The Simple Truth: Why You Don’t Find More Men Attractive

I’ve read countless complaints that go something like this: “Matt, I just don’t meet any guys I actually find attractive.” Or even more severe: “I can’t find a guy who I consider relationship-worthy for me. Maybe I’m destined to be alone…”

I understand that fear, but I also know that this is a dangerous psychology trap, one I’ve seen men and women of all ages fall into. If you feel like no guy is quite what you’re looking for, this is how to solve it…

When did someone’s curiosity allow your interesting side to come out? Leave a comment below…

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125 Replies to “The Simple Truth: Why You Don’t Find More Men Attractive”

  • I was walking my dog, in the downtown area . Stopped to get something to eat, while I was waiting I sat where I could watch my dog and a guy who was sitting next to me started to talk to me.

  • I’m 27, single and in a wheelchair. I’ve tried online dating multiple times with no real success. However I did meet this one guy, 34, who was in a wheelchair and loved out of state. We talked everyday for about 3 months. He was charming, flirty and seemed to have true feelings. He got me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to open up and flirt back also. Then reality got the best of us, you see his disability is worse off than mine and I asked a how a relationship would work for us. He apparently didn’t like that questioning and started getting distant and insecure about my feelings for him. As of right now we are not talking.

  • What pops in my head about a curiosity convo is this. I’m on a 2nd date with a guy. Our date was about 5 hours long. Somehow we both got onto the subject of 50 Shades and our interest in that… not something I’d normally talk about for sure. Date ended nice with some kissing. Exchanged texts during the week then no responses from him after 2/3 texts. I don’t think that was the reason. So continuing the search.

  • My last partner had wanted to date me for years and I always turned him down he always told me what he thought I’d like to hear, I just wasn’t attracted to him. I come out of a long relationship that nearly broke me. So the guy I didn’t find attractive messaged me so i thought I’d give it a go and see if their was anything between us. We went out a few times and he was lovely to me but the spark wasn’t their. my friends and family told me to give it a go because of never been treated so good before and that’s why I was feeling the way I was. 3 months down the line the little lies he had told me stared to surface they then got bigger and bigger by this stage o was 3 weeks pregnant he wanted to move in with me and when I wanted some alone time he started an argument. Needless to say with the lies I had in my previous relationship I was having none of it this time. I finished with him an now nearly two years on I have a beautiful son who he has never seen r wanted to see. I just can’t talk to men anymore for the fear of the lies and hurt they’ve caused..

  • I have a question. I tend to establish emotional connections easily, but not with the right guys. I tend to friend zone people a lot (I think I’m too picky). However, the person I’m with now is lovely, he’s kind and caring but I don’t feel any real connection on my end. Is there a way I can help a connection to blossom or should I just call it quits, been together around 5 months.

  • When did someone’s curiosity allow my interesting side to come out??

    Well it’s been a long time. Such thing lastly happened about 8 years ago. And I’ve not found someone interesting ever since then :(

  • Matt, I can’t just give two response.
    You need to hear many challenges that women face. First, lots of men my age don’t physically take care of themselves. I have no desire to mother them as I’ve already raised two boys, a dog and their dad. Second, men are superficial. They have no idea what a good relationship is beyond sex and a women’s looks. Third, most of the men are uneducated. They speak hillbilly dialect, spell like an eight year old and they only know how to converse about sex, tattoos, motorcycles, sports, and drinking. Fourth, they have mutilated their bodies with piercings and body art . I don’t want to get laid by a “picture”. I’m turned off by body art. Fifth, drinking more than moderately, smoking and drugs are a turnoff. Sixth, grossy homes are an indication of what I can expect in the future sigh them. They never ask about me except what I do for a living and sexual related questions. A lot of men can’t converse with women at all. On dating sites they aren’t even responding to messages! When they do respond, they don’t answer my question ❔ to get conversation going, They just say hey sexy! Hey beautiful! They won’t meet in person. They just want to waste my time texting stupid non flowing conversations “Sup? ” “Have a good day”. “Thanks for writing. I’m Bob.”. ” Heading to the gym”. Sigh… I’m heading to the block button. I’m tired and too old for this nonsense.

  • Not sure if this qualifies or not, but I saw a guy looking at me as I sat asleep in my car once. I vaguely knew him from high school. Although we never spoke at that time or since, I ended up writing an erotic book from the encounter. I would dearly love to tell him but he has made it clear he does not want to talk.

  • Hi Matt ive being feeling like this for a very long time.Im.a.42yrold divorce w 2 kids i have an awesome kids & a job.which im very passionate about are fit and healthy.Ive being technically single for 5yrs and have been on alot of dates websites had a few flings.My prob is thati fell.completley in love with a man whom o have an Amazing friendship , physical chemistry with who ive known for almost 6yrs.We were casually dating each other for over 12 months up until Feb this year until i confessed my love for him he told me we couldnt continue sleeping w each other & dating and yet really wantsto still be close friends because he does not want a relationship w anyone and feels he cannot connect w me or anyone on emotional level so therfore wantsto remain single.I am soo heartbroken over him because when im w him ifeel soo happy, comfortable, safe, at peace to be in his presence makes me feel energised, excited .I have never felt such a strong connection being with another human being on this planet I know he was sleepung with and dating other women while he was w me and im not happy about it either i know i deserve to be treeted better as i have always beung kind, accomadating and made myself available to him at his requests.I feel like i am literally going crazy over gim he is stuck in my damn head every sec of every day , i am soo frustrated by this as i have tried soo hatd to put myself back out there and date other men go out more and have more fun and ihave met soo many men and feel nothing for any of them.Kaine my guy usually makes the contact w me once a fortnight to come and see me at home and we usually have a few dribks share some dinner have a good chat and watch a bit of tv when he comes over and he always makes it clear that even though he would be happy to have sex w me in a heartbeat we cannot because of my feelings towards him.I never have and still dont msg him i wait for him too msg me as i feel if i do it will be inconvient to him and i may push him away by giving off a needy vibe ahhh the mind games im.soo sick of it.I feel so broken not just because of him but also from my 21yr relationsgip w my husband who was soo abusive on every level and had a string of affairs on me that i feel like giving up altogether.Its really breaking me inside as i know im a good person w a.big.heart and have soo.much love to give yet i keep.getting hurt and made to feel.that being a real kind caring honest woman is unattractive
    I.really feel.that my love for Kaine will not.change as i have walked away from him for 6 mths 3 times and he always finds a way to come back to find me and each time the feelings ate soo strong.What can i help myself in this situation and.please dont tell me its best to walk away as its no.use ive done that and all i do is miss.him and fight w my feelings every day.Kaine is 42 and has no kids has a great career and has also been in.a 3yr relationship and was engaged, he.cheated soo.she left him.He then married a 26yrol 12.mths later and the marriage only lasted 6 mths after being w her for only 6.mths as she lied and said she was pregnant.He has also been hurt badly and struggles to emotilnally connect with women.How can i emotionally connect w him.Please Matt all i want is for me and my girls to be a strong secure unit again and too be happy w a man that i also.prob the tat i have actually trusted enough to be around my children.and they absolutley adore him which means the world too me.If i could permanentley erase feelings for him i would but i cant.What do i me i feel like giving up on love altogether even though i really dont wanto ive had enough.By the way he actually recently sat in on one of your seminars in Sydney and said how he felt you wete right w everything you said and he agreed with all your views and advice.Interesting isnt ot that a man who says doesnt want a relationship makes an attend one of your sessions?? I would be soo appreciative for any response or feedback from you if you even really get to read this, please give me hope.Regards, Linda x

    1. You must leave his person and respect yourself! You already know the answer! I don’t know how you can tolerate him having sex with other women at the same time as you! The utmost disrespect. He doesn’t care about you one bit. You will have to take care of yourself!

  • 2 times…1st time was 18 years ago, I was helping the secretary at work answer phones. One of the remote workers called for some info and quoted a line from an old movie. I gave him the info plus the response that went with his movie quote. He was impressed and started asking about me. He started calling during my breaks. We talked about movies, local film festivals, favorite directors, that lead to soundtracks and music, and he was amazed that I tried to learn the clarinet and piano when I was in school and I was thinking about starting up again. Those chats and talks gave my interest in movies a boost and I did start practicing on the piano. We talked for about 2, 2.5 months. Unfortunately, he lost interest when he came to the office for a meeting and he saw me.

  • This is how I met the man of my life: At a local party, I was looking at the surface (shy guy standing there looking at me for quite some time with a small smile) when my girlfriend blurted out “You’re too picky! Just go over there and talk to him!” I said “Fine!” and went over to say hi and the rest is history 15 amazing months later.

    To answer the question, our first official real date, he wanted to do an activity I shined at (paddleboarding) and that he had never done. This spoke volumes to me.

  • First – I sort of disagree, sorry Mathew. I think there has to be a physical attraction, and fairly quickly. I expect it of myself, and I expect it in a man. That being said, I do agree with interacting with people, romantic interest or not. The best life changing advice from Mathew was talk to everyone. It is interesting and fun to make a connection with a complete stranger. It really is fun, and it makes it that much easier when it’s that hot guy, if it’s just a habit to talk to people. Just watch the world and see how many people are buried in their phones. It’s no wonder people don’t connect. When I was in NY for your live event I watched it all day on my long trip. I actually talked to strangers, and I think a couple of people were relived to put their phones down to chat, almost hungry for interaction. That may just bring curiosity about me to people, but I genuinely enjoyed learning about them too.

  • Hi Matt,

    To answer to your question… None… actually maybe one time I was 15 yrs old I’m now 28yr old…. men I dated ask me questions so they can use me afterward or get me in their bed… I love LOVE I want that love… I’m a curious person naturally I like.when about interestings things so I open my mind in diffents contexts or situations… I’m not the “super pretty top model magazine” woman I’m just a plus sized woman try to accept the way she is and wanna give respectful and kind love and being love in return without judgement or pity or change of hearts… I want a decent and a great man that love kids!!! Because I have twins

  • Hi Mathew!
    Thanks for your advice! But what happened when this is not the case?
    What if I told you that I live in a country where really there is no potential guys!! Or are took or are assholes (or immature). What can i do? To really find that connection?
    Where to look for! Or just hang out with people and wait for it to happened by doing what I like? And don’t worry about it?

  • Sometimes they do the thing that we hate the most , and what attracts really are “the acts “. A “MAN acts” are more attractive than the way they look or dress

  • First I think that a mean’s lack of interest in getting to know us kills attraction. They’re either talking more about themselves with uninteresting topics like sports or hunting. They don’t demonstrate that they’ve read our profile. Also, men OFTEN get too touchy feely too quickly or they flirt and quickly try to start making out which pushes sex and it’s just a turn off. Second, I feel that a lot of the men just don’t have the same interests or hobbies and they cannot carry a discussion. Maybe it’s lack of education and knowledge or maybe they just don’t care. They are more focused on the quickest way to have sèx. I think most men lie on their profile saying that they’re looking for a relationship or marriage and in truth they are just looking for friends with benefits or sexual gratification. An attractive man acts like a gentleman, gets to know me, respects me and won’t even bring up sex until he can actually tell and show me how well he knows me. When he can give to me a very accurate descriptive summary of who i am,
    then I might find him more attractive. It certainly would please me that he’s remembered and gone out of his way to know me. For example, we might be shoe shopping and he might pick out a size 5 shoe, low heel, color blue that I like and ask how about this? Just the fact that he knows my size and my color is amazing. Or we’re going through a department store and he picks up my favorite perfume and says “I would love to smell this on you.” Or maybe he surprises me with tickets to my favorite concerts. When he does these activities, he’s reaffirming that he’s listening to me and he’s getting to know me. That behavior makes him more attractive to me. If he’s not pushing sex by constantly wanting to make out the first 6 or so dates, I feel more comfortable that he’s getting to know me first, and allowing me to find him sexually attractive. He demonstrates respect, patience and a true desire to get to know me. Those aspects allow me to be more turned on. I know that’s more than two examples that you asked for that I wanted to make sure That I hit all the bases I could think of up importance.

  • I always try to show my best even if people doesn’t seem to be interested in me. I just realizing in several cases that the energy what I am giving to the people is what I am going receive back. So I try to don’t care whether that particular person is interesting, or boring, because that shouldn’t really change who I am. When I realize that a person who I am talking to is not that interesting or not interested, I would just go and find someone else to spend time with.

  • I try always to think that talking to or meeting a guy is not always about me, whats in it for me, I met a guy on chat we talked for a couple of weeks was funny and inspiring conversation so we decided to meet, he for many reasons is not my type and i could tell he knew that already, but we had our coffee, he converstation was cooler,and i said to him that, he said he clearly knew i was not for him, too attractive and so on, but i said b4 we met we chatted so well, why cant we just be friends, and share good company, we had talked about that, who knows you may meet someone through my friends or visa versa, why choose to be alone..I said i would remain his chat friend for as long as that was good..yes staying interesting comes from what we do and how we see life, but just try to remove expectations and see what can happen…Amazing thanks Matt this was a good response to my inner questions on your NewYork interviews

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