This is a video for teenagers.
It’s the beginning of a new school year, and so for this week’s video I wanted to things that I know I would have benefitted me as a teenager.
What would you tell yourself if you could go back?
Here are the 7 things I’d tell my teenage self…
1) Take risks
Try new things. We’re always going to be able to talk about the things we did, but never able to talk about the things we didn’t do.
We tend to carry on in school the way we started. It’s easy for an identity to be created by the way that other people see us. Don’t let yourself get pigeon-holed.
2) Be careful who you’re trying to impress
There are people right now (whether consciously or unconsciously) you’re trying to impress.
Be very careful about this.
If you could see where these people were going to be in ten years time, I guarantee you would re-evaluate who you’re trying to impress.
3) Trying to get invited to the party doesn’t get you invited to the party
One of my big insecurities in school was wondering whether or not I’d be invited to parties.
Being invited to parties is the byproduct of being the type of person that other people want to spend time with.
Focus on being someone that other people love spending time with.
4) Ignore people’s first reactions
When we do something new, we fear people are going to look at us strangely.
People who get acceptance are the ones who don’t need it.
If there’s something you want to do, do it regardless of what others might think. When you ignore their reactions, you’ll get over the initial period of discomfort and to a point where they accept how you now are.
5) School can suck
A lot of school is doing things you don’t want to do.
Studying things you don’t want to study, hanging around people you don’t want to hang around, listening to teachers you don’t want to be around…
And a myth in life is that that all changes; that when you begin doing what you love, you’ll be able to stop doing things you don’t love.
Sadly, it doesn’t quite work like that.
I’ve found in my life that even though I do the thing I love more than anything else in the world, there are plenty of things I still have to do that aren’t things I love.
The art is finding a way to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing.
When you’re doing the things you don’t want to do, can you figure out new ways of enjoying doing those things?
If you can, you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life.
6) See everything as a stepping stone
Many people resent jobs they do because they don’t feel they’re getting them closer to where they want to be.
The most successful people I’ve met have done a number of different jobs that had nothing to do with where they ended up.
But rather than viewing these things as a waste of time, they saw everything as a stepping stone.
Don’t fret that right now you’re going into something that isn’t exactly where you want to be.
The wrong job before the job you’re passionate about can have been the right job at the time. The wrong job can be a blessing when it teaches you more about what you want and where you want to go.
7) Enjoy being young, but think like an adult
When you’re a teenager, people are trying to lay down all sorts of rules around you.
But an adult treating you like a kid doesn’t mean you have to rebel like a kid.
You can still make the smart choice, by doing what’s best for you.
Don’t rebel just because you want to get back at someone.
You need to go out and mess up. Just stay within the realm of making mistakes that you can recover from. Make mistakes that aren’t going to kill you or stop you from building the future you want to have.
So there you have it. My 7 tips.
Leave a comment below to let me know what you think!
And if you’re an adult, leave a comment with the one thing you would tell your teenage self that you know would have made life better.
Hi Mathhew, I hope you read this.
I’m 16 and find it hard to move on after been raped for 4 years how am I going to move on and for get what happened. Sorry if I’m giving you a headache, but I had to burst sometime especially when there’s a modest person like you!
Kind regards
xxx
Feriha, firstly I would like to say how in awe I am of you and your courage in sharing your story with us. I’m also very happy that we’ve created a safe environment for you to do so. Moving forward you have to focus on that strength and resilience that I know you have in you, and use that to feed your core confidence. And always remember, you’ve already made it through, now you just have to push forward. Take care lovely.
x
Hey! Well actually even at the “high” age of 24 I struggle with putting myself on the first position and not caring too much of what other might think of you.
Firstly, I guess the one of the tips I could give to teenagers is TO KEEP ALL THE PROMISES YOU GIVE YOURSELF( eg. I’m gonna put a lot of effort in studying not just dragging myself through high school or/and college/ uni, I’m gonna loose weight….). The point is that if you promise something to yourself, then keep it. Otherwise you might or even will regret it some day. For example even though I got okay grades at school, every year I promised myself to work harder and put a lot more effort to it. And guess what… Every year I did it for like first week or two of September and then… yeah… you all know what happened. It lead to regretting it A LOT and feeling a lot of guilt for it. It has took me long time now to get rid of that guilty feeling… I’m still 100 % not there yet, but I think emotionally my life would have been much easier if as a teenager I had kept the promises I told myself.
So MATT, would you agree with my thought that even though school might suck sometimes, in a long run it actually is more efficient and BETTER for teenagers to put a lot more effort in studying at the right time than heavily and almost destructively regretting it in their adulthood ??? :)
Secondly, as one more thing that I would like to tell my teenager self is that even though being a victim of a school/ home mental/ physical abuse or bullying is just AWFUL and extremely awful, it teaches a great deal of things about yourself. THINGS WILL GET BETTER! There’s always hope! DREAMS DO COME TRUE! They might not last for forever. Therefore it’s important to embrace them as awesome and somewhat/ very educational chapters of your life! :)
For example, for a year reasons my dream was to work in a certain company. I started to pursue it in last July when I heard that there was was a tiny chance that they might open a branch or their company in my hometown. I immediately sent a resumé and my CV to the owner. Then a month later I just visited that place and was told my an employee there to just go and have a chat with the owner. I did that even though I thought it was bit rude because he was drinking wine with his friends at a outdoors café. This was in august, last year. Long story short I got the job in March. Due to various reasons I’m not working there anymore, but I got to live my dream for 5 whole months because I worked there from march 2013- august 2013. Even though there were problems and rough times, I see this experience as a very very very educational and interesting chapter of my life. When my boss told me that he was very sorry that he had to end the contact, I actually said nothing else than: “THANK you for making my dream come true and giving me the opportunity of living my dream of the time in real life.” I was actually smiling and happy, even though I had just lost a job. At the time while working there, the stress had gotten to me and I had forgotten it being my dream. I was exhausted and was feeling down. But in a retrospect, I see that it was a real example of dreams really coming true! I never believed it! Now I do believe it! One of the reasons along of so many why I wanted to work there were 2 guys who were working there. They seemed interesting and awesome…One of them seemed like an really great friend. I was interested in him as a friend. Nothing romantic. He seemed to be someone with whom I though I would get along incredibly well and who’d live his life to the fullest. The other guy was just gorgeous. I had developed some sort of feelings for him. I though he was so cool and amazing. But never in a million years I would have believed that someday the first(friendship) guy would stay at my place for few weeks and he’d end up being way too crazy for being my friend. We do get along though. We’re just not friends. :) Just like I would have never believed if someone in a past had said that one day the second(gorgeous) guy would excitedly smile and wave to me and that I would drive to his hometown in order to confess my crush for him to his face and he’d suggest us to be friends. And that he would actually be the first person to congratulate me on my birthday!! I’m just so grateful for this amazing chapter of my life! It’s definitely an exciting feeling to know that DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE!
Thirdly(I’m not sure if it’s an actual word), DO NOT FEEL AS YOUR WORTHLESS! It’s an lesson that I just learnt! I’m still learning to embrace that tiny bit of knowledge, but I think knowing that when being a teenager would actually make life a bit easier. :)
Even though I’m in my mid-twenties already, I thank you Matthew for making this video in order to give hope to out teenagers, but as well to adults for giving a chance to reminisce their teenager years and consciously see all that’s changed in years :)
So big Merci’s are coming from an another late 80’s Gemini to You, Matthew! :)
Take care
xxx :)
I also wish that my teenage self would have known that being enthusiastic and passionate is a GOOD thing… I, personally, just realized it few weeks ago myself. My former boss had told me how much he loved me being so enthusiastic. I actually thought it was a bad thing. Now I know that being passionate and enthusiastic can be intimidating. But it’s intimidating only for those who themselves are NOT passionate or enthusiastic. But if you are then, other people’s feelings are not your problem, it’s theirs.
JUST APPRECIATE THAT YOU’RE PASSIONATE AND ENTUSIASTIC AND DON’T WORRY OF WHAT OTHERS MIGHT FEEL or THINK. This is what I would tell my teenage self for sure! :)
Oh wow, there are a lot of little grammar mistakes in last nights comment! Oh well, I guess one should always proof-read whatever they write. Even if it’s at midnight and one’s tired as hell. :)
Hey Ruthie,
This is great! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with our awesome community here : ) Really appreciate it.
Matt x
Spot on. Spoken and delivered so well, I had to share it with my two teenage sons; they don’t live close to me, so it makes it challenging for me to know where they are with themselves. Their father is a good person, but does not communicate inspiration & self discover so well. This will be a an excellent tool, deliverd by a male “role model”, that is needed so much by them. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DO THIS SEGMENT! :)
Hey Matt. This was a great video to watch. I’m 21, and I have been reflecting on my teenage years a lot. I was a very boring teenager. I was really shy. If I could go back I would wanna be more outgoing and instead of saying ‘no’ all the time to my friends I would say “yes” to their invitations. I probably would have been closer to my group and not be so scared to talk around them. People always thought I was stuck up because I never talked or showed any interest in them..I was just so shy. I never took risks, so that’s what I would change about my teenage self.
Hello Matthew!
I’m 16 and my biggest problem now is probably being constantly anxious about the future.I’m worried I’m not gonna reach my goals and that I’ll wake up in 50 years with a feeling that i wasted my life.I’m training opera singing and everyday i blame myself for not practicing enough or not taking part in enough competitions.It’s kinda stupid because i put huge effort in what i do, but i still try to convince myself it’s not enough to achieve what i want.Well i guess being constantly worried is a part of being a teenager.I’ll stick to one of your advice and enjoy being young instead of agonizing over my future life.
Thanks for your video.I’m sure it helped for many teenagers around the world :)
With love from Poland,
Sara
What i would tell my teenage self is that she is unbelievably amazing for having such a strong personality. Sticking through harsh bullying without losing any dignityor poise. I remember that some people told me that they hated me and younger me just said ‘Do you really think it matters?’
At home i would go cry, but i wish my younger self would have known how amazing she was to have reacted so calmly.
Also, I want to thank her for staying true to herself.
The years after these incidents i never said anything in class and i wish she had known that what those people said wasnt true.
Sometimes i wish present me wouldnt care so much anymore either!
Luckily i have you to remind me :)
Thanks
Little you sounds like one tough cookie : )
This is great Karen, thanks for the comment! And you bet I’m always here to remind you!!
Matt x
Hi Matt!I’m 31 and i would say to my teenage self to BELIEVE IN ME MORE and that I AM WORTHY!Because i’m still struggling with VERY low self esteem even now!THANKS again for all your help.
: )
x
Funnily I’ve been thinking about this myself lately and would probably tell my sweet teenage self that I’m not ugly. Despite lots of friends at high school, one girl made me told me over and over again I was the ugliest, most disgusting creature – for two years. Thanks to my faith, I prayed for every night and forgave her (years before she actually said sorry). Sadly I’ve never shaken those comments off and what everyone sees as brilliant confidence is in fact a constant mask. I wish my teenage self had realised what an incredible life she had before her, and I wish the girl typing this now could believe that she still does.
It’s amazing how one person’s perception of us can drastically change our own. Hopefully I can counteract her and tell you that you do have an incredible life ahead of you!
Take care Amy : )
Matt x
DHi Matt,
Firstly, Im 18. Just so You Know who this is coming from.
Secondly, my Autokorrekt is messing With the capitals cause I’m from Germany ;)
The big issue about teenage insecurities is that the key of overcoming them lies in ourselves. There seems to be some Kind of trigger, we gotta pull in order to activate our feeling of self-worth.
We KNOW we have to take risks and we know that we should accept ourselves, but still we have no clue about this world and its workings, we havent had the Chance to make the experience that teaches us that there will beside the Lion’s share of careless People be others who accept us.
The One thing that replaced These experiences for me was literature.
And the promise to be the Person I wanted to be. I thought about what she would Do.
Looking back at the past few years I am proud of myself. Of who I have become.
And Im wishing this to all girl who watched this vid, too.
One day youll be proud of yourselves.
Xxx
Caroline this is great. You found something that you were able to connect with (literature) and learn about who you are and are proud of it : )
Keep up the great work and growth and always take the chance to create new experiences
Matt x
It’s almost 10 years since I was a teenager, so there’s some time for reflection right there!
I’d say to myself ‘stop worrying about being good enough’. It’s a lesson I’ve learnt recently, and my life has become significantly better. Instead of worrying if I’m good enough, I wonder ‘does this make me happy?’ If it does, does it matter how ‘good’ I am at it in comparison to everyone else? Sure I want to get better at it, but for me, not to compete with others. Also when it comes to relationships, the same applies, and ‘is this person right for me?’ I’d tell myself to worry less what they might think and feel or not feel, and instead listen to my own heart, what I feel about them and trust my instincts.
And feign confidence – because eventually you become what you pretend to be. The more confident and self assured you seem, the less that will be challenged.
And another thing to all teenagers – you have more spare time than you know. When you have a full time job, that’s when you ‘have no time’! Enjoy socialising now, take up new hobbies, learn new skills because they will be experiences that enhance your life for the future.
Just letting you know, I really love what you wrote. I’m 19 and I’m going to bear what you said in mind, I think it is very good advice :)
Love this Rebecca. Thanks for sharing : )
x
Hi Matt and (other) teenagers :)
To my teenage self I would probably suggest to act like a teenager. Now I see that I acted and thought like an adult :) And it seems so boring now. Not so many stories to tell…
Also I would tell to pay attention in chemistry class. Right now I struggle because that subject is interesting and necessary in the areas that interest me now.
And the final advice I can suggest to myself also as an adult – It doesn’t matter what other people think. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t perfect. It doesn’t matter if you’re too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, too uneducated in some matter, too smart, too anything…
What matters is that you have to live your life. You don’t hide. You don’t keep plotting what will happen when you are thinner/older/smarter. You don’t avoid the things you love because you’re worried you don’t look good enough or aren’t smart enough. You don’t save all of your best moments for some imagined time in the future when you’re sure you’ll be more perfect.
NOW is the time to live!
Live in the now. Wonderful : )
Thanks Liina-Kai
x
I’m just going into college but found this to be extremely helpful. Loved it.
Thanks for putting this advice together – it’s honest.
My pleasure Mohnish! Thanks for watching!
Matt x
Thank you Matt for an inspiring video!
To my teenage self Id too say; take more risks, don’t worry about other peoples opinions too mucch. Id tell myself that boys arent so scary as they seam and Id encourage myself to work more on speaking in public.
Great advice Kamilla : )
x
Hi Matthew,
After listening to this video, I realized that I should stop caring about what others think of me even though sometimes it is really hard. As a tennager, there are insecurities that stop you from doing what’s best. For my last year in high school I will take even more risks than last year and enjoy being young more, even if there is constantly pages of hw.
Thank you for all the advice! It really made a difference!! :D
I think you’re going to have the most memorable school year ever ; )
Love the conviction Denisse! Keep it up
Matt x
My last boyfriend said I behaved like a teenager – he saw that as an insult, but I took it as a compliment, as I absolutely loved being a teenager! X
Oh Melanie ; )
x
Great video Matthew! That’s great and nice that you’re giving your younger viewers advice on high school!
Gosh, one thing I would tell myself would be to not care what others thought of me! That was a huge, and maybe my biggest, issue growing up. I always worried what others thought of me, to the point where I had symptoms of social anxiety! It was awful.
I’m so glad that high school is over!
Thank you for another one of your awesome videos Matthew! You don’t know how much I love your advice, and how much I look forward to watching your videos!
It happens to more people than you’d think! Then we figure that out and it’s not so scary ; )
Thanks for sharing Rachael!
Matt x
Hey Matt,
I just wanted to start off by saying what a relevant and honest video this was! I really enjoyed this video. I am 18 myself and going to university this September so this video came at the perfect time. Lately, I have been having many doubts about my faith, my interests, and even my sexual orientation. But I just keep telling myself to take things one day at a time. And you know what that helped for a while too! But after awhile that stopped helping so then when things became very confusing I told myself to think of anything positive about my day, just one thing. So if I were to say something to myself a couple of years ago when I started high school I would’ve said is to not take life so seriously (I would still tell myself that, LOL), take things one day at a time, and think positively because positive thinking is stronger than negative thinking any day! Matt, I also have a request: Could you make more videos like this one geared towards young people!? Either way I have been watching your channel for one year now and I really enjoy the material you talk about because it is practical not only in one’s own love life, but as well one’s daily life! Thank you for this video and I hope you decide to make more like this one.
Lots of love and God Bless from a believer, ELizabeth
You’ve got a great outlook Elizabeth. Keep up the positive thinking and refer back to this community if you ever need a reminder of that ; )
Take care lovely
Matt x
Hi,
I so love that you made this video as my first day of college is tomorrow:) I’m so excited and ready for all that it brings. I know that everything is meant to happen for a reason, as cliche as it is, and I believe that as long as I have a positive attitude I can do anything and this has proved true in my life to date, I am so lucky to have such a wonderful life. The only thing I feel like I am missing is someone to share it with, I’m not looking to get married haha but i just want someone to want me. I know when I meet that “special someone” that I’ll know but sometimes I get really down because I have never been with someone. And because of this desire I find myself almost searching for someone, but I am not willing to settle for someone who is not worth it. I crave that, and I hate myself for it.
What kind of advice would you give me as I enter this new stage of my life?
Thanks so much, your videos are so awesome I am so glad you keep putting them out there for people to see!!!!
Hi McKay,
I would say firstly, not to hate yourself for craving someone to share your life with. That’s the ultimate! I would just say to stay aware of others around you, but don’t get bogged down or engrossed in searching for someone. This can end up having an opposite effect. Instead focus on what makes your life happy, interesting and fulfilled. This will inevitably attract others to you, who will be genuinely interested in your life, instead of you searching out someone in the hopes that they’ll be interested. Ultimately, focus on you but be aware of others and opportunities around you. Hope you’ve had a fantastic first day at college!!
Take care
x
Hey Matt,
I really enjoyed your video.
Everything what you said – I find it so true, but I still have got one problem. In the past I attended 3 different schools. In every each school I tried to be nice,sociable, help others and just act politely. Though, I’ve noticed that people liked me a bit but I’ve never made any good friends. They liked me at school and they forget about me after it.
I feel that I differ from people in my age and it pushes them away from me. I just don’t have the spontainety they have or…I dunno. I apparently don’t match to them so they don’t want to hang out with me. It’s painful. What to do? This year I’m starting going to University. I don’t have any good friend. It may sound pathetic but it’s true… I was always wondering – why? So many times I tried to be a reliable,helpful friend…and never succed. Why people don’t like me? Maybe I’m too controversial? I always do things which seem odd to other people.
I’m scared this year will happen exactly the same. I will enter the University. Everyone will recognize me, no-one will truly like me.
How to make people like me without seeking for their approval and still being myself?
Sometimes I’m wondering if the problem is not about my country. I mean – I always feel accepted and liked abroad. I’ve got some international friends and whenever I go abroad we meet and hang out.
Uh, sorry for writing so lengthily. There were so many things on my mind. If you ever run out of people who like asking a lot of questions – you’ve got me ! ;)
Kisses,
Violeta from Poland
Hi Violeta,
Making new and good friends can be difficult for sure. The key is to always be looking to understand yourself and who you are. When you have conviction and confidence in yourself, others will have more confidence in their friendships with you. Going into University is like having a blank slate. Go in with the mind set that you are going to grow and experience more this year than you have in previous years, and do it for yourself, not others. That includes meeting tons of new people, many who will likely end up being your friends, without your trying to gain them!
x
Hi Matt,
Im 17, and this video was great. I am self-assured and out going, I don’t care what people think of me, and frankly if they don’t like me it is there loss! Your last point really made sense to me, and got me to thinking of a mature approach I could take when it comes to hush hush issues with my parents. It would be great if you could give us advice on other aspects, such as how to communicate issues with guys without blowing things out of proportion.
love izzy
Hi Izzy,
That’s a talk all on it’s own! But just briefly, like any comedian or public speaker will tell you, it’s all about understanding the audience and the overall delivery. If you can understand the issue from both sides and communicate that understanding in your delivery, the conversation is more likely to not be blown out of proportion.
x