You CAN Be Confident With This Magic Formula

“If only I were more attractive, THEN I would be confident…” If you’ve ever thought this, you’ve got it all wrong. This is good news, because in today’s episode of LOVELife I’m sharing the magic formula to transform you into a confident and sexy woman now, all without having to change a thing about your appearance…

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"9 Texts No Man Can Resist"

22 Replies to “You CAN Be Confident With This Magic Formula”

  • Yes, yes it is cool. Yep. It’s like confidence is one of those self-recharging solar batteries, but the sun is YOURSELF.

    You tell ’em, Matt. :)

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  • While I love 99% of Matthew’s videos, often I find him too insensitive to callers who have clearly been victims of abuse. The ‘repeat after me’ section was callous and glib and made Matthew look like someone who was exploiting his caller’s trust in order to prove his point. I don’t think you needed to take her out on such a precarious limb, to teach her the lesson you wanted to give.

      1. Whilst I 100% respect your opinion and commend you for voicing it on a public forum. I would like to play “devils advocate” here and voice my own in counter argument.

        Psychologists have found that for every one negative comment you hear/feel about yourself, it takes more than ten positive and affirmative comments to counteract the effect of that one negative comment.

        The incredibly brave women who called Matthew to discuss her dilemma in sexual confidence, had obviously listened to his show previously and was aware, at least on a subconscious level that Matthew would give her honest/blunt advice.

        Maybe, instead of focussing on what you believe is Matthew exploiting his callers trust and asking her to “repeat after me” you should consider it in another way.

        Count how many times Matthew reaffirms that caller, then take into consideration her repeating certain comments. Effectively Matthew has given this amazing caller over ten positive comments including the ones her made her give to herself. That seems to me that in some sense he has held her hand and made her believe in herself a little more than she previously did. Does the caller sound upset or vulnerable at the end of the call to you? To me she sounds strong and sexy. During the short time she was speaking to Matt, she even felt to good about herself to flirt with him a little. That takes, confidence, strength and courage.

        Personally, although I do not agree with all of the advice given in what I have read/seen so far in the blog. I have to say, this call and the positive ending, where Matt made the caller laugh and feel good, made me smile.

        1. I agree with both of you. I was annoyed by the same bits you were at first, Carla–mostly the sing-songy part (no one should be mocked for choosing not to date! there’s more to life than dating! at least for those of us who do not have Matthew’s job)–but I also think he did a good job of reading the caller and sensing what she would be okay with. He takes calls from people from all over the emotional map, and seems to be able to gauge them pretty well in terms of how much sensitivity they need on which topics. Rhonda obviously responded well to being slightly goaded!

          The tricky bit is that there are a lot of other people listening who are not the caller (i.e. us) but I think it’s fair that he respond to the caller herself directly, not thinking of all possible others.

          1. Whoa, I can’t believe you expected Matthew to consider all his audience when answering a call. First of all when we have a Qs and decide to have an opinion from a psychologist, or a relationship coach, I think we should be ready and OPEN our minds WIDE, to hear/understand + and – sides of the issue…at the end is all about moving forward w a more open minded attitude on where/what went wrong and how can we better approach a similar type of situation next time…I think he is v honest and gives an honest advise to the callers and his ultimate goal is not to protect them emotionally, but to make them understand how to approach situations w a better/healthier mind set that takes them far along! This is not about pleasing the audience w every call, is about sending that caller into a better mindset on how life needs to be approached…
            I learn so much from every call and is such a wonderful experience being part of this community

  • Yes, yes it IS cool. Yep.

    It’s like confidence is one of those eternal self-recharging solar batteries, but the sun is YOURSELF.

    1. haaaha, I tried to post this yesterday but thought my phone ate my comment, so…oops! oh well! :)

  • Thanks for the video. I agree with what you’ve said mostly.

    The thing is that I do see some women strutting their stuff and being “confident” but instead of admiring them I wonder where they got it from if they have nothing to back it up? I mean some women go around walking like their hot stuff when they clearly aren’t and that’s annoying. There is a thin line between confidence and overconfidence/arrogance. How do you keep within boundaries.

    The other thing is I have tried the self-validation thing. It still did not garner any validation or praise from outside. I know the point is not to need that but the route to getting praise from others isn’t through giving it to yourself. People like what is well advertised–not what is good inside necessarily or if there is inner confidence or not.
    I have a lot of self-confidence but it doesn’t show. People often mistake me for being under-confident because I am more on the low-key modest side. Self-confidence is just for yourself, it doesn’t make much of a difference with others.

  • Personal Pride vs Confidence, the differentiation of the notions were stated in a really good way.
    I WISH more men can be taught the difference.
    *Own your confidence.* Always! It’s bound to pay-off at some point.
    I am honestly striking out on the “love” side of things, HOWEVER it is working wonders for me at work and my career :D

    I have been spoiled in my up-bringing that I can be as strong, confident and intelligent as I want. If a man does not love and appreciate me for those things, then I should not bother wasting my time having the dude in my life or pursuing his affection. I have extremely loving male figures in my life. It is just really hard when other men see that and they don’t feel needed or worthy of being part of your life because they have self-esteem issue. These are men who are otherwise strong, smart, funny, successful men.
    *Apparently, men want to feel needed… When did my body, security, loyalty, trust, respect and admiration
    become NOT good enough? Why is it that my need to love and nurture his mind, body and soul are not good enough?
    This is the type of nonsense some contemporary woman now need to put up with; after the extraordinary opportunity to be a man occurs and the proverbial handkerchief has been dropped.

    1. *Own your confidence.* Always!

      Love it!
      I should paint that sentence on my kitchen wall.
      In huge letters.
      “It’s bound to pay-off at some point.”
      on another;)

  • So where do you start with generating self-validation? I’m curious about your answer to this. I’ve read a lot but I’d like to know your thoughts.

  • Dear Matt,
    I love your videos, and have taken to heart your advice about how hang-ups and baggage are not as important as the power you give them to define you.
    I have clinical depression. I live with it, treat it. I’ve learned from it, and it has helped shape me into the incredibly strong and fascinating person that I am. I feel it’s important to be upfront about this in a relationship, because for me high or low it is a defining factor of my life.
    So my question is when and how do I bring this up? I know that I’m amazing and lovable, but how do I ask him if he’s strong enough to love me when I’m not me?

  • Hi Matt,
    for being confidence i need to be proud of myself (not really much to do with appearance), it is a matter of self-image. Validate oneself from within is tightly related to self-image.

  • I always love your advice, Matthew! You’re one of my biggest heroes because of the things you’ve taught me. I recently got out of a difficult breakup and realized that relationship made me a completely different person. I’d lost my confidence, my purpose, ect.. It didn’t feel good when I realized that in its entirety. But because I’ve listened to and read your stuff, I’m now getting valuation about how confident I am and how much people like that about me and I didn’t even really realize that I was appearing that way. So thank you so much for that! You’re absolutely amazing! :)

  • Absolutely….I never felt threatened when I was in my marriage…because after all is said and done..I would be going home with him…& he wanted to be with me….I could say the same thing before he became my husband…I was young & felt a little threatened by other women approaching him…but, I soon figured out the same thing…He was going home with me at the end of the night..& he didn’t care about the other women…So, it is about being confident about the person you are…not neccesarily what the shell looks like…but the substance within that shell…& it comes out in a “whole package deal”…just like how Matthew & Stephen come across…The total package that anyone would want…& do want! ;) You only need to read all these messages…and to know that women find them sexy & hot! And can’t stop talking about how handsome and wonderful they would be to have as boyfriends or husbands….Just saying…. ;)

  • Amazing.Thanks.Not sure if read the comments on your blog or its your team who do it but just stopped by to say How are you today?

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