This is a video for teenagers.
It’s the beginning of a new school year, and so for this week’s video I wanted to things that I know I would have benefitted me as a teenager.
What would you tell yourself if you could go back?
Here are the 7 things I’d tell my teenage self…
1) Take risks
Try new things. We’re always going to be able to talk about the things we did, but never able to talk about the things we didn’t do.
We tend to carry on in school the way we started. It’s easy for an identity to be created by the way that other people see us. Don’t let yourself get pigeon-holed.
2) Be careful who you’re trying to impress
There are people right now (whether consciously or unconsciously) you’re trying to impress.
Be very careful about this.
If you could see where these people were going to be in ten years time, I guarantee you would re-evaluate who you’re trying to impress.
3) Trying to get invited to the party doesn’t get you invited to the party
One of my big insecurities in school was wondering whether or not I’d be invited to parties.
Being invited to parties is the byproduct of being the type of person that other people want to spend time with.
Focus on being someone that other people love spending time with.
4) Ignore people’s first reactions
When we do something new, we fear people are going to look at us strangely.
People who get acceptance are the ones who don’t need it.
If there’s something you want to do, do it regardless of what others might think. When you ignore their reactions, you’ll get over the initial period of discomfort and to a point where they accept how you now are.
5) School can suck
A lot of school is doing things you don’t want to do.
Studying things you don’t want to study, hanging around people you don’t want to hang around, listening to teachers you don’t want to be around…
And a myth in life is that that all changes; that when you begin doing what you love, you’ll be able to stop doing things you don’t love.
Sadly, it doesn’t quite work like that.
I’ve found in my life that even though I do the thing I love more than anything else in the world, there are plenty of things I still have to do that aren’t things I love.
The art is finding a way to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing.
When you’re doing the things you don’t want to do, can you figure out new ways of enjoying doing those things?
If you can, you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life.
6) See everything as a stepping stone
Many people resent jobs they do because they don’t feel they’re getting them closer to where they want to be.
The most successful people I’ve met have done a number of different jobs that had nothing to do with where they ended up.
But rather than viewing these things as a waste of time, they saw everything as a stepping stone.
Don’t fret that right now you’re going into something that isn’t exactly where you want to be.
The wrong job before the job you’re passionate about can have been the right job at the time. The wrong job can be a blessing when it teaches you more about what you want and where you want to go.
7) Enjoy being young, but think like an adult
When you’re a teenager, people are trying to lay down all sorts of rules around you.
But an adult treating you like a kid doesn’t mean you have to rebel like a kid.
You can still make the smart choice, by doing what’s best for you.
Don’t rebel just because you want to get back at someone.
You need to go out and mess up. Just stay within the realm of making mistakes that you can recover from. Make mistakes that aren’t going to kill you or stop you from building the future you want to have.
So there you have it. My 7 tips.
Leave a comment below to let me know what you think!
And if you’re an adult, leave a comment with the one thing you would tell your teenage self that you know would have made life better.
Thnx Matt.if only had talked to me like this when i was teenager, i would not have been a rebel. Now i would tell my teenage self ,learn from those mistakes instead of feeling regrets
Hi, thanks for this video. If only you made this some years ago. I just finished school and changed a lot over the couple of years and months.
I agree with what you say. I really wish I wouldn’t have thought so much about what others would think about the things I did but instead did the things I wanted to do. But I can’t go back and change. I’m still young and I don’t want to give away chances anymore. I want to live life :)
Hi Matt! As always thanks for great video!
Just wanted to share some thought/insecurities of mine with other girls :p The thing is that I’m almost 20 years old and I never had any relationship and I wouldn’t tell that it bothers me very much (prob I just got used to be single), but thing that bothers me is that why is that so.. because I know that I’m not a bad person and I have normal appearance. I’m always trying to calm myself that this is because I’m working and studying just with girls, so really I don’t have enough guy acquaintances to even meet a good guy. But my inner voice tells me that it isn’t the real reason and if I want something then I need to go and create it! But it’s always really really hard to finally act, especially when u don’t understand what u even want. So yeah, I’m stuck at one point and I’m afraid of that I’m living prob my live best years without enjoining them fully and that soon I will wake up at 25-30 years at the same point :( Well thanks for reading ( if someone got so far :D)Hope maybe someone have similar story and now feel a little bit better that isn’t one with this kind of problem :)
I just forwarded this to my 17 year old son to watch. This is exactly what he needed to hear. It helps hearing advice from someone other than their mother. Thank you!
I’ma let you finish, but this is one of the best videos of all time!
Or at least my favorite one from you. I don’t even agree with everything you said, but it’s still my favorite.
I was more wise in high school than I was out of college. Trying to find work is when I started to wonder if I should start to change myself to fit the mold, impress people or cave to peer pressure. Luckily, I have some sort of “you know that’s not you and you’ll hate yourself later” internal meter, that never really lets me go too far in the wrong direction.
For example, I don’t really like alcohol. It doesn’t bother me, but I get crap for it just about every time I go out. (I can’t tell you how many times people have tried to get me drunk. It’s like their mission in life.) I’ve let myself be curious, and try some drinks, but I never let anyone pressure me into anything. So I don’t really drink, unless it’s free and it’s one of the 3 rare drinks I like. I also had a lot of social anxiety, and I saw people using alcohol as a crutch to talk to people, and I didn’t want to get caught up in that. It’s like that quote in “How Do You Know?”: “Never drink to feel better; only drink to feel even better.”
So I guess what I should say to my teenage self is: you knew it all along.
Hey Matt, so i wasn’t sure if i wanted to leave a comment that everyone can read but then i came to conclusion that there is probably someone else going through what im going through (if that makes any sense) but look… I’m a 17 year old girl, i’m graduating this year and i’ve never been in a relationship. I’vr never had a a boyfriend. I try to not make it bother me but it does. It brings my self esteem down, i feel ugly…. And i feel like i’m probably gonna end up dying alone… I just dont know what to do… I know you probably have better things to do than help a teenage girl going through social problems… But i just needed to tell someone. Either way i just started seeing your videos they are amazing. I just can’t believe i just found out about you. * New Subscriber* either way thankyou so much for such great videos:)
Maria,
I felt the same way throughout high school. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 20. It gets better. I promise!
Hey Maria!
I just wanted to reply to you because I am the same age as you and going through the same thing. But heres the thing, who cares if you haven’t had a boyfriend yet. That doesn’t mean your going to die alone or no boy is interested in you. It just means you either never really read the signs right or that wasn’t your main focus in high school. One of the reasons I never dated was because I was more focused on my grades, job, and sports. So I never really put an effort to get a boyfriend, i just had too much on my plate. But that didn’t mean I was never asked out or approached by a boy. It just mean’t I had other important things in my life I needed to focus on before I started even thinking about a relationship. Maybe your reasons are the same as mine or maybe you have tried to be in a relationship but it always ended up failing because you didn’t know what to do. If either one is the case I strongly recommend you reading Get the Guy because Matthew Hussey really helps you out with that. He gives great advice and what I love the most about his book is that he helps you get the guy you deserve. There is a reason for my decision to not date throughout high school and that was because no one ever gave me a reason to. I found that most of the boys at my school wasn’t what i was looking for in a man, and i wasn’t going to date just to date because then i’d be settling and thats just not fair to me or the guy. so like i said read matthew’s book and im sure by the end of it you’ll be getting more than just a guy….you’ll be getting THE guy.
I hope that helps! :)
Maria,
I was in your situation all through high school as well. I felt like everyone was doing something and that I was a third or fifth wheel. I even went to both my senior and junior prom as a single. But I found out that it really didn’t matter to me at all. I’ve been doing what I do best and that is be me. As a sophomore in college I’m really happy that I didn’t try to follow the norm, and I hope that you feel proud about your decisions.
Matt-
As always brilliant advice! I wouldve told myself as a teenager.. who cares what anyone thinks..Its my life! Enjoy watching and reading your material! Have you ever considered turning your videos into Podcasts… It would be great to have this advice available at all times! Thank you again!
Hey, I just wanted to say that I’m loving this video. It’s mostly just the way I think about my teenage life and how I judge my life still right now. At the moment I just kinda love making mistakes because they’re the experiences I can gain right now as long as I am young. These mistakes like dating a guy I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with are helping me to get wiser, to see things clearer and to get where I want to be one day. On top of that it actually makes fun :D It’s like I’m finally enjoying my life like I always wanted to.
Thanks a lot! Your video made me feel like I’m on the right way.
Nice books.
Thank you for 5 & 6. Though I’m in college now I’ve known for pretty much my whole life where I want to end up and the career I’m meant to have. The fact that I haven’t even been able to reach the door yet has been frustrating and discouraging me to no end lately because I feel like I’m running out of time and I still haven’t really got anywhere despite my efforts and my struggles. So talking about the stepping stones and how you still have to do some of the tedious things that you don’t really want to do even when you do finally reach your goal was…I guess…kind of like a light for me.
I’m also really glad you mentioned what you did in #7 because it’s something that I’ve been trying to get across to people (my younger sister in particular) for years. It’s not often I come across people who realize that they can learn from observing others as well as from their own experiences.
A lot of teenagers will put up the argument that they need to live their own life and make their own choices and mistakes. Rarely do they acknowledge that they can learn from the mistakes of their parents, siblings, friends etc and still make their own mistakes along the way. It’s like people purposely put themselves in bad situations just for the sake of, as you said, rebelling or simply to make a point.
Brilliant video! Im a college girl at the moment… And have been watching your video’s for a while…. I’ve been trying to absorb the information (despite the fact that they are for people much older) in hopes of applying it to my life somehow) .. It fascinates me how aware you are of everything, but more than that how you have the ability to almost take on the roll of every situation to find what you think will lead to the results desired. The type of intelligence you have is very special… You are very emotionally intelligent. I admire you! (Now for my question… Im only 18 years of age but am attracted to people in their late 20’s or even early 30’s.. Do you think thete is a problem with that?
Hey Matthew!
Thanks for all your help x I have met up with him and he made me feel special.
He said my hair was beautiful and we talked loads, he was nervous but he soon felt at ease when I splattered ice cream in his hand we laughed and had physical contact.
He texts me lots and he said he had a great time. He hugged me tight and squeezed me at the end of meeting and I touched his hand! He said that we could see each other at a youthclub on fridays- starts this week but he ignored my text mid-way. A conversation that he started after meeting. He NEVER ignores me or my texts before! So strange and not like him. Suddenly withdraws? Why? What do I do?
Do I go this Friday? Will it feel akward if I do or will I seem clingy?
I’m not like that though. I don’t want another heartbreak Help!
Ps his gf broke up with him before 2 monthd ago- his first kiss!
t randomly
Hey, I’m a 14 year old girl who just started high school. I have always been different than the majority of the people at my old school. A quick intro of myself: I am a punk rocker, I am nostalgic, and I am very down-to-earth. I have been bullied in the past for the way I look and the things I believe in. Because of that, I have very low self-confidence. However, I try to be as positive and mature as I can. I try to learn form my mistakes or shake off the insults I get. It doesn’t always work, though. You see, I have a very hard time trusting and making friends. And it should be obvious that I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I want to be with someone SO BADLY. First, it is very hard for me to find a friend I can trust. When I do find that person though, they never seem interested in me. Sometimes, they give me dirty looks. What really makes me upset is that I STRONGLY believe in what I believe in, and people just don’t seem to care/notice. Since nobody likes me, I have stared to become a negative, hateful person. I never try to insult anybody, but deep down inside me I feel like I am a blazing fire ready to burn everything down. I had only one friend that I’ve known for 6 years. and recently, we just broke up. Now that I’m starting a new school, I desperately want to begin a new life. I want to meet new friends, hopefully get a boyfriend, and yet still be myself. I need somebody who I can relate to. Please, if you can give me some advice, I’d be EXTREMELY thankful.
I feel that i need to care more about myself cause I always worrying about what my friends at school what they think of me and I don´t feel comfortable with that and I´m starting to think if they´re really my type of friends. I have always being too nice too my friends at my school and I´m starting too feel bad.
I feel that i need to care more about myself cause I always worrying about what my friends at school what they think of me and I don´t feel comfortable with that and I´m starting to think if they´re really my type of friends. I have always being too nice too my friends at my school and I´m starting too feel bad.
Thanks for reply :)
hey, I’m 19, currently at university and couldn’t agree more with all the points you’ve given! I spent a lot of my school life hiding back trying not to be noticed or trying to fit in and with your videos and growth/maturity in the last few years I’ve learnt to be myself, If someone doesn’t like it, tough!
Also just ordered Keep the Guy… Can’t wait for it to arrive!!
Thanks Matt :) xo
Dear Matt,
I’m coming to you today on this video because I really need your help desperately.
This video is about things you’d tell your teenage self.
Now, I have a “teenage” daughter (she’s 20) who everyone admires for her success and lifestyle and her charming personality. People say she’s wise beyong her years. And she’s really trying to be the best version of herself. Inspired by you. You’re her role-model.
But here’s the thing that really worries me:
There’s this side of her when she tells me that everything she does isn’t good enough. For example her weight. She weights 143pound and is 5’7 tall so thats perfectly normal but to her normal isn’t good enough so she would not eat much and do a lot of sports. And in her work she’s always there 2hours before her co-workers even arrive and comes home later then everyone else and all her co-workers are 30 and up. And don’t get me wrong she loves her work. I just find it scary that she does take it so seriously that she doesn’t even sleep that much anymore.
I mean how do you do that Matt? Being successful in your work, having enough personal life and on top of that have such a nice trained body? I would really love to know the secret to keep my daughet from having a breakdown at this young age.
I’m honestly so worried I just want her to be happy and have the success she wants but not if it makes her sick. I mean she may be an “adult” on her passport but she’s still my child. And maybe if her role-model – YOU – told her how you are your best self but still healthy she would change her attitude about it.
thank you. Julia
Reading so many of the comments from teens & adults. I can say that for the most part I loved HS because I was just me. The biggest advice I can tell you is be yourself, dont change who you are to win the favor of someone else. I was raised by two parents who both lived by the principle of dont worry about what others think of you & instilled that in me & my brothers, why give them so much power over you?, in 5 to 10 yrs these people wont be part of your life why let them rule it now? Looking back, I like that I wasn’t part of a clique but truly was nice & kind to those around me because that is who I am & I still am. Step outside of your comfort zone, that’s what I did my junior year & can now live to tell about how much fun it was. Yes, I actually wore the school mascot (wolf) outfit, it was like a secret identity. I could actually go hug my favorite players with no one knowing who was in that suit among other antics, it was so funny & much fun. But this would not have been possible if I stayed in my comfort zone. I modeled for years while in HS, I had put up with all the remarks of jealous teenage girls but it didnt sway me to stop. So never stop chasing your dreams no matter what someone else says,own it,live it & love doing the things that you happy. Now a million years later, people remember me because I was kind to them and in the long run isnt that how you want someone to think of you.
that is great…. but am late,matt?
did you read my comment? i 100% agree with your 7 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Self… i will do that for myself.. wish u luck. <3 matthew
Hey Matt,
Wow first comment on here but since this video is completely directed at my age group I thought I might as well chime in. I go to an all girls sixthform, not exactly the prime location for meeting guys I know, however since watching your videos and reading your book I have to say that I have become more confident not only with guys but with everyone which is great as it means I’m constantly meeting new people but since watching this particular video I’ve noticed that your are completly right, especially with the impressing everyone concept, very eye opening! I really hope you can do more videos like these as they are very helpful :) -Anna