There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.
They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.
I’m not going to let that happen to you.
In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…
It all makes sense. Thankyou once more.if this video can stop one women not to get herself into domestic violence relationship then your doing a great job. Woman don’t realize there in one not until it’s to late if this makes woman think about there man.if they walk away now in the early stages and yes they we be hurting, in the long run you my loose confidence,self respect and worth. Couples of years before my x starting to just hit me.glass doors got broken, it was more little things of mine.you say to yourself we going through a bad patch.
I swear you are psychic, Matt!! I cannot believe how timely, and relevant this is for me right know! I have been quite stressed out and tired at work, ( most of my colleagues are) and heading towards burnout, which is quite sad, because I love my work! I have realized that I have let certain colleagues, acquaintances, friends and family, who I know are toxic to me, erode my confidence!! I had been better at setting limits with them, especially the family, but have allowed them opportunities to let their comments get to me! ( it particularly doesn’t help when it’s done from a “caring and loving place”!) I need to be more aware when I am interacting with them, set limits and not allow them to errode my confidence that seems so fragile at this time!
I have had toxic relationships in the past, which has made me gun shy , when it comes to guys but I am chipping away at that! Taking more risks, but also seeing who they are by how they behave and NOT based on what they say!
Thanks again for a thought prevoking blog that is relevant to so many areas, not just dating!
Warmest Regards,
Shev XX
Matt thank you this has confirmed what I have already discovered. I had a very toxic friend we talk every day all day, we were attached at the hip. she down my positivity about everything if it didn’t relate to her, their was not any resolution in our friendship. she was right all the time! I decided almost a year ago that her friendship didn’t meet my requirements as a friend. I never being a good person can make someone feel so horrible that they hate you. All the insults and being two faced it was just a waste of time. She would even give me bad advice on men because she needed me to need her and it does damage your confidence when someone repeatly insults your judgement and outlook. I’m glad its over hopefully I can heal from this. I couldn’t believe all this time I thought I was the problem.
My first love was very toxic to me and it took me so long and so much effort to realize, it quite amazes me to this day. I was very young, only 18 when we started dating. We only dated for a year, but even almost three years after dating I would still allow him to come too close to me and I suffered for not being able to be with him even though he would always belittle me and make me feel like I didn’t deserve him and that I needed to change… It was the other way around, of course… but I went on auto-destruction mode for those three years… He knew he had broken me and he enjoyed taking advantage of that because I would always leave a door open for him and hoped he would change his mind about me.
Oh, was I wrong… I gave my everything to a person that was very cruel to me and played with my emotions. I even lost 25 pounds in 2 weeks the first time we broke up because I was a nervous wreck… So much damage…
I am glad to say that five years later I am now with an amazing man that is completely different towards me. I have to be honest, it taken a lot of work for me to open to him because of all I went to with my ex, but I have slowly allowed myself to be loved and to show my love for him freely. Feelings didn’t used to come so naturally for me after my ex… I felt hollow. I thought I had been in love before and that I would never find it again, but I was wrong. I have found true love, and I can definitely see and feel the difference. I am extremely happy and am pretty sure this is the man I will marry.
Matt thanks for doing this video about such important topic.
it’s very helpful the way you point out a toxic person and effect in the relationship.
I just realized I might be dating an insecure toxic guy, so I’ll do the best for me.
Have a great day! ;)
I am in a very toxic situation right now – with my parents. I had to move back home for a little while to save some money and they are probably the 2 most toxic people I’ve ever met. They are “supposed” to be divorcing but haven’t gotten around to it yet but they definitely exhibit all 5 signs you mentioned. Especially my mom. She has never once congratulated me on any good news. She always goes straight to the negatives and never just basks in the joy with me. And when I mention this to her, she yells at me like I’m the one with the problem!! I’ve tried many times to sit and talk rationally to her but no matter how carefully I choose my words, she goes on the defensive and thinks I’m attacking her.
I really don’t know what there is left to do to save the relationship. I’m moving out soon so I’m sure that will make it easier on me, but I don’t see it helping our relationship at all. I hate to think I should just have to cut my mother out of my life, but I don’t know what else I can do. Thanks for this video!
Wow, great job! Really, really helpful..after twenty three years in a toxic marriage, I have been working so hard (for four years) to understand the dynamics…to define the qualities that best express the problems in the relationship so I never put myself in that position again, and so I can help my children be aware enough to avoid repeating our mistakes.
I know I was absolutely participating by being afraid to confront him and by allowing myself to be bullied and eventually mistreated in escalating ways. I know my insecurity led me to believe I did not deserve better. And I know he was in terrible pain and had inadequate tools for getting his needs met. Nowadays I say I can certainly love, honor and cherish him much better from across town. In this video you have done a wonderful job describing the core behaviors and what they look like.
Matt:
Thank You so much for creating this video. I have survived a toxic relationship, and wish I would have known these things at a much younger age. I will be forwarding this video to my daughter, as you explain it much better than I could. I pray that the people watching this video will let this knowledge sink into their heart, and they will use it to protect themselves from the damage this kind of relationship can cause.
A word of caution: If you recognize what Matt is talking about in the man that you are dating, or married to, I would suggest that you do not tell them you think they are toxic. You could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Just a bit of advice from someone who has been through the fire.
Dear Matthew,
Thank you for the video to pointing out the signs of toxic person. I’m kind of in that kind of situation and thanks to your pointer, I’m setting my self free from those toxic people as these people always try to push me down and make me the one who’s having problem despite my effort to be neutral.
Thanks again!
Don’t forget woman don’t forget there are support groups and counselling out there, I had to have counselling and it helps me, 1 year and a half. It’s worth it. You need good friends and family around you. Just wake up smell the coffee and walk away from these sorts of people.you deserve a happy good life, love yourself,help yourselves and get strong. Wise my mum and she said count how many happy times and how many bad times,weight them up. Never stay if he’s hits you,puts you down. If he’s really loves you he will sort himself out with anger management counselling and couples counselling.It can work for my friends husband did it there married is brilliant. Work with matt he’s brilliant
Dear Matthew,
Thank you so much for this video as I have been so unhappy in my current job becayse I am surrounded by people like this at work but also where I am living during the week as I live near work during the week and it us incredibly toxic and exactly the same. I think it is very common in some companies and some places in the UK and your video is so so timely.
Thank you , yes it can apply to work and housemates and friends more than partners sometimes but the impact is dumped on the partner bearing the brunt
Of my unhappiness.
Kind regards,
Kalvinder
I have had many of those relationships. Starting with my mother, peers, and romantic relationships. Now, I am on my own (my parents are both gone). My mother thought she was keeping me grounded. She had multiple phobias. I was a model, in a magazine, with an article written about me, I retired myself early, I have joined the Lions Club and raise money for many charities, I help perform eye screenings for the underprivileged, work with Habitat for Humanity,and have met many accomplished people. I am looking for the right romantic partner and I have much hope that I will soon. Gale
Yeah Matthew, once again so right… I had a boyfriend pretty much just like that, he had the ability to make me feel the happiest and the saddest person as he pleased. I was already so deep into it that I could not see how toxic he was indeed. Even after I broke up with him I felt guilty I was abandoning him, that’s just how far the mind games and manipulation went with him. I think that what women that find themselves in this situation need the most is the strength to get themselves out and the tools for understanding what is actually going on. It’s really hard to get detached from emotional dependence, even when it’s noxious and that’s something I think you could focus on, in order to help people in this situation restore emotional balance.
This really helped me. Hope there’s more to come like it.
Thank you!
Wow. Very insightful video Mathew. I’m actually not dating anyone at the moment (which is no big deal). But you just described the relationship I have with my mother: Toxic. Toxic. I think I need to break up with my mum.
Wow,you just described my husband of 30 years, I can not believe this!
I am always afraid to discuss any problem for fear that he will respond in the exact same way you describe. When ever such a discussion arises it usually ends up in a fight leaving me feeling like the bad guy or the root of the problem. This is so eye opening, you don’t even know. I am not the kind of person who responds on social media or anywhere else for that matter.
Now the question is, how do I approach my husband with the problems we have right now? We’ve had a really rough year, his work has transferred him out of state and we are dealing with some financial problems. We have managed to raise two very successful children somehow.
I hope you get a chance to read this as I could use some more advice.
I enjoy Matt’s videos and share them with my 27 yr old single daughter.
Thank you for the wake up call presented with such reason.
I have been dating a guy that has stopped talking to me because I won’t allow his dog overnight at my house. His dog does not sleep, and chews my clothes. Instead of leaving his 1 year old..dog he has decided just to not talk anymore. No solution to the situation. I am also moving into a new condo, he hasn’t wanted to see it..or help me. He said, he will come see when I am all moved in. I am a go getter, and he always wants to slow me down. You spoke to these issues…he doesn’t seem to want me to be better. Oh..he called me ” spiteful” because I reminded him about how I have had his dog over many times. Interesting isn’t it?
You couldn’t be more right in this video. I was married for eight years to THIS MAN, and during those eight years, I lost myself. I became the self-doubting, careful, timid person he wanted. When I had great successes, he belittled them, and he thrived on my fear and vulnerability. I’m out of that relationship now, and I’m finally beginning to recognize myself again. I’m very successful in my career, I’m surrounded by amazing people, and I like myself. But it’s been a long road of recovery from the emotional abuse inflicted by that man. Thank you for putting this out there… I hope it is a huge wakeup call for many women. -Kristen
Thank you for this. I know so many people have been in toxic relationships, and I can look back and see the red flags that went up in some situations. I was raised in a toxic family, and had survived for years by denial of my own feelings. Escaping abuse was a great un-learning, but a huge voyage of self-discovery and learning to love myself, and thereby love others.
The biggest first indicator to me in romantic situations, as some have noted here, is a man who comes on hot and heavy from the start. I used to think it was romantic, and if the sudden rush comes from a long friendship that has suddenly evolved into something else, it can be… But not with two people who have just met.
In a sense, when a huge bouquet arrives very soon after the first or second date, the man sending it is not sending it to me. He is sending it to his fantasy me, the woman of his dreams. Believe me, no matter what, that man is going to be disappointed at some point.
It isn’t necessarily bad.. how does he react when you disagree with him, or tell him how you feel? His reaction at this point, as you say Matthew, will tell you everything.
It can be so hard to keep your head on straight when you are giddy with excitement. A new relationship, a new job, a new friend.. it all can seem so special, and if we are not very grounded in our own sense of self, or are in a weak moment in life (as we all are at times), it is very easy to be swept away and ignore little sleights, attempts to isolate, nasty remarks.
I hate to be un-romantic, but it is a matter of stepping back, taking deep breaths, and slowing down. Listening to our own body and gut!
Just to note, too, with massive unemployment, I have heard that instances of abuse in employment situations have dramatically increased! It is all about power.
Also, I sincerely believe that most of the time, the toxic people do not mean to be toxic. They mean to love, but are too frightened of losing something valuable to be able to. This is why the abuse is so hard to see.
Keep your power, honor it–not to control others, but to be the driver of your own life. It is the only way to love completely.
Totally agree! This is great advice, and also gives me hope. Thanks!
Leyla, I totally agree with you. This is where I am now. I have finally “grown-up” so to speak. I still believe in love and romance, but I have a clear understanding and knowledge now what true romance and love are. And it starts with honoring, respecting and loving yourself. To that degree you can receive love and give love.
Thank you what you said makes perfect sense I think it becomes harder when you have a child with them also I have been with my partner for 6 years and I have been friends with him for 15years. Also 2 years ago he got into a car accidents and he now has a brain injury called post concussion syndrome so it’s hard to leave him anyway do you have any suggestions.
Hi, Melissa:
My ex was also in a car accident 20 years ago and had a head injury. Afterward he was never the same. I feel like my husband died that day and I was given a stranger to take home. Everything toxic about his personality was amplified, and anything good just sort of went away. I never fell in love with the stranger-husband, but because of our kids I stayed with him. I wish I had escaped sooner, but you do what you think is right and live with the consequences, I guess. I have now met someone wonderful, and I am hoping with Matthew’s advice for those times when my inner self loses her confidence, this will be my forever partner. It is difficult to regain your self-esteem after having had it bashed down for so long, but my new partner is a very understanding man who tries very hard to get it through my head that I need to put myself first. I am trying to learn that particular thing. I hope you find your peace, Melissa. Good luck.