build up our children and women and make sure that they know that they have value and don’t need to be, like Sinead said, prostituting themselves to matter. I feel like I can go on more about all this but I should probably stop here xD
I’m also just gonna go ahead and thank Matt, everyone on get the guy and all the women here, you guys are awesome! Love being a part of this community <3
I am a mother of two girls (8 & 11) and because of all this publicity we have had some interesting discussions based on the comments made in Sineads letter. Well done Sinead! The song is actually quite good and I am bemused as to how or why Miley is naked and licking a hammer…its quite ridiculous! It is a sad state of how low the music industry has become. I cant let my kids watch any of the music videos anymore and im not prudish. It’s just not necessary to behave in such a demoralising way to sell music.
I take back everything I said earlier about Miley. Go to Huffington Post and check out the new photos. Yuck.
Sinead is also judging Miley and basically explaining to her that she is brainwashed into prostitution. That’s a very heavy and pretty disgusting accusation.
I also react to the fact that men in the music industry are never burdened with the role model thing. Chris Brown beat up his girlfriend and Justin Bieber is doing all kinds of crazy things without anyone shaming them on being bad role models for men. And Thicke, who danced with Miley at the VMA’s, has gotten a totally different treatment from the media and the world than Miley.
I don’t listen to this person’s music but giving her the benefit of the doubt I’m going to assume she’s smart enough to realise that sex sells and giving the public exactly what they’re willing to pay for. Once they’re unwilling to pay, she’ll either re-invent herself or retire with a fairly hefty bank balance.
It is not (in any way shape or form) her responsibility to look out for young women that may (or may) not consider her a role model.
I am a little surprised and disappointed that after admitting that “I don’t like to judge people whose lives I know nothing about, and secondly because I don’t much care what they are up to.” you ended up using this ‘situation’ (and the response it elicited, both from society and from Sinead) anyway, as content for a blog post.
Yea I’m probably giving you the expected response by commenting on it but consider this a callout.
What a truly inspiring woman Sinead is – full of courage, conviction, confidence and still charismatic at 47!!! True girl power in motion – thanks for sharing Matt. It’s made my day
Miley is NOT Sinead connor, Sinead connor is super talented,a self made star with a healthy self esteem. Miley’s response to Sinead connor letter was completely out of line proving that Miley is very childish and insecure. But again Miley is simply a made up celebrity that was given everything and never had to earn anything on her own and now trying too hard to prove that she has what it takes to be a star in her own right. However, her low self worth and unhealthy boundaries work against her. But Miley is actually a metaphor to most women, we don’t think we are enough and therefore go overboard to entertain others and especially men. It’s SAD!
i have partially seen the miley video and read this letter from ms. o’connor to miley. first i would like to say, there is a difference between being judgemental and discerning a situation for what it is. second, ms. o’connor was asked to respond because miley referenced her as inspiration for her wrecking ball video, which makes it appropriate for ms. o’connor to respond with this letter. in an ideal and perfect world, all parents would sit down to dinner and talk to their children about personal values and self-worth and making decisions based on choosing to be a high value person…but we don’t. we live in a world full of well-meaning, but flawed people. parents who should not have children and parents burning both ends of the candle to provide the best they can for their kids and everything in between. i personally am thankful that ms. o’connor wrote this open letter to miley. i hope more young people, especially women will read it and reflect on how they perceive themselves and allow other’s to treat them. ms. o’connor’s experience in the music industry and what she has seen makes her a highly credentialed person to be able to write this letter shedding light on what is really going on behind the veil. i don’t know about any of you, but if i am going down a road that is less than who i am, i sure as hell would want someone to sit me down and share what they are seeing. that is community, being neighborly and being a friend. we live in such a social media society anymore that in public spaces such as the park, you see people who are out amongst each other, but still very isolated and alone. we are losing the ability to connect as humans with one another, which is a fundamental part of our make up for emotional, mental and spiritual health. to connect and look out for one another.
I agree, creativebabe. There’s unnecessary negative judgment vs. a total lack of judgment/discernment. I would prefer that girls and young women be openly told certain behavior is unworthy of them. Otherwise they think it’s what people value them for, like Sinead O’Connor said.
I remember being shocked once by reading what a female celebrity said – “Who wouldn’t want to be on the cover of Playboy?” Honestly, a *lot* of people. I personally would consider it extremely degrading — not because I’m ashamed of my body but because I value it more than to throw it out there for free. Women should be respected, but we are feeding ourselves to the wolves…
So encouraging to hear Sinead O’Connor *speak out* about this!
It was a decent letter, however a HIGH-VALUE WOMAN would’ve probley left out the profanity!!!:(
It was like she was going on a lower level herself!!!
My,My,My LADY??? Don’t know about that!!!
KUDOS to you Matt and to Sinead! It is so refreshing to hear you express this point of view about women and also to hear Sinead “hit the nail on the head” so to speak!
Fantastic letter from a truly fantastic lady!
I have love for Sinead! She is a true star.
I guess time will tell wether Miley has already got herself in too deep here. I thought that a lot of her behaivour was possibly drug related, as many top stars fall prey to that and then follows other bad acts.
You say Miley isn’t responsible for anything Mathew, but we are all responsible, when we pay any attetion, good or bad, we given energy to this.
I still love the song ‘wrecking ball’, I was so impressed by the lyrics and I think that her voice is fab! But I was disturbed by parts of the video.
Disturbed because I know it didn’t fit with who Miley really is. The voice/eyes don’t fit right now with her body image/behaivour, in my opinion she is out of sync with herself. That is what is coming across and why people are upset.
I’m so glad that someone gave enough of a crap to write what is a truly loving and inspirational message to Miley, and being brave enough to truly expose the music industry in this way is just awesome.
Sinead has shown herself to be of such awesome talent herself that she can indeed bite the hand that feeds her, and it will likely turn a blind eye to her comments. For any other stars this would be career suicide.
Miley is likely already a big enough star that in time her talent will overshadow anything else that she does.
Great discussion topic.
x
Amy
I’m very happy to have read this letter. I hope this is a wake-up call to Miley and her family for not talking her out of these crazy things (VMA and video). She’s a beautiful young lady and pretty talented. I’m not sure why she would have to degrade herself in that manner. She’s young, but that’s no excuse.
Sinead, is correct, for us not to prostitute ourselves through our sexuality/sensuality, because we are in fact, so much more. I think sometimes we get so many mixed messages from our culture, our families, our spiritual and religious traditions. It is beyond just sexual prostitution, we in fact, can prostitute our spirit.
As a mother, of a teenage son, when I started dating after my divorce… I remember many men asking if I had any private photos? to which I replied, “All my photos are those that I would be willing and comfortable for my son and family and friends to see.” How can I teach my son to value women, if I do not value myself? I have made mistakes in dating, but as Sinead says, “If you have an innocent heart, you do not recognize those who do not.”
I am a whole person complete with both spirituality and sensuality and intellect and humor, and on and on. And Matt, I want to applaud you on your work. I had the good fortune to attend your “Get the Guy” event in Chicago with my sister. I love your idea of having a “unique pairing”… yes, we may not be the best at any one thing, but it is the whole of us that makes us engaging and irreplaceable.
I do remember my worth today, though I have had those moments of doubts and confusion. My worth is rooted in the knowledge of believing I am created in the image of a loving God and so is everyone else on the planet. I need to care for and respect myself and extend respect to others.
Thank you for not attacking Miley, as there have been countless others in the music industry of both sexes that have sexualized their performances and videos. And having advertising and design as part of my Bachelor’s study in university we were taught quite simply that “sex sells.” And it is known that a lot of advertising agencies hire people who are living at a lower spiritual awareness, to produce the racy ads that sell.
We can make a difference though, by valuing all the women in our lives and encouraging them to remember their birthright, which is a holy undeniable worth.
Thank you for valuing women and for helping us understand the male viewpoint better, so we can establish healthier relationships.
Affectionately, with spirit hugs, Rhonda S.
I think the open letter from Sinead was written with the best intentions, but a bit misguided. I read the letter, hoping that Sinead’s words would be the ones to infiltrate Miley’s thought process but to be honest, as I read it, I realised sadly that it wouldn’t have any impact on Miley.
Miley has taken on this persona to sell records, and make history, which she is doing. I think she knows EXACTLY what she’s doing.
I don’t think it’s Miley’s fault that sex sells. That drama and gossip and shocking behavior sells. It has for years, probably starting with women like Marilyn Monroe.
It’s not Miley that needs the wake up call. It’s us.
What are we doing? All the world can talk about is how shocking it all is, how crazy and inappropriate Miley is and yes, that’s all true. But why are we talking about it? Why are we fueling the fire?
You said it yourself, Matt, that you don’t usually pay attention to celebrities or their lives, which I appreciate. But by writing this post, you’ve shed even more limelight on this issue, bringing even more attention to it.
I don’t blame you at all, I’m simply making a point.
If everyone decided that they were as disgusted as they claim, and they refused to buy her music, or watch her videos, do you think she would be as famous, as popular?
It’s an unrealistic and impossible solution, but I believe that the issue is with us and our culture, not with people who know and make a profit from that knowledge.
“If everyone decided that they were as disgusted as they claim, and they refused to buy her music, or watch her videos, do you think she would be as famous, as popular?”
My thoughts exactly.
It was about time for someone to say this publicly.
And what a great bónus it is that someone from inside the industry and that knows it really well did!
This happens all the time, not just with Miley, and it kind of astonishes me that this discussions don’t happen more often! This is not about the music industry only, this is about the role of women on advertising campaigns and on public imagery. Women need to stop sexualizing themselves – it is not empowerment as “people” make us believe…
I am truly glad that Sinead did this.
Maybe it’s a way for women to start truly valuing themselves for the right things… Not just for something as fleeting as beauty or youth…
Know your HIGH value!
This is cool and all. Now, when is Robin Thicke’s musical idol going to write him an open letter urging him to stop being a big fat misogynist who keeps pushing the exploitation of young women? I get what she’s saying, and it’s valuable. But it seems women always have to “behave”, and men are never held accountable for their end of it. That’s gotta change first, if young women are ever going to stop exploiting themselves for male attention, and/or fame.
Hi Anjali,
Your message drew me in and I had to reply to it. I feel that you’re turning it the wrong way. By saying the men need to change first, you’re giving away the power women have by just saying no to exploiting their bodies.
Women need to realise they do not need men for fame and/or attention. It should always be a ‘want’ instead of a ‘need’. Then you have full control. A need brings you in a position where you just have to have it. A want lets you see both sides and you won’t loose yourself in getting what you want.
If women have enough selfesteem and selfworth, then they will not let others use them for those kind of things.
So you see, whether or not the men (and I am sure it doesn’t only include men, but there will also be women exploiting other women) are changing, should not matter.
Women need to take control of their own lives and own decisions. And I applaud the fact that Sinead took the time to introduce Miley with this concept, this way of living. The old should always encourage the young.
This is a simple matter of supply and demand. As long as there is a demand for female exploitation, men and women alike are going to profit from it and call it “empowerment”. But that demand starts from men and is damaging to women. Of course women need to have self esteem and a sense of self worth, but when we point the finger at women and ignore male accountability for sexism and exploitation, we’re allowing a hypocritical culture where a very sexual female is “degrading” herself, and a very NON-sexual female has self respect, when in reality people are more complex than that, and the opposite may be true. Yes, men need to change their negative perceptions of women and female sexuality. I don’t buy into the belief that men are just they way they are, and that’s that. Damn right I think men need to change first. They’ve been getting a free pass for exploiting women for far too long.
Also, my point was not to give away women’s power to not exploit their bodies. I was going for a deeper point than that.
Anaji, you beat me to the punch! :-)
I see a great deal of wisdom and hard-won experience in Sinead’s letter. She’s right about her industry in many ways But I see some inadvertent playing into the madonna-whore syndrome, too. Good girls/artists keep their clothes on; bad girls/artists make money off their bodies. I hate the you-must-be-thin-young-and-gorgeous part of the music industry, in which only very few who don’t fit that will ever make a living. Sinead is right in that standing up to it will help, but I don’t want to divorce pop music from its intrinsic rebelliousness, which almost has to include some sexuality by definition.
I see huge value in Amanda Palmer’s letter that so many women her linked, too. But I know that lots of younger women may not have the artistic sensibility or exposure that she had at a young age to add a level of depth into their experimentation, leaving them vulnerable to those who don’t give a very-hearty-expletive-deleted about the madonna-whore syndrome, so long as they get their woody. And, as they’re part of the dominant culture, they control the bucks and the minds. Miley may be writing her own checks, but she’s not being served by people who want to cultivate her as an artist.
Ideally, I’d love to see Sinead and Amanda as part of an elite squad of kick-ass women, advising their younger counterparts on adding value of all kinds to their artistic endeavors. Now THAT’S the high-value women’s team that would make me feel like the world was getting somewhere!
(oops–I forgot this part–
Why is it that women’s behavior gets put under the cultural microscope so very, very much at times like these and nobody ever says a hoot about controlling, altering, criticizing or changing the man’s behavior? Guys, stop acting like children and own your own damn selves. That’s the kind of guy we want to fall in love with.
Very interesting read, as well as commentary.
How ever it’s very challenging for me to leave an opinion as I know very little about this whole issue, and even less about the music industry in general.
All in all interesting read. Keep up the good work Matt. Your work is excellent.
Andrew
I believe that you cannot judge a tree because of one season, and try to apply that with every person I met, even if they make a bad first impression.
I dont believe any human being is implicitly bestowed with the responsibility to be a role model when they become famous, it is up to them in the end. However, if you are a person who grew up with principles, you will ultimately would want to leave a footprint in this world and not passed unnobserved, because you have an opportunity to do something for this world.
That is beautiful that Sinead took the time to write to Miley, that is the spirit of a person who still cares to do the right thing in this world. Rather than doing wrong in life, is even worst when people stay quiet and not do anything. I hope this young girl listened to her, the reason we have role mothers or mentors is because we want to be like this person, so I hope this is the case.
Needless to say where the media and the show business industry is growing, it all comes to the values we are thaught at home, without them we will always be going around in circles without direction and end up in the same situations, over and over again.
Yyyesssss!!!!!
Finally!!!!!!
Someone who cares and has influence is stepping the hell up!
It’s been far too long and quiet regarding our young women.
It breaks my heart to see precious people exploited whether for a hard prick, or millions. The people who do this are all the same.
And thank you to Sinaed O’Connor for speaking up, stepping up to the plate for Miley’s sake and others. Ur action was so longed for. I personally wanted to send Miley a letter, but I figured it wouldn’t get to her. Thank u isn’t enough. Ms. O’Connor u were spot on with everything u said. And I am so glad for ur choices in the industry for yourself even at such a young age in ur career with ur look and approach. Ur statement was loud and clear and still is.
Blessings to u and ur and Miley!
– Ashleigh