This is a video for teenagers.
It’s the beginning of a new school year, and so for this week’s video I wanted to things that I know I would have benefitted me as a teenager.
What would you tell yourself if you could go back?
Here are the 7 things I’d tell my teenage self…
1) Take risks
Try new things. We’re always going to be able to talk about the things we did, but never able to talk about the things we didn’t do.
We tend to carry on in school the way we started. It’s easy for an identity to be created by the way that other people see us. Don’t let yourself get pigeon-holed.
2) Be careful who you’re trying to impress
There are people right now (whether consciously or unconsciously) you’re trying to impress.
Be very careful about this.
If you could see where these people were going to be in ten years time, I guarantee you would re-evaluate who you’re trying to impress.
3) Trying to get invited to the party doesn’t get you invited to the party
One of my big insecurities in school was wondering whether or not I’d be invited to parties.
Being invited to parties is the byproduct of being the type of person that other people want to spend time with.
Focus on being someone that other people love spending time with.
4) Ignore people’s first reactions
When we do something new, we fear people are going to look at us strangely.
People who get acceptance are the ones who don’t need it.
If there’s something you want to do, do it regardless of what others might think. When you ignore their reactions, you’ll get over the initial period of discomfort and to a point where they accept how you now are.
5) School can suck
A lot of school is doing things you don’t want to do.
Studying things you don’t want to study, hanging around people you don’t want to hang around, listening to teachers you don’t want to be around…
And a myth in life is that that all changes; that when you begin doing what you love, you’ll be able to stop doing things you don’t love.
Sadly, it doesn’t quite work like that.
I’ve found in my life that even though I do the thing I love more than anything else in the world, there are plenty of things I still have to do that aren’t things I love.
The art is finding a way to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing.
When you’re doing the things you don’t want to do, can you figure out new ways of enjoying doing those things?
If you can, you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life.
6) See everything as a stepping stone
Many people resent jobs they do because they don’t feel they’re getting them closer to where they want to be.
The most successful people I’ve met have done a number of different jobs that had nothing to do with where they ended up.
But rather than viewing these things as a waste of time, they saw everything as a stepping stone.
Don’t fret that right now you’re going into something that isn’t exactly where you want to be.
The wrong job before the job you’re passionate about can have been the right job at the time. The wrong job can be a blessing when it teaches you more about what you want and where you want to go.
7) Enjoy being young, but think like an adult
When you’re a teenager, people are trying to lay down all sorts of rules around you.
But an adult treating you like a kid doesn’t mean you have to rebel like a kid.
You can still make the smart choice, by doing what’s best for you.
Don’t rebel just because you want to get back at someone.
You need to go out and mess up. Just stay within the realm of making mistakes that you can recover from. Make mistakes that aren’t going to kill you or stop you from building the future you want to have.
So there you have it. My 7 tips.
Leave a comment below to let me know what you think!
And if you’re an adult, leave a comment with the one thing you would tell your teenage self that you know would have made life better.
I absolutely love this, I just want to ask Matthew, can I use this to show my teens? I work with teenagers and I think this video would be invaluable to them.
Secondly, I would tell my teen self, just stay as you are, you are fine and on the right path, do not give into peer pressure. Most times we think peer pressure is forceful but it can be as subtle as a friend constantly criticizing the way you dress or your studious nature. I can proudly say, I am back to not basing my life on the people around me but I would have liked it if I trusted myself more back then.
I’d tell my teenage self to read this blog text.. I wish I knew what Tim Kreider said eventually: “If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/15/i-know-what-you-think-of-me/?_r=0
You are doing a lovely job, Matt. :)
If anything I think the most important thing anyone can learn in life is to just be a good friend. Be the person people can trust and you will attract other genuinely good people. Trying to fit in is so time consuming and does not enhance your life whatsoever in the long term. What you are going to remember the most are the friends you had and all the awesome times you had with them. Also do what you love. Paddle your own boat without looking right or left. The people who aren’t giving you any approval right now or think they’re too cool to talk to you (trust me there will be plenty of them) really have no power over you at all. This is especially true if you have a life of your own and are pursuing something that you are passionate about. Chances are you have a few talents and virtues that no one can ever take away from you. So really learn to hone them and find a hobby/activity that means something to you. You might be the worst softball player in your gym class, but you might also be the best singer. We all have strengths.
Hey Matthew!
I’m 19 and currently in university, at that stage where I’m still not completely sure what to do with my life. Your statement of “The art is finding a way to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing” stuck out to me.
Do you think I should continue pursuing a career that I think I will like most of the time or go for a slightly different career that I think I will enjoy a lot more? I’d really like to get your opinion on this cause I’m not sure whether I should just try to find ways to enjoy the first career. (I’m sorry if that’s too vague for you to give a response or if I phrased it poorly.) But I also wanted to say that this is my first time watching one of your videos and it really spoke to me so thank you!
Matthew, I think your number 4 -ignore people’s first reactions to something you do- I think this is something really important for teenagers, I was only telling my 15 year old brother this recently. Unfortunately, I think teenagers are so scared of potentially not being accepted that they don’t believe it when someone older gives them this advice of just going for it no matter the first reaction of ones peers.
I would love if there was a way to get through to them, they would benefit hugely and be so much happier in themselves.
At least I know that would be my number 1 piece of advice to tell my teenage self!
Thank you, great video ! X
Matthew, thank you so much for this video. I am 19 and about to start university life so really your tip of ‘be careful who you’re trying to impress’. More videos for people my age I think would be so beneficial especially on the issues of young love maybe in late teens/early twenties.
If you have any more tips for interacting with people and guys at university they would be so helpful.
Thank you again,
Amy
Thanks Matthew, I’m 16 and I’m actually freaking out about going to College, being round lots of people that I don’t even though. My older friends just tell me to be myself and even just pretend to be happy and cheery so people would want to be my friend. Haha I bet in 2 years time I’ll laugh at how stupid I was for freaking out when everything went fine :’) + I’ve learnt from previous years not to give a damn what anyone else thinks and you’re totally right about not trying to impress because they are not worth it!
You’re awesome and so nice!
Hello!
I always think of this question, and I’d have to go with you on your first tip, Matt. I went to an all girl Catholic high school where everyone was pretty nice and created a welcoming environment for the most part, yet I was still scared to take risks. I always say to myself, “why didn’t I just run for president?”. It would have made some experiences in college a lot easier. Focus on being present, having fun, and being yourself and things will get a lot less scary. : )
Hello, I just had a quick question about a situation in my class with a guy I just met. The first day we made eye contact , smiles went across the room.( Aka next to each other) we talked after class . Next day we didn’t talk I flashed a smile he noticed then he took off after class. Third day I asked why he did last weekend and he was a complete douchy asshole trying to act all cool and like he was annoyed with me. He stopped trying to open the door for me too . So I decided not to speak to him anymore for the rest of the year. Now, is there a video or advice for college students on meeting new ppl or guys? If not, what is the best choice to make in a situation like that ?
You may find that this can be used in PSHE lessons in schools. It’s perfect. Trust me.
Maybe not what you’re about BUT it’s another avenue to get you even busier.
I will show this to my 13yr old son and I will pass it on to his school. – You never know!
Hi Matthew! Thanks for putting out these videos!
I follow your channel on youtube and I’m glad you did a teenager oriented video :). Speaking of teenagers…this year I will be a new house captain and we (me and the house team) were going to introduce the new school year with an assembly and when I saw your video I thought “Yeah that’s it! That’s what we need to say!” I was actually wondering if you didn’t mind us showing a video to a wider audience in school. We’re going to have lots of new students this year so we discussed encouragement of meeting a lot of new people and being fearless as well.
Thank you very much for making this video as well as other videos on relationships,
Anna-Marie (from Prague, CZ)
I’d tell my teenage self to focus on who she is inside (ie. integrity, character, reading, discipline, being kind, finding her passion) rather than her looks or trying to fit in with the cool kids. All of these things will determine your thought process and what comes out of your mouth. Which will determine the type of people who will surround you which will determine your quality and outlook on life. What you look like on the outside can easily be changed and modified with clothes and makeup, however who you are on the inside and what you have to offer takes time to build and sculpt and make your own. My advice is to start early.
I would tell mysel: Don’t be afraid of what others think about you.
Matt,
What do you think about exotic dancers??
I loved the video! I never realised as a teen that a lot of people thought I was attractive. I walked around on my own at lunch times and the sporty boys would always call out and tease me. It made me laugh to learn a few years later from heaps of old school mates the way they saw my situation. Nobody seemed to realise I was walking around because I felt odd in every group. I would absolutely explain this to myself. Could you maybe do a video for being in your 20’s? I’m turning 20 in two months and already it feels like a whole different phase of life.
Either that or maybe a video for being a really big energy / intense person. I watched some of your seminars online and it helped but I’m still having trouble finding a guy with energy to match mine. I’m 6″2, have purple hair and also a big personality. Honestly I don’t know how to make it an approachable thing without either shutting up or dropping my standards.
Anyway! Love your stuff!!
Hey Matthew!
Thanks for that video. I’m just about to turn 20 and I wish I’d known it!
I would tell myself that no one realises you’re walking around alone because you feel odd. Those boys aren’t TEASING you, they want your attention. And that you are much better at relating to people than you think you are.
Hey maybe an idea for a video… Could you do one on being a big personality? I have watched some of your seminars online and it helps but I’m still having trouble finding a guy with a big energy like mine… Doesn’t help that I’m 6″2 with purple hair either. How can I be more inviting to men in more than just a sexual way? I always feel that even when I’m being friendly or getting them to help me (your tip) they feel emasculated.
If you have any advice it would be much appreciated. :)
Otherwise Love your stuff!
From Haylee. :)
Thank you SO much for this video. I’m 16 and just started a new school year. As a teenager sometimes you look at adults you know as people just trying to give you stereotypical answers to “life questions”, so first I want to thank you for your honesty. I’m a pretty outgoing person, and I try not to let anything hold me back when I want to do something. I’m on student council, I play two different school sports, and two different instruments. My problem is boys. Does anyone have any advice on dating in school? I kind of suck at it and haven’t had a boyfriend since the beginning of freshman year. I know high school isnt about boys and things but I would at least like to have a date to prom or something.
I can really relate to this! For the most part the same can be applied to the university freshmen community. Although I’m nineteen for one more week, I would tell my teen self to be flexible for rejection is not easy on anyone. And to turn my mistakes into lessons. Sometimes being a perfectionist can become excessive especially when you’re being slapped by hormones every other time and live in a strict military household. I would also tell myself to live my life my own way trust my judgement and stop being a people pleaser. I wish I could have told myself that every time I failed and fell down, I should fall on my back in order to fully grasp the beautiful climb to come.
Thanks Matt!
i wish if you talked more to your teenager viewer and the thing we going through like going to college , finding your life work and more about depression and insecure . and the family’s pressure of finding a job and you know ….
that will be awesome .
Hey Matthew! Finally, a video completely aimed at my age group :) I’m 17 and going into Grade 12 this year. I’ve realized over the years that I have spent so many hours worrying about what others think of me and how to get a guy to like me. Hell, if I could go back to Grade 1 even, I’d tell myself to not be shy and to just make friends. I went from being antisocial to one of the most outgoing members in my family (eventually it clicked in my head). What truly helped me with becoming extroverted was change, moving schools during middle school. I would have to say change is amazing. It can help anyone become more knowledgeable and grow as they have new experiences that they can apply to their lives. Another big one for teenagers is rejection. All we think about: Will I look too fat in this? Does he think I’m ugly? Am I listening to the right type of music? Eventually, if we’re lucky, we come to realize being unique is what makes you attractive; authenticity. Of course, I still fear rejection, especially from the opposite gender (very much) but I’ve been working on being okay with myself and boosting my confidence by accepting who I am. At the end of the day if we’re not okay with ourselves, how will anyone else ever be satisfied with us? Thanks for the video and keep doing what you do, you British gem ;)