Last year I found myself on camera for a TV show – on one of the biggest stages I’d ever been on – in front of a live studio audience…
This clip is going to ‘inoculate’ you for life and have you ready should anyone ever try to embarrass you in front of others.
As a compliment to this video, get the guide that everyone’s been going crazy about…
Click here for my brother’s expose ‘The First Five Minutes’ >>
Dear Matt,
I enjoyed the video. However, I still believe there is a better way to diffuse a tense situation and I say this with honesty and appreciation for the work that you do. In this example, though, I see that you level the situation in the opposite direction, meaning, when she tried to put you down, your quick response put HER down on national TV. The response you gave her if you look at it….still is passive aggressive. I like the fact that you are still mindful of your body language in the clip and what that communicates….and after that short mean comment “Thank you for proving my point” that then put her in a tough spot because everyone kinda cheer that you put her down…after the mean comment you bounced back and assertively explain your part in the show as an advisor for the man participating and looking for love.
Now, i know you said that showing this video is not about taking sides about who did something wrong and obviously is not my intention to do that. However, I like what you do and I think you can show us something even better. I believe that for someone to become assertive is important to treat everyone as equals and learn how to diffuse tension rather than put another person in a tough spot or humiliating spot. I believe it takes practice and I really like the idea of you showing how we can improve our communication. My question would be: How can you effectively respond to a tough situation like “that” without putting someone down or on the spot? How can i be more connecting instead of disconnecting? ….specially when a person is blatantly insulting you?
Anyways, your story is really inspiring and I like the idea of you making this videos to improve our communication skills.
Hi Liliann,
I can’t respond for Matt here, but this is a GREAT question. I think the rules are different depending on the situation. In a TV show an ‘entertainment’ factor obviously is at work and it favours pithy/witty comebacks, but what Matt showed in this clip is that you can have your cake and eat it. He said something initially which was funny and diffused the criticism against him, and only AFTER that was he in a place to say something constructive and helpful. You can be witty and have a snappy comeback, but it has to come from an authentic place of trying to help, instead of just trying to tear the other person down. Which is why I think what Matt did in the short clip was so genius.
Thanks for the smart thoughts on this,
Steve x
Wow! You Husseys are really something! A smart answer to every question and so well put too.
I am definitely curious to hear what Matt would say….but I can totally see your point and i can see the entertainment factor that you mentioned.
However, in real life I can only imagine the normal response from someone who is put in a tough spot would be to become even more defensive, close or even get awkward. I personally would love to see more of that communication that doesn’t require a “mean/witty come back” but rather a fun/interesting/intriguing response that is more connecting.
I definitely believe what you both are doing is wonderful and keep up the good work!
Lilian
She did prove his point. That was clear. He was very pro with her. She was catty. He was masterful. Hopefully she learned something about how to stick to the issue at hand and not drag in other things (age etc) that had nothing to do with her argumentativeness. That was the entire point of this lesson and the lesson was alive. If i were Ben I’d run for the hills. Who wants to be with someone who brings in peripheral stuff and keeps a score sheet? Marriage to someone displaying these kinds of characteristics would be sheer hell and end in divorce. Being taught can “hurt” because of the false ego. But this is why she was there correct? To get to the heart of the matter and this time it was her behavior. She was trying to be clever. She failed.
Matt,
Bravo! You should consider expanding to “Life Coaching” indeed. I enjoyed this play by play that helped in truly understanding the dynamics of the situation (ha, almost like American Football, Lol). Often we are given advice, but not given real life examples with which we can associate to truly understand the concept that is being spoken about. I myself am a very shy gal, and often find myself tripping on how to react (or not react) to such given situations, and have learned the hard way (painfully) how to deal with such things. It’s even more difficult for myself (and possibly others as well) on how to deal with Male Dominated environments at work, or elsewhere where thinking on your feet and understanding Male dynamics makes a huge difference in terms of making or breaking your career. Thankfully, the painful experiences have helped me build a tougher skin, and as such do my best to share my experiences with others when I’m able to, so they can have some advantage without the gory outcome. Like you said in a seminar that I attended not so long ago, ‘Investing in yourself is the best asset you could ever have’, and as such I would appreciate any other useful “Life Coaching” advice that you could share with us. Not only are you helping us “Build” Ourselves into better prepared folks, but you also infuse us with More Self Confidence and a Better Attitude for handling ‘Life’ when we step out the door.
Demara, you literally read my mind. After reading your comment I was left with nothing else to say, so … God job! That’s exactly it! :D
LOVE THIS MATT!!! This is more than useful – this is GOLD! The ability to pull from a real situation and analyze it… absolutely PRICELESS! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in such a situation where someone has tried to DELIBERATELY embarrass and belittle me, and I blew it (many times!) in trying to deal with the situation. EVERYTHING you said deeply resonates with me and I clearly see WHY I blew it. Now I know, through practical example, how to effectively handle situations. Love your heart Matt… Thank you for doing this.
(P.S. I’ll be watching this video again! Yep, it’s THAT good!)
Yes, Yes, Yes, PLEASE CONTINUE with these type of video’s!!!!
These video’s provide vital information on how to handle all types of situations in life. As someone else wrote; it helps to understand when you provide the examples.
As Stephen wrote, these are the most unique in personal development. We are fortunate!!!!!
We are grateful that you have provided us with information about men, Stephen and his insightful views and writing and now about how to deal with difficult/challenging situations. Thank you so very much!!!!!
You continue to amaze me how you are blessed as a ‘visionary.’
Matt’s a total visionary – we’d be nowhere without him guiding this ship! lol
Take care Jacqueline,
Steve x
I believe that we could be witnessing the birth of your next venture-perhaps a series of seminars or a Lifestyle Retreat devoted to communication, methods for presenting oneself in the best manner in order to make the most favorable impact, and general human dynamics, etc!?? Your break down of the video was wonderful and you gave some really mature and positive ways to handle someone who appears confrontational. I actually really enjoyed watching “Ready for Love”. I did not think it was terrible and learned a few things from the advice given the women during the episodes. I was able to see the entire series of the program on xfinity on demand. When I saw the video for today I knew immediately which part of the program was going to be analyzed. You had a very mature and impactful way of handling the situation. I remember at the time I watched it, when you read back what she had said, I actually thought that the program had to be staged because why would you have written down something she said like that –it was just too slick!lol Anyway, you proved that your age was of no consequence because you handled that situation very maturely. I honestly was actually amazed to later hear your age. Regardless, the way you handled that situation as well as your presentation throughout the episodes was how I initially learned of you and started to follow you online. I now am thoroughly excited to be attending your Lifestyle Retreat in October! Ready for Love a failure??? I guess it depends on how you look at it but I don’t think so!
Best to You Matt and Stephen! See you in October!
Really liked the video! I would love if you keep digging this up!
I really love that you are doing this, I watched She Calls Me Out On National TV and expose ‘The First Five Minutes’ these tips are very useful. I have had situations where I had not reacted but I see one problem when confronted like that with on she called me out on National TV. You wrote down her exact words great but in situations like with family and friends etc we do not carry pen and paper and one can denied what they say I did not say that or your making that up, I never said that you heard wrong etc. So my question would be what then? how would one counter that? I would also like to say that I have tried some of your methods on attraction what to say to a guy and I have it to work. It help me to get to know a guy I was interested in and wanted to get to know him more. One guy I had been friends with for yrs say something where my response would have been Just like a guy but many guys find this offensive and react in a negative way to. So instead I laughed and said your such a guy and I was shock with the positive reaction; he said thank you instead of being negative. It floored me. Out of the relationship people out there I found your methods to work and btw It is your book I have decided to get GetTheGuy
Hi love the video and would love to learn more about human behavior. There’s so many books and such online, but I would love to learn from you when the circumstances are optimal to do so. =)
Great stuff, Matt.
Of course I want you to continue with educating us on how to get the power back in whatever challenging interactions we can find ourselves in.
You are amazing every time.
Your new (about 2 months old fan).
You blew me away first time I stumbled upon you on YouTube without knowing who you are & couldn’t glue myself off the screen for few hours…luckily it was Friday evening. Can’t think of a better way… almost to spend a Friday evening.
Never came across any video from you that ceased to amaze me!
GREAT POST! This is applicable and informative on so many levels! I am a dog trainer, this technique demonstrates alpha behavior at its finest!! Thank you for being you, Matthew.
Masterful handling of the situation.
Signed up for your emails the past 2 years and never read any of them. This is the first video that attracted my attention and it is indeed very insightful. Looking forward to see more of these videos.
Thank you!
Very insightful! Thanks Matt :)
Great lesson on how to handle negative situations. I learned a while back to not interrupt a person who wants to communicate to you a laundry list of criticisms in one conversation. Eventually they run out of words and in all fairness will allow you to speak but like you said it is critical that your body language does not communicate a reactive attitude as well, that is unless you want a fight on your hands. What I haven’t mastered is the ability to respond, like you did, succinctly and to the point. I tend to get bogged down with “hurt feelings” especially when this comes at me out of nowhere (no warning sign). I appreciate you sharing your experiences and breaking them down for us. Find it very useful. Thank you!
Matt, I really enjoy this video and the guide (thanks Stephen) Communication was something I have struggled with and now I feel it is one of my stronger attributes. So thanks for your other videos, they have helped me, not to react emotionally and control my responses, to stressful situations.
Thanks Danielle!
Steve x
Wow this is amazing stuff!
I have never seen anything like this and I’ve never seen anyone give tips in that detail on a subject like this before.
I’t a whole new way of looking at situations, for me.
Havign said that I still love your dating advice and really hope that you don’t stop with that.
There’s still lots more on dating to come, Maya! But I love this new direction Matt’s taking things as well.
Steve x
You’re absolutely right. When you react to people and their negative emotions, you give them power over you. I believe you handled the situation flawlessly.
However, if I may make one observation… as you watch yourself on the video, I noticed that you are extremely hard on yourself. Almost too critical.
I realize that the point of the video was to demonstrate to the audience how to handle a response if faced with a similar situation. But in doing so, you judged yourself.
My point of this comment is to let you know, you are imperfectly perfect. Your reaction is humanistic and as much as I admire your desire to improve and hone your skills, please do not ever lose that genuineness you possess.
Best,
Gwendolyn :)
I appreciate your concern Gwendolyn, but one must be self-aware and self-critical if one is to point out things that others could change. I would be a hypocrite if I wasn’t prepared to admit my ow flaws. That said, I have learned to self criticise from a compassionate place. And that is key to maintaining self confidence.
Thanks!
Matthew x
To “criticize from a compassionate place”… how beautifully said. :)
I really enjoy the videos where you analyze this sort of interaction. I remember watching the video you did a while back of Russell Brand’s interview, and the play by play breakdown really made it easier to replicate this type of analysis in real life. I remember using those very subtle, but powerful techniques to disarm a woman who was being rude to me all evening. It shut her right up! So yes Matt, this format of coaching is very valuable and will be effective.
it’s so funny you say that; the Russell Brand piece was one of my favourites ever. Thanks for being a long time reader of the blog Ruwani.
x
This content is uber-practical & on point to demonstrate human reaction & behaviour, thanks, Matt!!!
Thanks Linda! I was hoping you’d say that.
Matthew x
I know you said not to get personal, but I simply must. Are you really very young? You don’t speak like it or act like it. You definitely seem much wiser – and your looks are timeless. Now, about the experience. Goaded for the sake of TV or not – I believe in taking advice because it’s right, and impacts my life positively. Sometimes advice comes to you from the strangest sources. We would end up compromising ourselves negatively, IMHO, if we only listened to advice from the old and wise. From the mouths of babes, as the saying goes…and you, young man, are a definite babe! ;) xx (Hehe see what I did there)
haha that was a nice line to finish the comment ; )
I am younger than some and older than others, at the end of the day the only thing I want to be rated on is the quality and effectiveness of the words I say. If I were 90 years old but spouting nonsense I wouldn’t expect people to take my words seriously. Conversely I wouldn’t want anyone to dismiss good advice because subjectively I don’t seem old enough.
Matthew x
Several people here have commented that this example will help them not just in their love lives, but in professional areas and family matters as well. Looks like you’ve (inadvertently?) stumbled upon another opportunity and a way to grow your USP! *clap clap*
Plus I think it’s awesome that you and your brother take time to reply to every comment. It makes you so much more personable, so much more human…easier to relate to. One more *clap clap* for good measure!
Hats off.